Escape

Part 1

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“Jim Beam…a double.”

“Here you are, sir.”

“Thanks,” Brian said with a small smile as the stewardess handed him his drink. He took a sip, enjoying the slow burn as the amber liquid slid down his throat. His eyes cast toward the window, seeing nothing outside but blackness as the night quickly approached. He sighed heavily, his mind falling into the same pattern that always seemed to overtake it when he made this trip, knowing exactly what was out there but still unbearably out of his reach.

 

********************
 

“Justin!”

“What…oh, sorry.”

Sighing, Jody stood up and moved toward his friend, crouching down beside the man who was still sitting in his chair. He placed his hand on the side of Justin’s face, always slightly amazed at the softness of his pale skin, then smiled, knowing exactly where the younger man’s mind had gone. “Again?”

Softly, Justin replied, “Always.”

Brushing his thumb across Justin’s cheek, Jody knew that even though he loved Justin, the blond would never love him in return. Jody smiled and stood up, looking down at his friend as he did. “One of these days you’re gonna have to get over him.”

“Just tell me how, and I will,” Justin said sadly. He really did want to know the magic secret of how he could just fix everything…everything that was unfixable.

“I wish I could, but unfortunately only you have that power. The thing is, that if you don’t, you’ll never move on.”

“And who says I want to move on? Move on to what? There’s nothing out there for me. Not anymore.” Justin’s blue eyes were blazing as he had the same old argument with his friend. And as always, it got him nowhere.

Shaking his head, softly Jody replied, “There IS more to life than just working here and drugs and dancing and trying to fuck away the pain. I know there is.”

“Well, if you find it, good luck…and watch out, because sooner or later it’ll bite you in the ass,” the blond said bitterly.

Not really sure how to respond and knowing that whatever he said, Justin would just have some lame-assed comeback, Jody bent down and kissed his friend’s cheek then left.

Justin’s eyes focused on his hands that were absently twisting a napkin as they rested on the small table in front of him. Instantly his mind drifted off to the same place it always went when he couldn’t gain control fast enough. Brian.

He didn’t bother with the small tear that escaped from the corner of his left eye and ran down his cheek. There was just one. No more would fall. He wouldn’t allow it.

He frowned, remembering the last time he’d seen the older man. Even though Brian was more furious than he’d ever seen him, he knew, or at least thought he cared about him. Obviously, he’d been wrong. If Brian had cared, he would’ve come after him. He would have tried to make sure that he was alright. He wouldn’t have cancelled his credit card right away, giving Justin no chance to find a decent place to stay or make sure that he had food to eat. No, if Brian had cared, he would have known it. But all he knew was that love and emotions and caring were all fucking lies. They got you nowhere and earned you nothing but heartache in return.

Absently, he rubbed the spot on his left hip that held his private reminder of what life had in store for those saps that bought into the fairy tale of happily ever after. The broken cowry shell tattoo, done solely in white, so you had to really look to see that it was even there. It always seemed to ache a little when he thought of the beautiful, tall man of his dreams. But just like dreams fade away, so did his hopes of ever being with Brian again. He now knew that life was what you made it. And if his reputation as an asshole, only interested in one thing and that being himself was where his path had led him, then that was just the way it was.

He didn’t need love or romance or Brian. He only needed himself. And the faint reminder on his hip never let him forget it.

Even though he was only nineteen and had been on his own for just over a year, he never would forget the way that his life had changed that day…the day he was forced to make his escape.

 

********************
 

“Sir, we’ll be landing in about ten minutes.”

“Thank you,” Brian said, handing the half-empty glass to the stewardess.

The Vangard-Kinney Agency was finally a reality, having opened its New York branch a few months ago, of which Brian was fully in charge. He’d spent the past several months traveling back and forth between the Pitts and New York, but was now ready to relocate.

Brian smiled, realizing that one of his dreams had finally come true, but the smile instantly faded as he remembered that his other dream, the one that kept him up at night, was still missing. Justin. He constantly dreamed of the blond-haired, blue-eyed man that he drove away and wondered if he’d ever find him and make things right.

He figured that Justin would contact him after he thought that Brian had cooled off, but it never happened. Obviously the boy had just given up on him…and that was the last thing he wanted him to do. He knew that he was hard on Justin. Hell, he’d never had things easy and frankly, he didn’t really know how to treat anyone else that way. But Justin was always on to him. Had been from the first night that they’d met, and Brian just figured that he would somehow still be around. But when he’d overheard Deb and Emmett talking one day at the diner about Justin and New York, he felt an instant pain in the pit of his stomach and knew that he’d lost the only thing that he’d ever really wanted.

Brian felt the landing gear lower and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it. Even though New York was a large place, he hoped that maybe, just maybe, he’d run into the blond this time. And then, well, who knows? Maybe dreams really do come true.

 

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“And now, gentlemen, enjoy…” Marty said, opening a private door that led to a large dance floor.

The six men looked out and were astonished to find at least a dozen beautiful men dancing provocatively to the loud, thumping music. They seemed to range in age from around seventeen to twenty-five, give or take, and all were dressed in varying forms of provocative clothing.

“Take your pick and he’s yours for the evening,” Marty instructed and the men moved through the door, each setting their sights on a man and moving toward him.

“Which one is Blaze?” a tall, dark-haired, stunningly handsome man asked, stopping by the owner of the club.

Smiling his predatory smile, Marty replied, “So, THAT’S what you’ve come looking for tonight?”

“Uh, y-yes,” the man said, seeming to blush slightly, knowing that his need for the one named Blaze was a direct give away of what he wanted.

Nodding slightly, Marty held out his hand and pointed towards a lone figure dancing in the dimly lit room. “That’s Blaze…and if you can handle him, he’s yours for the evening.”

Not really sure how to respond, the customer just smiled nervously and headed in the direction of the dancing young man. He couldn’t help but notice how many of the other customer’s eyes were glued to the same man and he felt his gut clench, knowing that he may have some competition in getting what he came for. He moved in closer, finding two other men approaching Blaze in the same manner.

Justin slipped a little white pill on the tip of his tongue then drew it inside, smiling as the tangy substance melted in his mouth. Immediately he felt the familiar chill run down his spine and his head began to swim. He danced, lost in the music and inside his own private world, using whatever help he could to get him there.

He knew the drill. The men came, they selected and then it was time for work. But until then, he just danced. He loved the feeling of letting go, and on the dance floor was the only place left in his life where he let that happen. His eyes were closed, his head tipped slightly off to the side as his hips moved along with the grinding beat.

“Blaze…I think you’re mine for the night.”

Opening his eyes the blond stiffened and thought his senses were playing tricks on him again. ‘Brian?’ he thought and blinked rapidly, trying to focus on the figure before him. He felt a sadness wash over him with the realization that it was just a man…a customer…not the man that he lov…’NO!’ he mentally reprimanded himself. He wouldn’t think of him again. He smiled his predatory smile at the man that looked just a little too much like someone he used to know and nodded…’work time.’

 

********************

 

“Brian, it’s great to see you again.”

Taking the offered hand in a firm handshake, Brian smiled and said, “ John, it’s been ages. How the hell are you?”

“Good…good…can’t complain. So, what brings you to New York?”

“My company just opened a branch here and I’m heading it up.”

“Wow, that’s great. There’s lots of opportunities here and I’m sure you’re eager to take advantage of a few,” the other man said with a smile.

“Yeah, I can’t wait.”

“So, how about I show you a thing or two. The scene here is quite different than what you’re used to.”

“John,” Brian said with a grin, “I’m not a virgin on the prowl. I’ve been to New York a time or two.”

“Yeah, but what I can show you, well, you haven’t seen it before,” John said with a knowing smile, not missing the curiosity brewing in the other man’s eyes.

“And what would that be?”

With a wiggle of his brows and a leering look, John replied, “Something that is sure to blow you away. Literally.”

Both men laughed at the meaning behind the words and Brian agreed to his friend’s generous offer, making plans to meet up after work the following evening. He couldn’t wait to see what was in store.

 

********************

 

“Blaze, it looks like it’s going to be a busy night. You ready?” Marty asked, knowing that the men were always clamoring for his star attraction.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” came the same monotone response that Justin gave his boss every night, his body never stopping its motion as he moved to the music blaring throughout the club.

Nodding, he wasn’t able to stop himself from wondering just what had led the beautiful, young blond to such a place as The Quoin. Pushing the thought aside, knowing that they all had work to do, Marty smiled half-heartedly then moved toward the door that led to the room where the eager customers were waiting. He knew that they were always raring to be let loose for the night, and that night would be no exception.

Opening the door, just like he had thousands of times before, Marty announced to the men, “And now, gentlemen, enjoy,” then he moved aside to let them into the private club.

“Here you go, Brian. Take your pick and he’s yours for the night,” John said, leading the way as his friend followed behind. He turned and smiled, seeing the astonished look on the other man’s face. “What, did someone finally shock the infamous Brian Kinney?” John asked with a laugh.

“I’ll say,” Brian gasped, barely above a whisper as his eyes caught sight of and remained locked on a lone figure dancing in the middle of the room.

Brian knew it was Justin the moment he laid eyes on him. He’d changed slightly, looked a little thinner but more muscular at the same time. And his hair, his beautiful golden hair was longer and Brian instantly longed to run his fingers through it. But the biggest change, the one that struck Brian like a damaging blow was the coldness and fury, blazing in his deep blue eyes.

“Brian…you okay,” John asked with concern.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he lied.

Nodding with relief, John smiled then asked, “See anything you like?”

“Yeah, that one,” Brian stated, pointing towards Justin who had now commanded many of the customer’s attention.

“Oh, that’s Blaze. You don’t want him. He’s a real asshole. Besides, from what I remember you’re a consummate top and he doesn’t bottom for anyone. Now that one…”

“No, him. Blaze?” Brian questioned, not sure if he’d heard his friend right.

“Yeah, Blaze. They say it’s because of his eyes. They seem to blaze fury, keeping you at a distance, never more than when he’s fucking you. Blaze.”

Nodding, still in a daze, Brian moved forward, closing the distance between himself and Justin. Ignoring the warning voice of his friend calling after him.

Justin was well aware of the men around him, clamoring for his attention, but he wasn’t ready to decide yet who would have the pleasure…he thought with a small laugh…the pleasure of satisfying HIS need to dominate and be in control. He was just about to choose when he heard a voice, calling out a name that he knew didn’t exist there, from a voice that he was sure he’d never hear again.

“Justin.”

Turning sharply, Justin’s eyes blazed a trail all the way to the man that was now standing only a few feet away. He blinked hard, sure that his eyes were playing those cruel tricks on him again, but the image wouldn’t change. He felt a surge of panic within him and instantly wanted to run…hide…escape.

“Justin.”

Again…there it was again. ‘When…what…how the hell could this be happening?’

Quickly, without a moment’s haste Justin pulled the man closest to him and said in an unquestionable voice, “You. Tonight’s your lucky night.” Then ignoring the pleased smile on the chosen one’s face, he turned abruptly and pulled the man along beside him, leading him out of the club.

“JUSTIN!” Brian shouted, frozen in place, watching the man that he’d been dreaming of and longing for walk out of the room. As reality began to crash around him, Brian suddenly realized once again where he was and inwardly recoiled at the knowledge that Justin was there. In this…this place. This whorehouse…regardless of how upscale it was and how private and secretive…it was, none the less, a whorehouse and that made Justin a…

‘NO!’

Brian refused to believe it. It couldn’t be. How the fuck did Justin go from being the good little boy to the sought after whore? But there was no denying it. Not from where he stood and from what he’d seen. He turned around, a little stunned to find John watching him.

“Brian, are you okay?”

“No, not anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again.” And with that, Brian walked back toward the private entrance and headed out of The Quoin.

 

********************

 

“Oh, God, please…please.”

“You want more…you want me to fuck you harder?” Justin asked, knowing that he was already pounding the man beneath him so fiercely that he wondered how he was managing to keep from toppling forward.

“Yes…yes, Blaze…more…fuck me harder,” the breathless customer begged.

Taking all of his anger and rage out on the willing participant, Justin continued to slam into the man’s ass, never letting up and never slowing down until he felt the battered channel constrict around his swollen cock and heard the man cry out as his orgasm ripped through his body, long and hard, just like his ride. Only then did Justin allow himself to let go as he came with a loud roar, filling the condom as his mind flashed upon the only thing that ever seemed to get him there…Brian.

Pulling out and rolling over, Justin lit up a cigarette and took a long drag, then slowly let the smoke billow out from his parted lips.

“That was…amazing…fucking amazing,” the customer droned, trying to snuggle up against his bedmate.

“Yeah, amazing…now I think it’s time for you to go.”

“What…now?”

“Yeah, NOW. What’d you think…that we were gonna play house? Next time read the fine print. You got what you came for and now it’s time for you to leave. Be sure to close the door on your way out.” And with those parting words, Justin got up and went into the bathroom, firmly shutting the door behind him. Several minutes later, only after he heard lots of huffing and groaning coming from the bedroom, then the slamming of the front door, did he allow himself to let go. Sliding to the bathroom floor as all the feeling in his limbs left him his mind began to reel.

“How the fuck did he find me?”

Justin realized that his emotions were running ramped. There’d been so many times that he’d dreamed about Brian…finally coming to his rescue…dramatically professing his need for him and begging him to come home. But he knew that it had all been just childish dreams…nothing more. Brian would never do those things…Justin wasn’t worth it, and seeing Brian again only reminded him of the fact.

He couldn’t understand it. No one knew where he was. No one. Okay, so they knew that he was in New York. But not a single soul, not even his mom or Daphne knew that he was working at The Quoin. He wouldn’t…couldn’t tell anyone. He knew what they’d think. What he thought. But he couldn’t dwell on that now. Not anymore. He didn’t have a choice. No, not even one.

He’d tried to find legitimate work. He really did. Busboy…waiter…movie theatre attendant. He’d tried the lot. He’d even had a brief stint as a go-go boy, but that didn’t pan out too well, not after he wouldn’t put out for the customers that demanded a little bit more than just a dance. He laughed sadly, realizing that it really wouldn’t have been much different than what he was doing now.

But life was hard when you’re seventeen and all alone in a strange city with no money and no one to count on but yourself. That’s when he found Jody. A brief smile crossed his lips at the thought of the man that he’d become so close to. They were friends…truly friends. Something that he’d never had before in a man. Even though at first he’d been shocked to find out what Jody did for a living, working at The Quoin, he’d slowly come to accept it and when his friend offered to introduce him to his boss, well, Justin wasn’t in any position to refuse. He was at the end of his rope and couldn’t see anywhere else to go.

So he met Marty and was surprised to find that the man wasn’t a sleaze like he’d imagined he’d be. The guy was actually quite friendly and nice and instantly made Justin feel at ease.

But turning his first trick was another matter. That was anything but easy. He had to close his eyes and squeeze them tightly the whole way through for fear that he might burst out crying at any moment. And when the man was done fucking him, he felt a sense of coldness wash over him. A feeling of emptiness like he’d never felt before and he knew that he’d never be the same.

And he was right. He never was.

That was the last time that anyone had fucked him.

From all that sadness his new persona was born…Blaze. They say that with just one look of his baby blues you can feel the fury that burns within him…the blaze. And it was true. He knew it. Because every time he fucked another customer, he felt himself slipping away that little bit more until soon, one day, he knew that Justin wouldn’t exist anymore…only Blaze. And for some reason, he didn’t seem to mind.

But now Brian was there and the way he felt the moment he saw him made him doubt everything he’d gone through since he’d started on his journey of rebirth. Him and Brian were, well, sort of friends, but not really. No, they were fuck buddies…nothing more…nothing less. He thought at one time that they must have been friends, but obviously he was wrong. Because if they were truly friends, then he would have come looking for him when he disappeared. Not just cancelled his credit card and left the man to fend for himself. No, they definitely weren’t friends…him and Brian…and they never would be…not if he had anything to say about it…and he did. Now, he did.

Getting up off the bathroom floor, Justin opened the door and pulled on the black silk robe that hung on the other side, tying the belt around his slim waist. He picked up his discarded clothes that lay on a chair and left the room, not even bothering to turn around and look at the mess that had been made. That wasn’t his concern. His job was to make it and it was someone else’s job to clean it up. Everyone had their place and he was well aware of his.

Heading upstairs to the third floor by a set of private stairs down at the far end of the hall, Justin punched in the security code to his apartment and the door popped open. Stepping inside, he quietly closed the door behind him, sliding the lock in place and sighing with the knowledge that he was finally alone and could come undone.

He always gave the appearance to the other boys at The Quoin of not giving a shit about what was happening around him, but inside, he was in a constant state of turmoil. Quite unaware at first, Justin began to take on many of the characteristics of the man that he’d swore he’d never be like. Brian was so brash and unfeeling…a complete asshole most of the time and Justin slowly found himself emanating the man to the point where he wasn’t sure who he was and just who he’d become.

He’d developed a fondness for the finer things in life, like Armani, Versace and Prada. And with the way his services were in such high demand, he could afford the hefty price tags without concern. He often laughed at the thought that Brian’s love of shopping had definitely rubbed off on him…having gained at least something good from the man. But unlike his unknowing role model, he preferred casual slacks and lightweight sweaters compared to Brian’s tailored suits. He liked the benefit that the form-fitting pants afforded him…allowing him to show off his most prized asset. His perfect ass.

He couldn’t help but smile at the thought that THAT which made him so irresistible to so many of his clients was totally off limits. He never allowed anyone to fuck him. No exceptions…ever…not after that first night. If he’d learned one thing from Brian, it was that the best way to not allow yourself to feel anything or let anyone in was to always be in control. And everyone now knew that when you asked for Blaze, what you’d get was one fucking amazing night of mind-blowing sex…never to be repeated again.

That was Justin’s stipulation when he came to work at The Quoin, learning quickly after that first night what he would and wouldn’t do to survive. It was a deal that he made with Marty, not to be refuted at any time, something that his boss knew was not up for discussion. He would satisfy ANY customer, but only once, and then they would leave.

No excuses, no apologies, no regrets.

For all of Brian’s bullshit bravado, Justin now agreed with the older man. Living by his code and knowing with certainty that what you got out of life was only worth what you put into it. And right now, he was getting everything…because he wouldn’t allow Brian, or anyone else to ever hold a piece of his heart again. Never.

But for how long he could go on trying to believe his lies…he didn’t quite know.

 

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