No More Games
I’m standing at the bar, beer in hand, watching him. My eyes are glued to the beautiful man dancing in the middle of the room. He has commanded the attention of many hopefuls that move about him, each one trying to out-do the other for his attention. But each goes unnoticed as the man moves about, lost in his own world. He is unaware of the desire and lust he’s generating in the bodies surrounding him, but he has no interest in these men, as their eyes remain fixed on the movement of his lithe body.
I’ve always loved to watch Justin dance. He loses himself in the beat of the music and his body moves of its own will. His hips sway, making his perfect ass look even more tantalizing. His body breaks out in a glowing sheen of sweat as beads trickle down the side of his face, along his neck and get lost in the collar of his t-shirt. How I loved to flick out my tongue and swipe at the beads as they inched their way down. It always made Justin moan. I loved to do anything that would bring that sound from his lips. I would purposely try to think of things to do, just to hear that sound. It didn’t take anything much. Usually just a kiss, touch, lick, or even just a word. But every time I heard it, that simple noise, I felt a jolt of pleasure through my dick. It was if a signal was shot from his mouth, straight into my cock. Just thinking about it now, I feel my pants tightening.
I move slightly, trying to ease the pressure of my jeans against my growing erection. Watching the beautiful blonde is having quite an affect on me. But it always does. Not that I would ever admit that to him or anyone else. I don’t even like to admit it to myself, at least not out loud. I’ve tried so hard to not let anyone see how much the boy affects me. I wonder if I succeed in it or if everyone just humors me. I shake my head slightly at the thoughts passing through my mind. I don’t like to dwell on things too much. It makes me soft.
I take a long swig of my beer and rest my elbows on the bar, casually leaning back. I tear my eyes away from the dancing blonde and scan the rest of the floor. Not that I’m interested in anyone else, but I do have to at least look like I am. I’m always giving them a show. The uncaring, unaffected, undeserving Brian Kinney. That’s what they all think and I know they don’t want to be disappointed with the truth. That when Justin left me for that fucking fiddler, it nearly killed me. I watched him walk out on me, on our life together and I could barely breathe. It felt as if someone had ripped my heart right out, because contrary to popular belief, I really do have a heart. One that can still feel the pain.
But, as I stand here watching my ex-lover, I feel my heart begin to beat again I feel as if it has awoken after a long slumber, ready to feel. This sudden awareness of what I need to do is strong and sure. My body instantly straightens, standing tall and firm.
I knew when he left me that it wasn’t a choice he wanted to make. I pushed him away and into ‘Ian’s’ arms. I inwardly cringe at even the thought of that fucker’s name. I thought I could just get over him, like he never really had that much of an impact on my life. I was wrong. I never knew how much he meant until it was too late and I was alone.
But thankfully he wasn’t away that long. It only took him a few weeks to realize that fancy words got old fast. He looked different when he returned. He looked older, not as innocent and always sad. The light that seemed to shine from his beautiful eyes had dimmed. His smile was not as open and genuine as it once was. He had changed and it seemed that maybe his heart had been damaged too. But I wondered was it from me or the fiddler? I didn’t know.
I still tried to keep my distance, only being close when necessary, like
at the diner. I couldn’t
stand to see him the way he was. I
could feel his pain, and I knew I had enough of my
own. I didn’t think I could
bare his too. I would see him
with the guys at Woody’s or
However my eyes had a mind of their
own. They were always on
him. When he
spoke to the guys. When he walked across Woody’s to get a
drink. When he played pool
and bent over the table to set the balls.
When the boy did pretty much anything, I
watched. But never more than
when he danced at
I look over at Michael, Emmett and Ted, standing a few feet away at the other end of the bar. They know not to move too close to me tonight. I am giving off that ‘stay away’ vibe and they are all too familiar with the wrath I will lay on them for not obeying. Yet they still keep their eyes on me, watching to see what I will do. I know they can tell who I am focused on, out on the floor, but I don’t care.
I am tired of playing the game. I don’t want to pretend anymore. Not to him, not to our so-called friends, and mostly not to myself. I can feel my senses reeling. It feels like a surge of electricity is coursing through my body. I feel alive again. I know what I want and how to get it.
Taking a long gulp of beer I empty the remainder of the bottle. Turning to put the bottle on the bar and facing away from all seeing eyes for a moment, I close my eyes. Taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it, I open my eyes, feeling focused now. I swiftly turn around, ready to put my plan into action. I know my friends are still watching me without even having to look.
Searching the dance floor, I’m trying to find a single face in a sea of faces. It takes only a second before I find him, his slender body moving in synch with the music. His eyes are closed, mouth slightly open, breathing heavily from his non-stop dancing. I feel my heartbeat quicken at the mesmerizing sight before me. Pushing off the bar, target in sight, I begin to move through the crowd. The sea of bodies part as I am drawn towards the object of their focus and mine. The closer I get, the more I can feel my senses heighten and my excitement build. I want this, no doubts.
There are three men dancing in a circle around the blonde, trying to get close to him. The boy seems unaware. They see me as I come closer and the warning look in my eyes is enough to make them scatter. I am so close that I can feel the heat radiating from Justin’s body and I can smell that distinctive ‘Justin’ smell. I close my eyes and inhale, smiling slightly at the familiar scent and my head begins to spin. It is intoxicating.
Quickly I recover and open my eyes, finding myself face to face with the object of my desire. His vibrant blue eyes lock intensely with mine. My heart feels like it might leap out of my chest at any moment. I can’t speak for fear of blabbing incoherently. I am drowning in his eyes.
I raise my hand and rub my thumb across his cheek in a tender caress. Justin’s brows knit together, not understanding my action, yet he leans his face into the touch. I know it’s now or never. I take a deep breath, gather my courage and...
“I love you Justin,” I say quite loudly, in order for him to hear me clearly over the loud music. I also say it loudly so he knows I’m sure. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life, as I am of how I feel right now.
He seems stunned for a minute, the realization of my words sinking in, and then it happens. That ‘Sunshine’ smile spreads across his face and beams, at ME. I can see the unshed tears gather in his eyes, and the light that has been missing from them returns and shines brightly, for ME. I can’t help but smile back, the widest smile that has ever graced my face.
I move forward and grab the boy in a tight hug, pulling him as close to me as his body can get. His arms move around my waist and he lays his head on my chest. I kiss the top of his soft, blonde head, breathing in his scent again. I feel happy and safe and loved. This is where I’m supposed to be. In the arms of the man I love, and I don’t care if everyone knows it.
No more games.
Return to Cindy's Fanfiction