Burn

`Oh, fuck,' I groan inwardly, not willing to give Justin the satisfaction of doing it out loud.

I shift again and wince, turning my eyes away before I catch the look on Justin's face. The little fucker's probably smiling, pleased with my pain.

The thing is though, and even though I'd never admit it out loud, barely acknowledging the thought myself, is that the slow, satisfied burn that I feel in my ass is amazing.

Sure, it fucking hurts, but it's a good hurt. The kind that you want to feel again and again, to remind yourself of just how you got it. And I can't help the little smile that tugs at the corners of my mouth as I remember quite fondly just how the hell I got this one.

Me thinks that maybe, just maybe the student has surpassed the teacher. Wait…no…I wouldn't go that far…but let's just say that that little demon of mine certainly pays attention and man, can he fuck.

I don't mean just that he knows how to stick it in and do the job…anyone can do that. With enough practice even the most humble bottom can fuck with the best of them. But this…what he does to me…shit…that's just gotta be coming from a source of natural talent. I mean, Jesus…the kid fucked me within an inch of my goddamned life.

My fingers seem to move of their own accord downwards and press ever so lightly against my hole. Not sure why, but I need to feel it…the burn…and something else. Instantly I take a sharp breath in and smile. Fuck, it hurts but also…it makes me feel…I'm not sure what…but there's a tingle there that seems to grow and…crave…crave more.

Fuck, what he does to me.

"Why are you smiling?"

I glance over, catching Justin's satisfied look on his smug little face and have to grin. Okay, so he caught me…but that doesn't mean that I'll just give him what he wants…well, not right away at least.

"Who's smiling? I was just…

But I'm not fast enough and his little smile turns into a full blown grin as he just nods his head, humoring me, and I can't decide whether I want to smack him or kiss him more.

Instead, I just turn away again, huffing as I look up at the darkened ceiling, desperately wanting a cigarette but just too fucking tired to get one. Instead, I huff again and roll my eyes when I hear Justin laugh.

Fucker.

I know…I know…but I tend to get a little emotional sometimes, even though I fucking hate the thought of it. But when I open myself up like that…let him so deep inside me, in more ways than one…it lingers…leaving an effect on me that I can't just turn off like a switch, no matter how fucking hard I try.

And I know that I hide it pretty well…at least I think I do. But who the hell knows. That little shit's been on to me for so long now that I wouldn't be surprised if he knew exactly every single thought that was swimming around in this messed up brain of mine.

I know he'd be thrilled if he did. `Cause right now, all I can think about is that slow burn and the feeling of him inside me.

Okay, so everyone knows that Brian Kinney and consummate top go hand in hand, but sometimes…every once in a while…I need something else. I need to feel Justin inside of me. I'm not sure why and the last thing I want to do is analyze it…I just know that it's a part of what we share…just the two of us.

I guess I feel safe with him.

And to me, that's probably the most fucking amazing revelation yet. Feeling safe with someone is not to be taken lightly…not by me…not from where I've come from. To me, it's…well…it's everything.

I don't know if he knows just how he makes me feel. I know I should tell him. Just come right out and say it, but that's not my style.

But as I turn over onto my side, again feeling that sweet torturous burn in my ass, I can't help but smile, a full-blown, genuine one this time as I catch his eyes and what I see there lets me know that I don't have to say it…he already knows it.

"Why're you smiling?" Justin asks again.

But this time I don't turn away.

My hand comes up and my fingers gently sweep away the damp strands of hair hanging in his eyes and I just shake my head…because I really don't have an answer for him. At least not one that I can share. I know I could say those few little words that he so desperately wants to hear, but…

Maybe.

Maybe soon.

And he must understand because his hand covers mine, bringing it to his warm, soft lips and he kisses my palm sweetly, his eyes never leaving mine.

And without words, he's shared a novel, touching something so deep inside of me…the tightening in my chest makes me sure of what that is, as I feel my heart beat just a little faster.

And I think again…

Maybe…maybe sooner than later.

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