Appreciation

Justin was working at his computer.  He had promised Brian that he would prepare dinner at home but dinner time was still a couple of hours away when Brian entered the loft, much earlier than usual.  That surprised Justin but he was even more surprised when Brian lit the fireplace and sat down on the floor in front of it.  Justin left his computer and slid down to the floor next to Brian – and waited - but not for long

"You haven't been complaining about me to Debbie or Mikey, have you?' Brian asked.

"Of course not," Justin was taken aback.  "I wouldn't ever do anything like that.  You should know I wouldn't.  What would I have to complain about anyhow?  Now you're mad at me and I didn't do anything."

"I'm sorry, Baby," Brian rephrased.  "I didn't think you had.  And I'm not mad at you.  Maybe I'm mad at me.  I wouldn't be mad at you even if you had been complaining, but I didn't think you were."

"That makes me feel a little better, Bri," Justin told him, "I'm glad you're not mad at me.  But I'm still pretty much confused.  You come home early and you light the fireplace and then you ask a question like that.  I'm confused.  And why would you be mad at you?  You don't ever have to do that.  That's my job."

"Maybe that's the problem.  Could be you have too many jobs," Brian mused. "I was in the vicinity of the diner around lunch time so I stopped by there.  Mikey was in there eating so I sat down with him.  I told Debbie I only wanted a half a sandwich because you were cooking tonight and I liked your cooking better than the diner's.  Well that started it.  They both acted like I was holding you in slavery around here.  They said I depended on you to do everything and I expected you to do everything and I never did anything and on and on – like that.  They said I didn't appreciate you."

"Brian," Justin consoled him.  "They don't know what goes on here.  You do lots of stuff around this loft.  Right now you've got your arm around me.  Nobody else could do that as well as you, and I wouldn't want anybody else to do it either."

"Thanks for trying to make me feel better, Twink," Brian smiled a little.  "But when I got back to the office, it was still bothering me and I did some thinking.  They have a point.  You do all the cooking around here.  You do all the cleaning.  You do do everything.  When my clothes need cleaned, they just appear in my closet in the dry-cleaner's bag – like by magic.  I don't do anything."

"Did Michael mention the dry-cleaning specifically, Brian?" Justin wondered.  "I met him in the cleaning shop a week or so ago when I was picking up some of your stuff.  He knew it was all yours and he asked if I didn't ever get anything of my own dirty and I told him I never did.  I wonder if that's what started this whole thing?  I'm sorry if it did.  I only meant it as a joke."

"But it's true, Baby," Brian said.  "You do everything for me," Brian pointed out.  "It's like I can't take care of myself."

"Of course you could take care of yourself," Justin assured him.  "We both know that.  But why would you when you have somebody here who loves to do stuff for you.  I want to be useful.  I do want to feel needed, you know."

"And you think that's what I need you for?" Brian laughed.  "To take my stuff to the cleaners.  Baby, that's not why I need you.  If that's what you think, you're selling yourself way short – and that's not like you at all."

"Well maybe I think you might want me around for some other reasons too," Justin laughed back.

"The truth is that I just want you around," Brian told him.  "Just having you around makes all the difference in the world."

Now that brought the discussion to an abrupt halt.  Neither one of them had anything more to say at that particular point so they just cuddled together for a long time.

Brian reopened the discussion with some determination in his voice.  "Baby," He announced.  "Maybe from now on I'll be taking my own stuff to the cleaners.  What do you think of that?"

"Brian, Honey," Justin replied.  "Would you know when stuff needs to go to the cleaners?  I bet I'd have to tell you, and then you'd accuse me of nagging you and get upset and all.  And then you'd have to remember to pick the stuff up when it was done, and if you didn't remember, you wouldn't have the stuff when you needed it, and you'd be upset all over again.  Things are working pretty well just the way they are.  Are you sure you want to fix something that isn't broken?"

"Well OK," Brian begrudged.  "But you are not to meet Mikey any more at the cleaning shop, and that is a direct order."

"Yessir," Justin agreed quickly.  "I'll do my best to obey that order and I'll get Guido at the shop to put our stuff in opaque bags in case Mikey is spying on us.  He won't know then who the stuff belongs to."

""But I am going to start doing something around here." Brian insisted.  "I guess I'll be helping with the cleaning from now on."

"You know where the dust cloths are, Brian," Justin reminded him.  "And it will be great for you to use them when you see the need.  But I'm going to issue a few orders too.  You are to stay away from all the chemical cleaners entirely.  You are too beautiful to get all scarred up and burned and stuff.  I want you just the way you are now – so you are to stay away from the chemical cleaners.  And that is an order."

"Geez, you are a bossy little twink," Brian groused.  "Seems you don't really want me to do anything.  Well, I can do some cooking if I have to.  Actually I'm getting a little hungry since I didn't have much lunch and, thanks to Debbie and Mikey, I didn't much enjoy what I had.  What do you have in the fridge?  You just sit here and I'll fix it."

"Brian, Honey," Justin warned him.  "The stuff I have ready to cook requires some complicated procedures.  I wish you'd let me do it.  It's not like I cook every night.  We go out and we order in.  Real cooking only goes on once or twice a week.  I can do it – really."

"Yeah," Brian recalled.  "I remember that first time you prepared your jambalaya.  Just like a professional chef you were.  I remember that very well."

"Brian Kinney," Justin responded.  "You have a lot of nerve reminding me of that night.  That was a terrible night.  It was maybe the only night after I met you that I thought you might get away.  It was an awful night.  If I didn't love you so much, and if you weren't the greatest guy in the world, I could get really mad at you."

"Yeah," Brian apologized, "I shouldn't have brought it up, but I bet if I had a picture of you standing among all that chaos, I just bet you'd laugh too."

"Well we'd be likely to have you in the same situation if you try to finish off dinner tonight," Justin told him.  "And if you're hungry and expect to eat, you just better let me do the cooking.  I promise it will come out better than the jambalaya."

"The jambalaya was pretty good the next night," Brian remembered.

"And so were you, Sweetheart," Justin reminded him back.

Justin was allowed to prepare the food, which was enjoyed by both of them.  They seemed much more satisfied as they resumed their positions in front of the fireplace.  It was perhaps more than an hour before anything was said.

"You know what, Baby," Brian said to the kid. "I don't think you think I can take care of myself at all.  I bet I'm right."

"If you can take care of yourself, Brian," Justin told him.  "I maybe don't want you to find out.  I know you take care of me a lot and I appreciate that.  I just want to take care of you as much as I can.  Is that selfish?"

"No, Baby," Brian replied.  "It's not selfish.   I think what it might be is love.  You know I appreciate everything you do for me, even if I forget to tell you most of the time.  I could take care of myself, I think, but I don't really want to."

Justin responded by snuggling himself ever closer to Brian.  He didn't say anything but Brian got the message.

"If there's any cooking done here tomorrow though," Brian continued.  "I'm doing it."

"You know what," Justin told him.  "I think we should order in tomorrow.  I've been wanting to try that new Greek restaurant that just opened down the street.  You can cook some other night."

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