All Things Considered, We’d Rather Be In Philadelphia”

Author's Note: (Queer As Folk Fandom–Better Friends Alternate Universe)

Thank you to Thyme for the great beta and to Sabina for the wonderful picture.
 

*****


The gang was gathered at Danny’s townhouse for their first movie night in several weeks. All the usual suspects were present, as well as some new additions. Emmett was happy to have as many of his friends around as possible and Danny never said no to anything Emmett wanted–much to Brian’s annoyance and Emmett’s smug delight. In this instance, it meant that they were playing host not only to Ted and Blake, Brandon and Hunter, Daphne and Jamie, all of whom Brian could tolerate easily enough, but Emmett had added John and Micky O’Keefe, yet another breeder couple to the guest list.

Now, Brian liked John; he spent a lot of time with him playing racquetball and soccer. He even tolerated John’s wife, Micky. But he liked breeders in small doses. Two such couples, both related to his partner, was pushing it. The family type talk, kids’ grades, illnesses, braces, etc, would exceed his maximum capacity fairly early in the evening, he knew it. Given that his capacity for that crap was about three minutes, it was a safe bet.

He told Danny as much as they searched through the DVDs for the ones they wanted to watch that night.

Danny just laughed at him. “Besides,” he added, his head buried in the entertainment center. “I put up with Ted; you should be able to put up with my brothers.”

“What’s wrong with Ted?” Brian asked, feigning innocence.

Danny sat back on his haunches, his hands on his thighs. “Come on, ‘he’s not only dull, he’s the cause of dullness in others.’”

“Very amusing, Mr. Johnson. At least he is well read enough to recognize that slur you just borrowed from Samuel Johnson, which is more than can be said for your neanderthal brother Jamie. And at least he and Blake get along. Ten to one Jamie and Daphne will be fighting...again. To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, a famous gay wit, some cause happiness wherever they go; with those two, it’s when they go.”

“Samuel Johnson wasn’t gay?” Danny feigned surprise. “Are you sure about that?”

“Goofball,” Brian grinned, despite himself, and reached out to ruffle the curly hair. “Tell me again why we’re having all these people over?”

“Because they’re our friends and we like to see them. At least Emmett and I like to see them.”

“If that’s the reason, why is Brandon coming over. Don’t tell me he’s our friend. I’m pretty sure you don’t like Brandon,” Brian grumbled, not willing to give up yet.
 
Danny thought about that one for a second, then his eyes lit up. “Brandon is a special case. ‘He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by all his friends.’”

Brian slapped his forehead and said, in unison with Danny: “Oscar Wilde.”

“He said all the good ones,” Brian commented, getting up and handing Danny the copy of “I’m No Angel” he’d been searching for.

“I don’t know about that. Good old Mae had some zingers too.”

“Really? Name one.”

“How about, ‘his mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork?” Emmett offered as he walked in with a tray of cut vegetables and dips, his hips swishing in a manner to do Mae proud..

“Not bad,” Danny agreed, “but I think my favorite Mae West line has to be the one in ‘Night After Night,’ when the coat check girl says, ‘Goodness, what lovely diamonds!’ and Mae says....”

Emmett chimed in, one hand on his hip and the other flung out as though loaded down with diamonds, “Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie!”

Brian shook his head in disgust as the other two men fell against each other laughing.

“What’s the matter, Brian? You’re just standing there looking like an envelope without an address on it,” Emmett giggled.

Danny collapsed onto the sofa. “Mark Twain!”

“You two are pathetic. That’s enough with the famous quotes portion of this evening’s entertainment. I give up. The O’Keefe brothers et ux are fine. Do we have enough food for them both? They eat like horses.”

“The food is fine. I made a couple of extra cakes for later and have pizzas to go into the oven for during the movies. Danny did tell you we have a few extra besides John and Micky coming, didn’t he?”

Brian narrowed his eyes as he looked at his suddenly busy partner, who’d found some new reason to hide his head among his massive DVD collection.

“No, he didn’t happen to mention anyone else. Who...?”

The door bell rang just then. With an apologetic glance at Brian, Danny jumped up to get it.

“Mel, Corinne, Mary Pat, how great you could come over.  Come on in.”
 
“Munchers? He invited the munchers? Who’s watching the kids?” Brian hissed under his breath to Emmett as Danny was delayed by the door taking coats. Lindsay was in Europe taking an art course so someone should be back at the O’Keefe house with Gus and J.R., not to mention Briana since it was Danny’s night off from parenting duties. So, why was Mary Pat here?

Brian tried to keep the glare he was feeling from showing on his face.

Emmett moved forward to help greet their guests. And to avoid answering Brian, no doubt.

“Let me take those coats for you, Danny. I’ll put them in the music room for now while you and Brian take drink orders.”

Good idea, let me get the kid alone to kill him, Brian thought. Already the shrill voices of the women were drowning out the music Danny had playing on the stereo. Brian could see it already. Once Daphne and Micky were added to the total, the estrogen in the room would cause an implosion of shrillness that would short out the television and wilt his dick for a month.

He was going to throttle Danny.

No sooner did they get into the kitchen than Danny pushed him against the wall and attacked him. He grabbed Brian’s hands and pinned them above his head with one hand as he reached inside his shirt with the other, squeezing and pinching his nipples fiercely, capturing his mouth and forcing it open with a hot, probing kiss as he ground their hips together. Brian gave in to the moment, deciding his questions–and retribution–could wait.

Coming up for air after a passionate couple of minutes, Danny rested his face in the crook of Brian’s neck, still rubbing against him tantalizingly, causing Brian to let out a slight moan–against his will really–he fully intended to stay annoyed with Danny but it was hard to stay mad at someone who made you this fucking hard.

“You’d better finish what you’ve started,” he warned.

Danny huffed out a short laugh. “I am rather between a rock and a hard place...a very hard place here, aren’t I? You in here, mad as hell and the ladies out there, who will be mad as hell if I don’t get my ass back out there pronto with their drinks.”

“Sucks to be you,” Brian agreed, pressing his crotch against Danny’s suggestively.

Danny took a deep breath, closing his eyes and sucking in his lower lip as he fought for control.  “Later,” he promised. “We will make love for hours and hours. But, I had to invite Mary Pat over tonight. She heard me discussing it with Daphne, and Daphne was saying how much fun we had, and then she let slip that John and Micky were coming, and one thing led to another, and next thing I knew....” He looked up at his lover’s disgusted look.  “What else could I do?”
 
“You? Nothing but invite her and her menage. Moi? Say shame you won’t be there, we’ll be sure to think of you. You are a sucker. A grade ‘A’ sucker.”

“That’s why you love me, isn’t it?” Danny looked up from beneath his long lashes. “My sucking ability?”

Brian gave him a sultry smile before bending his head to kiss his lover again, slowly and deeply this time. “Among other things. All of which I fully intend for you to demonstrate...at length..tonight...to make up for this excruciating evening you have arranged for us.”

“Deal.”


 

****************
 



Two hours later, Danny looked over at Brian and tried to think of what possible act of carnality he could devise to make up for the evening to which he was subjecting the man of his dreams. Despite his best efforts at distraction, and very entertaining movies, the night was a disaster. The conversational topics had included the details of childbirth, leaking breasts, daycare, medical school gore and law firm tedium.

He was never inviting his siblings and their significant others to his home again–they made Ted’s accounting stories sound interesting.

It didn’t help that Mel and Brian kept up their usual feuding. Maybe he could go onto the web and look up some type of Egyptian techniques of pleasuring that they hadn’t tried before to make it up to Brian? Distracted by his musings, he was only half listening when he heard his name in Mel’s forceful voice.

“Danny, if I had a partner like Brian, I would poison his coffee.”

"Mel, if you were Brian's partner, he'd probably drink it," Danny responded reflexively, his subconscious mind providing the famous answer Winston Churchill gave when the same comment was made to him by Lady Astor.

Dead silence greeted his answer at first, and then Brian erupted in loud laughter, joined by all of the gay men. John didn’t laugh only because Mel was his law partner and he was smart enough to know she would make him regret it if he did–he was going to enjoy his little brother’s embarrassment to the full, however, while he watched him try to get out of this. Jamie didn’t laugh only because he knew his wife would kill him and he fully sympathized with Danny since he’d been one second away from saying the same thing.

Mary Pat’s eyes were shooting daggers at her youngest brother as she ignored the other men. Surprisingly, before she could launch into a lecture, it was Mel who reached out a hand and stopped her, a smile on her face.
 
Danny, his face red, started to apologize.  “Mel, I’m sorry, I was just....”

Her eyes twinkled. “No problem, Danny. I understand. ‘You’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening...but this wasn’t it.’” Mel did a very credible Groucho Marx. “Maybe all of us together wasn’t such a good idea?”

“All things considered, I’d rather have been in Philadelphia,” Danny quipped.

It was soon agreed that the party was over. Emmett, with all the skill of the professional party planner, revived from the stupor of despair he’d fallen into at the disaster this movie night turned into within the first twenty minutes.  He managed to usher all of their guests from the house in less than fifteen minutes with jovial assurances that he liked doing all of the clean-up. It was a sign of how happy everyone was to get going that no one offered more than token resistance. He even convinced Danny that of the two tasks, pacifying Brian or doing all of the clean-up, he really thought Danny had the more difficult job and shoo’ed the other man off to his bedroom to get to work. Brian didn’t even offer but stalked off to the bedroom as soon as the guests left.

“Beauty pacifying the Beast,” Emmett teased. “Don’t get bitten anywhere it would hurt.”

Danny raised a slim eyebrow. “But it hurts so good! Take a beast to bed you’ve got to expect a few bites,” he grinned.

Emmett laughed and after a kiss goodnight, Danny made his way to the bedroom to confront his “beast.”

The room was completely dark when he entered it.

“Bri?”

He could make out the long lean form stretched out on their bed...naked and waiting. Eating one of the green apples he loved.

Danny stood for a moment and simply looked at his lover, admiring his beautiful form, the faint light from the moon coming in through the windows highlighting the smooth muscles.

“You’re perfection,” he said finally, his voice low and resonant.

Brian smiled faintly. “Flattery will get you...somewhere. Feel free to elaborate”

Danny chuckled. “How does one elaborate on perfection?” He walked forward, pulling off his shirt. Thinking a moment, he added, “Oscar Wilde said, ‘One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.’ I don’t know if I agree with Oscar on that one, but I do know that, all things considered, I will always be in love with you, mo gra`, and I hope you forgive me for torturing you as I did tonight.”
 
By now, Danny too was naked and he straddled his lover, bending down to brush his lips over Brian’s.

“The making up portion of the evening can begin now,” Danny purred. “One last quote...to paraphrase John Bright, you are a self-made man...and I am about to worship your creator.”

 

Return to Insults Challenge