A Day in the Life

Intensive Care

Justin followed the attendant into the Intensive Care Unit. It was a large room with twelve tent-like cubicles where patients hovered between life and death, carefully monitored by trained personnel for any change in their condition. Craig was in Cubicle #6. "Your father is very weak," Justin was told, "You can stay ten minutes at the most. Less would be better."

Justin thought he was ready for what he would see, but he was unnerved by all the machines with their blinking lights and beeping sounds. He wished Brian were with him. "Your son is here to see you, Mr. Taylor," the nurse said to Craig.

"Justin?" Craig answered in a weak voice that rattled Justin even more. The nurse left and Justin walked up to the bed. His dad was covered with bandages and splints but Justin could still see bruises on the areas of skin that Craig still had exposed.

"I didn't know if you'd come," Craig said to Justin.

"You're still my dad," Justin answered, "You should have known I'd be here if you wanted me."

"I'm not sure that I'm going to get through this, Justin. I'm in pretty bad shape." Craig went on, "I've been thinking. You know what I've been thinking about? The good times the two of us had together."

"Like what?" Justin smiled as he asked.

"Like the time we were at the Pirates playoff game in 1991 and you dropped that hot dog on my white pants, the hot dog that you had smothered in mustard."

"That was one of the good times?" Justin asked.

"Maybe memorable would be the better word," Craig admitted, "Do you remember the two questions you asked me while I was trying to get the mustard off? First you asked me if the mustard would wash out, and then you asked me if you could have another hot dog. You promised to put ketchup on the new one. You were a great kid, Justin. We had some really good times together. I was so proud of you."

"I wish we could have some good times together again. First you have to get out of the hospital," Justin replied, but he knew that they were just words, that there was more than the hospital keeping them from enjoying each other's company. He didn't think it likely that his father would ever be proud of him again. But Craig reached out for Justin's hand.

"The Steelers are doing pretty well. They're a sure thing for the playoffs. Possibly even the Super Bowl," Craig said, "Maybe we can hit one of the playoff games together."

"Yeah, maybe," Justin answered, going along with his maybe dying father's fantasy. Justin wondered if his father was in touch with reality, if he had forgotten their more recent history. Justin partly hoped that he had.

"Justin," Craig said, "If we go to a playoff game together, I hope Brian will come too."

Now Justin was wondering if he was himself in touch with reality, if he had heard his dad correctly. He didn't know what to say, but he didn't have to say anything because Craig went on: "I wanted you to come here so that I could tell you I was wrong. I've been wondering how to do this for a while but I didn't know how you would feel about it. Then the accident made it necessary for me to try to see you right away. There may not be tomorrow. I was angry with you, Justin, and I really went way overboard about the situation, but I never stopped loving you. You're my son. I'll always love you. Can you understand that?"

"I can understand that, dad. I guess I was every bit as mad at you as you were at me, but I never stopped loving you either," Justin answered, "I've often thought about the good times we had together too, maybe not the same good times you remembered, but there were so many good times to pick from. I told Brian about a lot of them. He's a good listener, a better listener than talker by a long shot. I just wish you could still be proud of me. I know I let you down."

"No, you didn't. You didn't let me down." Craig contradicted him, "You wouldn't live the life I had planned for you, but it took a lot of courage for you to stand up to me when I was wrong. I admire your courage, Justin, and I'm proud of you for that. And I've seen your art work too. I bet you didn't know that. It would have been a crime to put someone as talented as you behind a desk crunching figures. I must say though that I like your art sketches better than the comic book."

"Sometimes the true artist has to be commercial," Justin laughed.

Then Justin took the initiative. "Dad, Are you OK with me and Brian? We are definitely together and we hope forever."

"I don't understand the 'gay' thing, Justin, but I think I understand love. If you're in love with Brian and he's in love with you, I'm OK with that," Craig responded, "I was trying to protect you from him because I thought he was using you. That's not what's going on now, according to your mother so, yes, I'm OK with you and Brian. Your mother says you are a better person because of Brian, and that he is a way better person because of you. That's a perfect definition of marriage for me so I'm OK with you and Brian. I wish I could have told you all this before the accident but I'm glad I'm getting to tell you now. I'm glad I got that chance."

"You'll never know how glad I am that we had this talk, dad. My life is going really well now and having you back in it makes it that much better," Justin said, " I have to go now because we're over the ten minutes and you need to rest. I'll be back. We're going to help you get better. Brian will come too. You'll like him, dad, you will."

"I know I will," Craig answered, "If you love him, he's got to be a great guy." As Justin left, Craig said in a low voice, "Goodbye, Justin," but Justin did not hear him.

There was as much tension in the waiting room as there had been in Cubicle #6. Brian was pacing back and forth, hoping that Justin would not be crushed by the meeting with his father. Jennifer kept pulling and pushing at things, hoping that the time would pass. It dragged. When Justin appeared they could not read the results of his visit from his face. Justin embraced Jennifer and then threw his arms around Brian. "I've got my dad back," he whispered.

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