The Kiltaki Virus

"Brian, come here, you gotta see this."

"What is it?"

"More of our fanfic."

"Oh great, what now? Did someone turn me straight?"

"Worse."

"What could be worse than me eating snatch?"

"They killed us."

"They what?!"

"Read my lips, they killed us."

"How?"

"Well the disclaimer says..."

"Disclaimer?"

"Yes a disclaimer, now will you shut up and let me tell you."

"Go on, brat."

"It says that a bunch of writers caught a virus..."

"A virus?"

*a Justin death glare*

"Okay, ok, keep talking."

"They caught a virus and it made them write stories that killed us, but in a couple of them we weren't really dead."

"Of course not, cause if we were dead you wouldn't be reading that fanshit; wait, maybe we are dead and I'm in hell."

"Bri, do want to hear this or what?"

"Yes, dear." *do I have a choice*

*no you don't* "Asshole."

"So, how'd we die?"

"Pretty gruesome."

"Like how?"

"You offed yourself."

"And what would make me do that?"

"Oh you were doing your Brian Kinney doesn't need anyone shit, shoved me out of the door and I fell to my death down the elevator shaft, then you killed yourself due to grief."

"Uh huh."

"Then we were murdered, eiw, very bloody, no, wait, we faked our deaths and I'm giving you head somewhere in the Alps."

"That's better."

"Hey, why am I always giving you head in these stories?"

"Some writers have a more literary sense of priorities than others."

"Fuck you."

"Maybe later, anymore?"

"Yeah, we went on a trip out west and while we were fucking I got bit by a snake and died then a huge boulder squashed you just like Wile E Coyote."

"Ha, at least we went out fucking."

"We went out fucking alright."

"Whatcha mean?"

"Another story, we decided to commit suicide together, you even have your own plane in this one."

"Really? What kind?"

"Doesn't say."

"Shit, that writer probably doesn't know dick about planes."

"Probably, but we were fucking then out we went."

"On purpose?"

"Yup, on purpose, but at least we made it to heaven together."

"That's good."

"Mm hmm. Brian, have you ever fucked a guy named Peter."

"Peter? Don't think so."

"I think you better."

"Anymore stories?"

"Yeah, Michael killed us."

"Why would he do that?"

"His usual whiny, jealous, poor me, Brian doesn't love me shit."

"Oh."

"How'd he do it?"

"Made us drink poison. No, oh, it was only a dream."

"Well slap my thighs, call me Bobby and send me to Dallas!"

"What?!"

"Dallas, dream, Bobby...oh fuck it. Anything else?"

"Yeah, but not on the virus page, we were murdered in a very unreasonable way."

"Ah." *3,2,1*

"Brian?"

*here it comes*

"Brian, would you be sad if I died?"

"Justin, what the hell kind of question is that?"

"Please Brian, no Kinney-speak, I really need to know."

"Alright, first, shut down the computer and step away from the desk. Better, now, come here and cuddle."

"Brian Kinney does not do cuddling."

"Shut up twat and cuddle. Now listen, are you listening?"

"Yes Brian."

"Good. Justin, you remember the Ian thing?"

"Briian!"

"Shush, remember when we weren't together."

"Yes."

"Even though we weren't, we were, let me finish; I could see you, talk to you, I knew you were out there. At the diner, Woody's, Babylon, you were there, somewhere. We weren't a couple but you were there. I could touch you, smell you; you were alive. No matter how much I tried to deny it, I missed you. I tried to drink and fuck myself into oblivion but I knew, somehow I knew we'd be back together and I got through it."

"It helped that I became your stalker again."

"Yes it did. The point is Justin, I could live cause you were there. If you were gone I couldn't and that's the truth, no Kinney-speak, the truth. You live, I live; you don't, I don't. Simple enough for that pretty blond head of yours?"

"Yeah."

"So no more fanshit?"

"No more."

"Thank the gods that's settled."

"Yeah, I got it, you so love me and I love you, you asshole."

"Twat."

"Uh Jus, why do I have to fuck someone named Peter?"

"Insurance."

"What kind of insurance?"

"Heaven insurance."

"Oh."

"Bri, do I always have to be the one giving head?"

"Nope."

"NO?"

"Variety is the spice of life."

"Is this a dream?"

"No."

"Yee haw. Do I get to top?"

"Don't push it."

"Bed?"

"Bed!"

****xxxx****xxxx****xxxx****xxxx****xxxx****xxxx****xxxx****

"Brian?"

"Justin, your dick is in my mouth, you better be saying my name cause I'm fabulous."

"Uh..."

"What?!"

"This is a three day weekend."

"So, we have three days for me to suck your cock."

"But Bri..."

"Three days for me to fuck your butt."

"Three days for those writers to think of something else to do to us."

"FUCK!"

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