Humphrey

"Oh, oh yeah, that's so good. Oh fuck!  Mm… so Good! Honestly, better than that other shit I had before. What the hell was that?"

He stopped to blink at the door, one of his eyebrows twitched and his muscles tensed. He grumbled and returned to what he'd spent his morning doing.

"Oh! Fuck, this was a score, man!!"

"He thinks he's so clever. Maybe I should take over for him, he seems to be going soft ever since he let that other guy move in ... Kicked my ass out of the bedroom when he did too, that's for sure."

"I was only trying to warn him you don't like it when others sniff your crotch, and he was all over it! At least I have the common courtesy not to drool on others when getting to know them."

He paused again, this time he tipped his head to the left and pricked his ears. A ribbon of drool hung from the side of his mouth, a shoe lace hung from the other.

"At least you let me back in."

Suddenly he stops. His ears perk up and he listens, for what? Well, his people silly.

"Fellas!" He picked up the shoe he'd been gnawing on and ran from the room, tail wagging in unchecked excitement.

"You're home!" He skidded on the hardwood floors till he hit the carpet running down the center of the hall and took the stairs at a reckless pace. "You and him, you and him, you and him … Ohh, pet me pet me pet me pet me pet PEHHT MEEE!! Where the hell have you been? Check out this thing I've got and pet me!" He'd nearly knocked the kissing couple over with his enthusiasm. As it were, the 'fellas' chuckled softly into each others' mouths while they tried to remain standing.

"He gets it from you," Brian whispered into Justin's ear, the one the dog wasn't licking.

"Yeah right! Don't blame it on me. I'm not the one who trained him." Justin turned in Brian's embrace; the dog had given up on licking his ear and decided to just hump his thigh. "Yup, definitely your dog." When he'd convinced Humphrey that he was in no way interested in him, which meant the dog needed to 'put [his] pink thing away' he turned back to Brian. "Why don't you get him fixed?"

"What?" Humphrey looked quizzically at his men.

"No." Brian gave a definitive shake of his head. No way was anyone getting near his dog's balls with scissors.

Humphrey looked up from his crotch. "What? These ones are mine!"

"He might stop humping things," Justin suggested.

"No. Hear that boy? He wants you fixed, and here I thought you two were going to love each other."

"I'm not even broken!" Humphrey stood up and barked at Justin, then caught sight of his tail; "Oh ho! You slick bastard." and proceeded to chase it.

"Ok, he definitely gets that from you, chasing away any 'tail' he sees near his ass," Justin laughed as Brian pinched his. "Come on, you almost never let my tail anywhere near your ass."

Brian snorted. "That was a terrible joke, besides its ok if he doesn't like long pointy things near his butt. Actually I've been thinking about breeding him. He's a handsome dog."

Justin's head tilted as he studied the creature. He was a lovely dog, a deep steel blue Great Dane with a profile to rival his master's; strong and sturdy, long elegant lines that were a perfect compliment to Brian. Justin decided then that he had to sketch them together. That is, until he saw the soggy mass that used to be a shoe. "Son of a bitch!"

"I'd appreciate it if you would stop bringing that up …" Humphrey stopped spinning as soon as Justin shouted. Retrieving the shoe, he brought it to Justin and dropped it at his feet. "This chew toy rocks and you've got a lot of them, but I'm not one to just take without asking, so what do you say?" He sat in front of the blond and wagged his tail lazily, waiting for a reply.

"You chewed my fucking shoe!"

"Oi," Humphrey barked. "I had to see if I'd like it, besides you weren't even worried about it till I had it. You need to learn how to share!"

"He hates me Brian, ever since that first fucking night. I never should have talked you into letting him back into the room," Justin muttered, picking his mangled shoe up off the floor with a thumb and forefinger.

"Justin, he doesn't hate you, he's just a dog."

"And another thing-"

"Yeah? So why doesn't he chew up your shit?" Justin asked.

"Because it all started to taste horrible suddenly and I'm convinced he did it inten- Oh shit I've got to pee. Guys?" Humphrey whined at Brian.

"Because he knows better than to mess with my stuff, I'm the alpha, you never mess with the alpha's stuff," Brian answered and bent to scratch behind the dog's ear.

"Yeah listen up; the scratching thing is nice and all but you were gone forever and I have to pee, so do you think we could pause this and pick it up after?" He pawed at Brian's leg. "Seriously."

"Bullshit. The dog fucking hates me or hates my shoes. Stop laughing! I'm serious. First it was my running shoes and now he's moved on to my dress shoes!" Justin glared at the dog as Brian continued to laugh.

"Oh Christ bitch, bitch, bitch! Look I have to TINKLE!!" He gave up on the whine and tried biting Brian's hand to get the man's attention.

"Ouch. Christ! What? Do you want to go out?" Brian asked.

"Oh mercy I thought you'd never figure it out!!" Humphrey jumped up, planted his paws square in the center of Brian's chest, then took off for the door, not checking to see if the man was following or not.

Justin glared at the dog's retreating figure and thought that this dog was most certainly Brian's. He tilted his head as Brian walked by and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Cheer up! We'll get you new shoes. I'll be right back and then I'll give you some spray stuff I bought to put on your shit. Works wonders."

At the backdoor, Humphrey heard that last bit. "The bastard, I knew it!"

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