All You Have to do is Whistle

"Seriously, dude, this is just what you need to restore the balance of power in your happy home."

Justin stared at the hissing gray furball in dismay before shooting a suspicious glare at Hunter's smirking face. Green eyes were glaring back at him from behind a mass of matted fur and he had no desire to get any closer, given the raised back and exposed claws he was being treated to.

"That's right, blondie, you stay right where you are, I have claws and I know how to use them. I'm not just a pretty face..."

Justin ran an exasperated hand through his own silky locks before trying once more to get through to the happy hustler, well, former hustler, who was grinning goofily at the small cat like she was the greatest thing since pre-lubed condoms. Quite frankly, the cat had a rather stuck up look to her, which, given her overall appearance, was a bit of a farce.

"What were you thinking, bringing a cat here? And a mangy stray one at that? One, Brian has this huge galumphing dog, for fuck's sake, that he's ga ga over. Two, he's got furniture that's worth more than our combined lives and cats, in case no one ever told you, are death to furniture, they shed and scratch and ..."

"Please...must you make so much noise? Some of us could use a little rest. It has been a rough couple of weeks, terrible in fact since I misplaced my people until this serving boy found me and I could use a nap. And, much as I dislike the idea, possibly even a bath, although I will see what a good grooming session will accomplish first. However, I must recruit my strength, and I simply cannot do that with your caterwauling going on and on. Scratch and shed....puleese! Do you shed? You look as though you must with that shaggy coat of yours."

Bacall turned away as Justin was complaining to Hunter and jumped lightly down from the counter where she'd been placed to walk away regally, tail held high, to the patch of sunlight over by the large picture window.

Hunter snickered as Justin stood open mouthed. There was something about that cat, bedraggled as she was, that tugged at his soft heart.

"You'd better close that, blondie, never know when something will get stuck in it. Not that I'm interested, but around this place, who knows what will pop up."

"Where did you find her?" He started rummaging through the kitchen cabinets for some of Humphrey's grooming products...and the flea powder.

"She was hanging out down by the dumpster behind the diner, and she just didn't look like she belonged, ya know what I mean? There's something about her."

Both boys stared at the cat, who, after circling several times in the patch of sunlight, had settled down and was now carefully licking at the worst of the matted areas of fur.

"Brian won't like it," Justin commented thoughtfully.

"Yeah," Hunter dead panned.

"That dog of his really won't like it," Justin added, with more emphasis.

"I can't keep a cat at my place so I would have to keep it...uh,," Justin mused.

"That's what I was thinking," Hunter agreed.

"What? Why are those two bipeds staring at me like that? Can't a lady bathe without two toothy faced, washed out looking adolescents gawking? It is a trifle discommoding to wash one's private parts while being watched, gentlemen...and I do use that term loosely! For the love of catnip, would you please turn around!"

"She looks annoyed, look how she's glaring at you," Justin snickered at Hunter.

"Me? She's clearly glaring at you. She kind of looks like Kinney, now that you mention it, you know, like he does when he's pissed off at being caught in a private moment. Cats are weird, but that's why I thought you'd like one. She's kind of bad tempered, like his hotness, so since your tastes run to good looking but temperamental...."

Justin smacked him. Not that it wasn't true, but it wasn't Hunter's place to comment on it. Damn him and his powers of observation.

"But I'm allergic to cats."

"You're allergic to everything. You're probably allergic to Brian but that hasn't kept you away from him. So you get shots, and like you said, you keep her here, where she can annoy the dog."

Bacall raised her head from her crotch licking at that.

"Dog? Did someone say the "d" word? I can put up with a great deal, I am a strong feline, and indeed, this place has potential, I always have had a soft spot for the Scandinavian designers, leather is nice, and this color scheme goes well with my lovely coat, but I must draw the line at


She meowed sharply, to make her feeling known, assuming that nothing more would be needed to nip this little "dog" problem in the bud. Just then, however, her nose was assailed with an unmistakable scent. She jumped to the top of the tallest piece of furniture she could find and assumed her fighting stance as the door swung open and in bounded the Creature.

"Guys! You missed it. We chased a rabbit and well I tried to chase a rabbit but slow poke over there…" Humph made a b-line for Hunter. He always had treats and never yelled about anything, this made him one of Humphrey's favorite people.

"Go get your boy!" Brian laughed at the dog's excitement over finding Hunter here, his whole body was wagging, before walking over to give Justin a kiss. He stopped short when he noticed the guilty look bubble butt wore. "What is it?" He asked, frowning.

Suddenly the room was too quiet. Then, Humphrey took up growling. Something was not right in his den.

"Humphrey! Sit!" Brian tossed the command over his shoulder before fixing his eyes on Justin again.

"Something's off, boss." Humphrey continued to growl, his hackles raised, his body tense and trembling with displeasure. "There it is!" He took off, barking up the grandfather clock, Brian, Justin and Hunter behind him.

"Get back beast!" Bacall hissed, her gray fur standing on end, as much as possible that is, in its current condition. "Back!"

"No way toots. Who do you think you are?"

"Humphrey no!"

"Why the hell is there a cat in my house?"

"Dude! The cat!"

Humphrey stood on his hind legs in an attempt to reach the cat. Bacall leapt from the clock and took off for the stairwell. Humph pushed off the grandfather clock and gave chase. Hunter was left to steady the tipping clock as Brian and Justin took off after the animals.

"I swear," Brian panted, his already tired body objecting to the pace. "If that fucking cat hurts my dog…"

"He's fucking twelve times her size!" Justin yelled back.

"I don't care! Did you see it? It's filthy. Fuck!" Brian stopped to catch his breath, watching red converse sneakers disappear around the corner. Breathing deeply, he followed at a more sedate pace; that is until he heard the loud crash coming from his office.

"Son of a bitch!" He took off again.

Bacall ran across Brian's desk and slipped into the little nook created by the fallen computer, the upturned chair and the L of the desk.

"Get out here!" Humphrey barked.

"As if! How about you back off, big boy? I don't want to be here anymore then you want me here," Bacall spit back.

"Lady, you got spunk, but in this case, you're not the one who gets the say so." He crouched and shoved his nose in after the cat just as Brian rounded into the room. "Out!"

"I think not."

"Ow!" Humph yelped.

"Humphrey!" The panting man held up a hand to stave off whatever his lover was going to say. "Not… not now. Deal with you later," he growled in a tired voice. Walking past his dog, who grumbled a warning, (look out boss… this doll's got a sharp right hook to match that attitude), Brian reached behind the mangled mess to pull out one angry, dirty feline. By the scruff off her pretty little neck, she hung in front of accusing hazel eyes.

"Well," she sniffed, for all the world looking as if she'd crossed her arms, "attractive as you are, I much prefer not being manhandled. If you wanted something, all you had to do was whistle. You do know how to whistle don't you? You just put your lips together and...."

"She's got balls." Humph hummed in amusement, licking at his bleeding nose.

Taking in the indignant look on the cat's face, the mess of his office, and his grinning dog with three bright spot's of blood continuing to well up on the tip of his nose, Brian gave in to the insanity that seemed to have taken up residence in his home and laughed out loud. Hunter and Justin gaped at the brunet.

"So," Brian gasped, Humph's wagging tail thudding loudly against the carpet. "What do we call her?"

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