The Prince and the Peas

Title: Revisionist Tales -- The Prince and the Peas

"Once upon a time, there was a prince who was forced to marry a Princess.  He did not want to marry, because he liked boys, but the King and Queen insisted.  

So Prince Brian traveled all over the world looking for a suitable princess, but he found none he could accept.  No matter how hard he tried to deny his own feelings, each woman presented to him had one unforgivable flaw— they weren't the blond boy he dreamed of.

Exhausted from his search, Prince Brian returned to his kingdom disheartened.  His homecoming was not a happy occasion.  The King and Queen were very disappointed with him.  The only one happy to see the Prince return was his friend, Lord Michael.  

Lord Michael was desperately in love with the Prince, although Prince Brian never returned his feelings.  That is why when Prince Justin turned up at the castle one night, he'd just been kicked out of his own kingdom by the evil old King, Lord Michael plotted against him instead of bowing out gracefully and letting the Princes be together.  

So later that night, Lord Michael snuck into Prince Justin's bedroom and put a bunch of peas under the mattress.  He knew they would make the bed lumpy and Prince Justin wouldn't be able to sleep.  Then when he woke up the next morning, he would be tired and ugly and Prince Brian wouldn't fall in love with him.

Lord Michael's plan did work, sort of.  The bed was lumpy and Prince Justin couldn't sleep.  But instead of suffering the rest of the night, he went to Prince Brian's bedroom and asked to sleep with him.  Prince Brian immediately fell in love with Prince Justin and they lived happily ever after."

Gus giggled happily and proceeded to shovel another spoonful of peas into his mouth.  "Good boy," Justin praised.  "You eat up all those peas so they don't make your bed lumpy."

"No lum-peas," Gus mumbled around the spoon. Just then, Michael and Brian entered the diner.  Still wrapped up in the story, Gus squealed, "No, daddy love Prince Jus!" and flicked his spoonful of peas at Michael.

Brian rolled his eyes.  "Calm down, Sonny Boy, daddy loves Prince Jus."  He slid into the booth next to his boys and kissed Justin to reassure his son.  "Telling your stories again?" he asked his lover.


Justin shrugged, struggling to suppress a smile.  "It's the only way he'll eat his peas."

"But why am I always the bad guy in your twisted tales?" Michael groused as he shook the peas out of his hair.

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