The Meaning of Sacrifice

Author’s Note: This story is my way of dealing with the senseless slaughter of innocent children.  Please DO NOT read any further if you think you may find it offensive.

*****

“Dada, what does sacrifice mean?” Bree asked Brian as he drove them home from school.

“What?” he snapped while trying to concentrate on the road.  His eyes were stinging from unshed tears and he could feel his chest tighten.  The last time Brian felt like that was when Justin was bashed.  Brian was trying to get them home before he lost it all together.

A few hours earlier while in a meeting with a new client, Cynthia raced into the conference room interrupting the meeting and demanding that Brian take a phone call. 

“Excuse me,” Brian growled as he pick up the phone.  “What!  What?  Okay, okay!  I’m leaving now.  I’ll call you as soon as I have her,” he said then in shock he hung up the phone.

“Gentlemen,” Brian addressed his new clients with strain in his voice and trying to keep himself composed.  “There’s been an incident at a school in my daughter’s school district, I’m sorry but we must reschedule,” Brian stated through gritted teeth.  The younger of the three representatives was about to argue but an older man stopped him.

“We understand, Mr. Kinney,” he said giving Brian a knowing nod.  “Please have your assistant call us as soon as it’s convenient.  We’ll remain in town for the week,” the client said as he stood to leave, shaking Brian’s hand.  “I have school age grandchildren,” he commented before exiting the room.

Brian shook himself then went in the main room.  He flipped a switch on an intercom on someone’s desk requesting that the staff convene.  He waited a moment as all of Kinnetik came into the main office area.

“By now you’ve all heard the news,” Brian began as he scanned the faces of his staff.  Many were nodding, several looked a bit shell shocked and several more looked like they wanted to immediately leave to get home to their kids.  A few who had children in the Kinnetik school had their little ones in their arms holding onto them as if their life depended on it.

“In the light of these events, I’m closing the office for the rest of the day.  Consider tomorrow a day off as well.  I’ll see you all on Monday.  Go home, people,” Brian said as he turned to go back into his office to retrieve his briefcase.  He patted a child’s head as he walked past.

“Dada?  The man on the radio said that many were sacrificed.  What does he meeean?” five year old Bree asked with some impatience.

“Later, Squirt, when we get home,” Brian said working around the lump in his throat.  Brian had raced home from Pittsburgh to get to Bree’s school.  He picked up Bree just as Bobby was picking up Patrick.  John was at a Harrisburg construction site and unable to leave it.  As per Justin’s frantic phone call, he told Brian that the whole district was in lockdown, only parents with proper ID were getting through.  Justin was in New York setting up a show at a gallery in SoHo when he heard the news.  Feeling helpless for being so far away, he was trying to book a return flight home. 

Brian drove through the gate closely followed by Bobby and Patrick.  When they entered the cottage neither father knew what to say or do.  Patrick being a few years older had some idea that something bad had happened but the deaths of so many children didn’t really register to the eight year old boy.  Brian and Bobby prepared some snacks then placed them in front of their hungry kids.

“In the car Bree asked me to explain to her the meaning of sacrifice.  What do I tell her?” Brian murmured to Bobby as he took out a couple of beers.  He knew it was kind of early in the day for beer but he couldn’t help it.  Bobby gratefully accepted the cold brew.

“I don’t have a fucking clue,” Bobby quietly replied.  Brian nodded as he took out his cell phone to call Justin.  Bobby, having the same idea, stepped into the living room to call John.

“Hey,” Brian said as his call was answered.  “We’re home; she’s fine.  The school’s closed tomorrow until everything’s sorted out.  I don’t think she knows what happened and I’m not going to tell her but she can feel the tension.  I...I can’t hide that from her.  Bobby’s with Patrick.  I think he’s feeling the same way I am.”

“I’m coming home,” Justin said.  Brian could hear that Justin was having just as much trouble holding it together as he was.

“Okay, let me know when you land and I’ll come get you,” Brian said, not bothering to contradict Justin.

“No, I’ll take a cab to the loft, I left my Cherokee there.  Don’t leave Bree alone,” Justin commanded.

“All right,” Brian mumbled.

“I’ll be home tonight.”

“What about the show?”

“It’ll go on without me,” Justin said.  Brian nodded to himself and was very relieved that his partner would be coming home.  They needed each other to make sense of if all, if that was possible.

“Why, Justin, why?”

“I don’t know.  It doesn’t make any sense.”

“What do I say to her?”

“Anything that makes her feel safe,” Justin said.

“And what’ll make me feel safe?” Brian snapped back before he realized how that sounded.  “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, I feel the same way.”

“Come home soon,” Brian murmured trying to keep the begging out of his voice.

“I will,” Justin said.  “I love you.”

“I love you,” Brian said before he cut the connection. 

Brian took a deep breath before he turned to face the children who were finishing up their snacks.  Bobby took Patrick to his end of the cottage while Brian took Bree to her room.  He picked up the petite child, made him self comfortable in the rocking chair in the corner then sat his daughter on his lap.

Bree sensed that something about her father was different; she reached up to hug his neck.  Brian wrapped his arms around his daughter then buried his face into her neck.  He breathed in Bree’s little girl scent, recalling the scent of her as a baby.

“Dada?” Bree whispered.  She always felt safe in her father’s arms but right now she was feeling a little scared too.  “Dada?” she repeated.

“It’s okay, Squirt.”

“Dada, what does sacrifice mean?”  Brian had hoped that Bree would’ve forgotten that question but knew she rarely forgot anything.

“That’s a difficult question to answer, Squirt, but I’ll try.”  Bree sat back so that she could listen to her father.  “Sometimes a sacrifice can be a simple thing like giving up potato chips because you know that later you’re going to have ice cream,” Brian tried to explain.

“Can we have ice cream for dessert tonight?” Bree asked hopefully. 

Brian arched a brow then went on.  “Sometimes a sacrifice means protecting someone you love even though you might get hurt,” Brian said trying not to choke on his words.

“Like when Beau protected me when I got too close to the stream and he cut his foot on a sharp rock,” Bree said in a soft voice, looking down at the floor.  Brian smiled to himself then lifted Bree’s chin with his finger.

“Something like that.”

“Dada, did you ever make a sacrifice?”

“Maybe,” Brian replied.  He smirked to himself.  It wasn’t much of a sacrifice to give up tricking for what he had with Justin and in his arms at the moment. 

Brian continued to hug Bree close, not feeling any urgency to release her.  After a while he felt Bree relax and fall asleep.  He kept her in his arms as he gently rocked the chair.  Some time later he lifted her and placed Bree on her bed.  He stood there staring at her for several minutes before he carefully laid down next to her.  Crying silent tears Brian fell asleep next to his daughter.

*****

“Brian?” Justin called out as he entered the cottage.  He was slightly alarmed when he walked into their dark home. 

Justin searched the cottage until he got to Bree’s room.  Pushing the door open he saw his spouse and daughter cuddled together sound asleep.  He took a mental snapshot to file away for later, toed off his sneakers then squeezed in next to them.

“Hey,” Brian whispered.

“Hey,” Justin whispered back then reached over Bree to give Brian a kiss.  He gently kissed the top of Bree’s head then settled his head back on the pillow.

“What if...” Brian began.

“Don’t.  Ever.  Think.  It.  We’re here together.  We teach her love, tolerance and how to stay safe.  That’s all we can do, Bri,” Justin said reasonably.  “That’s all any one of us can do.”

“A couple of the teachers sacrificed themselves to keep the kids safe.”

“I know, Bri.  And their sacrifice will never ever be forgotten.  I love you, Brian,” Justin said as he snuggled in close.  “I love you both so much.”

“Love you,” Brian whispered as he kissed the blond heads feeling just a little bit better.

-end-

May the gods bless the little children.  

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