My Pin-up Bear

“What are you all dressed up for?” Alex asked as he walked into the living room from the kitchen. Walter was dressed up in traditional cowboy fashion from his spurs to his chaps to the pearl buttons on his shirt. He was holding a suit bag and a large duffle bag that was packed with a range of clothes from his best suit and tux to his overalls and everyday wear. Walter almost made it to the door for his escape before Alex caught him.

“Catherine down at the church has some ideas about raising money for the rectory roof,” Walter said a bit evasively. Alex pressed for more information.

“And what is Catherine’s idea?” Alex already knew but he took some perverse pleasure in having Walter fully explain.

“She wants to sell calendars,” Walter mumbled.

“What was that?” Alex pretended not to hear.

“Catherine wants to sell calendars,” Walter clearly enunciated each word.

“Oooh, calendars. And what kind of calendars?”

“The kind with pictures,” Walter said through gritted teeth.

“You mean with floral arrangements or cute animals,” Alex said with wide-eyed innocence.

“No, with people.”

“Children. Sweet innocent children. I’m sure they’ll sell very well.”

“No children,” Walter whispered.

“I beg your pardon?” Alex asked as he leaned in so he could ‘hear’ better.

“I said, no children,” Walter growled.

“No children? Then what will be the subjects for this calendar?”

“Only one subject,” Walter said with a long suffering sigh.

“Only one subject?” Alex repeated watching Walter nod with resignation. “Who is the subject?” Alex asked knowing the answer.


“You! What an honor. How did it all come about?”

“I’m not really sure. I usually attend all the city counsel meetings but I guess I must have missed one. Apparently they were taking suggestions and nominating people to be the subject of the calendar. Someone nominated me. If I was there I would have declined but the next thing I knew Catherine called to congratulate me. She made such a fuss that I couldn’t turn her down. So now I’m supposed to drive to the high school to meet with the counsel and the photographer.”

“The high school?”

“Yes. The regional theater troupe uses our high school when they come this way to perform so the auditorium has several backdrops the photographer wants to use.”

“Makes sense. Would you like a lift?”

“To the high school? Thank you, Alex, but I wouldn’t want you to drive all the way into town for no reason.”

“Not a problem, I was going in anyway.”


“Catherine wanted me to debug her computer.”

“Well, if it isn’t any trouble, I’d be happy for the company,” Walter said. He was more than a little nervous about posing for a stranger. He could relax for the time that he was with his lover.

In about an hour Walter and Alex were at the high school, walking through the side entrance of the auditorium.

“Where is everyone?” Walter asked. The auditorium was dark and they hadn’t seen any other cars in the lot.

“I think you’ll find we have all that we need,” Alex said with some authority.

“We?” Walter asked as Alex pulled a small but expensive digital camera out of his pocket. “Alex, you rat. What the hell is going on?” Walter growled impatiently.

Alex beamed a sparkling smile at his snarling bear. Emerald green eyes twinkled with mischief. The bear lost some of his ire.

“Walter,” Alex began as he slowly approached his mate. “Catherine wanted to hire a professional photographer but they don’t come cheap so I volunteered. I’ve had plenty of experience taking pictures.”

“Especially when blackmail’s involved,” Walter sneered.

Nonplussed, Alex continued. “I thought you’d be more comfortable with someone you know. I promise you, it’ll be completely painless.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Walter snorted.

“It’s for a good cause. Besides, you were chosen because you happen to be one of the most handsome men in the county,” Alex purred.

“Alex, I’m old and bald. You look young, beautiful and have a full head of hair.”

“I’m a spy not a cowboy. You make a more convincing cowboy.”

“No cowboys in the mother-land?”

“They were called Cossacks,” Alex said with his own snarl. Walter held his hands up in surrender to the former assassin then let his lover dress and photograph him for each month of the year.

When they were almost finished, Alex and Walter reviewed the photos.

“You have a real talent, Alex. You’ve made me look good.”

“Walter, you are a ruggedly handsome man. You left many a broken heart at the Hoover.”

Walter said nothing but was secretly pleased his lover thought him handsome. “Alex, love, we’re shy one picture,” Walter said softly as he looked through the pictures again.

“I know, I just wanted to take something very special for August. Something hot and sizzling,” Alex said batting his long sable lashes at his big bad bear.

“Oh no! I am not posing naked.”

“Walter! Would I do that to you? I have just the right prop to hide your assets.” Alex pulled out something that was hidden behind the curtain. A ten gallon hat!

Using another prop and all his powers of persuasion, Alex took the final picture of his big bad beautiful and naked bear.

“Alex, are you sure no one could see any of my, uh...”

“Assets? No, absolutely not. First, I would never do that to you. This is for a church calendar and these are our neighbors and friends. More importantly, I want all of your considerable assets for myself. I don’t share very well, Walter,” Alex admitted as he and Walter rolled up a fake bear skin rug that Alex used as the other prop in the picture.

Alex helped Walter pack up his clothes then they drove home.




After dinner the lovers snuggled in front of their fireplace.

“Alex, did the counsel really hold a vote?” Walter asked as he nibbled on an elfin ear.

“No, I admit I suggested the calendar to Catherine,” Alex said with a sigh. Walter held a similar power over Alex as Alex had over Walter. “And it is for a good cause. Do you forgive my deceit?” Alex asked as he sucked on Walter’s lower lip.

“I do but I think next time we have a fundraiser you should be the pin-up,” Walter said as he thoroughly kissed his sneaky rat.

“As long as I have an appropriate hat to hide my assets,” Alex replied.

“I think that can be arranged,” Walter said as he reached behind a chair into a shopping bag and pulled out a large styrofoam hat in the shape of a wedge of cheese. He then set it down on Alex’s ass.
Unable to think of any retort, Alex entrusted his hat, ass and assets into his lover’s capable hands.

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