Twice Blessed


We nursed each other
Through defeat
And learned
To be graceful
In triumph
And now,
We are twice blessed
We are still lovers
And we are still friends
                          Leonard Nimoy

Justin said goodbye to Cynthia outside the deli, declining a ride to his mom’s condo, but promising to think about what she had told him. He needed to walk, despite the summer heat and the clouds forming, turning the midday sunshine to dusk. Justin ignored the ominous sign, and, lost in thought, walked past stores and dry cleaners and people rushing to wherever before the rain started. Justin loved the rain. Always had. The cool drops of water felt so good after the heat of the summer sun. Lightning, arced across the sky in glittering patterns. Thunder, loud androlling over and over.

He remembered one time when he was little and was staying at his grandparents house for a few weeks. They lived in the country, with hills all around the little valley. One night a huge storm blew in, with lightening brighter than he’d ever seen in the city and thunder that roared through the valley. Justin ran into his grandparent’s bedroom and climbed on the bed to lay between the two adults. His grandmother held him and asked him if he knew where thunder came from. He shook his head no. “Well,” she said calmly, “When you hear the thunder, that means that the angels are bowling, and each time you hear a thunder clap, one of them just knocked all the pins down.”

The young child thought about this for a minute, then said, “They sure must be bowling good tonight, huh, Gramma?”

The rain started to fall lightly, cooling his skin. He smiled to himself and thought of one special afternoon with Brian. One of the happy times after the prom. After the bashing. After the hospital and rehab. Before things went so bad.

***********************************

It was a Saturday, late in the spring and Justin had to finish a sketch for one of his classes. The day was already overcast when they left, but it was his last chance, so he talked Brian into taking him back to the same scenic spot where he had started the drawing. Justin packed a lunch for them to eat. Brian refused to call it a picnic. He didn’t do picnics. So Justin agreed it was ‘just some chicken and fruit for lunch’ and let it go. It wasn’t worth arguing over. Besides, he knew that he had already won.

They parked beside the road and walked up the bluff overlooking the large lake. About a hundred yards down the path, Justin found the perfect spot. He looked out over the water and trees. “I could stay here forever,” he whispered.

Brian put the basket of food down on a flat piece of ground and stared at the one person who was able to get him to do anything. He didn’t need the sun shining in the sky. It was shining from the blond haired vision before him. He walked up behind Justin and put his arms around him. Together they gazed out at the lake and far off mountains. Brian leaned down and placed small kisses on Justin’s neck.

Justin leaned into the older man and let out a little moan. A cool breeze ruffled their hair and sent a little shiver through Justin’s body. As much as he wanted to stay like that, he pulled away.

“Um, I have to get this sketch done, okay?” he said, regretfully, then smiled. “Besides, there’s always dessert.”

Justin made several sketches over the next few hours, lost in the scenery and the flowing lines on the white paper. He stopped frequently to rest his hand, but Brian knew not to comment. Justin would stop only when HE was ready. Brian read for a while and outlined a possible pitch for his newest client, occasionally glancing up to see how Justin was doing. He had watched Justin draw enough to know that he was in his own world now, and wasn’t to be disturbed.

Finally, Brian heard Justin sigh and looked up to see him putting his sketch pad into his backpack. Brian smiled and put his book down, too.

“Hungry?”

“Yeah,” he said, snuggling against Brian. “Thanks for bringing me here.”

“Didn’t have anything better to do,” Brian said casually. Justin caught the tone of his voice and looked up to see a small grin.

By the time they had finished the chicken and fed each other strawberries and kisses, the soft, cool breeze from earlier, gently fluttering the leaves, had begun blowing through the tree branches and kicking up the drying leaves on the ground around them. Large drops of rain started falling and lightening tore through the sky over the lake. Justin stared at the bright flashes, ignoring Brian’s pleas to head back to the Jeep.

“Wait. Sit back down and watch with me.”

“Justin,” Brian said, but sat back down anyway, pulling Justin close as they watched the show off in the distance.

“Were you ever afraid of thunder and lightening, Brian?”

“No. Were you?”

“I was afraid of the thunder. It was so loud. But my grandmother told me that when it thundered, the angels were bowling and each thunder clap was a strike. It made me feel better.”

They sat there for several minutes until the lightening came closer than was comfortable. They grabbed the wet blanket and the rest of their belongings and ran to the parked Jeep. When they were safe inside, they were both laughing. Brian looked into Justin’s blue eyes, and wondered at the life he now had and how long it would last before...before it disappeared. Justin only knew he had never been happier than he was at that minute, soaking wet, with the man he loved..

***********************************

A loud clap of thunder pulled Justin from his daydream in time to see the bus a few feet away. He hopped on, glad for the ride to the suburbs. He would take Cynthia up on her offer. Once he had made up his mind, he smiled.  Maybe it would work this time. Just maybe.

***********************************

The following Monday, Brian landed in Houston at 11am, glad he had worn casual clothes for the trip. The hot, humid Houston weather, normal for July, clung to his skin. Briefly, he wished for the cool rain that fell over Pittsburgh all weekend. The rain had reminded him of other times, happy times, and he wanted them back. By the time the plane had landed, he knew what he was going to do when he got back home. He almost wished he could get back on the plane and go back now, but he had other obligations, so he steeled himself for the upcoming meetings and left the terminal. Cynthia would join him later that evening, after getting some important documents that wouldn’t be ready til that afternoon.

The car Russell Charles had ordered for him pulled up just as he exited the terminal. The cool, air-conditioned interior felt good as he rode through the center city lunchtime traffic to his hotel. Checking his watch, he was glad to see that he would have plenty of time to shower and change clothes before the 2:30 meeting. “Dress casually,” Mr. Charles had suggested. “It’s way too hot for suits, even indoors. Besides, this is Texas.”

Just before he left the suite, he called Cynthia to see how things were going in Pittsburgh.

“Cynthia,” he said when she answered. “Did you get all the paperwork we need?”

“Yes, Boss. Don’t worry. I’ll be on the 5:15 flight from here as planned. Will I need to take a taxi to the hotel?”

“No, the driver who picked me up said he already knew to pick you up this evening. I just need to verify your flight. Bring something cool to wear, the heat and humidity down here are awful.”

“And it’ll get hotter, I bet.”

“What?”

“Ah, nothing,. If that’s all, I need to finish a few things here.”

“Okay. Oh, listen, I’m going to Russell Charles’ home for dinner. Not sure how late I’ll be getting back to the hotel, so you may be there before me. Your room will be on the same floor as mine. I’ve already confirmed that so we shouldn’t have much trouble working.”

“Working. Yeah. Bye, Boss.”

Brian closed the cell phone, unable to get the feeling that something strange was going on. Maybe she thought he would be out tricking or at least touring the local gay clubs. Whatever the reason, she sounded uncharacteristically distracted. Cynthia said she had all the paperwork he needed, so unless she missed her plane, everything should be alright. Still uneasy, Brian walked down to the lobby, glad to see the black limo waiting for him. Malcolm, the driver, opened the door and Brian climbed in, again grateful for the air conditioning. They pulled away from the curb, heading to the ProTex headquarters.

***********************************

The meetings went well, and Russ had even given Brian a tour of the facilities. He was impressed with the technology he saw, and the professional way the business was run. ProTex would do well in his hands.

“Well, Brian,” Russell Charles drawled. “What do you think?”

Brian smiled at the older man. “Russ, you have a great layout here. Well run, efficient. Good product. I’ll be glad to do whatever you’d like to get things going.”

“My wife Ginny is looking forward to meeting you this evening. Maybe we can talk a little after dinner. I know your assistant will be in later and you’ll want to get back to the hotel. Malcolm will be here in a half hour to take us to my house. Don’t worry about ‘dressing’, we’re pretty laid back. You’re fine. Come on back to my office while I get a few things out of the way for the weekend.”

Brian followed the older man to his office, glad he didn’t see any animal heads on the oak paneled walls or steer horns on the large desk. It was, in fact, very tastefully decorated in rich woods and leather furniture. Several pieces of art work caught his eye and he studied the paintings while the other man finished his paperwork. One scene was of a desert sunset with the bright orange-red sun half hidden by some ragged mountains. The sky was vibrant in golds and oranges contrasting with the growing shadows of the sparse desert.

“Do you like them, Brian?” Russell asked, seeing Brian’s interest in the artwork.

“Yes, I do.”

“That particular one was painted in west Texas at the ranch my wife’s family owns. It was my birthday present a few years ago.”

He looked at the signature. Virginia? Ginny. Your wife?”

“Yes. I’m very proud of her. Come on. Malcolm should be here and I’m getting pretty hungry.”

They pulled up to a large two story native stone house, set on several acres of land. A tall, thin woman opened the front door and stepped onto the porch. She lightly kissed her husband casually on the mouth and reached out her hand to Brian. “Welcome to our home, Mr. Kinney. Come on in and relax.”

Brian like the woman’s warmth immediately. “Thank you. Call me Brian, please.”

“And I’m Ginny,” she said, as she led Brian into a comfortable living room. “Can I get you something to drink? Dinner should be ready in just a few minutes. I’m getting ready to put the steaks on the grill. How do you like yours?”

“Rare,” Brian answered, reaching for the beer her husband held out to him.

Dinner, which was served outside on the large native stone patio, went smoothly and Brian enjoyed Russ and Ginny’s hospitality. The simple meal of steak and salad was delicious and the conversation never dragged. They talked about Ginny’s paintings and Brian shared a little of Justin’s experiences, too. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. After all, Justin and he weren’t together anymore and he wasn’t sure how much he had the right to talk about. He rationalized that Justin was an artist, and as such, his work was just as important as anyone else’s and he was proud of what Justin had accomplished for his age.

The sun was setting when Brian said he had to get back to the hotel. His host excused himself and went back into the house. When he came out, his keys were in his hand.

“I really enjoyed meeting you, Ginny. Thank you for the wonderful supper and conversation.”

“My pleasure, Brian. You’re welcome here anytime. I wish I could see some of your friend’s paintings. He sounds like a very talented artist.”

“He is.”

“Come on Brian. I’m driving since Malcolm is at the airport.”

“I hope this isn’t an inconvenience.”

“Nonsense, Brian. I love to drive. Hate having to negotiate rush hour traffic, though. This will be a nice drive back into town.” Russ led Brian to his favorite vehicle. A well used pick-up truck that once had been red, now faded from years of the hot Texas sun. “Hope you don’t mind. It’s not as glamorous as the limo, but I love it.”

“Not at all,” Brian said, climbing into the cab.

As they rode down the long driveway, soft country music played on the radio. Brian wasn’t a real fan of country music and paid little attention to it. He and Russ talked easily about jobs, Pittsburgh and the ranch. They arrived at the hotel and shook hands agreeing to meet in the morning to go over the plans for the campaign in finer detail.

Brian checked with the desk to see if Cynthia had arrived yet. She hadn’t. He left a message for her to call his room as soon as she was settled and rode the elevator to the twelfth floor. He was tired and needed a shower. As he entered the room, he threw his key card onto the small table and slipped out of his shoes. Unbuttoning his shirt as he walked to the bedroom, he was soon undressed. He flipped on the TV and the hotel information channel came on. Country music again. “How can people listen to that all the time?” he wondered, shaking his head and closing the bathroom door.

The warm water cascaded over his head and rinsed the soap from his body. He closed his eyes and turned his face to the shower head. Suddenly, visions of other showers floated through his mind. Hands caressed his body, teeth nipped lightly at his neck and nipples, soft lips kissed the skin of his abdomen, moving lower until...

Brian moved away from the water, bidding all those memories to go away, even though he wanted nothing more than to give in to them. He turned the faucet to cold and stood there for a few minutes until he couldn’t stand it any more and got out. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he entered the bedroom and pulled a pair of jeans out of his suitcase. The wet towel landed on the floor as he pulled the pants up and zipped them. Top button undone and barefoot, he walked into the sitting area and got a tiny bottle of whiskey from the bar. He poured it into a glass and carried it back to the bed, picking up the TV remote as he sat down. Just as he was ready to do some channel surfing, the words to the song being played registered in his mind. Something about a dance. He listened more carefully.

Lookin back on the mem’ry of the dance we shared

Holding you, I held everything for a moment.

‘Neath the stars above

Wasn’t I the king?

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known?

If I’d only known how the king would fall.

Hey, who’s to say that you’d ever say goodbye

You know, I might have changed it all

And now, I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end

The way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance.

I could have missed the pain

But I’d had have missed the dance.

Yes my life, it’s better left to chance.

I could have missed the pain

But I’d had have to miss the dance.

(Words-Tony Arata, Sung by Garth Brooks)

He felt Justin in his arms, white scarf floating with their movements. And the kiss when the music stopped. “Best night of my life.” “Even if it was ridiculously romantic.” He didn’t want to think about the rest. It’s better of forgotten, even though it never would be. Never. He sipped theamber liquid, feeling it burn as it went down. “Yes. It was ridiculously romantic.”

***********************************

Cynthia and Justin left the airport in the limo. Justin had been uncharacteristically quiet during the entire trip. In fact, Cynthia was surprised to hear him speak as they rode into the downtown area of the large city.

“Am I making a mistake doing this? Maybe I should just get on the plane and go back. What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if...” He couldn’t finish this “what if” because it would mean that nothing had changed in all these months and Justin wasn’t ready for that possibility, no matter what Em and Cynthia said about Brian.

Cynthia placed her cool hand on Justin’s. “Sweetie, believe me. You’re not making a mistake. He wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him. You know he just has problems revealing his true feelings.”

Justin nodded then smiled. Boy, did he know. It seems that somewhere along the way, after the bashing, he forgot how to understand Brian. Cynthia’s words calmed him, sort of, and he sat back into the plush leather seat with his eyes closed. A dusky night sky was settling over the large city. He hoped Brian really wanted to be with him as much as Cynthia said. He hated the fact that he was doubting everything. When did this happen, he wondered.

The limo pulled up to the hotel and the two passengers got out. Cynthia held out a tip for the driver, but he waved it off, saying it was all taken care of and he couldn’t accept her money.

Justin took a deep breath as he walked into the hotel lobby with Cynthia. She gave her name at the desk and was given the key card to her room after registering. The clerk also handed her a note from “Mr. Kinney”. “He wants me to call him as soon as I get settled. Guess that means he’s here.” Justin was unsure of what to do. If all went as planned, he would be sharing Brian’s hotel room and Brian’s bed. Cynthia saw his discomfort and wished she could make Justin see how much Brian missed him.

The clerk called for the valet service to take their bags up to the room. Once the man left, Cynthia turned to Justin. “Okay. Should I call Brian now?”

Justin shook his head slowly. “Can you wait a little bit?”

“It’s not going to get any easier, Justin.”

“I know. Why don’t you unpack first?”

Cynthia sighed and opened her suitcase, placing clothes in the dresser drawers and laptop and files on the desk. Justin turned on the television, getting the information channel.

“Oh, I love that song,” Cynthia said. “It’s so sad.”

Justin listened to the words, picturing another dance, another time. A time when he was as happy as he had ever been. Because of Brian. Brian really did love him. He knew that, had known that all along. But it had gotten lost somewhere.

“Call him.”

Cynthia nodded and picked up the phone and dialed the room down the hall.

“Hey, Boss. I’m here,” she said, cheerfully. “Do you want me to come down there now?” She listened for a moment then hung up after saying goodbye. “Let’s go, young man. It’s your show now.”

Brian was sitting up against the headboard of the bed, one bedside lamp the only illumination. He had told Cynthia to drop the papers off and since it was late, they would discuss them in the morning over breakfast. When he heard the knock on his door he got up to open it. Cynthia entered the room empty-handed. “You didn’t bring the files?” Brian asked, closing the door.

“Yes, I had a great trip, thank you. Nice of you to ask.”

“I’m glad. Now, what about the files?”

“I left them in my room,” she stated, then quickly added. “I brought something else, Boss. Sort of a surprise.” She held her hand up to stop him from saying anything. “I know you don’t like surprises, but, well, I think you’ll like this one.”

She pulled the door open to reveal Justin, standing in the opening, looking a little scared and a lot beautiful. “Brian. I...”

“Justin. What are you doing here? How did you...”

Justin mistook Brian’s surprise for dismay. “I’m sorry. I knew it was a bad idea.” He took a step backwards, when Brian realized what Justin thought.

“No. Don’t go. Don’t. Go. Cyn, close the door on your way out,” he said, without taking his eyes off the blue ones staring at him. She was already out the door, a big smile on her face. She figured she’d have the rest of the evening and night to herself. Instead of going to her room, she decided to go to the restaurant for some dinner, alone.

“Brian.” “Justin.” They spoke simultaneously.

“It was Cynthia’s idea. She said that you wanted to see me and Em said the same thing. We had lunch a few days ago. Em and I. Are you mad?”

“No, Sunshine. I’m not mad. I could never be mad at you. Surprised, yes. How did you, I mean, what made you decide to come here. And I don’t mean Cynthia or Emmett. I want to know why you decided to come all the way to Houston to face me. Why couldn’t you do it in Pittsburgh? Why now.”

Justin shook his head and shrugged his shoulders before he broke into a smile. “It just seemed like the right time. I missed you, missed being with you. And I figured you wouldn’t throw me out in a strange city.”

“Uh huh.” That was all Brian said as Justin stood there in the hotel room wondering if he hadn’t made a big mistake. At least Cynthia had two beds in her room, but he hadn’t flown this far to have Cynthia as a roommate.

Brian took several steps closer to Justin, needing to feel his presence. He cupped Justin’s cheek with one hand and pulled him close with the other. Dipping his head, he hesitated, silently asking Justin’s permission to kiss him. Justin answered by raising his face so that his lips met Brian’s in the same soft kiss they shared by the jeep in the parking garage a lifetime ago.

Neither one remembered moving to the bed, but they were soon naked and in each other’s arms. Brian held Justin as close to him as he could and breathed in the familiar scent that he missed so much. He placed a kiss on the top of Justin’s head then moved down so that he could capture his soft red lips with his own. The kiss lasted forever and said everything that Brian couldn’t say with words. As Brian reached over to turn off the bedside lamp, Justin stopped him. “Leave it on. I want to see you.”

Brian nodded his understanding. He moved his hand down Justin’s body, feeling every curve and muscle, so familiar even after all these months. Soft kisses followed the path of his hand until he found the hard cock. He swirled his tongue around the head, tasting his juices once more. Justin’s hands played in the chestnut hair, urging him further. The soft moans coming from deep within Justin’s body was the only noise in the room.

“Bri...please...now, inside me,” Justin managed to say. Brian took no time answering as he reached for the lube and condoms he had placed in the side table drawer.

“Put it on me.” Justin opened his eyes at Brian’s words and saw the opened packet. He took the condom and rolled it over Brian’s hardness, loving the feel of it after so long.

Brian squeezed some lube on the condom and against Justin’s hole, spreading it with his fingers.

“It’s cold,” he said, giving a little shudder.

“It’ll warm up,” Brian replied, placing the tip of his cock where his fingers had just been. He pushed slowly into the tight opening. Justin gasped and Brian stopped. “Are you okay?” heasked, concern in his voice.

“It’s, it’s just been a while. Take it slow.” Brian watched the blue eyes, reading what his lover was saying. He smiled, bending down to place kisses on Justin’s face.

Once fully inside, Brian rocked in and out, feeling his partner’s tightness around him. He reached between them and gripped Justin’s cock, spreading the precum as his hand glided up and down the shaft. Justin bucked against Brian’s thrusts.

“Too close...now...please, oh god, Bri...now.

Brian felt Justin’s cock pulse as his cum spirted over his hand and onto his belly. A second later, his own cum filled the condom as he continued to thrust. Brian lowered himself lightly onto Justin, feeling the thick cum between them. Once his breathing slowed, he pulled out of the tight hole, dropped the condom in the trash can and flopped onto the bed, pulling Justin to him.

Justin lay next to his lover, head on his chest, arm thrown across his body. “I missed you so much,” Justin murmured. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just...”

“You did what you had to at the time. I know. It’s over now. You’re here with me and I don’t ever want you to leave. It may not be easy, but all we can do is try. If it’s what we both want, it’ll work out.”

“Yeah. It’ll work out,” Justin said, just before his belly grumbled.

“Hungry?”

“Yeah. You know airline food these days.”

“Room service?”

“Mmmm. Think they have vanilla ice cream?”

The End