You're Not Sick
 

Brian had left the office early, intending to come directly to the loft but he had stopped on the way to do a few errands and he was just about on-time getting home. He had skipped lunch and was beginning to feel hunger pangs as he approached the loft. He wondered if, by some luck, the kid had decided to cook. If not, Brian intended that they go out immediately to eat. On most occasions things worked out the way Brian wanted them to. This was not one of them.

Justin was fidgeting in front of the fake flames of the blazing fireplace as Brian entered, sliding the door closed behind him. “Get over here, Brian,” Justin called out in his most imperative voice.

“I’m really hungry, Baby,” Brian called back with some bewilderment. “Can’t this wait?”

“Now,” Justin insisted.

Brian complied and took his place on the floor beside Justin. “What’s the matter, Baby?” he wondered. “Are you mad about something?”

“No, I’m not mad, Bri,” Justin replied. “I’m scared. Is there anything that you haven’t told me that you should have told me because I love you?”

“I don’t think so,” Brian responded. “But I don’t want you to be scared. Maybe you ought to tell me what you’re afraid of. Then I’ll fix it so you won’t need to be scared any more.”

“I wish you could,” Justin said. “Brian, there was this message for you on the answering machine when I got home. The guy said he was Paul Marshall and he had the news you were waiting for. He said he called the office and Cynthia said you should be home so he called here. Paul Marshall is our doctor, Bri, and he called himself – not one of the nurses – so I know this must be important. I’m scared, Brian. Are you sick or something?”

“No, Baby,” Brian consoled the kid. “I am not sick. I’m in perfect health. Believe me.”

“So you’re going to tell me what that call was all about then, I guess,” Justin surmised. “There has to be some reason why the doctor called you and left that message.”

“Yeah,” Brian conceded. “I’m going to tell you what the call was about and then maybe I’ll be sick, but I’ll tell you anyhow. Can we possibly eat first?”

“You expect me to be able to eat under these circumstances,” Justin continued. “If you’re so hungry, call and order pizza or Chinese or whatever you want, and you can tell me what I need to know before it gets here.”

Brian took that suggestion and then put his arm around the twink. “OK, Baby,” he began. “I’m not sick but maybe there is something I should have told you that I didn’t. It’s not that important though and I never figured it was going to scare you. Remember that project where some Pittsburgh doctors are collecting and sending medical supplies to places in the world where they’re badly needed?”

“Yeah,” Justin remembered, “and I know you did some publicity work for them. I think I even encouraged you to do that. I don’t remember that you were crazy about doing it. But I didn’t know Dr. Marshall was in on that project.”

“Well, I guess I got him involved, Kiddo,” Brian confessed. “It’s really a great project. We’re saving lots of lives.”

“OK,” Justin seemed appeased somewhat. “But that phone message doesn’t sound like it’s about publicity, does it?”

“Well it’s probably not about publicity,” Brian agreed. “Actually I’ve been on the Board of Directors for the last six months or so, and I’m doing a little bit more than publicity. We were hoping for a significant donation from one of the big drug companies and I guess Paul got the news. He’d want me to know right away.”

“Well I’m glad you’re not sick,” Justin groused a little, sounding relieved. “But now I find out that the guy I keep no secrets from keeps secrets from me. Why would you ever do that?”

“Because you’re such a great guy, Baby,” Brian told him. “And I was afraid you’d get so involved in this project that you’d neglect some of your other stuff, which I didn’t want you to neglect.”

“That is so dumb, Brian Kinney,” Justin informed him. “You know I never overdo anything.”

“Yeah, I guess I know that,” Brian agreed tentatively, “But Mikey and Ben also thought it would be better if I didn’t tell you, since telling you would be the same as getting you involved.”

“So you told Mikey and Ben – and not me,” Justin said with disbelief. “That’s worse than just not telling me. I could get mad, you know.”

“Then if you're going to get mad, I may as well tell you that I told Mel and Linz too, and they were afraid you’d get too involved just like the rest of us thought. You’re just too caring not to,” Brian confessed. “You may just as well get mad for everything all at once.”

“Well I should get mad, I guess,” Justin allowed. “But it’s hard to get mad at a guy for doing a great thing – especially if you’re in love with the guy and you love him more because he’s doing what he’s doing even if he doesn’t tell you about it, and if you’re so glad because the guy isn’t sick.”

Justin might have continued his expository discourse a good deal longer, but the bell signaled the arrival of whatever the hungry Brian had ordered.

“You stay right here, Bri,” Justin told him. “I’ll get the stuff and I’m going to set up a picnic right here on the floor. We’ll eat right here in front of the fire.”

“I can get up,” Brian replied. “I’m not that weak from hunger. We can leave the fire on and come back afterwards.”

“I want a picnic on the floor,” Justin responded. “That’s what I would like.”

“And I can’t think of anything I’d like better,” Brian finally got the message.

So they ate without discussing the situation any further. The significant thing about the picnic meal was that Brian ate more than Justin – which was a rare occasion indeed – even though Justin had fully regained his appetite – which was not so rare.

They sat together contentedly for a good while after they finished eating. Nothing was said. Brian had his arm around the kid who was resting his head on Brian’s shoulder.

“I hope you’re not mad, Baby,” Brian broke the silence. “I just did what I thought was best for you.”

“Well I guess I should be mad,” Justin laughed. “With you keeping secrets from me and all. Maybe some time I’ll keep a secret from you just to pay you back. But I’m not mad, Honey. I’m just so glad you’re not sick.”

“There’s an old Irving Berlin song, Baby,” Brian reminded him. “And the song goes ‘I’m not sick, I’m just in love.’”

“You know what, Bri,” Justin rubbed his head against Brian’s cheek. “I know that song too and I know you deliberately misquoted it just a tiny little bit, but, you know, I do like your lyrics better than Irving Berlin’s.”

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