A Day in the Life

Justin Decides

Brian looked across the table at Justin. "There has been an accident," he told the kid he loved more than anything else in the world, "Your father …." Brian's voice tailed off. He was having a hard time doing what he knew he had to do.

"Is he hurt?" Justin demanded, "Brian, is he dead?"

"He's alive but it's bad. He's in Mercy Hospital," Brian told him. Justin just sat there for a minute. There were tears in Justin's eyes.

"I want to go home, Brian," Justin said when he finally spoke "I want to be alone with you. I want you to hold me. I want you to kiss me. I want you to tell me that you love me and that everything will be OK." They got up from the table. Brian took Justin's hand as they walked to the jeep. Nothing was said on the ride back to the loft.

When they closed the loft door, Brian put both arms around Justin and pulled him close. "He was a great dad," Justin sobbed, "He took me everywhere. We saw the Pirates and the Steelers and the Penguins together. He took me to the zoo and the museum. Mom did the art but dad did the dinosaurs. He loved me so much back then and I loved him too. Then I turned out to be such a disappointment to him. Dartmouth and …."

"And me," Brian said.

"Brian, you know it wasn't you," Justin replied. "He just had such plans for me and I couldn't live them. I don't regret not going to Dartmouth and you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life. I couldn't have done anything any differently than I did but maybe I could have been more understanding of him. Maybe, my dad didn't need to end up hating me."

"You did try, Justin. You were willing to move back home that day I took you back but your dad was really unreasonable. There was nothing you could do then. That was his fault," Brian reassured him.

"I guess so, Justin answered. Then the look on Justin's face changed and he asked, "What about my mother? What about Molly?"

"They're at the hospital, Brian told him, "Your mother called to tell me about the accident and she asked me to find you and tell you. She didn't want to tell you about it on the phone so she called me."

"I'm glad she did. I need you now, Brian," Justin replied. "Tell me about the accident," he went on.

"It was on the Parkway West this morning. A truck skidded into his car. He's in bad shape but he has a chance according to the doctors," Brian told him.

They moved over to the couch and sat down. Justin snuggled up to Brian and took his hand. "It could have been so different if my dad hadn't thrown me out of the house and attacked you," he said to Brian. "He just didn't understand us,"

Brian comforted him, "I didn't understand us then either."

"Do you remember telling me that you could never feel about your dad the way I felt about mine?" Brian asked Justin.

"I do remember that and I still think that. I have a lot of good memories about my dad that you didn't have about yours," Justin responded, "But I guess there really wasn't anything I could have done to keep him in my life. Remember he quit paying my tuition at the Institute and that was a lot later. He just hates me and that's that. I couldn't give up my art and I could never give you up and so my dad might die hating me, and there's nothing I can do about it."

Brian put his arm around Justin and ran his fingers through Justin's hair. "Justin," he said, "There's one more thing I need to tell you."

"What?" Justin asked apprehensively.

"Your dad is conscious. He's hooked up to a lot of machines in intensive care, but he wants to see you," Brian told him.

"What does my mother want me to do?" Justin questioned.

"She wants you to decide for yourself and she wants me to help you to decide if you want me to." Brian answered.

Justin didn't answer. He stared into space and Brian waited for the revelation to sink in. Finally Justin said, "I can't go."

"Do you want to talk about it at all? Do you want to tell me why you can't go?" Brian asked him, "You don't have to. It's your choice to make and I want you to make the right one. If your dad does die, I don't want you regretting your decision for the rest of your life. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"What if he asks me on his deathbed to give up my 'disgusting life style?" Justin replied, "What if he asks me that, and I tell him I can't and then he dies? I can't give you up. I can't be what he wants me to be, and I can't tell him that. Brian, I just can't tell him that, so I can't see him. I guess I could go to the hospital and see my mother and Molly but I just can't see my dad."

"Have you considered the other side of that coin?" Brian asked Justin, "Maybe your dad has come to his senses and wants to tell you that he made a mistake, that he still loves you and wants you back in his life and wants to be part of yours? He did ask to see you, you know. You think your dad hates you. Do you hate your dad? If you don't want him back in your life, you really shouldn't go. If you think you might want him back in your life, maybe it would be a chance worth taking."

"I love you, Brian," Justin told him, "My dad was good to me when I was a kid but he was never nice to you. He wrecked your car and attacked you on the street and you want me to get together with my dad if I want to. You must really love me."

"I do," Brian said.

Justin thought for a few minutes. "I'll go," he decided.

"When?" Brian asked.

"Now," Justin answered.

"I'm going with you," Brian stated.

"This is going to be really tough for me, Brian. I think maybe I need to do this myself," Justin responded.

"I thought we said 'for better or worse.' You don't have to do anything yourself," Brian insisted, "You can go in to see him yourself because you are the one he asked to see, but I have to be there, just in case you might happen to need me."

"I'll always need you," Justin smiled.

"And I'll always be there," Brian assured him.

When they got to the hospital, it wasn't easy to locate the ICU and Justin got increasingly nervous as they walked the halls. He was glad that Brian was with him. They finally found the proper waiting room. Jennifer was there but Molly had gone home to rest. Jennifer greeted them and after a few preliminary questions they learned that there was no change in Craig's condition. "I've come to see dad if he still wants to see me," Justin told his mother.

She walked over to the desk and exchanged some words with the attendant there. Then they sat down and talked. It seemed like hours but it was just under ten minutes when the attendant answered a phone ring, and announced, "You can see your father now, Mr. Taylor. Come this way."

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