Pancakes and Heaven

Author's Notes: This is the very first fanfic that I wrote over ten years ago when QAF was first aired. It was posted on Hannah Kelli’s site and is a sequel to her ‘Open my Eyes’ series, Part 9, titled ‘Little Girl Lost’. It does refer to the death of a young child. Hallie and Noel are HK’s creation; the Chief Angel Cook is mine. You know who the rest belong to.

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They had pancakes for breakfast every Saturday. On Sundays it was French toast, Noel's favorite breakfast. But this was Saturday, and it was pancakes, Hallie's favorite. Justin would use his artistic talents to make them into animal shapes and use blueberries or chocolate chips for eyes, sliced strawberries for mouths, and even thin mango slices for tiger stripes. Brian ate Justin's creations, causing Hallie and Noel to break up laughing at the faces he would make growling like the bear or roaring like the lion he was eating.

This wasn’t an ordinary Saturday. No matter how much they wanted to pretend it was, this Saturday was different. Hallie wasn’t there to laugh with her brother at Papa's antics, or fight over the last piece of bacon.

Justin stood at the kitchen counter mixing the batter. He'd done it so often that he really didn't have to think about it. Today he wanted to think about it because the house was too quiet. Noel had the television on, but was just sitting on the sofa. Justin missed his kid's friendly fighting and shouts as they cheered their favorite cartoon heroes. He wished he had to yell into the family room to tell the twins to 'quiet down', knowing that even if they did, it would last only a minute or two.

When breakfast was ready, Justin called for Noel to get Papa, and come and eat.

"I don't want anything," he said sadly.

"It's pancakes. I made a giraffe especially for you."

"No!" he yelled, as tears fell from his eyes and down his cheeks. "That's Hallie's breakfast and she's not here. I don't want pancakes ever again."

Justin walked over to his son and knelt down so he could look into the sad brown eyes. "Hey, kiddo, what do you think Hallie's doing right now?"

Noel shrugged, a confused look on his face. Justin picked the boy up, walked into the breakfast room and sat down, holding Noel on his lap. "Do you know that for years and years and years, every Saturday morning all the angels in heaven ate scrambled eggs and sausage? Do you think your sister would like that?"

"She hates sausage, Dad. You know that," he said as he shook his head and wrinkled his Justin-like nose.

Brian stood in the doorway watching his husband and son. Justin smiled a sad smile at him and continued. "I bet Hallie went to the Chief Angel Cook and said, 'Look, Mr. Angel, I have to have pancakes for breakfast. My brother and I have pancakes every Saturday.' Then she'd take that one lock of hair and twist it around her finger and stare at the Chief Angel Cook like she did to Papa when she wanted something really, really bad."

Justin again glanced at Brian and winked. Brian's mouth was open as if to say something, but he just smiled and shook his head as a tear formed in the corner of his eye. He remembered all the times he'd given in to that innocent look. ‘Innocent! Yeah, right. Just like her father,' he thought.

Justin continued his story. "Once the Chief Angel Cook saw that look, he decided that from now on there would be pancakes for breakfast every Saturday.” Justin tweaked Noel’s chin, eliciting an almost smile. “Now, can’t you just see Hallie sitting at the big table in heaven with all the other angels and on her plate is a pancake in the shape of a teddy bear with two chocolate chip eyes, covered in blueberry syrup, waiting for you to start eating your pancakes, too."

Noel looked at his dad thoughtfully. "You made me a giraffe?” Justin nodded. “Do we have any blueberry syrup?"

Justin kissed his son on the head and sat him in the chair. While Justin was getting the syrup from the cabinet, Brian walked into the kitchen and put his arms around his lover, his partner, his husband. "God, Justin, I love you so much. That was amazing the way you talked to Noel."

Leaning back into Brian's arms, Justin let himself feel the warmth and love surrounding him. There would always be a sadness in the empty space Hallie's death had left in their family, but her memory would fill their hearts.

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