Jealousy

Justin and Brian were spending the evening at Babylon. They hadn't been there very often for the past several months and they saw a lot of unfamiliar faces in the crowd. A year earlier, everyone in the club would have known Brian Kinney and almost everyone would have recognized Justin. Justin was off dancing with someone and Mikey and Brian were standing at the bar reliving old times. Ted walked by and Michael asked him how things were going.

"Ten rejections in an hour," Ted replied. "You're right on schedule," Brian laughed. "And I guess you're on schedule too. How many guys have hit on you already? Ten? Fifteen?" Ted asked with maybe fake and maybe real envy. "More than I need," Brian responded, but the smile left his face.

Michael noted the change and surmised the reason. "They don't know you, Brian," he said. "Should they have to?" Brian replied, "One guy hit on me since we got here and he was older than me. I don't want any of them, Mikey. I've got Justin, but I'm not used to being ignored at Babylon".

"You're still the hottest guy in this room, Brian," Michael assured him. "You'll be telling me that when they bring me here in my wheelchair, Mikey, But will Justin?" Brian wondered.

"Shit Brian," Michael groused, "It seems like I spend half my life telling Justin that you love him, and the other half telling you that he loves you. Couldn't you two stop the sex long enough to tell each other how important you are to each other, how much you love each other. That's part of a relationship too, you know."

"I do love him, Michael," Brian said. "I know you do," Mike answered. "I don't think you could know how much," Brian continued. Mike didn't respond. "Yes I can," he thought to himself. Michael decided he had better clue Justin in to Brian's mood, but it was just a bit too late.

Justin was smart, kind, and sweet, but being nineteen, he hadn't got over being nineteen. Justin was enthusiastic. Just at the wrong time he came onto the scene to say the wrong thing to the wrong person. "Wow Brian," he enthused, "Is this a great crowd? I've been fighting guys off all night. Some guys younger than me and some guys almost as old as you. They don't know I belong to you cause a lot of them don't know us. If I've had that much action, they must be swarming around you like flies."

"You have nothing to worry about, Sunshine. Michael is protecting me," Brian told him, "Just save the last dance for me." "Always," Justin promised him, "Any dance that you want, all the dances if you want, and the last dance whether you want it or not because you're the guy I'm going home with." He kissed Brian and whispered "And in whose arms I want to be." And then Justin was gone. He disappeared into the crowd waving back at Brian.

"See," Michael said to Brian, "You don't have to worry. Justin's all you want and you've got him. So what's to complain about?" "For how long, Mikey? He's nineteen," Brian thought out loud, "When I was nineteen, there is no way I could have been in an exclusive relationship."

"Brian, I don't need to tell you that Justin is more mature than we are, not more mature than we were when we were nineteen, more than we are now. He's known what he wanted since he was seventeen. He moved Heaven and earth to get it, and he got it, and that's you. He's not going to throw that away for anyone or anything. The only one who can ruin this for you is you. So just quit whining. Nobody likes a whiner. Have a good time. Come on, dance with me." "Dancing with you is a good time, eh?" Brian said. Mikey laughed: "Well it's better than standing around complaining because you're old."

"I am so glad you're here, Mikey," Brian announced, "You're older than me." "Just a little bit older," Michael replied, "But a whole lot wiser."

Brian decided to try Michael's advice and his spirits rose somewhat. He did have a better time as the evening went on, talking with Ben, Ted, Emmett and Mike. He went through the motions of dancing with a lot of different guys, some pretty hot, who would have been invited back to the loft in the old days, and who would have happily gone. Many of them would have happily gone with him that night but they weren't invited. They made no impression on Brian at all. Hot as they were, they weren't Justin. The blond twink was in and out of Brian's scene that night, but they finally did get together, danced the last dance together and went home to the loft together.

When they got home, Justin lit his precious fireplace and asked Brian to sit down by the fire. He promised to brew some hot chocolate and bring some marshmallows. "Hot chocolate," Brian thought, "Hot chocolate." Then he smiled to himself. That was just what he wanted - hot chocolate - and marshmallows - and Justin.

Justin brought the hot chocolate, the marshmallows, and the long metal stick he used for toasting them. He sat down on the floor, under the blanket, and snuggled up to Brian. "Brian, I really have to apologize to you. I'm sorry," be said to a surprised Brian, "I stayed away from you at Babylon all night because I wanted you to have a really good time. I didn't want you to be stuck with me all night like you always are, but when I saw you dancing with all those guys, I got worried. I was jealous. I know you told me you'll always love me. I believe you, Brian, and I trust you, but I was still jealous. I guess I'm not as mature as I like to say I am. I wish I could be more sure of myself like you are."

Brian found the hot chocolate hard to swallow. If he had been eating a marshmallow he might have choked. Then Justin continued: "I was glad Mikey was there. Toward the end, I told him how worried I was and he said he was sure that you loved me. That made me feel a lot better. But then he laughed and that scared me some. Why did Mikey laugh, Brian?"

"Mikey has an odd sense of humor," Brian counseled Justin, pulling him closer and kissing him on the head, "But you can always believe what he tells you. You can trust Mikey." "Did you have a good time at Babylon tonight, Sunshine?" Brian asked him.

"Yeah," Justin said, "But I didn't like it as well as last night." Brian thought for a few minutes and then asked Justin, "What did we do last night?" "Don't you remember," Justin seemed surprised as he continued, "We sat here talking all night, watching the fire - just the two of us."

Brian wished he had a few more arms to wrap around Justin. Two were just not enough.

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