Doubts
 

The guys were glad to be together in front of their fake fireplace. It had been several days since they had been able to do that and they both missed the quiet intimacy that the fake flames seemed to provide. The question to be discussed was whether one of them missed it more than the other.

“I think you’re getting tired of just sitting here with me in front of the fireplace, Bri,” Justin began the conversation.

“I guess you have some reason for saying that?” Brian wondered. “Whatever it is though, you’re wrong.”

“Well we haven’t sat here together for four nights now,” Justin said.

“And that was all my fault?” Brian quizzed. “Last night you had to go to some exhibit at the Institute. I know that you had to go and I wanted you to go. But if you had been here, I wouldn’t have gone over to see Gus and we probably would have been right here, arguing like we always do. And a couple of nights ago you wanted to go to the movies to see a picture I wouldn’t have ever thought to go to see. That wasn’t my idea. I’ll admit I had to work two of the nights but we got this last minute invitation to make a presentation for the ABComm contract, which I think we are going to get by the way, so I’ll be able to afford to keep you around for another while.”

“You’re trying to change the subject, Brian,” Justin protested. “The simple fact is that we haven’t been together in front of this fireplace for four long days. And furthermore, what are you talking about, keeping me for another while? I’m here permanently and you’re not keeping me, or keeping me here either. I’m staying.”

“Yeah, you are,” Brian laughed, “And that’s the way I want it too, masochist though I may be. But you know, Baby, we were together at the movie, and I took you along to the office the two nights we were doing the presentation, so we were together three of the four nights we weren’t in front of the fireplace. You weren’t abandoned, after all.”

“You didn’t take me along to the office because you love me, Brian Kinney. Oh no. You took me along because you thought I might have some ideas for your old presentation, and I did too,” Justin came back. “You didn’t want me. You wanted my talents and insights.”

“Which is also why I love sitting here with you in the loft,” Brian replied. “Maybe more for your talents than your insights though. Some of your insights are a bit far-fetched – just a little bit though – not really, really that far-fetched.”

“Brian Kinney,” Justin asked, “are you patronizing me? I think you’re patronizing me.”

“Nope,” Brian assured him. “I’m not patronizing you. I’m just trying to respond to your crazy doubts as logically as I can – which is not always the best way to deal with you.”

“Oh so logic doesn’t work with me, eh?” Justin mused. “If you’re so smart then, what does work?”

“Usually just grabbing you and kissing you and telling you ‘I love you.’ That works just about all the time,” Brian grinned at him.

“Well if you’re so sure that’s what works,” Justin challenged him, displaying a grin of his own, “why don’t you forget the logic and try that?”

“Because I’m a hopeless optimist,” Brian laughed. “I keep hoping that logic will work sometime. I never give up hope. I do intend to try the other approach later though.”

”Whether the logic works or not?” Justin laughed back at him.

“Yep,” Brian affirmed. “Whether the logic works or not.”

“OK,” Justin decided. “Then I guess it’s OK for you to keep trying the logical approach for a while.”

But the discussion trailed off at this point for some time. Maybe Brian was considering what logical approach to take, but maybe not either.

“I’m sorry, Bri,” Justin eventually broke the silence. “I guess I just can’t understand what a great guy like you could see in a twink like me. I don’t want to take you for granted. So sometimes I get these doubts.”

“Sweetheart,” Brian assured him. “It wouldn’t be so bad if you took me for granted. You’ve got me forever if you want me. Do you really have doubts about that? In forty years or so, when we’re sitting here in front of the fireplace, on the couch though instead of the floor because we’ll be afraid we won’t be able to get up off the floor by then, are you still going to have any doubts?”

“I guess not,” Justin smiled. “Your vision of the future is reassuring, if not entirely comforting, Honey. But I guess in forty years or so we won’t be as young as we are now, so that’s logical even if it isn’t comforting.”

“I’m going to love you then as much as I love you now,” Brian assured him.

“Now that’s comforting,” Justin admitted. “But just as much as you love me now – not more?”

“Shut up, Twink,” Brian ordered, giving the kid some incentive to do just that.

After another period of prolonged silence, it was Brian who resumed the discussion. “OK, Kiddo,” he said. “We’re going to spend at least the next couple of nights sitting here with the fire – just us two. How does that sound to you?”

“I don’t think we can do that, Bri,” Justin reminded him. “We’re supposed to go to Ethan’s recital tomorrow at the YMCA, and then there’s a reception after that so we’ll be out late.”

“Do we have to go?” Brian wondered.

“I don’t know what reason we could give for not being at the recital, Brian” Justin responded. “I think I told Ethan we’d be there.”

“You know what, Baby,” Brian decided. “The hell with reason. The hell with logic. I’m ready to try the other approach. Maybe it will work better.”

“Maybe it will?” Justin grinned suggestively.

And it did work – quite well actually.

But they did go to the recital the next night. And the later reception too. So they were late getting back to the loft, but they still sat for a while together in front of the fireplace. Brian didn’t want Justin to have any doubts at all.
 

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