Breaking Rules
Chapter 3
“Hello” Gus answered the phone groggy from sleep. No one usually called in the middle of the night.
“Gus” Brian’s voice cracked, “Can you come and get me?”
“Brian?” Gus sat up in bed suddenly alert. “What’s wrong?”
“I need help, don’t tell your dad.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Gus was out of bed and searching for his discarded jeans on the floor.
“Don’t turn in the driveway; I’ll be at the end of it waiting for you, look for me.” Brian hung up the phone and fell back onto his bed. He sent a silent prayer of thanks that Gus had answered the phone and not Justin. He couldn’t deal with the pity that he knew would appear in the blue eyes. He wanted Justin to respect him, not pity him. It would be hard enough earning his respect with Justin knowing what he’d been doing to earn his living.
Brian forced himself out of bed. He felt violated in the worst way. He didn’t blame the clients, they didn’t know and he wondered about other ‘games’ where someone had been in the same sling – were they punishments being meted out by Morgan too? He shook his head – Morgan, she’d become almost a mother figure for him – and like his own mother, she betrayed him in the end.
He showered thoroughly trying to wash the stench of the night off of his skin, hoping against hope that the smell of Arabian Nights would wipe everything away. Instead as soon as the smell penetrated his mind he bent over retching – he’d never be able to use his precious soap again. Brian rummaged in the back of his small bathroom closet until he found a long ago purchased bar of Ivory soap. He stepped back into the shower and replaced the smell he associated with the Quoin with one that had no memories. He checked the time; Gus would be there soon.
Brian slipped on a pair of jeans and pulled a worn backpack out from under his bed. It was the backpack he’d used when he’d first arrived. He took his precious gift off of his dresser and replaced in the box it came from and put it in the backpack. He followed that with a pair of jeans and a shirt. He didn’t bother with underwear or socks. In the kitchen he downloaded everything he needed off of his old computer and added the discs to the backpack along with his textbooks. He grabbed his red leather jacket off of the hook by the door and almost put it on, when he hung it back up – it had been a gift – but a gift that was linked to the Quoin – instead he slipped on a worn denim shirt that he sometimes wore when he went for walks. Shouldering the heavy pack, Brian slipped out the rear door of his cottage and into the shadows. He quietly made his way to the road without a backward glance at the place he’d called home for the past six years.
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“Dad, dad wake up.” Gus shook his father’s shoulder. Justin was impossible to wake up and it wasn’t surprising that he hadn’t heard the phone earlier.
“What’s wrong Gus?” Justin rolled over.
“It’s Brian, he called and he sounded funny, he wants me to pick him up at the end of the driveway – I think he’s in some kind of trouble. He didn’t want me to tell you but I couldn’t lie.”
Justin was instantly alert – he sat up “Grab my pants Gus.” He pointed to the pants at the end of the bed.
“Dad – if it’s bad – why don’t
you take him to the loft in
“You think it’s that bad Gus? I have my show in two weeks, I can’t take the time away right now.”
“Sure you can dad, you’d do it for me.” He kissed his father. “I know how you like your stuff hung, I’ve been around the gallery forever. You look after Brian and Auntie Em and I will baby sit the gallery when I’m not in school.”
“I love you Gus.” Justin was dressed and ready to leave. “Are you really alright with Brian and I? It isn’t too late for me to back off – we’ve never done anything, so far it’s only been long looks and tingles.”
“Long looks and tingles work for me Dad – you never were interested in anyone long enough for any of that before.” Gus laughed, “besides a lot of my friends dad’s have wives almost their age – I’ll be part of the ‘in’ crowd.”
“We aren’t even close to that kind of commitment Sonny Boy.” Justin smiled at his son. “I’ll keep you posted and if I do take Brian to the loft, don’t you dare use the time to blow off school. I know how you can talk your Auntie Em into anything.”
Gus blew his dad a kiss and gave him a one-finger salute. “Go find Brian.”
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Brian huddled in the damp grass of the ditch in front of the Quoin waiting for Gus. He kept having flashbacks to when he was sixteen and living on the streets. The flare of low-slung headlights appeared over the far hill and when the sports car slowed to a stop by the end of the drive, Brian sprang out of the ditch and into the car.
It was only as the car accelerated away that he realized it was Justin who was driving. “Why?” Brian said and his hand went to the door handle. He was ready to leap out when the car came to a stop at a crossroad.
Justin realized what Brian had in mind and put his hand on Brian’s arm. “Because he cares for you and he knows I do to.” Justin answered simply. “You are important to the both of us Brian.”
“Don’t say shit like that. You don’t know me – I’m not worth either of you bothering with. I only called Gus because he was the only one I knew that I could trust to pick me up.” He gave a snort of sarcastic laughter. “I guess I couldn’t even trust him. As usual I don’t know shit about people.”
“You can trust Gus with your life Brian. Don’t you ever think otherwise. Once my boy accepts a person into his circle of friends, he’s loyal to a fault.” Justin saw a good spot to pull over, so he did and he stopped the car, turning off the ignition. He turned in his seat until he could face Brian.
Brian’s face was turned to look out the side window into the dark. He couldn’t look at Justin. He knew the man would see the shame of what had happened to him on his face. It was really nothing more than he deserved. A fit punishment for a whore.
Justin reached out and with his hand on the back of Brian’s neck, his fingers gently massaging the tight muscle, he said. “Look at me Brian.” His voice was soft. Brian’s head shook no, the movement barely perceptible.
Justin continued to rub the back of Brian’s neck. “I don’t know what happened tonight, maybe you’ll tell me someday. What ever it was – it’s over – you’re out of the Quoin and there is no need for you ever to go back. That part of your past is just that – past.” Justin sighed. He could smell the clean smell of Ivory soap and he understood right away Brian’s need to leave all that would remind him of the Quoin, behind. “I’m going to be honest with you Brian, I don’t know what’s happening to me when I touch you or look at you. I don’t know if what I feel is something called love or just some great chemistry between two intelligent people. But I do know this – I’d like the chance to find out but I’m not going to push you into another situation like you were in. If you stick around it has to be because that’s what you want, not what you think I want.”
Silence filled the car while Brian thought about Justin’s words; slowly he turned to face the older man. Justin held out his arms. Brian at first looked down, then bit by bit; he looked up until his eyes were locked with Justin’s. With a sob that was torn from the very fiber of his being, Brian threw himself into the waiting arms of Justin who held him tight until the shaking emotions quieted and he rested in the welcome comfort of those surprisingly strong arms.
The crowing of a nearby rooster and the pink glow of the morning sunrise
alerted the two of them that they were parked on the side of the road and
should move on. “Brian – Gus suggested something last night. He
suggested you might like to get away from
“I grew up in
“Well maybe it’s time for you to return. You can use the loft and finish up your schooling. I can even introduce you to a couple of ad agencies; maybe you could get an internship. You’d have to earn the job on your own merit, but I could get you in the door.”
“Why would you do this?”
“I told you before Brian, there’s some kind of chemistry between the two of us. I’m not giving you anything – other than the use of the loft – and truthfully you’d be doing me a favor living there. I hate coming to the Pitts and being faced with a stuffy place that hasn’t had any life it for weeks or months.”
Brian didn’t say anything and the two of them continued to drive. “Justin, would you come with me?” Brian’s voice was low. “I mean if you can spare the time.”
Justin felt warm inside; Brian had actually asked him to come with him. “We can leave in an hour if that’s what you want to do.” Justin reached over and took Brian’s hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze.
“I don’t have anything much with me.”
“Wonderful, I love shopping, some of my best moments in life have been shopping. I will buy you the most amazing outfits – I can see you in Armani and Prada – you have the figure for it. This is so exciting – Emmett and Gus are going to be green with jealousy that they can’t be in on the trips to the stores.”
“I have my own money. I don’t need yours.” Brian’s voice was quiet.
“I’m sorry Brian, I do tend to become too enthusiastic sometime.” Justin glanced over quickly at Brian and grinned. “Will you let me buy one or two things?”
“Justin, you’ve done enough.” Brian hunched into his seat, squirming and trying to get comfortable. He hated to take any kind of drug, even when he had a migraine. He was terrified of his addiction taking over.
“Why don’t we just leave it for now
Brian. We’re almost at the airport, I’m
sure Gus will have called and reserved us some seats on the early flight
to
“Gus is a good kid.”
Justin caught a glimpse of the utter defeat in Brian’s manner and vowed to discover what had happened to change the confident vibrant young man into this picture of despair.
“Brian, Gus is the product of his environment combined with the genes of the nicest woman who had ever lived. He can’t help but be a good kid.” Justin paused – “But you’re right, he is pretty special.”
“I guess I’m a product of my environment – combined with the genes of a drunken father and an abusive mother – fuck -it’s no wonder I’m such a complete loser.”
“Brian, you are by no means a ‘complete loser’ you’re a smart and intelligent young man. You are kind and you are compassionate – the fact that your early years sucked – is tough – but the nice thing about us humans, is the fact that we can change if we want to.” Justin reached over and stroked the soft silk of Brian’s hair.
“I grew up in a tight assed WASP home. My father was a homophobic prick who delighted in using his bigoted mouth to constantly put down anyone who was gay. My mother never said anything to stop his slurs. When I came out to my family – it virtually tore the family apart – my father disowned me and my mother took her sweet time making up her mind to, if not support me, to at least not disown me. I was pushed around and beat up and had a hell on earth at my wonderful private WASP school which ended up in me being bashed - Life sucks sometime Brian, but we move on and make the most of what we’re given and some of us exceed it. You’ll exceed any and all expectations – I know this because I feel it deep inside when we talk.”
Brian was silent. Justin pulled into the busy long term parking garage. “Come on Brian Kinney, this is the first day of the rest of your life.” He leaned over and with his hand, turned Brian’s face to his gently kissing the full lips that were swollen and bruised from what ever had happened earlier. “I promise you that the next part of your life will be much better than the last part Brian.” He whispered. Justin undid his seat belt and got out of the car. Brian sat alone in his thoughts inside the car and jumped when Justin opened his door. Justin reached in and undid Brian’s seat belt, surprised when Brian’s lips grazed his cheek. He smiled to himself at this small offering and stood up with his hand out to help Brian from the car.
The younger man stifled a groan, but Justin heard it. He mentally strengthened his resolve to discover what had happened to Brian and if his fears had foundation, then to see to it that Morgan paid dearly for causing the man he cared about pain.
Together they walked to the departure terminal. Justin kept his hand
in the small of Brian’s back lending him what courage and strength he
could. The line up at the Liberty Air counter was not a long one and sure
enough Gus had arranged for two first class tickets to
Brian felt a glow inside that Justin had included him – the little word ‘we’ meant so much.
“Our flight leaves in a few minutes, I’m sorry Brian, but we’re going to have to wait for breakfast.”
“I couldn’t eat.” The next few minutes were taken up with the security checks and the controlled dash to the plane. Finally they were settled in their comfortable seats.
Justin took a good long look at Brian and realized the young man was in considerable pain. “Brian, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. I think you need to see a doctor.”
Brian turned away from Justin’s gaze embarrassed. “I’ll be okay, it isn’t as if I haven’t had this happen before.”
“What happened Brian?” Justin asked gently.
“Nothing – just a regular day in the life of a whore.” Brian turned to stare out the small window. The plane was taxiing down the runway.
“Brian, don’t - please don’t call yourself that.” Justin linked his fingers through Brian’s.
“It’s what I am, what I have been for a long time.” The defeat in his voice was evident once again.
Justin signaled for the steward. “Do you have any extra strength Tylenol gel caps or something similar?”
“I’m not supposed to give out stuff like that, but I do have some in my carry on bag.”
Justin slipped him a folded bill; “I’d like two if you can spare them and a glass of water.”
The steward was back in a few minutes and handed Justin the package of medication as if it were high-grade cocaine and this was the drug sale of the century. “Have the pack.” He whispered to the blond with a smile.
“Brian, take these.” Justin held out two of the gel caps and the glass of water.
“I can’t.” Brian turned back to the window.
“Are you allergic?”
“I’m a fucking drug addict Justin, I told you.” Brian’s voice was louder than he intended and a couple of the passengers turned to stare. Justin glared at them and they turned away.
“Brian,” Justin rubbed the back of the other man’s neck. “Two Tylenol are not going to turn you into a raving crystal freak.”
“But what if they do?” Brian turned back to Justin his hazel eyes filled with anguish.
“I promise you they won’t and you’ll feel a little more comfortable.” Justin gave him a reassuring smile. “Brian, I promise.”
It had been a long time since Brian had ever trusted another person and it was hard to adjust to the goodness that was Justin. He swallowed convulsively and held out his hand for the capsules. His eyes never left Justin’s as he took the Tylenol putting them in his mouth and drinking the full glass of water. Justin raised the armrest between them and put his arm around Brian pulling the younger man close. Brian closed his eyes, content to be held and to the beat of Justin’s heart, fell into a deep relaxing sleep.
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“Uncle Mikey.” Gus began.
“Dad’s bringing his boyfriend to stay at the loft, he should be
there by
“Sure kid. I’ll call ma, she’ll stock the fridge. Nothing
she likes better than to try and fatten your dad up. So Gus, your dad has
a boyfriend, Mr. ‘I don’t do boyfriends’
“Yeah and don’t bug him about it, Brian’s doesn’t know he’s dad’s boyfriend yet.”
“Hmmm, a boyfriend who isn’t a boyfriend – I see your devious hand in this Gus.” Michael teased.
“Well he’d be a good one and Dad really, really likes him.
I think they need some time away from
“Vaguely – it’s been awhile.” Michael laughed. “Ma keeps dragging homeless kids over for Ben and I to look after – I tell you Gus, the house is bulging at the seams – I have to make an appointment just to get into the bathroom.”
“Don’t give me that Uncle Mikey, you like the low paid help in your stores.”
“Hey, kid, that’s entrance level training, not low paid help.” Michael laughed. “You still owe me thirty hours – I haven’t forgotten your promise.”
“Uncle Mikey, I paid for the car repairs.” Gus whined.
“Money can’t pay for the fact you took the car without asking.
So the thirty hours still stands – I’ll see you at spring break.”
Michael grinned to himself. “But if you’re good I’ll sneak
you into
“That’d be cool – he’ll be so involved with his boyfriend he’ll never notice.”
“You wish.” Michael laughed. “I’m going to hang up now and call ma – you get back to what ever your father has you doing. And Gus, don’t worry, if your dad really likes this guy, he’ll get him. He could use a break in the love department.”
“I hope so ‘cause he has a real dreamy look when he talks about Brian. That has to count for something.”
“He could be just horny, us old fags get that way every once in awhile.”
“Thanks for the visual Uncle Mikey.” Gus laughed and hung up the phone, satisfied he’d looked after his father as much as he could.
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“Sunshine!” Debbie let out a squeal. She was coming out of the loft door just as Justin and Brian were opening the elevator. She enveloped Justin in a bear hug. She looked over at Brian who hung back, shy with the over exuberant woman. “And you must be Sunshine’s boyfriend. Aren’t you just the handsomest thing.” She reached up and pinched Brian’s flushed cheek.
“Deb, we’re just friends.” Justin protested. “What are you doing here?”
“Michael called to tell me you were coming into town and bringing your new boyfriend. He wanted to make sure the two of you had lots to eat. You know Michael, it’s the Italian in him, he has to feed the world.”
Justin and Brian looked at each and shared a smile. “Gus” they said together.
“Your son likes to look after his father and obviously he approves of daddy’s new beau.”
Justin rolled his eyes. “Thanks Deb, we’ll take it from here, tell Mikey I’ll call him tomorrow, but today we just want to rest.”
“Oh is that what they’re calling it these days.” Debbie guffawed and she walked into the elevator. “You bring that handsome boyfriend to the diner tomorrow Sunshine. I’m going to have the cook make your favorite waffles.”
“We’ll see.” Justin steered Brian in through the loft door. “Bye bye Deb.” He waved his fingers as he shut the door behind him and then set the alarm. Justin turned to Brian, “sorry I didn’t introduce you, that’s my best friend Mikey’s mom, she’s kind of surrogate mom to lots of us here in the Pitts.”
“She seems kind of “– Brian searched for the right word. “Over the top” he said settling for the least likely words to offend. Brian looked around him. “I like your place.” He smiled shy at being alone with Justin. “It suits you.”
Justin could help but smile back as he prepared a quick brunch of an omelet. “I want to eat, shower and go to sleep for a couple of hours. We can deal with life and all it’s dramas anytime after three. For now let’s just eat.”
Brian was happy to oblige, his stomach was queasy from lack of food and he ached all over. They made short work of the food. “Now that we’ve eaten, I’ll show you the shower. I have an amazing French milled soap that will blow you away.” Justin led Brian to the bathroom. “You start your shower, I’ll find you something of Gus’ to put on.”
“I have another pair of jeans.”
“I was thinking of something softer Brian, something more comfortable for now.” Justin looked into Brian’s eyes telling him he knew what the problem was and Brian flushed and turned away.
Justin had found a pair of Gus’ sweats and a comfortable tee shirt. He heard the water cascading down in the bathroom so he figured it was safe to take the clothes in and leave them on the counter. He stepped into the steamy room and stopped. Brian was huddled in a ball at the bottom of the shower and Justin could see the other man’s shoulder’s shaking as he tried to control his tears. Without thinking Justin opened the door and knelt down beside Brian taking him into his arms. As he gathered the other man close he saw the wide raw bands on both wrists and around his ankles where he’d been confined by a cuff that had worn off the skin in his struggles. He silently helped Brian to stand, saying nothing. He took the shampoo and began to wash Brian’s hair filling the small area with the scent of fresh citrus. Then he carefully washed the tall lean body, making sure that every part of him was clean and smelled of sandalwood and jasmine. He managed to get out of his own sodden clothing somewhere during his tending to Brian and they stood naked together in the hot water. Justin reached over and turned off the water. He stepped out of the shower and took a warm fluffy towel off of the heated towel rack and began to dry Brian.
Brian, unsure of what was happening allowed Justin to care for him. It was a unique experience, having someone look after him and it made him feel special and loved. He started to say something and Justin held his finger to his lips. “Shhh, Brian, not now. Now is about you.”
He applied a soothing salve on the fiery burns and scrapes on Brian’s wrists and ankles and then led him over to the bed. “On your tummy Brian.” Was all he said and Brian did as he was told. He shut his eyes tightly to block out what was going to happen next, but all he felt was Justin’s gentle fingers applying more of the salve to his violated bottom, making the sore and swollen flesh feel cool. The painful burn receded into the back of his mind as the herbs in the salve took over their healing job. Brian melted into the mattress.
Justin made sure the loft had everything turned off and crawled into the bed beside Brian. “Justin, can you hold me?” Brian asked in a voice so low Justin wasn’t sure he heard it.
Justin smiled and answered. “I’ll always hold you Brian, you never have to ask.”
Brian rolled over into Justin’s arms. “Thank you for what you did. And thank you for not asking.” He whispered.
It was Justin’s turn to blink back tears as he held Brian tight in his arms. “I’ll never forgive them for what they did to you Brian, never. I promise you this baby, they’ll pay and they’ll pay dearly.”
“Jus—Brian began.
“Shhh, sleep now. I have you safe in my arms. You can rest now. Don’t worry about anything, just rest.” He continued to murmur words of comfort until gradually the steady breathing told him Brian slept.
Both men were asleep still and it was almost four in the afternoon when the loft door slid open and Michael and Ben stepped inside. “Michael I think they’re still sleeping” Ben whispered.
“I’ll go check.” Michael walked to the bedroom and peeked in. Ben was surprised when all the color drained from Michael’s face as he stared at Brian and Justin. The duvet had been pushed back and Brian had his bare leg wrapped around Justin. The tattoo of an astrological bull showed clear in the light from the window.
“Taurus” Michael gasped and then turned and ran out of the loft with Ben close behind him.