Something More

Chapter 4

"Get in the car," Daphne told Brian as she slid into the driver's seat. Brian blinked and shook his head in confusion.

"Daph, it's like one in the morning."

"So? Get in!" Brian rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and got into the passenger side of Daphne's car. The three of them had grown up together, practically inseparable. Then Brian tuned into the club scene and dragged Justin with him. The two boys realized who they were and joined a world no girl could ever really be a part of.

Daphne looked over at Brian and sighed. He wasn't the same kid that she used to play tag with. People change. Lives change. Brian and Daphne went two separate ways and Justin was left dangling somewhere in the middle.

"Where are we going?" Brian asked, still confused as to why Daphne dragged him out of bed with no explanation at one in the morning when they hadn't hung out in over three weeks.

"Here," Daphne replied as she pulled over in front of the park they played at when they were kids. Daphne killed the engine and pulled the keys from the ignition, stuffing them into her pocket. Brian caught a glimpse of a photo key chain of them at an amusement park taken on a junior high field trip. He looked at his young, smiling face and wondered where all the time had gone.

He wondered when life stopped being so simple.

He got out of the car and followed her, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. She sat down on a swing and he did the same. They sat in silence, kicking at the dirt and watching the wind blow it away.

"Why don't you kiss him when you fuck him, at least?" Daphne's voice was barely above a whisper. Brian wanted to think he had heard her wrong, but he knew he hadn't.

"What?" Brian asked, his heart racing faster. He gripped the chains of the swing and turned to look at her.

"I want to know how you can have sex with Justin without kissing him, like he is no more than a whore." Brian felt like he had been slapped in the face.

"Justin is not a whore!"

"Then why do you treat him like one?" Brian didn't know what to say to that. He felt physically ill.

"I don't kiss tricks." Her eyes widened, and Brian raised a hand to stop her outburst. "I'm not saying Justin is a trick. Justin is…I don't know what he is. But when him and me fuck, and I would like to know how long you've known, by the way. Anyway, when we fuck, it was always about the pleasure. We aren't boyfriends, we aren't lovers. We're best friends that fuck occasionally. I never realized how big of a deal that was until now."

"Damn right it's big deal." Brian nodded, feeling like a scolded child. "And I've known since the beginning. Justin is my best friend, even if I'm not his. And I knew, I fucking knew he would get hurt. That you would hurt him. You are such an asshole Brian Kinney!"

"Daphne," Brian muttered, feeling hurt. But he knew what she said was partially true. He has used Justin without knowing it. He had hurt Justin without knowing it. And he had a pretty good idea where this was leading.

"He's fucking in love with you, you know." Brian took in a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Fuck.

"Really?" After his discussion with Emmett, he suspected he was the cause of Justin's current state of depression. But…love?

"Yes really. Are you so fucking blind that you couldn't see that?" She asked, venom in her voice. She wasn't really mad at Brian, just frustrated as all hell.

"I guess it wasn't so much that I couldn't see it. I just wasn't looking for it. And now that I have it, I don't know what to do with it." He and Daphne locked eyes and she noticed the desperation in them. He was lost, confused.

"Do you feel that way about him at all?" She asked, having a bad feeling about the answer.

"I…" he paused, digging his palms into his eye sockets and growling in frustration. "Fuck! I don't know. Justin…is Justin. He's my best friend. He's always been my best friend. Why does anything have to change?" He pulled his hands away and looked over at Daphne. She smirked and dug her toe into the dirt, shrugging.

"The point is, things have changed. Justin is in love with you. He is hurt. He is depressed. He is confused as all get out. I told him to tell you, but he is so fucking scared that he'll lose you, that he's willing to go on getting fucked just so he won't lose his best friend!"

Brian shut his eyes hard, feeling tears building up. He had no fucking clue what he was feeling. He hated that most of all.

"I'm telling you this because I trust you'll make the right decision. You have the chance to have something really amazing here. You and Justin were made for each other. I'll lose all faith in love if you two don't end up together."

"Daph…"

"No, I know you feel something for him. You love him. You just haven't realized it." She saw the tears in his eyes, and just knew she was right. "I don't have to tell you how amazing Justin is. You've had seventeen years to figure that out."

Brian nodded and stood up. Daphne stood as well and immediately wrapped her arms around his torso. He tensed for a moment, looking down at her curly hair. Soon he found himself returning her embrace.

Damn Daphne, always being the sensible one.

*************************************

Keep quiet

Nothing comes as easy as you.

Can I lay in your bed all day?

I'll be your best kept secret

And your biggest mistake

Brian heard his cell phone ring, and in his drunken state was genuinely confused to hear a Top 40 band coming from his pocket. When he realized it was his cell phone, ringing with Justin's ring tone, he set his bottle of Beam down by the swing and extracted it from his jeans. He had swiped the bottle from his dad's liquor cabinet and took it back to the park. He had been drinking himself silly for the last three hours.

"Hello?"

"What the fuck Brian?"

"What? You called me!"

"Yeah because you left me four voicemails, the last one at 3:47 AM, and I couldn't understand a fucking word you were saying."

"Jus-"

"So what the hell? I'm tired, and you sound drunk as fuck."

"Justin! Can I come over please?"

"What? Are you okay?"

"Justin! Just answer me. Can I come over? I want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"God dammit Justin. Just say I can come over!"

"Fine. Come over."

"Thank you. I'll be there in ten minutes."

*************************************

Brian knocked on Justin's window, startling the worried blond boy. Justin got up and lifted the window, helping a very intoxicated Brian into his bedroom.

"Fuck that trellis is tall," Brian slurred. Justin raised an eyebrow.

"You've been climbing it since we were six." Brian's eyes widened and he turned, looking back out the window.

"I was a brave little fucker," the brunet muttered.

"Uh…huh…" Justin commented, taking in his appearance. He hadn't seen his friend so drunk in, well, ever. "Is there a particular reason for this drunken visit?"

"Yeah." Brian leaned forward and pressed his lips against Justin's. The blond immediately pushed him away and wiped his mouth.

"If you came over and woke me up at four in the morning because you wanted to fuck I'm going to be incredibly pissed off."

"No!" Brian protested, shaking his head vigorously. He brought his hands up to his temples, immediately regretting the action. He looked up into Justin's gray blue eyes. "Remember when we were twelve?"

"Brian, that's slightly vague. Could you narrow that search term down for me a little bit?" Justin asked sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest. Brian closed his eyes.

"I'm gay," Brian announced over their sixth grade science homework. Justin dropped his pencil and looked up and his best friend.

"Come again?" Justin asked.

"I'm…gay," Brian said very slowly and sarcastically. Justin gave him the finger.

"I heard you, dipshit. You just surprised me, is all."

"Ah. Did you get the answer for number seven?" Justin looked at him blankly.

"Don't you want to talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about?"

"Nothing, I guess. It's just…" Justin smoothed his hand through his hair. "I think I'm gay too." Brian looked up and smiled.

"No shit? What do you mean you think? You either are or you aren't."

"I don't know. I think I am, but-" Brian silenced him with a kiss. He grabbed the back of Justin's head and slipped his tongue into his mouth briefly. He kissed him until Justin responded and started kissing him back. Then Brian pulled away and smirked.

"You're queer as a three dollar bill," Brian said matter-of-factly. Justin caught his breath and nodded.

"Well, I'm glad that's settled."

"Me too. Now seriously, did you get the answer for number seven?"

Brian put his hands on Justin's shoulders and pressed his forehead against the shorter boy's, looking into his eyes.

"We were twelve. And I told you I was gay. And you said you thought you were too?" Justin nodded slowly. "And then I kissed you. My first kiss and your first kiss."

"Yeah…" Justin replied, biting his bottom lip. "And?"

"I don't fucking know. I just keep seeing that scene play itself over and over in my head and I can't stop it." Brian let go of Justin and started wandering around the room.

"I'm…sorry?" Justin was thoroughly confused. He followed Brian with his eyes, rooted to the floor near the window.

"I don't know what Daphne thought was going to happen," Brian muttered. Justin felt his stomach drop. Did she?

"What do you mean?" Justin asked softly.

"When did it start?" Brian asked, whirling to face his best friend. "That first kiss? Please don't tell me it was that first kiss."

"Fuck. I can't believe she fucking told you. Shit." Justin slid his fingers into his hair and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"When did it start? The second kiss? The first time we fucked? When?" Brian crossed the room and grabbed Justin's biceps. The blond sighed and looked up, heartbreak in his eyes.

"You wanna know? I can tell you the exact fucking second it happened!" Justin said harshly, glad his parents slept on the other side of the house.

"Tell me!"

"Junior year. Okay? It was the third time we had sex, and you looked down at me with those beautiful fucking eyes of yours and kissed me. You kissed me like you fucking meant it."

"Since then?" Brian asked, releasing Justin's arms.

"Yes. It wasn't so bad then. It was just something that was there in the back of my head. I didn't think about it that much, and it sort of went away. But then it came back, not subtly either. It hit me hard enough to knock the wind out of me. Do you want to know the exact moment I fell in love with you?"

"Fuck!" Brian brought his hands up to his face and back down again. "Yes."

"Three months ago," Justin told him, looking right into his eyes. "When you let me top you for the first time because I told you I wanted to know what it felt like." Brian backed away, shaking his head. Justin stepped forward, bravely going on. "I slipped into you, and you looked so fucking vulnerable and you grabbed my hand and slipped your fingers into mine and squeezed so tight. That's when I knew I was a fucking goner. Right then."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Brian asked weakly. Justin rolled his eyes.

"Because I knew you would react like this. You wouldn't feel the same, and I'd lose my best friend. I didn't want that to happen." He was crying now, silvery tears flowing freely down his red cheeks. "I don't want to lose you."

"You haven't lost me," Brian whispered, wiping away his own tears. He wrapped his arms around Justin and kissed his forehead. Justin held on and cried into his shoulder.

"But you don't feel the same way," Justin whispered. Brian closed his eyes and sighed.

"I don't know how I feel Justin. Can you just accept that for now?" He felt Justin nod against his shoulder and he squeezed tighter.

Brian really wished he could talk all this out with someone. But the only person he really trusted was the person currently soaking his shirt with tears.

Justin wanted his best friend to comfort him. But at that moment, Brian wasn't his best friend. He was his unrequited love. He was his hopes and desires and dreams and fears all rolled into one person. One person so fucking perfect and perfectly fucked up and beautiful he thought he was going to explode.

One thing was for certain. Nothing would ever be the same.

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