A Day in the Life

Parents

It was the evening of Craig's funeral. Brian and Justin had spent the day with Jennifer and Molly. In the early evening, Jennifer insisted that they go home. She told them that she had some things to do but she really thought that they needed to be alone together. Justin had been keyed up in the three days since Craig died and she was sure that Brian was the one person in the world who could help him.

"Are you tired, Justin?" Brian asked as they entered the loft.

"Yeah, I am," Justin admitted, "But I don't want to go to bed yet. I couldn't sleep. Can we just sit around for a while? I want to talk."

"Then I want to listen," Brian replied.

"No," Justin said, "I want you to talk too."

"Whatever you want is what we'll do," Brian clarified the issue, "As usual."

"As usual? " Justin asked.

"As usual," Brian insisted. He could see Justin loosening up which was just what he wanted. "Let's get into more comfortable clothes and then we'll talk, if that's what you want to do," Brian suggested, and that's what they did. They sat on the couch and Justin snuggled up to Brian. Justin didn't say anything for a while and Brian waited for him to start the conversation.

"You were great, Brian. You got me through the viewing and the funeral," Justin told him when he finally spoke.

"I think I was a surprise to the out-of-town relatives," Brian replied.

"Well they didn't know I was gay. The locals all did though, with all the publicity we've had, so it was just those few that were surprised. They all seemed to take it pretty well at any rate," Justin said.

"They did," Brian agreed, "They saw that your mother was OK with us. That was a big part of it. She even introduced me to her aunt as a combination of son and son-in-law. Your mother was really the great one. You have a wonderful mother, Justin, and you had a wonderful dad too. You don't know how lucky you are."

"Yes, I do," Justin insisted, "And I was lucky to get you too."

"I'm so glad I got together with my dad before he died, Brian, and I'm very glad you got to talk to him. You did like him, didn't you?" Justin queried.

"I did like him, Sunshine. You were right. Your dad and I could have got to be good friends," Brian answered, "And I'm kind of allergic to dads. I wasn't as lucky as you with my parents."

"Brian," Justin told him, "When your dad died last year, you acted like you didn't care, but I think you did care."

"You didn't even know my dad," Brian countered, "How could you know anything?"

"Because I know you, Brian. I wish you'd confide in me more than you do. Some day you will. In the meantime, I can tell things about you just from knowing you," Justin explained.

"Well you've got it wrong this time," Brian insisted.

"Maybe," Justin said, "You know I don't pry, but I know that even if you hated your father, you did go to see him regularly and you gave him a lot of money too. I'm not saying you loved him but I think you did want some kind of a relationship with him - maybe you just wanted to know why he rejected you - maybe just so you could quit rejecting yourself."

"Two questions, Sunshine," Brian mused, "Where did you study Freud and who told you about my giving money to my father - as if I didn't know?"

"I never studied Freud but I guess I have studied you, Hon, I love you, you know," Justin replied, "Mikey told me about you giving money to your father. Remember you shut me out of your dad's funeral because you did not want your mother to know about me. Well Mikey loves you too, not as much as I do but still a lot. Mikey told me that you did not get through your father's funeral very well. He did all he could for you but he thought I could do more so he had to tell me."

"So everybody knows more about me than I do," Brian wondered.

"Not everybody," Justin smiled, "But a few of us maybe. Seriously though, Brian, I'm sorry I brought it up. Let's forget it."

"Before we forget it," Brian countered, "You know I love you but maybe you forget that I know you pretty well too. There's more here than what you're saying. You're not bringing up this old stuff without some hidden agenda. I want to know what it is and I'd like to know right now."

"I'm ready to go to bed now," Justin tried to change the subject.

"And I'll be glad to go with you, Sweetheart, right after you answer my question, and not one minute before," Brian demanded.

"OK, you win, as usual. Brian, I was so happy to get back with my father, and it was you who was responsible for that. I was thinking about you and your mother. She knows you're gay now and maybe…."

"Forget it, Sunshine. It's not the same. My mother doesn't really care about me at all except to keep me out of Hell, and she's convinced that's a losing battle. My mother doesn't love me and I don't love her."

"You're sending her money somehow or other, aren't you, Brian, in some way that she doesn't know it's coming from you?" Justin said, "My guess is that you haven't told anybody that but I know it anyhow."

"I think it is time to go to bed, Sunshine," Brian answered.

"You're the boss," Justin claimed, but they did not move from the couch.

"Are you going to be OK, Baby?" Brian asked Justin.

"Yeah, I am. You have made sure of that so far and you'll keep making sure of that if I have any problems. I depend on you so much."

"I'm glad you do," Brian responded.

"Will you think about your mother, Brian?" Justin renewed the subject.

"Remember when I warned you that I would be there for you sometimes when you wished I weren't, Baby," Brian admonished him, "Well I didn't think it was going to be vice-versa too."

"Can I change the subject, Brian," Justin asked.

"Do you ever need my agreement to say whatever comes to your mind? Would it make any difference if I had any objections?" Brian came back.

Justin took that to signal agreement so he went on. "You told my dad that I was a brave young man. Do you really believe that?"

"Of course I believe that, not that there weren't some less flattering adjectives I could have added too," Brian laughed, wondering where his devious little twink was going with this.

"Well you still call me 'Baby' sometimes," Justin pointed out.

"I'm sorry, Brave Young Man, I didn't realize you didn't like to be called 'Baby.' From now on it will be 'Brave Young Man.' No more 'Baby' for 'Brave Young Man,'" Brian promised.

"Brian," Justin complained, trying to sound exasperated, "I know you're smart but I don't know how you can so often misinterpret what I say, especially when I'm so clear in what I mean."

"What?" Brian puzzled. "I want you to call me 'Baby.'"

Justin informed him, "I want to be your 'Baby' even when I get to be as old as you are."

"OK, Tough Young Baby, you know that whatever you want, I want too," Brian smiled. He had been worried that Justin would have a continuing problem dealing with his father's death, but he was feeling better on that score now. He knew Justin was grieving but that he would be all right.

"I guess we better go to bed now," Justin said, "I don't think I'll be able to sleep though."

"Maybe you won't have to," Brian suggested.

"Gee Brian," Justin countered, "I'm proud of you. You're getting better at understanding my meaning already."

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