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Brian stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Leaning against the counter he studied himself, trying to find even the hint of a flaw on his face. Frowning, he noticed a trace of a blackish circle under one of his eyes.
“Fuck,” he whispered, shaking his head. It seemed that whatever new brand of cream he tried, no matter how expensive or how many promises it made to keep your skin young, firm and ageless…it was all bullshit.
He sighed, running the tip of his finger over the dark circle, willing it to fade.
“Hey, what’cha lookin’ at?”
Jumping slightly, Brian caught Justin’s reflection behind him and smiled, dropping his hand to his side. “Nothin’.”
“Well, whatever it is, it looks good to me,” the blond said, his eyes meeting Brian’s in the mirror, his arms coming up to wrap around the taller man from behind.
Placing his hands atop Justin’s, Brian gave a squeeze, realizing that what he saw and what his lover saw were definitely NOT the same thing. He wondered if the ravages of time would leave their mark on him sooner, than later, eventually changing the way Justin saw him. Catching the intense blue stare again he smiled, realizing that no, it probably wouldn’t.
Sensing that something more was going on than Brian was letting on, Justin asked, “So, you ready to go? We don’t want to be late.”
Groaning, Brian hung his head and answered, “Yeah, fine, I’m ready. I still don’t see why we have to go.”
“Becaaaauussseeee…” the younger man droned out, tired of trying to explain it yet once again to his disgruntled lover.
Raising his head, not missing the impatience in Justin’s reply, Brian turned in the man’s arms, resting his forehead against the warm, softness of the blond’s and smiled. “I know, becaaauuussseee…it’s the right thing to do.”
“Exactly.” And with a swat to Brian’s all-too-tempting ass. Justin pulled back, his hands dropping to Brian’s and taking hold of them as he pulled him out of the bathroom.
“Do I look okay?”
Retrieving his keys and wallet from the counter, Brian looked up to find Justin staring at him, awaiting his response. Smiling at the site of the slightly nervous man, Brian said, “Good enough to eat.”
“Briaaaannnn,” Justin whined, yet he couldn’t keep the smile off his face from hearing his lover’s reply. “Seriously, do I look alright? Is this what I should be wearing to this sort of thing?”
“Well, as for what you SHOULD be wearing, I guess it’s okay. I don’t know. Never been to one before and I fucking can’t believe I’m going to one now.” The distain in the man’s voice was unmistakable.
Sighing, Justin just shook his head, not even bothering to say a word because he knew it wouldn’t make a difference. He grabbed his coat and headed to the front door, pulling the heavy steel back, then walked out. He pushed the button for the elevator, not looking to see if Brian was following him. He knew that eventually he would. He always did.
“Arghhhh, fine,” Brian groaned, throwing on his coat as he exited the loft, closing and locking the door behind him.
“I’m waiting.”
“I’m coming,” the older man said with the same mocking smile as his lover as he joined him in the elevator, pulling down the gate and moving back against the wall as they made their descent.
The corvette was parked in their usual space and as they climbed in, they looked at each other, both lost in his own thoughts…
‘I wonder if it’ll make him see anything differently after today.’
‘I hope that he doesn’t get all teary-eyed and emotional. Fuck, I hate that kinda thing.’
The short drive was filled with silence, not an uncomfortable kind, just a familiar, easy one.
“Aren’t you gonna park?” Justin asked, a little confused as Brian pulled up in front of the door.
“I thought I’d let you out here. It doesn’t look like there’s anywhere close to park, so you go on in and I’ll find a spot. It’s cold and I don’t want you to have to walk.”
Justin’s smile beamed at his lover. He was blown away by the man’s thoughtfulness, and leaned over, pressing his lips against Brian’s as a silent thank you.
“Be back in a few minutes,” Brian said before Justin shut the door, then he pulled away.
‘Maybe things will go better than I thought…’ Justin pondered as he made his way into the church.
Justin checked his coat and waited by the door, smiling brightly as Brian came in. “Hey, find a spot?”
“Yeah, not too far. Man, this place is fucking packed. You’d wonder who the hell was doing this thing…”
“Well, they do have a ton of friends and then there’s work…and family…and…”
“I know, I know, Sunshine.
I get it.
Justin cut his argumentative lover off before he got any further. “Brian, you promised you’d be good.”
Nodding in defeat, Brian proceeded to the coat check, absently handing the smiling young man behind the counter his coat then stepping away, leaving the guy disappointed at being rather obviously ignored.
“Come on, let’s go,” Brian said, taking Justin’s hand in his, leading him toward the chapel.
Nodding his recognition to several of the guests, Brian headed down the aisle, pulling Justin into one of the pews then took a seat, as did Justin beside him.
“God, this place is decorated so beautifully,” Justin gasped in awe.
“Yeah, I guess so. With what Mark makes, I’m sure that no expense has been spared.”
“Brian, it’s not always about money. This is about something more…much more. Something that you can’t pin a price tag on.” Justin looked at his lover, wondering for the umpteenth time if the man got it…at all…even one fucking tiny bit. The dumfounded look on Brian’s face pretty much answered his silent question, making something deep inside of Justin hurt.
Sensing Justin’s displeasure and feeling the weight of his burning stare, Brian took the blond’s hand in his and raised it to his lips, pressing a kiss to the palm and fingers before setting it back down in his lap, fingers still entwined. “I know, Justin. I do get it. I do.”
The look on Justin’s face mirrored his disbelief, but just then the music started and everyone sat back in their seats, anxiously waiting for things to begin.
“Ohhh, this is so exciting,” Justin gushed, looking back and then to the side, finally seeing Emmett, who’d been ‘you-whoing’ and waving madly at the two men since they’d arrived. “Hey, Em,” Justin whispered rather loudly, returning the man’s wave.
Smiling, Emmett motioned to his side then in front of him, pointing out Ted, Michael and Ben as they sat in their seats.
Justin wondered how the hell they hadn’t seen everyone but just smiled, elbowing Brian who seemed oblivious to his silent communications going on with their friends on the other side of the room. “Look.”
Nodding his trademark, ‘hey’, Brian smiled at his lover then turned back toward the front, staring out blankly at nothing in particular as he not so patiently waited…and waited…and…’oh, fuck…finally’.
Just then, the large wooden doors at the back of the room opened and the first of the
many people in the wedding party made their entrance, coasting down the silken-laid aisle toward the front.
Everyone oohed and ahhed as the ring barer, an adorable little boy dressed in a black tuxedo complete with deep-red cummerbund, traipsed down the aisle. His little pillow with mock rings placed atop bobbed and weaved as he hurried along, diving at the end as if it were first base and he was scoring the winning run. Everyone laughed out loud and he blushed, then scampered in beside his mother whose arm came up and wrapped tightly around him in praise of his performance.
Next came a beautiful blond little girl, all decked out in a frilly yet tasteful black and crimson dress. Her pert ringlets bounced along with her as she sauntered down the aisle, dropping red rose petals along the path gracefully and with precision. When she made it to the end she sat down, very lady-like, on the opposite side of the ring barer, placing the flower basket in her lap and earning herself an appreciative ‘ahhhh’ from the room at her performance.
After that, the parents walked down the aisle, the four beaming in pride at what was about to take place, a wonderful show of support for their children, not missed by a single person present. Taking their places at the front, the parents turned to watch as the real reason for why they were all there was about to take place.
The music stopped and changed as a soft, obviously romantic and meaningful ballad began and the couple appeared together at the entrance to the room.
Everyone gasped in pleasure.
Slowly, yet with an obvious hint of eagerness, Blake and Mark floated down the aisle, coming to stand in front of the priest, each of them wearing a smile so warm and loving that it couldn’t help but reach out and touch every single person in the room.
Justin looked over at their friends and smiled, seeing Emmett’s arm wrap around Ted supportively. He knew it would be a little difficult for the man, seeing his one-time love getting married to someone else, but he knew that they’d moved past it. That Blake and Ted were good…they were friends…and that Ted was truly happy for him.
Justin turned back when he felt Brian’s fingers tighten around his. He met his lover’s eyes, his brows furrowing in question at what he found there. It was…foreign…confusing…and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. But then Brian smiled and Justin’s heart began to beat again as he turned to the front, sighing as the ceremony continued.
“God, that was so…so perfect…so beautiful. Don’t you think so, baby?” Emmett gushed, wiping at the corners of his eyes with a handkerchief as he sniffed out loud.
“Yeah, it really was. It’s the first gay wedding I’ve been to…well, other than Lindsay and Melanie’s…but that was different. They’re women…so…”
Everyone nodded, seeming to understand what Justin left unsaid. Women were usually more emotional and sentimental, so that was to be expected from THEIR wedding. But this was two men getting hitched, so they’d assumed that it would be, well, different. But the truth was…it really wasn’t. It was still sweet and loving and romantic. No difference at all.
“It really was beautiful. God, I wonder if any of US will ever get married? Ahhhh, that would be so wonderful.” Emmett smiled to himself then looked at the men surrounding him.
Brian and Justin’s eyes locked, but they were silent.
Justin knew that Brian was probably thinking, ‘Not fucking likely…’ and it made him a little sad.
Brian was sure that Justin was thinking, ‘If only…’
But the truth was, that they were BOTH thinking, ‘Maybe…’
Shaking the men out of their thoughts, a bell rang, signaling that dinner was about to be served, so they followed the crowd into the dinning room and took their assigned seats.
“Ladies, and even more gentlemen…” the master of ceremonies began, earning himself a laugh from the room, “…I would like you to help me in welcoming, for the first time, Blake and Mark Andrews.”
“Holy shit, Blake took Mark’s name?” Ted blurted out.
“I guess so, honey. Now that’s what I call true love,” Emmett answered, placing his hand on his friend’s and patting it gently.
Ted just nodded, but no one at the table missed the sadness in his eyes.
Suddenly the room erupted in a frenzy of clapping and cheering as the married couple entered and took their seats at the head table.
“Okay, okay, thanks for the help. I think the guys are definitely feeling the love here. So, let’s get the evening underway. Sit back, relax, enjoy dinner and don’t forget to get your assess out on the dance floor.” With that, Sam, Mark’s brother and master of ceremonies left the mic and the music began.
“Care to dance?” Emmett asked Ted then shimmied away with the slightly saddened man’s hand in his as they headed for the dance floor.
“How about you?” Ben inquired and Michael smiled, getting up to join his lover. “Coming?” he asked, turning toward Brian.
“In a minute,” came Brian’s reply and he watched as Michael and Ben left the table, joining Emmett and Ted.
“Bri, you okay?”
Nodding, Brian smiled weakly at Justin as his eyes surveyed the room. He couldn’t believe how many hot, young men were there, and for some reason…it made him feel…worried.
“Uh, excuse me, but would you like to dance?”
Both Justin and Brian turned, their eyes landing on a gorgeous man standing between them, whose eyes seemed to be locked on Justin.
“Um, no…no thanks…” Justin began, only to be cut off by his lover.
“No, go ahead, Justin.” Then Brian turned toward the stranger and said, “He’d love to.”
Justin stared at Brian, dumbfounded by the man’s reply and rather upset by it. What the fuck was going on?
But the intruding man took advantage of his good fortune and grabbed Justin’s arm, pulling him up beside him, then toward the dance floor.
Brian felt Justin’s eyes burning into him but he couldn’t turn away. His hazel eyes darkened as he watched his lover’s body move almost involuntarily to the music, his piercing blue orbs still transfixed on his.
“So, how do you know Blake?”
“Wha-what?” Justin turned toward the voice, realizing for the first time that he was out on the dance floor and the invading stranger was speaking to him.
“Blake…how do you know Blake?”
“How do you know that I know Blake and not Mark?” Justin asked, somewhat confused.
Smiling, and Justin had to admit that the man had a fucking amazing smile, the guy answered, “Because I’m Mark’s brother, Sam, and I know pretty much everyone here from his side…so.”
Justin couldn’t help but smile. He’d known the man looked familiar, but hadn’t realized that it was the same guy that was up at the mic, introducing the couple and welcoming everyone to the affair.
“God, you’re even more beautiful when you smile. I didn’t think that was possible…I mean, that you could get even better looking than when I first saw you.”
Justin blushed. He knew he was good looking. Shit, guys hit on him all the time, but this…this felt different somehow. It was genuine and he knew that Sam wasn’t just playing with him…trying to fuck him. Well, he was sure that given the opportunity Sam would DEFINITELY want to fuck him…but…he didn’t think that THAT was all the man was after.
Instantly, Justin felt a shiver run down his spine and he turned, catching Brian’s eyes blazing at him…and Sam.
“Who’s that?” Sam asked, following Justin’s gaze.
“Brian.”
“Oh, and who’s Brian?”
Justin turned back to Sam, feeling the man’s body move in closer to his, almost brushing back and forth against his in time to the thumping music. It felt good. Too good. He knew that Brian was watching and he didn’t want to cause the man any undue pain so he moved back slightly, putting some distance between their bodies, laughing at Sam’s frown.
“My boyfriend.”
Nodding, Sam now understood the menacing look on the other man’s face and the warning glare shooting out from his eyes. “So, you two exclusive?”
“Uh, well, no, not exactly,” Justin answered, not really comfortable with the question, but not willing to lie.
“So, that means you’re free…to see what else is…available?” Sam asked softly, his body moving in close again.
Taking a deep breath and releasing it, Justin shook his head, partly to clear it from the fog that seemed to settle over it and to emphasize his response. “No.”
Sam’s confusion was evident. “I don’t get it.”
Placing his hands on Sam’s chest, trying to ignore the little tingle that passed through his fingers as he did, Justin smiled weakly and said, “Neither do I.” And with that, he turned and headed off the dance floor, bypassing his table and the irate man sitting there.
“God, who was that total hunk that Justin was dancing with?” Ted asked when he and Emmett returned to the table, slightly winded and in need of a drink.
“How the fuck should I know?” Brian roared, then got up and stomped off in the direction of his lover.
Ted and Emmett just looked at each other and grinned. They knew that something was brewing…and with those two…it always proved to be entertaining.
As Brian made his way out of the room, he couldn’t help but think about what he’d felt watching his lover with that…that MAN. He’d seen him close up, when he’d asked Justin to dance and had scrutinized him thoroughly. He didn’t see any dark circles under his eyes. No lines or creases that he tried to hide. Nope, nothing, not a single fucking thing that would have him staring at his reflection in the mirror…wondering how long it would be until his lover found someone younger…easier…better.
Brian sighed and closed his eyes as he leaned back against the faded brick building, taking a long drag from his cigarette then slowly exhaled. He wanted to go find Justin, but he wasn’t sure what he’d say to him. He knew that there were plenty of other men that could offer the blond what he needed…and he knew that the younger man would eventually get tired of waiting around for Brian to throw him a bone.
He smiled, remembering the incredible look on Justin’s face when the priest announced Blake and Mark partners for life. When the man turned and looked at him…his blue eyes so full of hope. Right then, at that moment, Brian felt his heart melt and the warmth spread out through his entire body like never before.
He hated that he’d let Justin talk him into coming to the wedding, but he had to admit that it had done something to him…something he didn’t quite understand.
Just then, Brian felt a body move up beside him and the cigarette that was dangling between his lips was snatched away. Without opening his eyes, he said, “Hey,” then heard a long exhale, and…
“Hey, yourself.”
Opening his eyes, Brian turned toward the other man and Justin did the same. Their eyes locked on one another and Brian asked, “Where’d you disappear to?”
Shrugging, Justin’s gaze flitted downwards then back up again, but he remained silent.
“You okay?”
Again, the blond just shrugged, but his eyes met Brian’s and the sadness and something…something else present was heart wrenching.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Justin answered quietly, taking another drag from Brian’s cigarette then handing it back.
Brian dropped it to the pavement and ground it out beneath his shoe. “Tell me.”
Shaking his head, Justin didn’t know what to say. He knew that Brian wouldn’t understand…that he would just call him a drama queen and blame it on one of his moods. But that wasn’t it at all. It was just…”arghhhhh,” he groaned frustratedly.
“Come on, Justin, you can tell me. You can tell me anything.”
Justin smiled. Brian’s words were so sweet and he wanted to believe that they were genuine…but…he’d had too many experiences with the cynical man in the past to take them at face value.
“Justin…anything.” Brian’s eyes locked with Justin’s and he let him in…he let the walls down, needing the man to see inside him, to know that he was ready to hear what he had to say.
And Justin saw this and felt a sense of relief wash over him as he spoke. “It’s just that…well…I want more, Brian. And I know that you don’t and I know what you say about locks and commitment and all that bullshit, as you call it. But…” Justin took a deep breath, his eyes leaving Brian’s stare, needing to protect himself as he finished. “But I want it, I do. I can’t help it,” he finished quietly.
Brian sighed, he knew what was coming, but for some reason, he wanted to hear it…he needed to hear Justin say it. Still…”Justin, maybe you’d be better off with someone…younger.”
Looking back up Justin smiled, knowing how Brian hated to use that word with him…to admit in any capacity of just how much older he was…to admit that Justin’s youth and Brian’s enamor of it wasn’t always a factor in the man’s decisions.
Nodding, Justin conceded. “Maybe I would. But the thing is, Brian, that I don’t want someone younger. I don’t want someone else. I want you. I need you. I always have and I always will.”
It took a moment for Justin’s words to seep into Brian’s mind, and for him to accept them. He knew how his lover felt. The man never made a secret of it. But Brian wasn’t sure if he could live up to the wants and needs and expectations that came along with those words.
“Brian,” Justin whispered, taking the older man’s face between his hands and forcing their eyes to meet. “I…” he began, feeling the butterflies in the pit of his stomach take flight and he wavered slightly. Taking a calming breath he tried again. “I want us to be partners…committed…in every sense of the word.” Justin searched his lover’s face for signs of anger…fear…anything that would give away how the man was feeling, but what he saw confused him. “Brian?”
Brian heard Justin and had to admit that he wasn’t all that surprised. He knew that coming to the wedding would bring out certain things in his lover…make them more prominent…but he hadn’t been all that prepared for the depth of those revelations. The things was…and he knew that he wouldn’t admit it out loud…barely tolerating the fact that he was willing to admit it to himself…that he didn’t mind. In fact, he was glad that he’d come and glad that Justin had found the courage to confront him, because it made him see things a lot clearer than before.
“Brian?” Justin asked again, this time a little more forcefully. He was worried by the lack of response…that and the fact that Brian’s head hadn’t spontaneously combusted from what he’d said.
“Yeah, I’m here.” Brian heard the breath that Justin’d been holding release and smiled as his lover’s thumbs continued to brush across his cheeks. “I won’t say that I’m all that shocked at what you’ve said. I know how you feel, Justin, and…and I want to try. I do. I want us to be partners too…in every way.”
Unable to contain his excitement Justin leapt into Brian’s arms, wrapping his legs around the taller man’s waist and hugging him tightly, ignoring the stares of the people around them.
“I’ll take that as a sign that you agree?” Brian asked through his laughter.
“Yes…yes…I do…I agree…I’m so fuckin’ happy, Bri…so happy…” Justin placed kiss after kiss all over his lover’s face as he continued to whisper, holding on tight, never wanting to let go.
“Baby…” Brian tried, only to be cut off as Justin’s mouth came down on his in a claiming, soul-drenching kiss that left them breathless and needy when they finally parted.
“I love you, Bri…I love you so much,” the blond whispered against his lover’s lips, releasing his legs and standing on his own two feet, a little wobbly from emotion.
“I…” ‘You can do this…you can,’ Brian told himself, then tried again, trusting blue eyes blazing into his. “I love you too, Justin. I always have.”
Nothing…not one fucking thing in the entire world could have made Justin happier than he was at that very moment when the man that he’d wanted and needed to say those words for so long FINALLY did. He felt the tears spill over from the corners of his eyes and made no effort to wipe them away. He didn’t care. Brian said it…he fucking said it and Justin was so ecstatic that he could hardly breathe.
“You’re crying, baby. Don’t cry. I thought you were supposed to be happy.”
Moving in as close as possible Justin’s hands came up, wrapping around Brian’s neck and he laid his cheek against the man’s strong chest and whispered, “I am, Brian…God, I so am.”
And Brian sighed, his arms tightening around Justin’s waist, pulling the man even closer because, fuck it, he was happy too.
The boys headed inside, right onto the dance floor and came together in a familiar embrace, swaying in time to the music.
Out of the corner of his eye Brian saw the man that Justin had danced with and couldn’t miss the frown that deepened as he watched them, then resignedly turned and walked away. Brian looked down at the man in his arms and smiled.
“What?” Justin asked, noticing the way the corners of Brian’s lips turned up slightly.
Letting his eyes travel back to the spot where the man had been standing, then back down to his lover’s beautiful face…so open with love and emotion, his smile widened as he said, “Nothing,” and brushed his lips against Justin’s.
“Oh, looks like we missed the show,” Ted said with a smirk, noticing the change between Brian and Justin’s earlier departure from the room and their recent return.
Smiling knowingly, Emmett wrapped his arm around his clueless friend and sighed, “Nope, I think the show’s just begun, Teddy. We didn’t miss a thing.”
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