Worth Celebrating

Sir Justin and the Ogre

Fairy Tales with a Twist

Warnings: Silly sooth.
Notes: Based loosely (very very loosely) on part of the Tale of Sir Gawaine and the Green Knight (sometimes it’s told about Gareth and Elaine), only the story has been amended to fit the challenge


Sir Justin was one of the most honored knights in the kingdom. He was handsome and brave and honorable. Sheba, Queen of Babylon, herself had called him a “walking wet dream”. Many fair maidens and beautiful young men sighed when he walked by and wished that they would be the one … the one who would win him, the one to whom he would surrender himself for the first time.

But Sir Justin knew that he had to wait for his true love, and that when his true love came along he would be someone honorable and kind as well as beautiful.

Now, it was a well understood fact in that country, that if a knight saved someone from a terrible fate, unless either of them had a partner already (and sometimes even then) they were expected to become lovers for at least a year.

Mostly, this meant that the knights were very careful who they rescued.

So when the dreaded Brian, Ogre of Liberty Avenue (rumored to chew up his tricks and spit them out without even offering them breakfast first), found himself in trouble, no one wanted to come to his assistance.

An evil young man named Kipto Mouse (he’d got the nick name because he was very small in a certain important part of his anatomy) had accused Ogre Brian of forcing him to have sex with him if he wanted to keep his job as a lackey in the Ogre’s castle. Now, everyone knew this couldn’t be true. Brian had no trouble getting people to have sex with him, it was just that no one wanted to have to put up with his rudeness, and meanness for more than one night. But the only way that Brian could prove himself innocent was if someone brave and honorable would go into battle for him. And, since everyone knew that he was innocent, and whoever did battle for him was bound to win, that meant that someone would be stuck with him for a whole year.

So no one wanted to fight Kipto Mouse, and it looked like Ogre Brian might lose everything.

But when word reached Sir Justin of this piece of injustice, he couldn’t rest until he’d rescued Kipto Mouse’s victim.

Everyone warned him what the consequences would be, but he bravely ignored them, and went to find the Kipto Mouse to do battle for the sake of Ogre Brian.

After Sir Justin had won the battle, as tradition decreed, he followed Ogre Brian up the stairs and into his fabulous chamber.

Sir Justin was very nervous. He didn’t know if the Ogre knew that he was a virgin, and he felt silly trying to tell him. So he just crossed his fingers and hoped that the Ogre wasn’t as bad as he’d heard.

To his surprise, once the door was closed and locked, and all the rest of the world was shut out, Brian stopped being an Ogre, and became a passionate and considerate lover. He made Sir Justin feel wonderful, and taught him well all the arts of love between two men.

The next morning, they went together to get some breakfast, and to Sir Justin’s pained surprise, Brian was once more an Ogre. He ignored Sir Justin and went off with a trick to the bathroom right in front of not just him, but everyone who was at the diner where all the Babylon knights hung out. Everyone gave poor Sir Justin pitying looks and patted him sympathetically on the shoulder, which didn’t make him feel better at all. Especially as he knew that they were really thinking “I told you so”.

That night Sir Justin was very reluctant to go back to Ogre Brian’s chamber, but he knew that it was the proper thing to do, so he forced himself.

And once again it was as it had been the previous night

As soon as the door was locked and all the rest of the world shut out, Brian turned into a warm and affectionate lover, with a wicked sense of humor that had Justin’s laughter ringing through the chamber as often as his cries of pleasure.

Yet once they left the chamber the next day, all was as it had been before. Brian was once again a horrible Ogre, and everyone felt so sorry for poor Sir Justin.

Sir Justin thought about this a good deal, and decided that he wasn’t going to say anything to anyone about the change that came over Ogre Brian once the door was locked, and the rest of the world shut out. No one would believe him anyway. And even if they did, it might mean that Ogre Brian would stop changing into Boyfriend Brian, and Sir Justin certainly didn’t want that to happen.

So he said nothing, he just watched and wondered, and one day he went to see a very strange but wise woman named Mysterious Marilyn who told him a terrible story.

Brian hadn’t always been an Ogre. But he’d been brought up by terrible cruel goblins, and hadn’t managed to find any escape from their cruelty till he was fourteen years old. Then he’d met a strange looking little boy named Michael, with dark hair and a scrunched up face who’d helped him. Brian had been very grateful to the boy, and thought that he had found a friend.

But the boy was really a wicked troll. He lusted after Brian’s body, and when he realised that Brian was never going to want him like that, he did a terrible thing. He collected all the bad thoughts that people ever had about Brian. (You know the sort of thoughts that everyone has about even their nearest and dearest sometimes, but they usually don’t matter because they get forgotten so quickly.) Michael collected all those thoughts and mixed them up together and threw them over Brian to cast a spell that meant that everyone would always see Brian as an Ogre. And the more they saw him as an Ogre, the more he’d behave like one.

But somehow the spell also bound Brian more and more closely to the evil troll. The longer it went on, the harder it became for him to fight it. He’d even given the troll a key to his special chamber.

(That was something that Sir Justin knew only too well, because the evil troll, who hung around Ogre Brian all the time when they were outside the chamber, also kept turning up at the most inconvenient moments when they were home alone together, and all the rest of the world should have been locked out.)

Mysterious Marilyn told him that the only way Brian could ever escape from the spell was if someone loved him enough to stay with him for a year, and then there might, just might be a chance.

She told Sir Justin that at the end of a year, Ogre Brian would ask him a question, and if he gave the right answer, then Brian would be free from the spell.

She couldn’t tell him what the question was.

She couldn’t tell him what his answer should be.

She could only tell him that when the time came, if he truly loved Brian, he would know what to say.

Sir Justin felt that he did truly love Brian. He was determined to find the way to break the spell.

As the months went on, however, it was very difficult for Sir Justin. He found himself loving Brian more and more, and Brian became more and more loving with him, too.

But the more loving Brian became behind the closed doors of their special chamber, the worse Ogre Brian became outside it. And as Ogre Brian became meaner and crueller to poor Sir Justin, it became harder and harder for Sir Justin to meet the pitying eyes of his friends bravely and pretend that nothing was the matter. Especially when Ogre Brian abandoned him in the middle of Babylon to go off after yet another trick, or sneered at the very idea that they were any sort of couple.

And, of course, the wicked troll Michael did everything he could to make sure that as soon as the year was up Brian and Justin would never want to see each other again.

Two of his friends, knowing that the year he had to spend with Ogre Brian was nearly up, and thinking that they were helping, introduced Sir Justin to a visiting musician, who tried to woo him with flowers and chocolates. But the flowers made him sneeze, and chocolate for breakfast made him queasy all day and Sir Justin was smart enough to see through all his bullshit, so eventually the musician slunk off never to be seen or heard from again.

Finally, the year drew to a close.

On the last night that custom demanded they spend together, they went up the steps once more to Brian’s chamber, that over the last year had become Sir Justin’s home.

He wondered if he would ever climb those stairs again after tonight. For Sir Justin didn’t think that Ogre Brian would want him there, once he was free to decide for himself.

He was sad as Brian began to make love to him, and felt tears slipping down his face.

Brian wiped them gently away. “Justin, please, don’t cry. I’m not worthy of your tears.”

“You are,” Justin asserted. “I love you.”

Brian lay silent for a moment studying him.

Then he said, “Justin, if you really love me …”

“You know I do,” Justin murmured, stroking his face.

Brian looked into his eyes. “You’ve never asked me why I’m the way I am. Why I’m so loving to you in here, when we have the door locked and all the rest of the world shut out. And so horrible to you when once we go out through that door.”

Justin squirmed a little. Then he realised that he had to be honest. “I asked Mysterious Marilyn. She told me about the spell.”

“Did she tell you how it could be broken?”

“She said if I loved you, if I stayed with you, then at the end of the year you’d ask me a question, and if I get the answer right, it will break the spell.”

Brian nodded, thoughtfully and sadly.

“She said that if I loved you, I’d know how to answer. And I do, Brian. I do love you. So ask me. Please ask me,” Sir Justin begged.

For a long moment more Brian looked into his beautiful blue eyes, then he kissed him one more time. Then he said, “If you want after tonight we can stay together. But after tonight … you get to choose.

“If you want, we can go on being the way we’ve been. In here, I can be as loving as you’ll let me be, but out there …”

He stopped. He didn’t have to say any more about that.

“Or … in here I can be Ogre Brian, but out there I can be your boyfriend, buy you flowers, gifts, whatever you want, all you deserve. So all your friends will stop pitying you, and maybe even feel jealous that you’re with someone who loves you and who is so fucking hot.”

Justin lay and looked at him for a long time. He thought about how if he chose that all his friends would totally be so jealous. He thought too, about how he’d miss Brian, his Brian, the one he loved touching and licking and sucking, the one he loved having touch, lick, suck and fuck him. He didn’t know if he could bear to go through life without that, without his Brian.

Then he thought about how sad life was for Brian in the world outside the locked door of their chamber. How hard his life was when everyone treated him like an asshole, and no one seemed to think he had any sort of heart to hurt.

He touched Brian’s face.

“Is there some special way I have to say my answer?” he asked. “Do I have to stand with my hand on my heart or something?”

Brian smiled at him sadly and longingly. He was sure he knew what Sir Justin was going to choose.

“I’d rather you said it lying here with your hand on my cock,” he replied.

Justin smiled at him and wrapped his fingers around Brian’s large cock, stroking it lovingly.

“Then my answer is … it should be the way you want it to be. You should choose how you want people to see you, and how you want it to be with me here behind the locked doors when the rest of the world is shut away. I love you and I’ll go along with whatever you choose. No matter how other people see you, or how you behave to me sometimes, I know you, Brian. I know who you are, and I love you.”

Brian gave a great sigh. Then he laughed. Then he snatched brave and beautiful Sir Justin up in his arms and kissed him, over and over and over.

Then he fucked him all night long.

In the morning, they went together to the diner where all the knights of Babylon hung out. They’d just got there when Michael arrived looking very happy.

He knew the year was over, and he believed that once Ogre Brian had the choice he’d be kicking Sir Justin right to the curb.

Boy! Did he get a shock!

First he walked in just as Brian kissed brave and beautiful Sir Justin in front of everyone in the diner.

Then Brian came over to him and said, “Hand over the key to my special chamber, Mikey. Sir Justin and I are the only ones allowed to be there now. You’re not welcome in my life any more you little shit.”

Then brave and beautiful Sir Justin grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, threw him out through the door of the diner, and kicked his ass halfway down the street.

“Get out of here, you ugly little toad!” he said.

Then he walked into the diner and claimed another kiss from his boyfriend.

“Nobody messes with my man and gets away with it,” he said.

Brian laughed as he pulled him down to sit on his lap.

And they lived happily ever after.



When they died in their bed at a ripe old age (well over 100 - all that cardiovascular workout did wonders for their longevity, well until that last final fuck anyway) they were buried together and the words “get a room” were inscribed on their tombstone as a fitting testament to the love between them.Return to Fairytale