The Secret of Life

"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time"

James Taylor

Brian was relaxing on the sofa. His long legs stretched out along the cushions, his back rested against the arm and his eyes were closed His silk robe clung to his skin, still slightly damp from his recent shower. He heard Justin moving about in the bedroom as his mind began to drift over the events of the day. A huge smile spread across his face.

It had been a really great day. One of the best that he could remember. Gus had called the night before to ask if he could spend the day with his Daddy and his Justin.  Brian had been a little surprised to hear Gus calling him on his own and asked his son where his Mommy was. Gus told him that she was right there and had dialed the phone for him. Then in a more serious tone, he told his father that he was four years old already and he could speak on the phone all by himself. Brian was at a loss for words. His son could already stand up for himself at such a young age. He was glad since he remembered his own childhood and how he had never been able to do that. Brian told his son that they would love to spend the day with him and would pick him up after breakfast.

That morning they arrived at the munchers promptly at 10:00. Gus opened the door and threw himself into his father's arms. He had been ready for over an hour and patience was not a thing a four year old possessed.

"Daddy, I've been waiting forever for you."

"I told you we'd be here right after breakfast Gus and here we are."

"But I finished my breakfast a long time ago. What took you so long?"

Brian hadn't realized when he told his son `right after breakfast', that meant `right after Gus's very early morning breakfast'. He looked up at Lindsay for help, but she just smiled at Brian, enjoying his being tripped up by a four year old. The older man just shrugged his shoulders, his answer not suitable for a toddler. He could never pass on his and Justin's morning fuck – but his son didn't really need to know that.

Gus kissed his Mommies goodbye and headed out to the car with Brian and Justin on either side of him, each holding a hand. Justin buckled him into his car seat, but before he moved away Gus took Justin's face in his hands and planted a big, wet kiss on his cheek.

"I love you, Justin," the little boy said and released his face.

"I love you too, buddy," the young man replied, a huge smile spread across his face. He felt so lucky to be such a special part of this beautiful little boy's life.

Once both Brian and Justin were in the car, seatbelts on and ready to go, they asked Gus if there was anything special he wanted to do.

The little boy hesitated a minute, not sure if he should tell his father what he really wanted to do. Then he made up his mind and told them, "I want to go to the mall."

Brian turned abruptly towards his son, a questioning look on his face. "You want to go to the mall? Why would you choose the mall of all the places you could go, Gus?"

Again, Gus didn't answer right away. He knew exactly why he wanted to go, but he wasn't ready to share it with his Daddy or his Justin just yet. He didn't want them to tell him no, so he made something up.

"I want to go to the mall because they have really good corn dogs. Mommy and Mama always let me get one when we go there." He smiled, proud of his made up answer.

Brian turned to look at Justin and the blond just shrugged.

"Okay, Sonny Boy, the mall it is."

The older man started the car and headed towards the mall to spend the day with his two favorite boys.

Since they were there pretty early, a parking spot wasn't too hard to find. Still, it was Saturday and the mall was fairly busy. Brian hated being in such close proximity with so many heteros happily shopping away their weekend. But, he was there because it was what his son wanted to do, so he decided to try and stay in control and make the best of it.

Justin saw all the shoppers when they entered the mall. He looked at his lover and gave him a warning look to be good.

"Don't worry, Sunshine, I'm on my best behavior," he grinned.

The younger man nodded his head doubtfully and braced himself for a long day.

Since it was summer, they didn't have any coats to worry about checking and even though they asked him, Gus didn't want a stroller. He wanted to walk like a big boy. Like his Daddy and his Justin.

"Stroller's are for babies, Daddy. I'm not a baby. I don't need one."

Both men were reluctant, but didn't want to make Gus unhappy, so they decided to let him walk with them, resigning themselves to the fact that at some point during the day, they'd be carrying a tired little boy around.

"So, where to first, buddy?" Justin asked.

"Um, I don't care. Why don't we just walk around?" Gus told them. He kind of had a plan in mind, but it was his secret and he didn't want to share it yet. He hoped that he'd see someone he knew, or his plan wouldn't work out at all. He'd just have to wait and see.

"Okay," Brian drawled out, his impatience already beginning to surface.

"Brian," Justin warned him quietly.

The older man glanced at his lover's pleading face, then down at his son's innocent little face and sighed. "Okay, let's walk around."

Each man took one of Gus's hands and started walking. Brian looked over at Justin, smiled and whispered, "Better?"

The blond smiled back and nodded.

Feeling cocky, Brian wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and whispered, "Later?"

Justin laughed softly and replied, "Definitely."

So the boys began their journey around the mall. They stopped every so often when Gus would pull them to look in a window or into a store to see something he wanted.

Brian, being a generous father, bought Gus practically everything he looked at. Justin told him he was spoiling him, but he didn't care. He didn't get to spend as much time with his son as he would like to, so it made him feel good to give him things he wanted. It was no big deal, Brian could afford it and it made Gus happy.

Gus was busy looking at a large display of Power Ranger figures while the two men stood back, watching him. Justin felt he had to say something to Brian.

"Bri, I know you want Gus to be happy, but don't you think that maybe he might be better off if you don't just buy him everything he wants?"

The older man looked at his lover with a slightly annoyed expression. He didn't like to have to explain himself, even to Justin. He sighed dramatically then answered.

"I like to do it for him. I like seeing his face light up when he's so happy like he is now."

Brian looked over to where Gus was standing, still engrossed with the figures and smiled. His son looked exactly like he did at that age and his childhood was anything but happy so he did everything he could to make sure that Gus's was. He made sure his son knew he loved him, something he would never let him doubt. Ever.

Justin watched his lover starring at his son. He saw the older man's smile fade and a look of sadness pass over him. He knew that he must be thinking about his own childhood and how horrible it was. He didn't know the full story, just the little bits that Brian would tell him sometimes when he was in an open and sharing kind of mood. Those were some of the blond's favorite moments when his lover's walls were down and his vulnerable side exposed. He fell more in love with him every time and felt more sadness for the lost little boy still tormented inside his man. He knew that Brian wanted better for his son and would do anything it took to make sure it was.

Justin's heart swelled as Brian looked back at him, the vulnerability so evident in his hazel eyes. He moved closer to Brian and lovingly caressed his cheek, their eyes staring into each other's. He smiled, wanting to reassure the older man that those memories were from long ago and that now he was loved and wanted and needed. He reached up and placed a tender kiss to Brian's mouth.

"I love you," Justin whispered.

The sadness in Brian's eyes quickly faded. "I know," the older man replied. He didn't need to say the words, his lover could read them in his eyes.

"Hey, Justin, come look at this one," Gus yelled, getting their attention back on him.

"Coming, buddy," the blond said, then turned back to his lover and smiled. "Later?" he asked quietly.

"Definitely," the older man beamed.

After purchasing way too many of the Power Ranger figures that Gus just had to have, and one he bought just for Justin, they left the store and returned to their rounds of the mall.

"Brian, you didn't have to buy it for me. I didn't really want it."

The older man looked at his lover's protesting face and smiled. He was well aware of the act the boy was putting on for him. He DID want the action figure. The blond thought it was totally cool with all the little gadgets. He just didn't want to come off looking like a kid wanting a toy. Well, he knew he'd have fun with it when he thought Brian wasn't looking.

What he didn't tell his lover was that he also got one. He truly was a kid at heart and thought the Black Power Ranger was really buff. `Well, Gus has to have something to play with when he comes over to the loft,' he reasoned with himself. But he knew the real truth. He smiled at the thought of all the fun that him and Justin could have with their action figures.

"What's so funny?" Justin asked.

"Nothing," the older man replied, but kept on smiling.

The blond just rolled his eyes.

"Hey, Gus, it's getting close to lunch. Do you want to go get that corn dog you brought us here for?" Brian asked his son.

"Corn dog?" Gus asked confused. Then he remembered the story he'd told to get him to the mall and tried to cover his mistake. "Oh, the corn dog. Yeah, I'm hungry. Can we go now?"

Both men looked at each other. They knew something was up. Gus was acting weird, but they decided to just let it go for now and go get their lunch.

The food court was pretty busy, but they managed to find a table for two and pulled an extra chair up to it. Brian went to the hot dog place and brought back three corn dogs and three drinks.

Justin took a bite of the corn dog and smiled at Gus. "Hey, this is really good, buddy. You were right, it was a good idea to come here for these."

Gus's little face lit up and he took a big bite of his corn dog. "Mmm, this is good," he said around a mouth full of food. He looked at his father, who was eyeing the meat on a stick warily and said, "Daddy, aren't you gonna eat yours?"

The older man looked at his son's fallen face, then at his lover's questioning stare and knew he had no choice. He reluctantly put the corn dog to his mouth, opened up and took a bite. He chewed the processed meat slowly, having an internal battle with himself. Part of him was screaming `what the fuck are you putting that shit in your perfect body for?' But the other part made him look at the happy face of his son, watching him eat the corn dog and he knew which part would win. He forced himself to swallow, then smiled and said, "You're right, Sonny Boy, this is great".

Brian's heart just about burst out of his chest as his son looked up at him and beamed the brightest smile ever in history and took another bite of his corn dog.

The older man looked at his lover, his hazel eyes slightly glazed over as he tried to hold back the tears that threatened to erupt. He was so overwhelmed by his love for his son. Justin reached across the table and squeezed his hand. Brian looked down at their joined hands, then looked back at his son and realized just how truly lucky he was. The blond squeezed his hand again and Brian raised his head to meet the beautiful blue eyes he loved so much. Justin smiled at him and the older man shook his head at the absurdity of it all. Here he was, sitting in a mall on a Saturday afternoon, eating a corn dog and ready to have a full-fledged breakdown in the middle of the food court.

"I really am a drama queen," he said with a laugh.

"Yep," Justin agreed and laughed along with him.

"Twat," Brian said affectionately.

"Hey," the blond scorned and motioned with his head towards Gus, "watch your language".

"Sorry," Brian said mockingly.

They finished their lunch and started to make their way around the rest of the mall. As they were coming out of one of the stores, Gus heard his name being called out and looked around to find his friend Suzy waving at him.

"Hey, Suzy," Gus yelled back and pulled the two men towards his friend.

"Hi Gus, what are you doing here?" Suzy asked. She was a beautiful little girl and kept smiling at Gus.

Justin looked down at her, then at Gus, who had a goofy smile on his face, then at Brian. He raised his eyebrows and smiled at the older man, letting him know without words that his son had his first girlfriend.

The older man looked at his lover shocked at the fact that he would even think such a thing. Then he glanced down at Gus, then at Suzy and saw how they were acting towards each other and sighed. His son had his first crush, and it was on a girl. The kid would probably turn out to be straight. `Just my luck. Well, he'll have to go to someone else if he wants to know about pussy' he thought and inwardly cringed. This was certainly turning into a dramatic day.

"Gus, this is my Mom and Dad. Mom, this is Gus, from my class," the little girl said, batting her eyes at Gus.

"It's so nice to meet you, Gus," Suzy's Mom and Dad said then looked up questioningly at Brian and Justin.

"Nice to meet you too," the little boy answered politely. Then he smiled proudly and said, "This is my Daddy," pointing to his father, "and this is my Justin," pointing at the blond.

Brian and Justin saw the huge smile on Gus's face as he looked at his friend and their parents. So innocent and totally unaware of how different his family was compared to most of his friends.

But Gus didn't see it that way. He just felt that he was luckier than everybody else because he had two Mommies and two Daddies, when they only had one.

"Um, pleased to meet you," Suzy's parents said and smiled genuinely.

"Nice to meet you," Brian said.

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you," Justin replied.

"Well, Suzy, say goodbye to Gus. We've got to get going now. You have your dance class soon. It was very nice to meet all of you," the woman said to Brian, Justin and Gus.

"Yeah, you too," the two men replied.

"Okay," the little girl said with a frown. She wanted to stay with her friend, but she knew she couldn't. "Bye, Gus, I'll see you on Monday." Suzy smiled and waved as her mother took her hand and started to walk away.

"Bye," Gus said and watched her go.

Brian saw the longing look on his son's face and thought, `Oh fuck!'

"Okay, Sonny Boy, we should get going too. Your Moms wanted you back before dinner."

"Aw, do we have to go already?"

"Yes, if you want to be able to come out again with me and Justin like a big boy, then we have to listen to what Mommy said and have you back on time."

Gus definitely wanted to go out again with his Daddy and his Justin, so he figured he had to listen. "Okay, let's go," he said unhappily.

Brian moved over to a bench and patted beside him for Gus to come and sit down, then Justin sat on the other side of Gus.

"What's wrong Gus?"

The little boy hesitated, then sadly said, "nothing."

Justin looked at his lover and decided to try.

"Buddy, if something is wrong, you can tell us. We won't be mad."

Gus looked up at his Justin, then at his Daddy and knew that he could tell them the truth. They would never laugh at him or think he was silly. They loved him. He sighed dramatically and the two men had to hold back their laughter. The little boy was a drama princess, just like his father.

"I didn't want to come to the mall today because of the corn dogs. I mean, they are good and I'm glad we had them, but that's not why I wanted us to come here."

He took a deep breath and looked up at the two men, then continued, a little quieter.

"I wanted to come here today because whenever I come to the mall, it's always with Mommy and Mama. When I see my friends, they are usually with their Mommy and Daddy. I just wanted to come here so I could tell them that I was here with my Daddies too." Gus finished looking down at the floor.

Brian and Justin looked at each other speechless. Justin had tears in his eyes and a huge smile plastered on his face. Brian's eyes were soft and filled with pride for his son.

"He said I was one of his Daddies," Justin whispered as a tear escaped and rolled down his cheek.

The older man caressed his lover's face, wiped the stray tear away and smiled.

"Gus, we think that is the best reason we've ever heard for coming to the mall," Brian told his son, who looked up at him and then Justin with a huge smile.

He jumped up, stood on the bench and wrapped his arms around his father's neck giving him the best hug ever. Brian wrapped his strong arms around the little body and hugged him back. Then Gus pulled away from his father and gave the same hug to his Justin. Another tear rolled down his cheek as the blond hugged him back.

"Okay boys, we really do need to get going now. Mommy and Mama will be wondering where we are."

Gus pulled out of Justin's arms and stood on the bench with one hand on each man's shoulder and said, "I'm ready now," his huge smile still in place.

They left the mall and made their way back to the muncher's house. When they got there, they got Gus out of his car seat and the three of them walked towards the front door. Brian stopped on the front porch and bent down to his son.

"Gus, whenever you want to be with me and Justin, you just let us know. You know how much we love you and love being with you. Sometimes, it's just gotta be boys time, right?" he asked and winked at his son.

"Right," Gus said. "I love you, Daddy," the little boy said and planted a big kiss on Brian's cheek. Then he raised his arms for Justin to pick him up, which he did. "And I love you, Daddy," he said and gave him a big kiss too.

Before either man could reply, the front door swung open, Lindsay walked out and Gus ran past her and into the house, yelling behind him, "Thanks, I had a great time."

Not being able to hold it in any longer, Justin turned to Brian and said in a happily stunned voice, "He called me Daddy."

"Yeah, I heard," the older man said lovingly and took the blond's hand and squeezed it.

"Oh, my God," Lindsay said with her hand against her heart, having overheard the two men. "That is just wonderful."

"Yeah," Justin replied, grinning like a fool.

Brian handed Lindsay all the bags from the mall, took his lover's hand and they walked back to the car.

When they got home, Justin had a few finishing touches he needed to put on a piece that was due on Monday, so Brian went to take a shower. He needed to unwind from his day at the mall. After he was done, Justin was still working on his project, so he grabbed a beer and sat down on the couch to relax.

His mind wandered back over their day. He had been on his best behavior and for the most part, was good. There were a few times when he came close to losing it and Justin had to calm him down, but the trip had been worth it. He didn't know he could be so proud of anyone as he was of his son today. What a difference it makes to a child's self- esteem growing up knowing that they are loved. He was so thankful that Gus had the kind of life that he had always dreamed of as a child.

"Brian," Justin called out.

The younger man's voice shook him from his daze.

"Yeah," Brian called back and turned towards their bedroom.

The blond appeared at the entrance to the bedroom, completely naked.

"Is it later yet?" he asked seductively.

The older man smiled, his eyes clouding over with lust. "Definitely," he said, stood up and went to take care of his other favorite boy.

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