Lack of Resolution

 

It was a few days into the new year. The change of the years had been taxing for the guys – but enjoyed too. They were glad enough though to sit themselves down in front of the fake fireplace for some quiet recapitulation. They sat silently for quite a while as the flames shot to and fro. They might have just sat there happily all evening but there were things to talk about and remember – so….

“It was all fun, Bri,” Justin opened the discussion. “The whole busy holiday season was fun. Wasn’t it?”

“Yeah it was but so is this,” Brian replied contentedly, giving the twink a quick squeeze. “And not as tiring either. But I guess once a year….”

“I’m glad you decided we should go to Harp and Shillelagh on New Year’s Eve with Brandon and Jason,” Justin continued. “That was nice of you. Jason and Brandon were glad we came.”

”Yeah, but I shouldn’t get all the credit for that. You decided to go as much as I did,” Brian pointed out. “Actually all I said was that if you wanted….”

“Oh no,” Justin insisted. “I just went along with you. You decided. I want you to have all the credit.”

“So that you can do what with it?” Brian laughed. “What the hell kind of trap are you setting up now?”

”Cut it out, Brian,” Justin commanded with not much authority in his voice. “I can see this year is not going to be much different than the last ones. Poor sweet little Justin is gonna get accused of everything again – even when he’s trying his hardest to be nice.”

“OK, poor sweet little Justin,” Brian laughed, squeezing the kid again ever so slightly. “I withdraw my nasty accusation. I’ll just wait and see what you’re getting ready to pull – and try to defend myself.”

There was a brief pause in the conversation at this point. It didn’t seem then that Brian was trying to defend himself at all. Maybe it would have lasted the whole evening but something flashed into Brian’s mind. Above all, the guys were always thinking.

“Hey, Baby,” he broke the spell, expressing what he was wondering. “You didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year. But it’s still not too late though. You still have a couple of days before you have to have them all broken, so there’s still time.”

“You don’t know everything, Kinney,” Justin smiled at him archly. “As a matter of fact, I did make some resolutions this year – just like I always do. I’m only going to tell you the first of them though – and that is not to tell you any of the rest of them. So there.”

“Ah,” Brian logicized. “But that means you do have to tell me all of them. You always break all your resolutions during the first two weeks of January – and you’ll have to tell me all the others in order to break that first one.”

“Well maybe I’ll just keep that particular resolution for a change,” Justin threatened him laughingly. “I could do that. Maybe it’s time for a change.”

“I doubt it,” Brian responded. “But can you tell me why you decided not to tell me what your resolutions are for the new year? You used to always tell me what they were.”

“You know why, Brian Kinney,” Justin told him. “Because you always make fun of my resolutions and then you make fun of me again when I break them. What you don’t know won’t hurt me. That’s why. I don’t think you really want me to change at all – or get any better. When I try to improve myself, all you do is scoff and deride.”

“I don’t ever remember saying you should change,” Brian interrupted him. “Do you? And I’m pretty sure I don’t need you to get any better at the stuff you do either. You’re already pretty damn good at that. It might be better for me if you….”

“I can see you’re never going to change, Brian,” Justin complained good-naturedly. “You pick on me when I do stuff and you pick on me when I don’t do stuff. I can’t win.”

“Well, you know, you used to make resolutions for me too every new year,” Brian recalled. “If you want me to change, why didn’t you make up some New Year’s resolutions for me this year.”

“Do you ever remember me asking you to change, Brian?” Justin pointed out. “Do you? And I’m not asking you to change now either.”

“So you must enjoy me picking on you like you say I do,” Brian concluded. “Otherwise you’d make me a resolution to quit ‘picking on you.’”

“Like you’re any better at keeping resolutions than I am,” Justin mocked. “I think I already made that resolution for you a couple of years ago, and you broke it as fast as I break mine - so there. In fact we might have even had this discussion before, it seems to me.”

“Could be, Honey,” Brian replied. “I just don’t remember. Let me think about it… So, have you broken any of your new resolutions yet? It’s been a couple of days now. You’ve had time. I’ll bet you have.”

“Yeah,” Justin grouched. “I think I just did. I had this resolution not to argue with you - and to give you credit for everything good that happens around here. That’s why I gave you all the credit for the Harp and Shillelagh. But you make it so hard to keep resolutions…..”

“Well, Mr. Taylor,” Brian laughed. “I guess you broke two of your resolutions now. You had a resolution not to tell me any of your others and you just did – so you broke that one too.”

“Dammit, Kinney,” Justin complained. “You take some kind of sadistic delight in trying to make me break my New Year’s resolutions. That is just plain mean.”

“I think maybe you’re right, Baby,” Brian thought it over. “I guess I do do that. Maybe it’s that I just want you to stay the same. Maybe I wouldn’t know what to do with you if you got any better. So I guess I should make a resolution to make sure you break all yours. Bet that’s one resolution I could keep.”

“Wanna bet?” Justin challenged him. “If I decide I really want to keep my resolutions, I will, and you won’t be able to get me to break them either. So there.”

“OK, Kiddo,” Brian replied. “That sounds like a challenge worth taking. Of course you’re going to have to tell me all your resolutions so I can get you to break them. You know what though, tell me just one of them and after I get you to break that one, you can tell me another one. That way I won’t have to think of too much stuff at one time. Which one comes first? Tell me one and then give me a few minutes to devise a plan.”

“OK, Kinney,” Justin smiled. “One of my resolutions is to love you even more this year and make you even happier than you’ve ever been. I’m gonna hate breaking that one but I guess you’ll figure out something. Take a few minutes to think about it….”

Which is what Brian did. He thought. Then he thought some more. Then he came to a decision.

“You know what, Baby,” he eventually told the kid. “I don’t think I’m going to try to get you to break that resolution at all. So I guess you win the bet after all.”

It was a very long time after that admission before the discussion resumed. Justin kind of nestled himself into Brian’s arms and rested his head on Brian’s shoulder. Brian was just slightly surprised that Justin did not trumpet his apparent victory.

“Well, Sweetheart,” Brian eventually spoke, “You won that one. I guess you had a resolution to win all the arguments this year too. You haven’t broken that one yet.”

“Nope, Honey,” Justin told him, rubbing his hair against Brian’s face. “I don’t have any resolution like that at all – and I wouldn’t want one like that either. I learned a long time ago that it’s sometimes more fun to lose an argument with you than to win it.”

“And when did you learn that, Baby?” Brian seemed surprised. “You never told me.”

”I’m telling you now,” Justin grinned at him. “Happy New Year, Brian.”

Brian thought maybe he was happier than he’d ever been. Damn. The kid was right. It was sometimes a lot better to lose an argument than to win it. And the kid was getting better at keeping resolutions too.

 

Return to Fireside Chats