Sordid Pasts

The guys had just returned from a visit with Mel, Linz amd Gus. The fireplace had been lit and they had taken their usual positions on the floor facing it. Justin began immediately.

“Do you want me to try to cheer you up, Bri?” he asked the guy sitting next to him. “You’re upset and I bet I can help.”

“And if I tell you I’m not upset….” Brian replied.

“Then I would remind you that you are talking to your dear little Sunshine who always knows when you’re upset,” Justin maintained with absolute certainty, “And can almost always help you get un-upset too.”

“Usually from the very upset that I wouldn’t have been if it hadn’t been for my dear little Sunshine in the first place, I guess,” Brian had to smile.

“Gee whiz, Brian,” Justin told him. “That’s really terrible grammar. I’d know you were upset now even if I didn’t know before – you never use bad grammar when you’re not upset - and it’s not dear little Sunshine who’s responsible either. Not this time. I know you’re upset and I know why too. You’re upset because Linz told you that Gus has a girl friend. That’s why you’re upset all right. Sweet little Justin always knows.”

“Well,” Brian admitted, “I always knew there was a chance he might be straight – but I was hoping….”

“Hey, Bri,” Justin interrupted. “Gus is not old enough to be like – either gay or straight. Not yet. He’s too young to know about that stuff. You know what, Bri? Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this at all - but when I was Gus’ age I had a girl friend – Lucy Lu Patterson.”

“You had a girl friend,” Brian seemed genuinely surprised. “Named Lucy Lu. Lucy Lu. So you used to be straight and you converted just for me. And here I thought you were already gay when I met you under that street lamp….”

“Cut it out, Kinney,” Justin stopped him. “Nope, I don’t think I was ever straight – even if I did have a girl friend. I didn’t know about straight or gay or any of that stuff either. But there was this guy two doors down the street. He was about ten years older than me – in high school then. He had a basketball hoop and he used to be always shooting baskets in his driveway. I liked to go down there and just watch him – the way he moved. He always let me shoot too though. I didn’t really care if I played or not. I just liked to watch him. But sometimes he’d pick me up so that I could dunk the ball. I liked that a lot – the picking up more than the dunking. I guess he was my first real crush. And I’d rather watch him than play games with Lucy Lu – even if she was my girl friend. But he was straight, Bri. He’s married now and has a couple of kids. Charles Terry was his name.”

”So I guess if Charlie had been gay, Baby,” Brian mused. “I never would have had a chance. And I would have been living out my life alone and unwanted – but maybe a lot quieter and more restful too. Think maybe we should check to see if there’s some big kid shooting baskets a few doors away from Gus?”

“There you go, Kinney,” Justin accused him. “I must have cheered you up already cause you are getting more like your usual self - mean. Picking on me. I only told you about Lucy Lu and Charles because you were upset about Gus’ girl friend - which you really shouldn’t have been - because you should know better – and maybe I shouldn’t have even told you anything at all….”

“Geez, Baby,” Brian said. “If bad grammar is a sign of being upset, your dear little Brian can see that you’re the one getting upset now.”

“Darn it, Brian Kinney,” Justin came back. “I was wanting you to feel better so much that I disclosed stuff from my secret sordid past – just to cheer you up – and see what I get for my sacrifice. Derision. That’s what. Derision. I’m almost sorry I cheered you up.”

For some reason or another, the conversation paused here. And there was some evidence that maybe Brian had actually been cheered up. The guys sat quietly, nudging just a little closer, for a considerable period before Brian returned to the discussion.

“Hey, Baby,” he resumed. “That Charles Terry who shot the baskets a few doors down the street from you. He wouldn’t be the one who is the CEO of that paper products company over on the North Side, would he?”

“Yeah, I think he is, Bri,” Justin remembered. “Took over from his father. That’s the one all right. Please don’t tell me you know him. Please don’t. I don’t want you to know him. I do not want you to know him at all. That would be a disaster.”

“Sorry, Baby,” Brian didn’t seem all that sorry. “Yeah, I do know him. He’s on an alumni committee with me from college. Actually, we were at college together. I remember him from there – pretty well. Small world, eh?”

“Now I am really sorry I ever told you anything about my early love life,” Justin grumbled. “Every time you see Charles, you’ll…. You better not tell him anything about me, Brian Kinney – and that is a direct order…. OK, what are you grinning about now, Brian? Damn. There’s something you aren’t telling me….”

“Baby, Honey,” Brian replied. “You did actually miss an opportunity at least once in your life – and that’s really hard to believe. Charles Terry is very gay. Don’t know how you could have missed it. I guess you weren’t quite as perceptive when you were five or six as you are now. But Charles is actually gay. Probably enjoyed picking you up to dunk the ball as much as you enjoyed getting picked up….”

”But he’s married and he has a couple of kids….” Justin stammered.

“Yep,” Brian agreed. “In the closet all right. He was going steady with his wife while we were at college. But he sure was gay back then. You know, I think maybe I even …. But I don’t really remember them all. Just the really good ones….”

“Brian Kinney,” Justin feigned outrage. “You still remember the really good ones? You have no business remembering any of them from your sordid past. None of them. You are supposed to be in a committed relationship – with a completely devoted and loving partner - and you are not supposed to remember….”

“But it’s OK for that devoted and loving partner to remember Charles Terry – and Lucy Lu Patterson too, I guess,” Brian reasoned. “Sorry, Baby, but I guess sordid pasts are pretty hard to forget completely. Tell you what though, Baby, I don’t think we can actually forget all of our own sordid pasts – but maybe you can forget mine and I can forget yours. What do you think?”

“What I think,” Justin laughed, “Is that I’ll have a lot more to forget than you will. But maybe that would be the best thing anyhow. I can’t believe though that Charles Terry is part of both of our sordid pasts. That’s an incredible coincidence”

“Maybe you’d want to have lunch with Charles sometime, Baby – to renew old acquaintances,” Brian suggested with a laugh of his own. “I could give him a call. I bet he’d remember you. You aren’t all that easy to forget.”

“Well, Mr. Kinney,” Justin told him. “I don’t want you to forget me at all – but I do hope you’ll forget any notion that we ought to have lunch with Charles. I don’t think that would be such a good idea at all. It’s all over between Charles and me – and what’s over ought to stay over.”

“Whatever you say, Kiddo,” Brian responded. “As always - whatever you say – but I wouldn’t be afraid to do it. I think I’ve grown on you now so I wouldn’t be worrying about any competition from Charles – regardless of your past sordid relationship with him.”

What followed then was yet another quiet period in front of the fake fireplace. And it didn’t seem as if Brian had anything to worry about with regard to Charles Terry either – a fact that was certainly not lost on Brian.

“So do you think I have anything to worry about?” Brian bragged a while later. “I don’t think so.”

“Nope, Sweetheart,” Justin assured him, resting his head on Brian’s shoulder and snuggling up a little closer. “You absolutely do not. There’s not a guy in the world who could ever be competition for you - not with me anyhow. But just in case you also happen to know Lucy Lu Patterson – maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea for you to arrange for us all to have lunch. That might be a little more dangerous for you ….”

Brian smiled as he cuddled his dear little Sunshine. Just as promised, the kid had managed to cheer him up – just like he always could – and exactly like they both knew he would.

 

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