I Will Remember You

Chapter 17

~ Something to be Thankful For ~

Speedway, Day One

Brian drove through the night, Justin seemingly asleep in the seat next to him. Brian suspected that he probably wasn't, but didn't say anything to disturb him just in case. He knew tomorrow would be a long day.

Hearing Justin stir, Brian glanced over and saw the blond looking back at him, eyes red and swollen. "Brian, tell me something about myself from before." Justin asked. He just wanted something to take his mind off where they were going and why.

"I'm not sure what you'd want to hear about." Brian said. "Maybe if you could be more specific."

Justin thought for a moment. Anything would have done really, but as long as he was asking. "Tell me how we met."

Brian realized that Justin just needed to think about something else right now, so he decided to forgo his usual short answers to questions he didn't want to talk about. "Well, I was leaving Babylon with the guys and was just about the get in my jeep when I saw you walking down the opposite side of the street."

"This jeep?" Justin asked.

Brian smirked, "No, your father wrecked that one for me. But it was black like this one."

Justin sat up a little straighter. "My father wrecked your jeep!? How did that happen?"

Giving a short, barking laugh, Brian said, "He didn't like the fact that I was fucking his teenage son, so he rammed into me at a traffic light."

Justin's eyes were wide as he thought that over. And he thought pushing Tee down the stairs had been the worse his dad had done. Jeez! He decided to return to the original topic. "So, you saw me walking down the street…" he prompted, becoming more interested in the story.

Brian smiled into the dark, sensing he'd managed to get Justin distracted, if just for a little while. "You walked down the street and stopped under the street light on the corner, leaning back against it with this look on your face… like you were an angel and you were waiting there for me." Brian's voice sounded a little distant as he remembered. "You looked like you were maybe all of fifteen, but so delicious. I just knew I had to have you."

Justin arched an eyebrow at that. "Do you make a habit of picking up fifteen year olds on street corners?" He asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

Brian came back to the present with a small laugh. "You weren't really fifteen. Just looked it."

"But you didn't know that." Justin prodded.

Brian decided to let it pass, "I walked over and asked you where you were going. You said nowhere special. Then I said I could change that. Then we left and went back to my place."

"And you fucked me into the mattress…" Justin added.

Brian smiled, remembering what had happened next. "Not just then. We ended up going to the hospital because I had just become a father."

Justin gasped. No one had mentioned that before. "You mean I was there when Gus was born?"

"Well, he was a couple of hours old by the time we got there. But you picked out the name Gus. Mel wanted to name him Abraham."

Justin shuddered at the thought of a kid getting stuck with that name. He was also surprised that Brian had taken him to the hospital if they had just met.

Brian glanced over and smirked. "Then I took you home and fucked you into the mattress."

Justin shook his head, knowing that had to be in the story somewhere. "How was it?" Fuck, he hadn't meant to ask that. "Forget it, that was a stupid question."

Brian wasn't sure what had caused that sudden reversal, but answered softly anyway. "It was awesome. You tried so hard to act like you weren't scared shitless… like you knew what you were doing…but once we got going, there was no holding you back."

Justin tried to digest that bit of info. "Brian? Was I …. I mean, were you my first?" Justin hadn't ever really thought about that before.

Brian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You said you'd never really done anything with a guy before."

Justin leaned back against the seat. Had that been why he'd fallen for Brian? The first guy he'd ever been with so he thought he was in love? If what the guys back in the Pitts had told him was true, Brian had never returned that love though. Not that they had said anything about him and Brian together, just hints at the way Brian fucked around and never did anyone more than once. Damn! This kind of thinking always gave him a headache.

"So, how old was I really?" Justin asked.

Brian looked over, hearing a slight change in Justin's voice. A sadness almost. "Seventeen, just starting your senior year of high school."

Justin sighed. Only a year before he'd gotten bashed then. Not even that long, actually.

So many questions and not enough answers. Justin watched Brian as he drove. Why was he really here? Could Brian really have cared about him? Maybe even loved him? Was that why he'd gone to the prom?

"Brian, why did you stop coming to the hospital?" Maybe the answer to that would help.

Brian inhaled sharply. He hadn't expected that question. "You woke up." He resorted back to short answers in his surprise.

Justin snorted, "That's not an answer. And besides, Molly says she saw you after that, in the hallway."

Brian had forgotten about dear little Molly. There was no easy way to answer that question. Not without admitting to things he didn't even want to think about at the moment. Cautiously, he responded. "I was getting ready to move to NY and just wanted to make sure you were ok before I left."

That didn't really seem like a very satisfactory answer to Justin. "Why didn't you come in then?"

"You didn't remember me. It seemed best not to upset you." Brian responded.

"Is that what my parents said? That it 'upset me' to see people I didn't remember?" Molly had told him something along those lines. "You know what they were really trying to do, don't you?"

When Brian shook his head negative, Justin continued angrily. "My parents decided that since I didn't remember anything, I wouldn't remember that I was gay. So they discouraged anyone from visiting who could tell me otherwise. It had nothing to do with upsetting me and everything to do with controlling who I was."

Brain was shocked when he heard this. Not that he would have put it passed Craig Taylor. "Daphne still visited though, didn't she? She knew everything."

Justin sucked in a quick breath at his old friend's name. He asked softly. "Did you know that Daphne and I had sex?"

Brian frowned. Justin could remember having sex with Daphne but not him? "Yes, you told me." He looked over at Justin, but Justin was staring out the window.

"We used a condom, at least that's what she told me. But it didn't work." Justin's voice was soft.

At first, what Justin was saying didn't register. Then it hit, "You mean, Daphne got pregnant?" He asked, stunned.

Justin sighed, "Yeah. We didn't want for her to get an abortion. Neither of us could do that… Her parents told her she'd have to give it up or she was on her own… When my dad found out though, he was *sooo* supportive. He said if I did the right thing and married her, that he'd help us with the baby. He'd even make sure we got to finish college, just like we'd planned. Of course, that meant me going to Dartmouth. He never once mentioned my going to PIFA."

Brian could feel his temper rising at the lengths Justin's father had been willing to go to insure that his son stayed on the 'straight' and narrow path he'd planned for him. Craig must have been thrilled when his gay son had woken with no memory. Craig would be able to reform him into his own image.

"Don't tell me that Daphne went along with all that." Somehow, Brian couldn't see the strong willed girl that had been Justin's friend falling for something like that.

Justin snorted. "I don't think she realized what he was doing at first. I know I didn't. I was going to marry her." Justin paused, remembering the hell he'd gone through back then.

"When she finally realized what was going on, she left me a note telling me everything. That I was gay. That Dad had thrown me out of the house when he found out. That I had been accepted to PIFA. That she couldn't live this lie and ruin both our lives. That she'd do what her parents wanted and give the baby away after it was born." Justin voice caught as he said that last part. "I never saw her again."

Brian felt his heart ache for what the younger man had gone through. He cursed himself. He should have been there. Instead, he'd taken the easy way out and walked away. Just like Daphne and the rest. It's a wonder that Justin was still standing after the way all his friends had deserted him. And he, Brian, was the worst.

"At least Tee was there. I'd never have made it without him." Justin sighed, remembering. "Then I had to go and fuck it up with that stupid argument we had."

Brian had not heard why Tee had taken off, but could see that Justin was blaming himself for whatever had happened. He didn't have any words of consolation for the boy though.

"I don't know why he would have been in Speedway, though." Justin mused. "When he said he was going back where he belonged, I thought he meant back to Scottsdale."

Brian was puzzled, "As in Arizona? Why would he go there?"

Justin looked up, not realizing that he had been talking out loud. "Oh, that's where he grew up. His mom went to college there and later taught there, although I'm not sure what. He didn't move to Carolina until after she died."

Justin was quiet after that. He seemed to have talked himself out. Brian hoped he was sleeping. He was sure the stress of going to identify his dead friend was part of what was bringing all these other bad memories to the surface. He hadn't been there to help before, but he would be there to help his boy through what was to come.

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Brian pulled up in front of the hospital at the address that the police officer had given him the night before. He'd been told the body would be here until after the holidays and they could come by anytime to identify it. He knew both of them were dreading this, but it would be best to get it over with as soon as possible. Reaching over, he gently shook Justin's shoulder to wake him.

It was still dark outside as Justin opened his eyes, trying to figure out where he was and why he was sleeping in such an uncomfortable position. Gradually, his eyes focused on the hospital sign and it all came back to him. He was here to identify his brother's body.

"We can do this later, Justin. It doesn't have to be right now." Brian said gently, knowing that Justin wouldn't postpone.

Just as Brian thought, Justin shook his head and reached for the door handle to let himself out. Brian met him in front of the jeep and they walk in together. Justin thought to tell Brian he could wait, but he wasn't too sure he'd be able to do this alone.

Brian explained to the lady at the front desk why they were here and she gave them directions on where to go with a sympathetic look in Justin's direction. She'd seen too many people come through those doors with that lost look on their face and it never failed to cause her a moment's pain on their behalf.

Justin walked as if in a fog, letting Brian lead the way. He found himself standing in a cold room while a man in wrinkled scrubs pulled a sheet draped table over. Looking up, his eyes asking if they were ready, the man put his hand to the sheet and pulled it back enough to uncover the face lying there.

Brian felt Justin stiffen as he face the dead man on the gurney, then he turned and buried his face in Brian's chest, sobs of relief washing over him. Brian looked from the dead man to the orderly and shook his head. "That's not him. I don't know who that is." Brian said.

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Brian had gotten Justin back to the jeep and decided what they both needed was some sleep. Justin wanted to see the car, but it was Thanksgiving so the place that was holding it wouldn't be opened until tomorrow. Brian found a nice hotel to stay at and told Justin that he could order some room service if he was hungry, but after driving all night, he needed to get some sleep.

Justin realized how draining this must all have been on Brian and after the stress he'd been under, sleep sounded like a good idea to him as well. He still didn't know why someone else had been driving Tee's car, but it was enough to know it hadn't been his brother until they could get to the bottom of the mystery.

When they arrived at the room, Brian cursed himself. Without even thinking, he'd asked for a single king size bed. He told Justin that he would go down and have the room changed, but Justin said that it was fine. He was too tired to worry about it right then.

It was a mark of just how tired Brian was that he fell into the bed still half dressed and didn't even notice when Justin joined him.

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Waking several hours later, Brian felt the heat from Justin's body lying curled up next to his. Out of habit, he rolled over and pulled the boy close, spoon style, snuggling his face into the blond hair, draping his arm across Justin's chest. Feeling better than he had in a long time, he drifted back to sleep.

Justin woke, lying on his side with someone's arm over him, soft breathing in his ear. It took a minute for him to realize that Brian had wrapped himself around him while he slept. Not that he was complaining. In fact, it felt really good. A little too good actually. Starting to feel uncomfortable, he slipped out of the bed and headed to the bathroom to relieve himself.

As he walked back into the room, he debated getting back into the bed. He'd have liked nothing more than to spend a few more minutes curled up in Brian's arms, but he realized just how dangerous those thoughts were. Justin knew his emotions were in a whirl right now and Brian had been so supportive. He could be reading way more into this than was there and that could lead to getting hurt. He decided to order room service instead.

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Brian woke again to find himself in bed alone. On looking around, he found Justin sitting at the table, several plates of food in front of him.

Taking a quick drink of water, Justin waved to the food in front of him. "I ordered plenty if you're hungry. It only just arrived, so it's still hot. I thought the smell might rouse you ought of bed."

Brain was glad to see Justin in a much better mood than earlier. He seemed to have recovered quickly after learning his friend wasn't the one lying in the morgue they'd visited last night. Brian smiled. "Mmm, smells good. Be right back, so don't eat it all." He said as he headed toward the bathroom.

Joining Justin at the table, Brian realized that the boy had ordered a traditional Thankgiving dinner for them. He'd completely forgotten that it was Thanksgiving. Justin grinned at him from across the table. "I guess I have something to be thankful for today." He said.

Brian smiled back. He felt that he had something to be thankful for as well.

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