Here's Looking at You, Kid

So it had been another “old movie” night in the loft. The showing had been finished a full twenty minutes ago and the guys were comfortably positioned on the loft floor facing the flames of their fake fireplace. Very uncharacteristically though, nothing had yet been said. That was unusual and Brian was wondering why.

“Didn’t you like the movie, Baby?” he finally asked the kid nestled next to him.

“I don’t know, Bri. I guess I did….” Justin answered tentatively. “But there’s a lot to think about though – so I was just thinking ….”

“Well a lot of people happen to think it’s the best movie ever made, Kiddo,” Brian told him, “And I think maybe that’s my opinion too. It won a Best-Picture Oscar. How come you don’t know if you liked it or not? What was not to like?”

“It’s a sad movie, Brian,” Justin tried to explain. “It’s just that…. And then you suddenly called me today to get me to pick up the DVD at Blockbuster – like you especially wanted me to see it – and like right now too ….. And it just made me wonder ….”

“Yeah, well I met Mikey at the diner for lunch today and we got to talking about old movies and he asked me if you had ever seen Casablanca and I wasn’t sure if you had,” Brian explained. “So I called you on your cell and when you said you hadn’t ever seen it, I said for you to pick it up.”

“And that’s the only reason?” Justin wanted to know.

“Yeah, Baby,” Brian replied, “but now I need to know where you’re coming from. Is there something I’m not getting here?”

“Well, it was a good movie and all,” Justin allowed. “And I can see where people would like it – and I liked it too – but …..”

“I guess the guys in it were just too old for you,” Brian gibed. “Knowing how you prefer younger guys – like me for example. Maybe you thought I wanted you to see this because it would emphasize my youth.”

“Oh cut it out, Brian,” Justin smiled at him. “You make me sit through this sad old movie and then you complain because I thought it was a sad old movie. But you’re right though - the guys were kind of older – like even older than you – and not like a lot of fun either – not that I’m admitting that you’re all that much fun either But, you know what else, Honey, maybe that Major Strasser guy did remind me maybe just a little bit of ….”

“OK, Baby,” Brian laughed. “If you’re looking for an argument – I’ll try to accommodate you - you brought us the colorized version of the DVD. Yuck. Casablanca was originally done in black and white for a very good reason. The colorized version actually jazzes the thing up a bit. Not a good idea really. Changes the atmosphere.”

“You know what, Bri,” Justin informed him. “You didn’t specify any particular version. They do stock both the black and white and the color though. The old guy at Blockbuster noticed I had the colorized version and he mentioned that the black and white one was out on rental - and I wondered then why anybody would want black and white when they could have color.”

“Well, Sweetheart,” Brian suggested, “maybe so the men in the picture wouldn’t be walking around in purple and odd looking green suits like they get to do through the wonder of colorization – but more likely because the director was trying to create an atmosphere that was better handled in black and white….”

“I just thought - like - all movies were once done in black and white and then when they got color, all the movies were done in color,” Justin explained. “Like there used to be those weird old silent movies that you still sometimes like to watch on TCM – I don’t know why – but I humor you and watch too. Like when they got sound, they quit making silent movies. You know what I mean – progress – improvement.”

“Baby,” Brian squeezed the kid reassuringly, “when you get to be as old as me, you’ll know that lots of times after things get ‘improved’ they’re not as good as they were before.”

“And you know what, Bri,” Justin responded by placing his head on Brian’s shoulder. “You say a lot of odd things – but I’ve finally figured out that you really do mean most of them – so whatever you say …..”

And it was a while before the conversation about Casablanca was eventually resumed – but it was certainly not over. Delayed some and happily so – but absolutely not over.

“Hey Brian,” Justin broke the reverie, “Ilsa and Rick were really in love but they gave each other up …. Would you like – ever give me up for something?”

“Those were a lot different times than now, Baby,” Brian told him. “The times were different way back then and the world was different back then too…. They thought they had to do it. The whole world was falling apart and saving the world was more important than just their own two lives and their own happiness.”

“So there’s nothing now – like that important – that you’d be willing to give me up for?” Justin wanted reassurance.

“Nothing I can think of, Baby,” Brian smiled at him. “But if I ever thought I was getting in the way of something that was really important for you …. Hey, Taylor, you didn’t really think that ….?”

“Well you decided that we needed to watch Casablanca – like right away,” Justin replied, “And then when it turned out to be about these two people who were really in love giving each other up – maybe I did begin to wonder if you were trying to tell me something.”

Brian decided to respond to these concerns non-verbally, an approach which seemed to accomplish its purpose very well. They sat for quite a while wrapped up in each other both emotionally and physically.

‘Hey, Brian,” Justin re-ignited the conversation after a while. “Did Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart ever get to make another movie together – after Casablanca, I mean?”

“Nope,” Brian told him. “That was their only appearance together. So maybe they never did see each other again after that plane left for Lisbon. Does that bother you?”

“Nope,” Justin replied. “They helped to save the world. And you know what, Brian? That was a really great movie. I liked it a lot more than I thought at first…. But I wonder how I could get a ‘letter of transit’ to get out of this loft if I ever needed one.”

“I don’t think you could, Sweetheart,” Brian told him. “They’re harder to get here than they ever were in Casablanca – even with all those shady characters they had there. Yep, you’d have had a better chance of escaping from Casablanca than of escaping from me. Sorry about that.”

“That’s OK, Bri,” Justin seemed not to be discouraged. “I don’t think I’ll be wanting one anyhow. I’ll just stay right here. It won’t be that bad. I have learned to live under persecution.”

“And you know what really gets me sometimes, Kiddo?” Brian told Justin while running his hand softly through the kid’s hair. “Of all the gay bars in all of the towns in all of the world, you had to stop under a lamp post outside of mine.”

“And I guess you’re sorry about that too?” Justin asked while snuggling himself up even closer to the big guy next to him.

“Nope,” Brian admitted. “Can’t say that I am. Sometimes things we don’t understand happen for a good reason …”

“Yeah they do, Kinney. And I think we ought to watch Casablanca another time too, and when we play it again, Brian, we’ll watch in black and white,” Justin whispered in his ear – but watching Casablanca again - regardless of version - was not at all what Justin was thinking about for their immediate future.
 

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