Breaking Rules 4

 

 

Brian woke up first. He lay and luxuriated in the soft puffs of warm breath from the man whose arms were holding him tight. He breathed deeply of the sleep-warmed scent of his freshly clean skin. He drew strength from the solid beating of Justin’s heart. For a fraction of a moment – the barest millisecond of time, Brian was happy and felt loved.

 

And then a pull of the sheet against his raw ankle brought him back to reality with a painful thud. He forced himself to control his breathing, not to panic. He looked at the sleep-flushed face of the older man and he let himself pretend that they were a couple. That what Debbie had said was true and that Justin and he were boyfriends’ maybe even partners someday. It was a wonderful if unrealistic dream, because once Justin really thought about it. Once Brian was no longer a bird that needed to be rescued, he would realize that with Brian’s background, there was no future for the two of them, or at least no future together.

 

Indulging himself, Brian stroked the soft alabaster skin, its perfect symmetry unmarred by any scar or blemish. He traced the contours of Justin’s face so that when Justin left he’d never forget the smooth plains, the soft down of blond whiskers, the tiny pale sun freckles on his cheeks. Brian spent time memorize the hills and valleys of Justin’s ear and he watched the sunlight through the fine hairs on the outside edges. As he stroked Justin, he became aware of Justin’s lengthening cock, and then the soft kiss of precum when it dropped onto his leg and his own cock hardened.

 

This wasn’t like the Quoin or the hasty rendezvous he’d had in back alleys on Rush Street or twice in the back of a car. This feeling that was flowing through his body was like none other he’d ever felt before. It was a feeling of reverence as he worshiped the body that pressed close to his, a feeling that filled his heart with both sorrow and gladness, that made him want to shout with joy and cry a thousand tears of regret that it wouldn’t last. He turned his head and let his sore lips receive solace from the sweet lips of Justin. It was to be only a fleeting kiss, a mild indulgence that he could quickly hide should Justin awake, but he couldn’t do it. His lips sought Justin’s with a hunger for the passion and love he knew was hidden there and Justin, feeling Brian’s lips on his returned the kiss adding his own feelings of desire into the equation until they pulled apart breathless and panting to look into each other’s eyes.

 

“I love your kisses” Justin purred and he tightened his hold on Brian. “They make me think of a fine wine. I’ll be able to bring out the memory of this kiss and savor the flavor and the essence of what make Brian Kinney so wonderful.”

Brian blushed and looked at Justin, “What is it about you that makes me feel like a school boy with his first crush?”

 

“My blue eyes? My insatiable appetite for your kisses? The fact that I adore you?” Justin whispered the last words and his lips sought Brian’s, only this time it was Justin who was seeking answers to this mystery that was their kisses.

 

Brian groaned with need and he rubbed his aching cock against Justin’s leg and Justin feeling that hard to describe smooth and yet contoured, soft and yet hard organ touching his skin hot with desire moaned into Brian’s mouth. “If you don’t stop now, I won’t be able to.”

 

“I don’t want to stop Justin, I want to make love to you, I want to make you mine.” Brian breathed the words against Justin’s throat where he tasted the sleep-scented flesh.

 

“I told you, I won’t be able to handle it emotionally if you do this once and then leave me.” Justin hated sounding like some high school girl, but it was how he felt.

 

“I’ll never leave you Justin, never leave you.” The heat and drive of the moment tore the words from Brian’s mouth and he knew they were a lie the moment he uttered them and he stopped what he was doing and pulled away from Justin. “I can’t, I can’t lie to you Justin. I don’t want to ever leave you, but I know it will happen. I don’t know how to love someone the way you want to be loved. The way you deserve to be loved.” He turned to the older man who lay beside him panting. “You are beautiful and successful, you have a wonderful son and your age alone will make you find someone closer to your lifestyle than I’ll ever be.”

 

“Brian look at me, DAMN IT LOOK AT ME!” Justin’s raised voice made Brian turn his head toward him. “What did you feel when we kissed – when we touched each other – WHAT DID YOU FEEL?”

 

“I felt  - I felt  - I wanted you, I wanted to love you desperately – I wanted you to love me back – I wanted the hearts and flowers and soft words and gentle touches – all the things I know I can’t have and it FUCKING HURTS that I can’t have it IT’S FUCKING KILLING ME.” Brian’s voice was raw with the emotions that he’d held back from feeling all of his adult life.

 

Justin got up on his knees and wrapped his arms around Brian, resting his head on his shoulder. “I felt the same way Brian. I wanted you, I wanted to love you and I wanted you to love me back – I want the hearts and the flowers and the soft words and the gentle touches – but I want them from you. No one else will ever even come close. I don’t give a rat’s ass what you were doing five years ago, last year, or last week – you did what you had to do – you didn’t hurt anyone other than yourself, you didn’t kill anyone – you lived and you learned and one day I walked into a crowded room and there you were. Brian Kinney, the man I was going to fall in love with. The man I want to spend the rest of my life with. The man I want to share my friends and family with, the man I want to build a long and loving relationship with.” Justin sighed. “So Brian Kinney, if it hurts, if it’s killing you that you can’t let yourself be loved or return that love, it’s only you who’s stopping you, no one else. There’s only you and I in this room Brian, we left the ghosts of everyone else either of us have ever been with at the bottom of the driveway in Chicago. When you called Gus, when you got into the car – that was Brian Kinney saying he was willing to let himself be loved. And I do Brian, I do.”

 

Brian moved until he lay back on the pillow. He held out his arms and this time it was Justin who snuggled close and rested his head on Brian’s chest and listened to his heart beating and tried to synchronize his breath with Brian’s unconsciously trying to be one entity. And it was Brian’s arms that held him close, who pulled the duvet up over the two of them wrapping them in warmth they both needed. “Justin, will you help me please. No one has ever loved me before. Never. From the first memories I ever had, I always wondered why no one could love me. I’m twenty three, that’s a long time to believe that I’m unlovable and now you come along and tell me that everything I knew to be true was crap and I can be loved and you love me. And you’ll let me love you. It doesn’t seem possible, it seems like some kind of fantasy dream and I’ll wake up any moment to shower and change for the next trick.”

 

“That next trick had better be me and the next one and the next one.”

 

Brian lifted his head to kiss the end of Justin’s nose. “No more tricks Justin – that’s over with – when we are together – like this – we’ll be making love” he looked a bit embarrassed at saying the words and Justin knew how hard they were for him to say.

 

“I never doubted it for a moment Brian, not for one moment.”

 

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“What am I going to do Ben? I have to tell Justin.”

 

“You don’t have to tell him anything Michael, it isn’t up to you.”

 

“I’m his best friend. We’ve been through a lot together.” Michael paced the length of the living room wringing his hands.

 

“You could have made a mistake. It was dark in the bedroom.”

 

“I didn’t make a mistake; I’ll never forget that tattoo.” Michael looked at his lover “He used to hang out on Liberty, near the baths. He’d do anything for a dollar. He was completely strung on crystal all the time. Ben you should have seen him and I just know it was Taurus who gave Teddy that bad shit. Teddy’s never been the same since.”

 

“That was more than six years ago Michael, a lot of time has passed. This guy, Taurus, Brian, whatever his name is has grown up. He’s older and Justin is no kid, he wouldn’t get involved with anyone like you describe.”

“But he is involved Ben, Gus says that Justin loves the guy and you and I both know that Justin has never committed himself to anyone before.”

 

“Your mom invited them over to the diner for breakfast tomorrow. We’ll go and you and I can meet Brian and Justin and maybe get some idea of what’s going on.” Ben was always the voice of reason and Michael, though still agitated calmed down.

 

“Ben it’s so unfair. Justin has been alone forever; he deserves to find someone that will love him like you love me. He deserves the best.”

 

“Maybe this Brian is the best Michael, we’ll have to see.”

 

“I’m going to phone him, see if I can get him to talk.”

 

“Leave it alone Michael.”

 

“No, Justin would think it was strange if I didn’t call.” Michael picked up his phone and hit the speed dial for Justin’s number.

 

Justin and Brian were sitting on the sofa listening to music. They had eaten the lasagna Deb had brought over and were drinking a glass of wine. Brian had his feet in Justin’s lap and he was gently massaging them while keeping up a running commentary on the beauty of the two appendages much to Brian’s amusement. The phone rang and Justin reluctantly picked it up. “Hey Mikey.” He said with a smile.

 

“How did you know it was me?

“Because I told everyone not to call until tomorrow and you’re the only one who wouldn’t listen.” Justin smirked at Brian.

 

“Gus said you have a boyfriend with you.”

 

“No beating around the bush eh Mikey.” Justin took a sip of wine. “I have Brian with me who I suppose is my boyfriend in an undefined, unconventional way.” He smiled when Brian blew him a kiss.

 

“Where did you meet him?”

 

“Like the song says Mikey, ‘across a crowded room’.”

 

“What are you talking about, what song?”

 

“Never mind, we met at a party. It was lust at first site.”

 

Brian laughed and shook his head.

 

“So, did you meet his family?”

 

“What is this Mikey, twenty questions, are playing the role of ‘Justin’s concerned father’?”

 

“I’m just looking out for you Justin, you are my best friend.”

 

“You’re my oldest friend. My best friend has his feet in my lap at the moment.” Justin bent down and bit one of Brian’s toes gently and then took a sip of wine.

 

“But what about Gus, you don’t know this guy’s background, he could be a bad influence on Gus.”

 

“Actually Mikey, Gus met Brian first; you might say they had a close encounter. He highly recommended him to me. The boy has impeccable taste.” Justin laughed when Brian rolled his eyes. “Sorry Mikey, I have to hang up now. I’m sure your mother has already told you we would probably be at the diner tomorrow. You can check us both out then.”

 

“But Justin.” Mikey began.

 

“Say goodbye Mikey” Justin said into the phone and the cut the connection.

 

“So I’m your boyfriend?” Brian’s eyebrows were raised.

 

“In an undefined, unconventional way.” Justin said back to him tongue in cheek.

 

“I’ve never been a boyfriend before in any kind of way.”

 

“I’ve never had a boyfriend before in any kind of way.” Justin drank the last of his wine.

 

“Are you going to give me your class ring? Will I wear it on a chain around my neck and only let my very best girlfriends look at it?” Brian teased.

 

“Maybe” Justin smiled. “I wouldn’t mind giving you a ring and having you wear it. I’d love to have ‘this man is Justin Taylor’s’ on a tee shirt for you to wear as well.”

 

“Not the fashion statement I was thinking of.” Brian said. “Though as one of the older students at the University, I suppose I would fit in better with a tee shirt that makes a statement.”

 

“Not old, a more mature student.” Justin corrected.

 

“Ahh, that does have a better ring to it.” Brian laughed. “Speaking of rings.” He took the silver claddagh ring that he wore off of his pinkie. “Justin Taylor, will you be my steady boy friend?” Brian slid the ring on Justin’s pinkie of his left hand with the heart pointing in. “the heart is pointing in, that means you’re spoken for.” Brian looked shy. “It was my grandfather’s and it’s the only thing I have from him, that and my stunning good looks.” He tried to joke.

 

Justin blinked back tears despite the joking tone of the question. “No one has ever asked me to go steady before – you’d think at thirty four at I would have been asked at least once.”

 

“Well, as an undefined, unconventional boyfriend, it was the least I could do.”  Brian held out his arms. “Do I at least get a hug, and maybe one of those famous Taylor kisses?”

 

Justin threw himself on Brian kissing him passionately while staring at the ring on his finger. “Close your eyes Justin” Brian said. “Go with the moment”

 

“Do I have to? I want to look at my going steady ring.”

 

“You are sooooo easy, give you a ring and you’re putty in my hands. Brian stood up dumping Justin onto the sofa. He bent over and hoisted the smaller man over his shoulder and began to carry him wiggling and laughing to the bedroom. “Be a good boyfriend and I’ll make mad passionate love to you all night long.”

 

“I’ll be good.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“Well, I’ll be badly good.” Justin grinned up at him after he’d been dumped on the bed. “Now about that mad passionate love thing – how does that work again?”

 

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Brian was nervous. He clutched Justin’s hand tightly until finally Justin reached up and whispered into Brian’s ear “you will be the handsomest man in the diner, you have the biggest cock and the best boyfriend in the world who adores you.” Brian looked at Justin and smiled that slightly crooked smile that completely melted Justin’s heart every time he saw it. “Don’t smile like that Brian, or I’m going to have to make you fuck me right now.”

 

That of course made Brian’s smile even broader and that’s the way the gang saw them when they walked through the door. Brian grinning from ear to ear with a cocky swagger to his walk and Justin, his hand in Brian’s looking slightly uncomfortable. Instantly backs went up. What was this stranger doing to Justin? Was the question foremost in all of their minds.

 

“Hey Sunshine, you and that beauty queen come on over here and sit down.” Debbie was standing by the back booth that held Michael, Ben and Ted.”

 

Brian slid into the booth first and Justin followed. “We’ll have coffee Deb as soon as we can.” Justin flashed her a smile. “Boys I want you to meet Brian Kinney, Brian, this is Michael, his partner Ben and a friend of ours Ted Schmidt.”

 

Ted looked at Brian curiously “Don’t I know you?” he asked.

 

“I don’t think so; I haven’t been in Pittsburgh in a long time.” Brian smiled at Justin. “Justin convinced me I should finish up school here.”

 

“Oh, what are you studying?” Ben asked. “I’m a professor at Carnegie Mellon.”

 

“I’m majoring in marketing, but this year I’ll have a minor as well in the arts. I plan to make advertising my career.”

 

“He’s going to be the best there ever was in the advertising field.” Justin bragged.

 

“Ignore my boyfriend, he’s a tad prejudiced.” Brian smirked.

 

“So you two are boyfriends?” Ted asked. “Justin, this is a first for you.”

 

Justin laughed and held up his hand with Brian’s ring on it. “Yep, I’m revisiting my high school years; we’re going steady and everything.”

 

“Justin is going to meet me at the malt shop every day after school.” Brian laughed and leaned over to kiss Justin. Their kiss deepened until they forgot where they were.

 

“Eeeheemm” Michael cleared his throat. “Some of us are eating here guys.”

 

Brian and Justin broke their kiss. Brian leaned back into the corner and Justin sat close until the strong arms of Brian pulled him against his chest.

 

“Brian, I’m sure I’ve seen you before. Maybe about six or so years ago.” Ted looked at his friends. “I pride myself on never forgetting a face.”

 

“I was pretty young for you to know back then Ted. I left Pittsburgh for Chicago just before I turned seventeen.”

 

“Fuck, you were the one who damn near killed me. You gave me some bad drugs, I remember you now.” Ted almost shouted the last. “You were a fucking street hustler on the road near the baths.” He looked Brian up and down with a sneer, “I see you’ve hustled your way into the big time now.”

 

Justin’s face was white he was so furious. Brian tried to push past him to make his escape but Justin held him back. “Just a damn minute here Ted. If you took some bad drugs from Brian and had a reaction it was just as much your fault as his. No one asked you to score drugs off of some kid who was strung out on crystal. The Brian of six, almost seven years ago and the Brian that is sitting here at the table as my guest and my boyfriend are two very different people. Yet they’re the same. If you think your big revelation is some kind of shocking expose, well think again. I know about Brian’s past and you know what? It fucking kills me that he had shit like that happen to him. So when you bring up Brian’s past and try to hurt him with it, you’re hurting me as well. I love him and when he hurts, I hurt – remember that Ted” he looked at Michael who had his head down looking guilty. “You too Mikey, Brian and I are together – we’re just as much a couple as you and Ben, maybe even more so because we have a lot of stuff we have to deal with together, but that’s what we’ll do – is deal with it. I don’t need my friends making things even harder.

 

Justin held tightly to Brian’s hand – “And don’t even go there about Gus and Brian’s influence over him. Gus knows about Brian and he feels the same way I do. It tears him up inside knowing that Brian had to face what he did alone and friendless. I wish I could have found him then.” Justin caressed the side of Brian’s face. “Things would have worked out a lot different. All I can do and Gus and all of you guys is make a difference in his life now.”

 

The silence hung over the table like a pall. “Well handsome, you have a pitt bull for a boyfriend, you’ll never have to worry about your back again.” Debbie set their breakfast down and leaned over and patted Brian’s cheek. “Just don’t ever hurt him or I’ll have your balls.”

 

Justin laughed. “You leave my boyfriend’s balls alone Deb.”

 

Brian reached across the table and touched Ted’s hand. “Look Ted, I’m sorry for what happened. But truthfully I had no idea what I was doing. I existed from fix to fix and everything before and after it was a blur of pain. It was a never-ending rollercoaster. But I got myself clean and I’ve been clean ever since.”

 

“You’re right Justin, I should have known better than to take drugs off of someone in as bad a shape as Brian was at the time. It’s somehow just easier to blame someone else and not yourself for your own stupidity.” He looked at Brian. “Welcome back to Pittsburgh Brian. I know that you’ll like it a lot better this time around.”

 

Brian’s hand caressed the back of Justin head and played with thick blond hair, a nervous habit that seemed somehow to calm the younger man and Justin didn’t mind. “Thanks Ted, Justin seemed to think it would be good for me to be here on my own for awhile.”

 

“We eat breakfast here most days about seven; you’re welcome to join us when Sunshine goes back to Chicago.” Michael offered and Ben nodded his approval as well.

 

Brian felt himself relax for the first time since he’d come in the door. They knew part of his past, and yet Justin’s friends were willing to give him a chance. He just might stand a chance at having something good.

 

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Gus was at the gallery supervising the hanging of his father’s work for the show that was to be held in two weeks.  Emmett was in the back office putting the final touches on the proofs for the brochure that needed to go the printer. It was the usual quiet Saturday morning; the gallery wouldn’t be busy for at least another couple of hours. The light flashed indicating that someone had come into the main showroom and Gus walked out to greet whoever it was that entered the establishment.

 

“Hi” he said. “Welcome to JT’s”

 

“Are you Gus Taylor?” a burly man asked. He stood with his legs spread, his arms couldn’t fall straight as he was far too muscle bound. He looked like he’d been stuffed like a sausage into the suit he was wearing.

 

“I’m Gus”

 

Emmett heard the timbre of the man’s voice and he stood up from his desk at the rear of the gallery. There was something not quite right. The old queen felt a shiver travel up his spine.

 

“Where’s Kinney?”

 

“Who?”

 

“Brian Kinney, Taurus. Don’t give me any crap, the last number dialed on his phone was to your apartment.”

 

“My dad’s apartment you mean.” Gus was slowly backing away from the intimidating man.

 

“We know he talked to you. You don’t think Morgan would let her biggest money maker have his calls unmonitored.”

 

“That sucks – Brian’s private life is none of her concern.”

 

“Taurus doesn’t have a private life kid – Taurus is a merely another whore in a rather busy little whorehouse.” He looked around. “Maybe you should come with me. I’m sure Morgan could convince you to tell us where Kinney is.”

 

“Fuck off juice pig” Gus tilted his chin defiantly. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

 

“We’ll see about that you little shit – your ass is mine.” The man made a grab for the front of Gus’ shirt at the same time Gus brought his foot up in his famous soccer goal kick that had won the last game at his school. He figured the guy’s balls may not have been as big as a soccer ball but they soon would be. Gus’ foot connected with the conveniently available balls due to his wide spread leg stance at the same time, Emmett who had come up behind the guy - cracked him across the skull with the latest sculpture by Giles Van Ooast. The big guy fell to the floor with a whump, a high-pitched squeal worse than any whistling kettle, filling the air.

 

Emmett carefully replaced the sculpture and then dusted his hands off. “Excuse me while I place a call for one of Chicago’s finest to come and take out the garbage.” He said to Gus. “And when they’ve cleared out this piece of trash, we should maybe give your Uncle Mikey a call – he’ll know how to convince this skanky wench to piss off.  After all he does read all those comic books, they must have some decent ideas in them.”

 

“What should we tell Dad?” Gus looked at the unconscious man on the floor. “He’s not going to like this much.”

 

“It isn’t that we’re not going to tell your dad, it’s just that we aren’t going to tell your dad now.” Emmett grinned at Gus. “I mean really Gus, he’d only worry and he’s kind of on his honeymoon or we hope he’s progressed that far with his beau.”

 

“I don’t know Auntie Em. Dad doesn’t like surprises.”

 

“There are times dear Gus, when a queen just has to soil her hands with these everyday problems. This is one of those times.”

 

Gus rolled his eyes and he looked warily at the man on the floor, but he remained silent hoping his Auntie Em knew what he was doing and that his father would stay in Pittsburgh for at least a week.

 

tbc

 

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