I THINK THAT I SHALL NEVER SEE….

 

“I guess it’s time to head over to Emmett’s,” Justin said. It was a few days before Christmas and the guys were cleaning up after a simple dinner in the loft.

“In a bit,” Brian replied, “But come over here and sit down for a minute. I want you to promise me something.”

A puzzled Justin moved over and sat down next to Brian on the sofa. “I hope I didn’t do anything wrong, Bri,” he said as he snuggled up to the big guy. “I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“Nope,” Brian told him. “Actually you did something right – and what I want you to promise is that you’ll always do it right. I want you to promise me that we’ll always have a real Christmas tree.”

“You know what, Brian,” Justin was puzzled again. “Our tree is not a real tree. We couldn’t have a real tree and keep it up as long as you want to keep it up. The needles would be all over the place and you would not be very pleased about that. The only real tree around here is the little tree we get for Gus. Gus’ tree is real but ours isn’t – but then there’s one more live tree in the forest cause ours is artificial so we’re ‘green’ too, just like our tree.”

“Well that’s what I mean - that our tree is green Sweetheart,” Brian explained. “Green like it would be if it was real. That’s exactly what I mean. I like a tree to look green.”

“Of course I’ll promise that we’ll always have a tree that you’ll like, Mr. Kinney,” Justin smiled at him. “But maybe some day you’ll see a different color tree that you like better so I don’t want to promise we’ll always have green because you might change your mind in ten years – and you know how I hate to break a promise. Our tree will always be the color you want though. Now would you want to tell me what this is all about?”

Not that the kid didn’t already know exactly what it was all about – being very quick to figure stuff out.

“Well,” Brian told him. “There was Mikey’s blue tree….”

”But I thought that looked nice with all white lights on it,” Justin interrupted. “Didn’t you?”

“Probably looked better than it would have with pink lights,” Brian grudged. “And that dopey Mikey telling me the thing was a blue spruce. Like I don’t know a blue spruce is really green.”

“I see what you mean,” Justin agreed – but to no avail in disturbing Brian’s train of thought.

“And then there was Debby’s tree,” Brian was smiling, seemingly in a world of his own. “Rotating aluminum – silver, with a purple spotlight shining on it. Tacky…. She’s had that tree since I was a kid. Me and Mikey used to…. And that tree that Ted and Blake have. I guess you could call it gold – I guess they think it’s gold - but it looked kind of yellow to me. I didn’t like it too much…. Kind of ugly actually.”

“OK, Honey,” Justin tried to get through. “I’d never try to pull anything like that on you. Our tree will always be green – unless you decide you want something else. You got my promise. How’s that?”

“And I didn’t much like the white tree over at Linz and Mel’s either,” Brian continued unfazed. “I told them I wanted Gus to grow up with real Christmas trees – not some old white tree.”

“You know what, Bri,” Justin tried again, “That tree was real. A real tree - right out of the woods. They just sprayed it with white stuff to make it look snowy.”

“Bad idea,” Brian replied, returning to the real world. “But not as bad as the damn red tree at the Gay and Lesbian Center. Red yet. People are crazy, Baby. Trees are green.”

“Yeah, they are” Justin agreed. “It’s just that Christmas has a lot of different colors and so some people decide to have trees in lots of different colors too. Some of them can look pretty good if they’re decorated right. But if you want green, it’s green for us. Another fifty Christmases with a green tree every year. Sounds good to me as long as I have you too….”

“You think when Gus grows up, he’ll have a green tree?” Brian wondered out loud. “I hope they don’t bring him up to like white trees. Maybe I ought to talk to Linz again….”

“I don’t think you need to do that, Brian,” Justin tried to comfort him. “Gus has a good level head on his shoulders. He’ll want a green tree when he has his own. I’d bet on that.”

“OK, Baby,” Brian seemed to snap out of his reverie. “I just wanted to talk a little bit about that. I feel a lot better. I guess we can head over to Emmett’s now. Bet he’ll have some crazy tree too.”

“Well, maybe I should tell you something now, Bri,” Justin said. “I don’t want you to offend Emm. I’d like it if you could even say something nice about his tree. Emm’s especially proud of his tree this year. He thinks it’s the nicest tree he’s ever had.”

“Some crazy color, I guess,” Brian supposed. “Can’t be worse than what we’ve already seen, Honey. Probably apricot – or maybe fuchsia.”

“Well, maybe I better tell you a little more, Sweetheart,” Justin decided. “Yeah, I better. Emmett’s tree is like a rainbow, Bri. It’s a rainbow tree. Lots of different Christmas colors. He really loves it – and that’s what really matters - so try not to hurt his feelings.”

“A damn rainbow Christmas tree?” Brian visualized. “All the wrong colors on one poor tree. Emmett must be nuts. Rainbow. Geez. I guess I’m lucky to have you around here after all. Our place is just perfect. You do some crazy stuff sometimes but you’d never do a rainbow Christmas tree. I guess that’s why I love you, Baby.”

“Brian, Sweetheart,” Justin ventured further. “I have to tell you one more thing. I guess. I hope that’s not why you love me. You’re gonna find out anyhow so I gotta tell you. Maybe I helped design that tree for Emmett. He wanted something really unique and different and so I thought….”

“You’re telling me that you designed that rainbow tree for Emmett,” Brian started to laugh. “That’s what you’re telling me, isn’t it?’

“Yeah,” Justin admitted a bit nervously, “But I’d never do that over here….”

”No you wouldn’t, Baby,” Brian squeezed the twink affectionately. “Because you know I don’t need anything unique and different like Emmett does. I’ve already got something different and unique – really different and really unique - and I’m more than satisfied with it too. I might even be in love with it.”

They were both smiling happily as they set out for Emmett’s – rainbow tree notwithstanding. Brian had been reminded that it’s not the tree or any of the other wondrous holiday peripherals that make Christmas Christmas. But it was just a reminder. He had really known that all along. And so had Justin.
 

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