What I Want

Justin sat himself down on the floor next to Brian and facing the fake flames of the very useful fireplace. Justin was counting on the fire working its magic on this particular night.

"Brian," he began his well-rehearsed speech. "There has been something bothering me for the last week or so and I need to talk to you about it, OK?"

"Since last Thursday, I'd guess," Brian replied. "I think it's been bothering you since last Thursday."

"How did you know that?" Justin was surprised. "You're right but how did you know?"

"Because I know you. Baby," Brian told him. "You think you know me pretty well so why wouldn't I know you too? I didn't say anything because I knew you'd come to me if you needed me."

"Please don't get mad at me, Bri, but, you know I always want your advice," Justin kind of stammered. "Well this time I didn't want your advice because I didn't want to take the advice I thought you'd give me, and now I've made up my mind and I'm not changing it, OK?"

"Maybe I don't have to know what it is, Baby," Brian suggested, "Since you already think you know what my advice will be and you don't want to take it, and you've already made up your mind anyway?"

"Oh you have to know all right," Justin assured him. "You're sure to find out and you'd be mad if I didn't tell you, and there's something I want you to do too, but I don't want your advice. I do have to tell you but it's not going to be easy so don't make it any harder for me, please."

"I don't think I could make it any harder for you than you're making it for yourself," Brian smiled at him. "I love you, Baby, but I also respect you so I imagine I can live with your decision even if it isn't what I would advise. If it's something dangerous though, I'm going to argue with you, you can depend on that."

"Well it's not exactly dangerous," Justin informed him, "So are you saying you won't argue with me?"

"I don't think that's what I'm saying," Brian responded, "But I know you struggled with this decision and I'll help any way I can, if you ever get around to telling me what it is."

"Remember when I had those paintings in the Gay and Lesbian Center charity auction, Bri," Justin began his story. "Remember they all sold for more than they were worth to the same guy?"

"I remember they were all bought by the same guy and we didn't know him, Kiddo," Brian said, "But I don't think he paid more than they were worth. They were very good. Sorry if I seem to be arguing with you."

"That's OK, Honey," Justin told him. "Well those paintings somehow got to New York to some art gallery up there and they sold for five times what the guy paid here."

"Which proves I'm right about him getting a bargain," Brian reiterated. "I guess I know my art."

"Yeah, you do," Justin cajoled. "Brian, this guy from the art gallery wants more of my stuff."

"Can't blame him for that," Brian replied. "My advice would be to send him more and charge him five times what they got at the exhibit here - or maybe more. Why wouldn't you want my advice about that?"

"Cause that's not all, Brian," Justin went on. "He wanted me to move to New York, Brian. He said I could have a great career up there and it would be a lot better if I lived up there too."

"Wow," Brian was more than a little taken aback.

"And I told him 'No', Bri," Justin continued. "I told him that Pittsburgh was my home and that Pittsburgh is where my life is, and I didn't want to move. He was disappointed but he still wants my stuff."

"Is this art gallery guy reputable?" Brian wanted to know.

"Yeah, I think so," Justin replied. "Linz checked him out and a couple of the teachers at school know him. They said he's really into the art scene up there."

"And they figured you ought to go?" Brian surmised.

"Yeah," Justin muttered. "The teachers said it was a great opportunity and Linz thought it would give me a good start on a career."

"Don't you think you maybe ought to give it a try then?" Brian questioned him. "It's what you've always wanted."

"That's not exactly right, Brian," Justin told him. "I want to work at my art and I want to be a success. But what I really want is you. I don't want to move to New York."

"You would still have me, Baby," Brian responded. "You would always have me. We might spend a little more time apart but New York is not so far. We could get together almost every week, and we could talk on the phone and stuff like that."

"Brian," Justin moaned, "You're giving me advice."

"Not advice, Kiddo," Brian disagreed. "Not advice at all. Just exploring alternatives."

"That's pretty much like advice, Honey," Justin reasoned. "Remember when I almost went to Dartmouth and was going to give up my art entirely. You told me I should do what I really wanted to do. That's what I did then and that's what I'm doing now."

"It's not quite the same though," Brian pursued his point. "That was an either/or deal and this isn't. You can have me and your art too."

"Yeah I can," Justin insisted, "And that's what I'm going to do, but in the order I want them, you first, art second. It'll work out, Brian. Believe me it will." And that caused the discussion to stall and silence to come into the loft. Justin thought that Brian was holding him just a little tighter than usual and he took that as a good sign.

Brian spoke eventually. "Didn't you say there was something you wanted me to do, Baby?" he asked the kid.

"Yeah," Justin answered. "I need to go up to New York for a couple of days sometime soon to make a few arrangements. If you could possibly take a couple of days off, would you come with me? I want your advice."

"Sometimes," Brian laughed. "You want my advice sometimes. I'll take whatever time off is necessary to go with you. I think you know that it's you first and advertising second with me."

"But that's not what you would have advised me if I had asked you for advice, which I didn't," Justin countered. "Just why is that?"

"Because I want the best for you," Brian told him.

"But you don't want the best for yourself?" Justin took the offensive.

"Shut up, Twink," Brian ordered. "You're getting things your way. Isn't that enough?"

"Yeah," Justin cuddled up closer. "I guess so. But I'll bet you'd have missed me if I'd have moved to New York."

"What makes you think that?" Brian laughed.

Return to Fireside Chats