Something More

Chapter 3

"Do you remember when we were little and nothing mattered except for staying awake past bedtime and having one more hour to play with your toys?" Justin asked, twirling a Ticonderoga #2 in his right hand. He knew if he touched it to the paper, he would draw Brian. So, he just kept…twirling.

"I happen to recall such a time," Daphne replied, absently flipping through a magazine. They sat on opposite sides of the kitchen table in Daphne's dining room. Justin took a sip from his water bottle and sighed.

"Everything was so much better then. We didn't have crushes…or heartache. There was no such thing as lust," Justin observed, his eyes trained on the end of his pencil.

"Brian?" Justin looked up, eyes widening for a split second. He only sighed and nodded.

"Lust screwed everything up. Well, I suppose that isn't true. If lust were the only problem, this arrangement would be perfect," Justin said ironically. Daphne looked up at him, the perfume ad lying abandoned on the dark cherry wood. "Why? Why did I have to go and…feel something. Why did I have to fall in love with him?"

"Oh Justin," she sighed, getting up and moving around the table to sit next to him. She placed a hand on his shoulder and shook her head. "I told you when you two started this little arrangement that it was a bad idea. I knew you would end up getting hurt."

"I didn't ask for I told you so," Justin replied, rolling his eyes. Daphne narrowed her eyes at him and wrapped her arms around him, shaking him.

"Well, I told you so is what you're going to get every time you fuck up until you learn that I am always right!" She kissed his cheek sloppily and giggled. He smiled and stared down at the blank white page in front of him.

"I guess."

"Oh Justin, what are we going to do with you?" He looked up at her, blond hair hanging in sad blue-grey eyes.

"I don't know. Shoot me?"

"Stop being dramatic." She cuffed him on the back of the head lovingly and he smiled. She hugged him tightly then, and he melted into the embrace.

*************************************

They will see us waving from such great heights

'Come down now,' they'll say

But everything looks perfect from far away,

'Come down now,' but we'll stay...

Brian's Cell: Answer or Ignore?

Justin pressed ignore and wished life was so simple.

He stayed in bed, watching as the sunset cast shadows on his ceiling. He loved the shadows. When the moon was fully raised and the shadows stopped dancing, he rolled to the side and sighed.

They will see us waving from such great heights

'Come down now,' they'll say

But everything looks perfect from far away,

'Come down now,' but we'll stay...

Ignore.

He sat up, bed head in full stage alert. He yawned and stretched. It was time to get out of bed. It was dark now, after all. He thought a shower would make him feel better, but the water just made him remember.

"Brian. Brian."

"Oh god. Justin."

He soaped up as fast as he could and got out, steam clinging to his body. He shaved, brushed his teeth, and realized he was ready for bed again. He didn't have any energy anymore.

The last thing he expected to see when he opened his bedroom door was Brian stretched out on his bed.

"What are you doing here?" Justin asked, reaching down to hold the white towel securely around his waist. Brian looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Wondering why you've been ignoring my calls," he answered flatly. Justin noticed his cell phone in Brian's hand and swallowed hard. He went over to his dresser and dug out a pair of flannel pants and a tee shirt. He got dressed, not letting Brian see him naked.

"I haven't been feeling well lately," Justin told him. It was partially true. "I've just been sleeping." Brian nodded and Justin stood at the end of the bed, tugging on the hem of his tee shirt. The taller boy scooted over on the bed and patted the empty space next to him. Justin closed his eyes.

One. Breathe. Two.Sigh. Three.

Justin opened his eyes and slowly climbed into the empty space, tensing as Brian covered both of their bodies with a blanket. He felt Brian's nose brush against his temple, lips near his ear.

"How don't you feel good?" Brian asked, fingers curling into Justin's wet hair. The smaller boy shut his eyes, searching for an answer that wasn't true.

"My stomach hurts." He didn't like lying to his best friend.

But it wasn't like he could tell him the truth, was it?

His breath caught in his throat when Brian's hand slipped under his tee shirt. His long fingers rubbed soothing circles on his skin. He kissed Justin's cheek, letting his lips linger near his face.

"Then we'll just sleep. I want you to feel better." Brian curled up to Justin then, and the blond furrowed his brows in confusion. Brian's hand continued to travel along Justin's stomach, up his chest and back down to his hips, just gently traveling along smooth skin.

Justin felt himself grow sleepy from his ministrations and yawned. Was this the action of a doting best friend? Or was it something…more?

Don't fall asleep to dream.

*************************************

The problem with winter break was it's vast…nothingness.

There is no school, no homework, no anything to use to take your mind off of your problems. As Justin lay in his empty bed, watching shadows pass across the ceiling again, he would have paid to have some algebra homework.

Thinking about numbers didn't make his heart hurt.

I think I'll try defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I'm defying gravity

And you can't pull me down

Justin looked over at his phone on the nightstand. That was his default ring tone. Not Brian.

Daphne's Cell: Answer or Ignore?

"Hey Daph."

"Hey."

"What's up?" Justin asked, snuggling deeper into his blanket cocoon. He yawned, even though he had slept all day.

"The topic of the hour. Brian. He called me and asked me if I knew what was wrong with you." Justin sat straight up in bed and blinked.

"What did you tell him?" He asked, worry seeping from every pore. He ran his fingers through his hair and bit down on the tip of his thumb.

"Nothing. I said you seemed fine. He didn't seem to believe me."

"Shit. I don't know what to do Daphne."

"I'll be there in five."

*************************************

"I just wish I knew what was wrong," Brian sighed, staring down into a cup of coffee. Emmett sat across from him, chin resting on clasped hands. The diner was damn near dead. So slow that Kiki even got their drinks for them just so she would have something to do.

"How do you know anything is wrong at all?" Emmett asked. He treaded lightly. It wasn't often that his friend spoke freely of his emotions like this. He didn't want to scare the rare event away with lack of tact.

"I just know. He's not my Justin." Emmett had to suppress a grin when he caught Brian's little slip. He would get them together, some way.

"How?" Emmett asked, stirring his iced tea slowly.

"He just seems so sad lately. His eyes have been grayish blue for like two weeks." Emmett raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Aren't Justin's eyes always blue?"

"Well yeah," Brian clarified. "But when something is bothering him they look gray. When he has been crying they are the color of the sky. When he is happy, they have a tinge of green. When he's turned on they look indigo."

"Wait a minute," Emmett interrupted. "How do you know what his eyes look like when he's turned on?" Brian shrugged one shoulder and took a long gulp of his coffee. "Has something ever happened with you two?"

Brian gave Justin a hickey on his neck once. Once. Everyone noticed it. Emmett, Daphne, Michael, Debbie, Jennifer, the Channel 3 News, et cetera. Justin told everyone it was from a boy at Babylon. Everyone believed him.

"Yeah, me and Justin fuck all the time," Brian said, rolling his eyes. Emmett leaned forward.

"You guys always say that. You always joke about it. So all this time we should have been taking you seriously?" Brian sent him a murderous look and Emmett merely smirked. "Tell me."

Brian had always joked about it, but he had never actually told anyone about it before. How could he describe the way Justin looked all sweaty and wanton in the moonlight? Would he describe how silvery his hair looked? Or how tight and hot he was? No, those were all his little secrets.

Justin was his little secret.

"You might as well tell me, because the look on your face already gave it away," Emmett informed him. Brian sighed and nodded. Emmett's face lit up and he bounced in his seat. "When?"

"It started sophomore year. We-"

"Sophomore year? This is an ongoing thing? Oh god. Okay, tell me everything. How did it start? When? Where?"

"Jesus Christ Emmett," Brian exclaimed, looking around the diner. "Calm the fuck down and I'll tell you." Emmett immediately sobered up, leaning forward in the booth. Brian closed his eyes and sighed.

"What are you doing?" Justin asked, eyes wide and surprised. Brian ran his tongue from the blond's collarbone to his ear.

"Kissing you," he whispered.

"Why?"

"Because I want to." And when Justin kissed him back, the world stopped spinning.

"So, sophomore year. We were hanging out in Justin's room. It was raining outside. Rain always does something to me." Emmett smiled and Brian took another sip of coffee. "Anyway, we were bored. I was particularly horny, and Justin was looking particularly beautiful. So…I kissed him."

"Ah," Emmett commented, grinning ear to ear. Brian continued looking at the table, clearing his throat every so often. "Why didn't you guys just go out? Did you not like him in that way?"

"No, it's not that I didn't feel for him in that way. Well, it's not that I did and not that I didn't. It's just something that happened." Brian realized how feeble this sounded, even to his own ears. "Neither of us pursued anything more than what it was. We'd kiss. We'd fool around. I took his virginity." That last part was just a little muffled, as he mumbled it under his breath. Emmett choked on his tea.

"You what? When?"

"Junior year. After we hit Babylon for the first time. He said he wanted to lose his virginity, so…we had sex."

"Will it hurt?"

"A little. But it's okay. I got you." He pushed in and watched Justin's lip turn purple as he bit down on it so hard.

"No wonder," Emmett whispered. He shook his head and took another sip of tea.

"What?"

"Nothing. Go on."

"Well," Brian started, scratching his head. "There isn't much to tell. It just went on like that. We give each other release. We have fun."

"Maybe Justin is sick of having fun." Brian's eyes went wide as he finally looked up at Emmett.

"What do you mean?" Brian asked.

"Maybe he doesn't want to just have fun anymore. Maybe he wants to be loved."

*************************************

"I think you should tell him," Daphne said matter-of-factly. Justin looked at her like she had just grown a third, maybe even a fourth tit.

"Are you crazy?" He asked, looking at her with wild eyes. She always admired his eyes, how you could tell his mood just by the color. "I can't tell him."

"Why not?" Daphne asked.

"What if he's horrified? What if he doesn't feel the same way, which he doesn't, and our friendship is ruined? I can't lose Brian."

"What if you tell him, and he feels the same way?"

"He doesn't," Justin said sadly, looking down at the pillow he was clutching.

"How do you know?" Daphne pushed. Justin looked up, tears brimming his eyes.

"I just know!" He shouted, the tears spilling over. "I can see it in his eyes. I can feel it in his touch. He just doesn't. And fuck Daphne, you have no idea how badly that hurts."

"Justin," she whispered, feeling the back of her eyes tingle to warn her that tears were fast approaching.

"No. Every time he fucks me I think 'Maybe this time it'll mean something else. Maybe this time he'll fall in love with me.' But he never does. When he fucks me without so much as a peck on the lips…my heart breaks in two. Getting fucked without a kiss is the absolute worst feeling I've ever experienced."

"Then why don't you stop?" Daphne asked, her voice shaking as she wiped her cheeks and then Justin's.

"That's just it. I can't stop. It's like a drug. There is still that hope that maybe one of these days something will click in his thick beautiful head and he'll want to be with me. I mean, really be with me." Justin wiped his eyes and sniffled.

"Justin, Brian is a party boy. Always has been. His life is moving too fast for him to realize what he has right in front of him. So you need to tell him what he's missing."

"I'm not telling him. Drop it." Daphne sighed and nodded. Justin lay down and she soothingly played with his hair.

She would stop talking about it for now, but this subject was far from over.

*************************************

Get around town, spend your time on the run

You never let down...say you do it for fun

Never miss a play, though you make quite a few

You give it all away when…everybody wants you

Brian's eyes opened and he scanned the room for his cell phone. He got out of bed and answered it without looking at the display.

"Yeah?"

"Hey Brian. It's Daphne. Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, actually. I'm feeling a little drain-"

"Aw. That's too bad. We need to talk."

"When?"

"Now. "

"What? Where are you?"

"Your front door."

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