Be Careful What You Wish For
* * *
The ride back to the loft was made in silence while Justin fumed over Brian's stupidity. How could the man expect people to believe that they were a couple when he didn't even bother to tell his "boyfriend" that he had a son? It was obvious from what he had witnessed that Gus was being raised by lesbians, but why? How? Did Brian just supply the sperm or did he and Lindsay…Justin couldn't even finish the thought. And how was Brian supposed to stay in Denver, even for a couple of months, when he had a son at home waiting for him? He was relieved when they finally pulled up outside the loft, ready for the answers to his many questions. By the time they made it up the old elevator, he was ready to burst. Instead he waited until Brian closed the loft door behind them before beginning his interrogation.
"How could you not tell me?" Justin yelled. "We're supposed to be together and you let me find out that you have a son when he runs to you at a family dinner? Do you have any idea how stupid I feel?"
"Justin," Brian began before Justin cut him off.
"This isn't something as simple as knowing what your favorite color is. Christ Brian, you have a son! And how the hell are you supposed to stay in Denver when your son lives here? How do you even have a son? Did you fuck one of them?" Justin's anger was getting the better of him and he was horrified by his last question. "Shit, forget that last question. It's none of my business, and I don't even want to know."
"Well, if you'd just calm your ass down and give me a minute, I'll answer all your questions." Brian's tone bordered on disinterested as he fought his own anger. He knew Justin was right to be upset over his neglect in telling him about Gus, but he wasn't going to stand there and be verbally beaten by anyone. "Are you ready to listen?"
Justin fumed over Brian's cavalier attitude but kept his mouth shut, figuring that it would be the only way to find out about Gus. He knew that Brian would just clamp down if he continued to yell. He walked over to the couch and sat down, giving Brian an icy glare. "Fine, I'm listening."
Brian sighed, but walked over to the couch and sat down on the coffee table in front of it, meeting Justin's eyes with his own.
"No, I didn't fuck either one of them. At least not to have Gus. Lindsay and I have been friends since college. We even dated for awhile until we were sure that we were both gay. She and Mel have been together for years and Lindsay wanted a baby. I jerked off in a cup and nine months later Gus arrived. I didn't tell you because everything seemed to happen so fast. We couldn't even stand each other when I first got to Denver. I didn't think that telling you about my life was an issue. Since we've…worked out our plans, well, I guess I just didn't think about it." Brian saw the incredulous look appear on Justin's face and sighed again. "Look, I'm not exactly father of the year, all right? I never had any plans to be a father. It was supposed to be a one shot deal. I supply the sperm and the dykes raise the kid. My being there was never supposed to be the issue."
"But it is now, right?" Justin asked, a little taken aback by Brian's story. He couldn't believe that anyone would help create a child and never plan to be around. It angered him a bit, until he realized that although Brian's plan was to be uninvolved, that wasn't what happened. "He calls you Daddy and obviously was thrilled to see you."
"Yeah, well, Lindsay has been throwing us together, much to Mel's disgust, since the day he was born. By the time it came around to signing away my rights, I couldn't do it. I'm not the greatest dad, and we don't do sleepovers or anything like that, but I see him once in awhile. I guess that's why I didn't say anything to you. I don't always consider him part of my life because he was never supposed to be."
"Brian, what was supposed to be doesn't matter anymore. You're his father. He needs you." Justin thought briefly about his own father. As much as it hurt to think about the way he was discarded so easily once he had come out, he knew he'd never forget the good memories he had growing up. "And I think you need him, too. You seem…different around him."
"Yeah, well, he's a good kid. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to read him his bedtime stories and start coaching little league. He has his mothers. He's better off with them," Brian insisted. "Just ask Melanie."
"I don't give a shit what Melanie thinks. Hell, I don't even care what Lindsay thinks. The only thing that matters is what's best for Gus. You're his Dad. That's what counts. My father may have turned his back on me when he found out I was gay, but he was there through all the important times. He was there every day for me while I was growing up and needed him most."
"Yeah, my old man was there every day for me, too. He was there to drink away the bill money and beat the shit out of me when he was done. He was there to give my mother a black eye so she couldn't go to Sunday Mass. He was there to make my life a living hell for eighteen years. Don't stand there and tell me that a boy needs his father because I'm living proof that he doesn't. My life would've been a hell of a lot better without mine, and Gus will be better off without me!" Brian yelled, ignoring the startled look on Justin's face as he jumped up and stormed towards the door. "I'm going out. Don't wait up."
Brian slammed the door with such force that Justin felt the vibration all the way across the room where he stood in horror. He had no idea that Brian's childhood was as bad as it was. He knew that there'd been some problems, but he never realized the extent of it. He immediately felt bad for the way he had pushed and wanted to go after him, but he knew it was pointless. He figured that the stud of Liberty would end up in his own territory, but he wasn't about to go chasing after him. Instead he'd wait patiently until Brian returned; refusing to let his mind conjure up all the things that he was sure Brian was doing while he was out.
By the time Brian downed his third Beam, he was beginning to feel his anger recede. He knew he shouldn't have snapped at Justin like he did, but old hurts still ran deep. Justin had every reason to be upset with him. He still couldn't believe that he forgot to tell him about Gus. Justin was doing him a favor by going along with the terms of the will. The least Brian could've done was give him the information he needed to know before facing the family for the first time. The problem was that when it came to Jack Kinney, Brian lost the control he maintained in his life and lashed out at anyone available. As he signaled for the bartender again, Brian felt someone come up behind him, pressing up against him suggestively. He turned to find a decent looking trick watching him expectantly. Without thinking, he cancelled his order and led the trick into the backroom, ready to release a little of the tension that had built up inside. He found an empty space along the wall and leaned back into it while the trick undid his jeans. It only took a moment before the familiar feeling of a warm mouth engulfed him. He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy what was being done to him, but all he could focus on was the hurt look that he'd seen in Justin's eyes during his outburst. He tried to shake the vision away, but the guilt was just too strong. He suddenly pushed the trick away, forcing his aching cock painfully inside his jeans, before storming out of the backroom. He heard the sound of someone calling his name as he walked back through the club, but ignored the sound as he made his way outside.
Once he was in his Jeep and headed home, he thought about what he was doing. He and Justin were pretending to be together. Why did that make an anonymous trick unappealing? It wasn't like they were really together. And maybe he did make a promise to stop tricking for their time together, but a slip now and then, especially under the circumstances shouldn't matter. There wasn't even anyone around to judge them on appearances. Yet the minute he felt the unfamiliar mouth on him, he knew that he needed to leave. The excitement of tricking was replaced with feelings of guilt and concern for someone else. That was just one of the reasons he didn't do relationships; if no one expected anything, then you couldn't disappoint them.
By the time Brian got to the door of the loft, he was more pissed off than when he left, but for different reasons. He didn't appreciate the way Justin had insinuated himself into his life. It didn't matter that the charade was Brian's idea or that Justin had been willing to help him find someone suitable to play the part. After the shots he had at Babylon, all that mattered was that Justin had been the one to cause the confusing feelings that Brian was having. He pulled back the door, ready to send Justin on his way and get back to his own life. As soon as the door was closed behind him, Brian looked up and saw Justin coming down the bedroom steps.
"Brian, I'm glad you're back," Justin said as he walked over to Brian. "I wanted to say…"
Brian didn't let him finish as he grabbed him and covered his mouth in a forceful kiss. His anger, mixed with the attraction he felt for the blond, was powerful and made him want to devour the man before him. He had a brief thought that he should pull back, that he was being too violent, but then he heard an encouraging moan coming from Justin and lost all rational thought. Instead he pushed Justin backwards towards the bedroom, grabbing his body so that they didn't trip up the steps. Once they were at the bed, Brian pulled back and grabbed the bottom of Justin's shirt, stripping it off before reattaching himself to his mouth. He felt Justin's hands frantically pulling at his clothes and helped him in his quest. In a matter of minutes they were both completely naked and burning with need. Brian pushed Justin back on the bed and climbed over him, bringing their hard, leaking cocks together. The touch sent a jolt right to Brian's groin and he knew he wasn't going to be able to wait much longer before burying himself into Justin's eager body.
Justin felt anger as well as desire in Brian's actions and although he should've been scared, he couldn't help the excitement that coursed through him. He had been sitting alone in the loft, trying not to think about what Brian was doing, and wondering if he had lost his chance to get Brian to love him. Now there they were, locked in an embrace. Brian's obvious passion a telltale sign that the older man hadn't gone back on his promise to stop tricking. That thought alone made his heart soar and caused him to yearn even more for the intimacy they were engaging in. When Brian suddenly pulled away, Justin started to panic until he realized that Brian had grabbed the lube and a condom. Obviously foreplay wasn't on Brian's mind, but it didn't matter to Justin. He just needed the closeness he craved, any way he could get it.
Brian sheathed himself and applied a generous amount of lube on his cock before pulling Justin's legs onto his shoulders like a madman and plunging inside. It took the sharp outcry of pain from Justin to make him pause and realize what he had done. He had been so wrapped up in his own anger and confusion that he didn't give a thought to what he was doing. He immediately regretted entering Justin without any preparation and began to pull out.
"No, don't," Justin whispered, grabbing on to Brian to keep him from withdrawing. "Just give me a minute."
"Brian, please…" Justin was panting now, trying to relax so that his body would open up. "Just stay still and give me a minute. I'm okay."
Brian wanted to say something, do something to make up for the pain he'd caused Justin, but all he could do was hold still, like he was asked to do, and wait for a sign as to what to do next. After what seemed like an eternity, but was actually only mere moments, he felt Justin arching up to him, encouraging him to continue with what he'd been doing. The first thrust revived Brian's need and he began slowly, carefully thrusting inside Justin's warm entrance. His brain stopped functioning properly and raw hunger took over as he picked up the pace and began pounding into Justin, his mind barely registering the encouraging moans coming from beneath him. It was over quickly, too quickly for Brian's liking, but then again it seemed like he'd been buried in Justin's warm body for eternity when he finally hit that special place, pulling Justin with him for the ride. As soon as it was over, Brian pulled out, discarded the condom and went into the bathroom to get something to clean up with. He took a moment to look at himself in the mirror, hating the face staring back at him. He'd just forced himself on Justin. Okay, so maybe he didn't force himself. Justin had been a willing participant, but that didn't give Brian the right to use force, taking him without preparation. His guilt was weighing heavily on him as he scowled at the reflection in the mirror before going back into the bedroom to face his victim. He saw Justin wincing as he struggled to sit up.
"Shit, here let me help you," Brian growled as he strode over to the bed.
"Brian, it's all right," Justin said as he looked in Brian's eyes. He could see the man's torment and wanted to ease his mind. "I'm okay, just a little sore."
"Thanks to me," Brian replied angrily. "I shouldn't have done that. I was pissed off, mostly with myself. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."
"No, you probably shouldn't have, but it's all right. I'm not as fragile as I look. Besides, that was hot," Justin laughed softly, hoping to bring a smile to Brian's face. It didn't work.
"Do you want to sleep on the couch tonight? No, fuck that. I'll sleep on the couch tonight." Brian stood up, going into the closet to get the spare blanket off the top shelf. Justin was behind him in seconds, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. Brian wanted to pull away, but he couldn't.
"No one's sleeping on the couch tonight. I'm fine; we're fine. There's no reason for anyone to sleep on a five thousand dollar torture device," Justin told him.
Brian looked back at him curiously. "How'd you know how much I paid for the couch?"
"I'm from the country club set. I know all about paying for the label instead of comfort. Now put the blanket back and let's go to bed. I'm kind of tired, and I'm sure you are, too."
"Just fucked my brains out. I need some sleep to rejuvenate," Justin smiled, taking Brian's hand and leading him to the bed. "You have a lot of business you need to get started tomorrow and we have to be at Lindsay's for dinner."
"Dinner? Why would we be going to the munchers' for dinner?"
"Because she wants to know more about me, considering I'm going to be around your son. I told her we'd come to dinner. I would've checked with you but I was too busy hating your guts at that moment," Justin laughed. "It should be a pleasant evening."
"Oh yeah, about as pleasant as a hanging," Brian murmured as he climbed into bed. They settled down and turned off the light before Brian turned to Justin. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"I'm fine. Now go to sleep," Justin insisted as he leaned in and placed a light kiss on Brian's mouth. "Good night."
"Good night," Brian mumbled in return, already succumbing to sleep.
Justin lay awake for a while just watching Brian sleep. He had seen the anger in his face as soon as he walked through the door earlier, and somehow knew that it wasn't because of the argument they had before he'd walked out. It was something more, and Justin cursed Brian's ability to shut people out of his life and his mind. He began to have some serious doubts as to whether he'd actually be able to get through to the man before their pretend relationship was over.
* * *
The next day was a busy one for Brian. He spent most of it getting in touch with his clients to make sure things were running smoothly and going through the files Cynthia brought to him, working on a customer list that he felt confident he would be able to take with him to his new agency. He got a lot accomplished and it kept him from thinking about what he had done to Justin the night before.
Justin sensed his mood early in the day and took the Jeep around town again, hoping that giving Brian time would help the man cheer up. By the time he got back to the loft it was almost five and Lindsay had called to set up dinner for six. Brian was still grumbling about going to the girls' for dinner but he was dressed and ready to go by five-thirty.
The ride over there was so awkward that Justin couldn't take it anymore. He had tried giving Brian time to deal with whatever was bothering him, but the last thing he wanted to do was show up at Lindsay's house with tension between them.
"Brian, you're not still upset over last night are you? I told you at least twenty times already that I'm fine. You didn't hurt me and I enjoyed it just as much as you did."
"I don't want to talk about it," Brian stated. "I lost control, something I never do, but it's not going to happen again. And don't tell me I didn't hurt you. You could barely sit up afterwards."
"Oh please, it's gay sex. There's always some kind of discomfort afterwards. That's a part of it. Why are you being so difficult about this?"
"Why are you? Why are you trying to let me off the hook? You should be as pissed off at me as I am!" Brian barked.
"Fine, if I get pissed at you will you let it go? I don't want to show up at Lindsay and Melanie's like this. We're supposed to be a couple, remember?" Justin sighed in frustration.
"All right, all right, I'll let it go," Brian said in resignation. "Happy?"
"Oh yeah, thrilled," Justin replied sarcastically as Brian pulled into the driveway.
Lindsay greeted them at the door, kissing Brian's cheek and greeting Justin enthusiastically, before leading them inside. Dinner was ready when they got there and they quickly sat down to dinner, with Gus chatting endlessly throughout the meal. Justin was enjoying getting to know Lindsay and Gus, but hated the way Melanie was constantly berating Brian in front of his son. He wasn't sure exactly what their history was, but he didn't feel it was appropriate for Gus to hear her condescending remarks about his father. Somehow he managed to hold his opinion until after they were done eating. Gus had pulled Brian into the living room to see his new trucks and Melanie had to make a few phone calls for work, leaving Justin to help with the clean up in the kitchen.
"So, did I pass the test?" Justin asked as they stood side by side, Lindsay rinsing the dishes and Justin stacking them in the dishwasher.
"The test?" Lindsay asked curiously.
"You know, am I fit to be around Gus in the future? I know that's the reason you were anxious to get to know me," Justin replied with a smile. He couldn't blame her for being worried. She knew nothing about him and was only looking out for her son.
"Oh, that test," she laughed, her cheeks flushing slightly with embarrassment. "Yeah, you passed with flying colors. You know, I wasn't as surprised as everyone else last night when you showed up with Brian. I didn't know you were in Pittsburgh, but I did know you existed. Brian's mentioned you a few times."
"He did?" Justin was shocked by that little piece of information.
"Yes, he did. Brian and I have been best friends since college. Just don't tell that to Michael. He likes to claim the title for himself," she teased. "Let's just say Brian was a little confused about what was happening between the two of you. He needed to talk to someone and Michael tends to be a little territorial when it comes to Brian. I encouraged him to just go with what felt right and see what happens. I guess it worked out pretty good, since you're here."
So Brian cared enough to talk to Lindsay about him. That thought sent a bolt of joy throughout his body. "I guess I should thank you for that," he replied casually.
"No need to thank me. I want what's best for Brian. I always have," Lindsay said.
"Really?" Justin asked, looking at Lindsay questioningly. "Then why do you let Melanie put him down in front of his son?"
"What? I don't let her do that. You just don't understand. Brian and Mel…well, they don't exactly get along. They're constantly throwing angry words at each other," Lindsay explained nervously. She didn't like the way Justin was staring at her accusingly.
"And that's fine. They're adults and allowed to hate each other if they want to. I just don't think it's appropriate for it to be done in front of Gus, and I noticed that Brian held his tongue in Gus' presence. I just think Melanie should do the same."
"Look Justin, you seem like a nice kid, but truthfully, it's none of your business what goes on in front of Gus," Lindsay replied angrily.
"I'm not a kid and maybe it's none of my business, but I know that you've been pushing Brian to be a part of Gus' life since he was born. I just don't understand why you would want him to be a part of it if you're going to allow your wife to belittle him in front of Gus. How can Gus grow up to love and respect his father if his other mother is constantly putting him down?" Justin saw the shocked look on Lindsay's face and knew he had made his point. "If you'll excuse me, I'd like to go spend a little time with Brian and Gus before we leave."
By the time Lindsay joined Brian, Justin, and Gus in the living room, she was looking rather subdued and obviously didn't have much to say. Brian noticed a slight tension between the blonds, but didn't say anything to either of them. They stayed for a little while longer before Brian tucked Gus into bed, thanked Lindsay for dinner, and led Justin out of the house. They rode back to the loft in silence, but thankfully the tension from earlier was gone. They showered separately and got ready for bed, turning off everything but the blue lights over the bed.
"So, are you going to tell me what happened between you and Lindsay in the kitchen?" Brian asked once they were settled in bed.
"No, I think I'll blow you instead," Justin said suggestively as he began kissing his way down Brian's naked form.
"Is that your way of changing the subject?" Brian panted, as he relaxed under Justin's talented tongue, his semi-hard cock jumping to attention.
"Are you complaining?"
"Hell no. I always thought talking was overrated," Brian murmured. He gasped when he felt Justin's warm mouth wrapped around him, taking him deep. All thoughts of Lindsay, as well as the mixed emotions he still had regarding Justin, left his brain as he lost himself in the igniting passion between them.Return to Be Careful What You Wish For