Spent

I'm spent.

Completely and utterly fucked out…not that it's a bad feeling. Shit, I think it rates right up there with winning the lottery and solving world peace. Okay, so maybe not THAT high…but pretty damn close.

I turn my head and glare at Brian, letting him know that there's no way I'm up for anything more…and he laughs. The fucker laughs, letting me know exactly what he thinks of my glare.

Shaking my head I turn away and close my eyes. I'm about to open my mouth and tell Brian in not so eloquent terms that I've come twice as many times as he has tonight…and although being sooooo much younger does have its advantages…I don't think I can push it much more.

But as my mouth opens and the words start to form I feel a strong arm wrap around my body and turn me sideways, pressing me tightly against Brian.

He's still damp from sweat and sticky from cum…exactly whose, I'm not too sure anymore, but as his hand settles on my back and his other arm wiggles its way beneath me, gently forcing my head down against his chest, I can't think of anyplace else I'd rather be.

His heartbeat's steady and his breathing even and it lulls me…calms me like nothing else.

Long, fluid strokes caress my back and occasionally his fingers stop at a spot that he knows I enjoy and he lingers a few seconds longer before moving on again.

God, I'm so content.

My dick feels raw and my ass is burning and the cum that's rapidly drying against my skin's beginning to pull and itch, but I don't really care

Because my lover's arms are wrapped around me oh so tight and his soft breath's huffing out against the top of my head and I'm tired and sore and so fucking thrilled all at the same time.

"Justin?"

I hear as well as feel my name reverberate through Brian's chest and tip my head back and up to look at his face, my brows furrowed slightly in answer.

Brian's eyes meet mine and then shift away for a moment before coming back again. I see the apprehension he's feeling so clearly in them and wonder just what the hell's going on.

And just as I'm about to ask him, he says…

"It's sooner."

I shake my head, silently asking, 'What the fuck?'

And for some unknown reason he bites his lip, his eyes telling me that I'm supposed to understand his fucked up code. But I don't. Not in the slightest, so this time I use the words and say, "Brian?"

His arms tighten further around me and his lips draw together as he thinks about what he wants to say and how he wants to say it…his internal banter obvious by the little shakes and nods of his head and the way his eyes dip and shift.

But still, I haven't a fucking clue as to what's going on.

And just as I'm about to ask yet again, he speaks.

"Justin, I…"

He pauses and takes a short breath in, holding it inside for a minute then slowly releasing it and when he tries to meet my eyes, I see a fear there that shakes me deep inside.

"Justin," he begins again, this time softer and with such incredible feeling that I'm instantly blown away…and I know that there's more…and I'm not sure if my poor heart can take it. But he doesn't give me a choice.

"I love you."

I know the reaction and look on my face is probably not what he was aiming for, but I don't think that he could've stunned me more if he'd tried.

I see something flicker in his eyes and I know that I have to act immediately.

"Brian," I breathe, because that's about all I can manage at the moment.

And he nods, letting me know that he's still with me.

So I tell him, because he's given me permission by telling me.

"I love you."

I give him back the three words that I've ached to share for so long now. And I know he thinks that he was scared to say them, but so was I. Because even though I know he knows it…just like I know the same from him…saying them out loud makes it more…real.

And unlike Brian, who in a moment of rage or foulness of mood could say something to dispel the words that he so graciously gave me, I would NEVER do that.

I couldn't and wouldn't pretend like they really didn't mean all they mean because they do. They so do.

But when he smiles…that genuine, priceless smile that's so seldom seen, I know that it's right and it's good and I don't have to worry about him taking them back.

And I feel happy and loved and…spent…I feel emotionally spent and it feels fucking amazing!

Return to Feelings and Emotions