Shawn Always Comes Back
Author's Note:This is my first foray into the “Psych” fandom. The idea for this story came from a section (Light) of one of her stories called “Dictionary” by EFAW, posted on fanfiction.net and is used with permission.
***
Carlton Lassiter sighed as he drank another shot of whiskey. He’d lost count as to how many he had consumed during the evening, but since he was trying to forget, it didn’t matter…did it?
It all started…no, it had always been there; it was just part of who Shawn was. When things got too heavy, too confining and Shawn felt like he needed space, he’d take off. He did it when he was eighteen. He got on his motorcycle and left. No note, no goodbye, no nothing. Gus, his best friend, would receive the occasional postcard from some exotic, or not so exotic, place, with a note that just said ‘I’m fine, having a great time. Tell my Dad, hi’.
Five years later he returned but didn’t let anyone know for almost two weeks. That was when the detective had first met the smart, funny man who would change his world.
Now he wondered how long his Shawn would be gone this time. So far it has been two days, way too soon to hope he’d be back any time in the near future.
He reached for the bottle, and another sigh would escape from his lips and another swallow of the amber liquid would burn his throat. He thought that by now he’d be used to Shawn’s leaving, but even with the years they’d been together, he never got used to it.
Things would be great for a while. Shawn would be his old happy-go-lucky self, the silly, romantic, pineapple smoothie consuming pretend psychic. Then, one day Lassie would come home, their house too quiet and devoid of the 80’s music Shawn loved, toothbrush and the photo of them in Vancouver missing and he would know that Shawn was gone.
He didn’t know how long it would be before he returned, but he would.
Shawn always came back.
But the fear was still there that, one time, he wouldn’t.
It was late and he knew he had to get up and go to work like nothing had happened. So far no one at work knew that Shawn was gone again. He recapped the bottle and took it and the glass into the kitchen. Once the bottle was put away and the glass washed, he turned off the lights and walked, a little unsteady, to the bedroom. Their bedroom…
He undressed down to his boxers and crawled into the king-sized bed he and Shawn shared. He pulled Shawn’s pillow to him, the faint scent of the soap and shampoo he used still there.
He let one tear fall before he was able to bring his emotions under control. His emotions were always under control except with Shawn. With Shawn he could let go. He could laugh and be just a little silly. With Shawn he was the person he wanted to be.
***
The noise awoke him from a deep sleep. He wasn’t quite sure what it was and, being the person he was, he reached for his gun from the nightstand drawer. The floor creaked outside the bedroom and Lassiter sat up, ready to protect his home and himself. His heart was beating, pounding, in his chest. But it wasn’t from fright, it was from hope. He put the gun back into the drawer.
The door slowly opened. The person standing there was in shadow, but Lassiter would have known that form anywhere.
“Shawn.”
The figure, still in shadow, walked slowly toward the bed. “Lassie…I, uh…”
Lassiter reached for the light. A hand stopped the movement. “No light; not yet.”
The hand dropped to his side.
They were both silent for a moment.
“I wasn’t sure you were coming back.”
“Lassie, this is my home, the place I want to be, the place I love more than…more than pineapple smoothies.”
Lassiter caught the attempt at humor and despite his best efforts he couldn’t help the little twitch of a smile that appeared. “Better than pineapple smoothies, huh? “
“And even pineapple upside down cake.”
“Is that enough, Shawn?”
“Yes, my Lassie, it’s enough. It’s always been enough; I just didn’t see it. I’m so used to running away that…I let it…” Shawn took a deep breath, unsure of what to say which was something he rarely had trouble doing.
This time Lassiter reached for Shawn’s hand and held it in his own. Neither man moved for several moments. Each one wondering what was going to happen next.
Lassiter wanted nothing more than to have his lover back in the bed with him. Wanted to feel his body next to him, to wrap his arms around him and hold him every night for the rest of their lives.
Shawn needed to know that ‘his Lassie’ would forgive him for leaving and be glad that he had returned. He hoped he hadn’t done too much damage to their relationship. He wanted the man he loved to tell him everything was okay.
“Shawn…”
“Carlton…”
The names were spoken at the same time causing each man to smile.
Shawn dared to slip into his usual public persona hoping a little levity would help the situation. “Age before beauty, Lassie, so you can go first.”
Lassiter gave him a sidelong glance, one Shawn had seen many times before as Shawn wasn’t shy about teasing his lover about their age difference. He gently pulled Shawn over to sit next to him on the bed.
“Shawn, I know running is how you deal when things start to get too much for you. But I need to know how you’re feeling. I love you and I want to help. Maybe we can work it out together.” He let out a big sigh. These emotional talks were sometimes too much for him but Shawn always appreciated the effort.
“I know you think I’m being childish and immature. Heck, you’ve told me so many times. Maybe I am. Maybe that’s just who I am.” Carleton started to say something, but Shawn put his hand up to stop him. “How about…I promise to try to be more open about…things? Lassie, that’s all I can do now.”
Lassiter just nodded then leaned over and gently kissed the man he loved. “Aren’t you a little overdressed?”
“I guess I am, but there’s something I have to do first.”
Lassiter wrinkled his brow wondering what that something was.
Shawn stood and walked to the door. “Lassie, I haven’t eaten in like a gazillion hours. I seem to remember that I left some pineapple popsicles in the freezer. Wait, you didn’t throw them out or anything, did you?”
“No, they’re still there.”
Lassiter watched as Shawn left the room. “Hurry back,” he whispered when he thought Shawn was out of earshot.
Less than a second later Shawn poked his head around the door jamb. “I’ll hurry and you know I’ll always come back.”