Something More

Chapter 1

Justin rocked back against Brian as he filled him completely. Moans and the pungent smell of sex lingered in the stale air of Justin's bedroom. They were covered in shadows and sweat.

Justin bit down on his lip to keep from moaning his name. There was no one home, he could yell and scream if he wanted, but he never did. Moaning Brian's name during sex would make it something more than it was.

And it was nothing.

Brian bit down on Justin's shoulder. Don't leave a mark. Never leave a mark. Never reveal the secret. He stroked Justin's cock and the blond bit down on the palm of his hand to conceal his scream of pleasure/frustration/pain. He shot all over Brian's chest, another amazing orgasm tainted by a secret.

Brian came too, collapsing on top of Justin with a faint groan. Justin wanted to wrap his arms around him, kiss him, hold him, fucking touch him. But instead he settled with the feeling of his cock softening inside of him, and Brian's abs rubbing against his flat boyish stomach.

But then Brian was gone. Justin looked up to see him walking out of his bathroom with a damp cloth. He wiped himself off and then tossed it to Justin. Justin absently wiped off his stomach as he watched Brian get dressed.

The awkward phase had begun.

Justin watched Brian cover his gorgeous body in denim and black satin. Brian turned towards him and he turned away. He got up to retrieve his cargoes and sighed.

Fucked without a kiss again.

Justin pulled his shirt over his head and collapsed back down on the bed. Brian fell down next to him and they both sighed. The brunet looked over and smirked. Justin closed his eyes.

Awkward stage over. They were friends again. No longer hushed lovers, just childhood friends.

"So what's going on tonight?" Brian asked. Never talk about it. Never say one…single…word.

"I don't know. Probably the same thing we do every night." Justin shrugged, staring at the tacky glow in the dark stars on his ceiling. His mind flashed back to when a ten year old Brian helped them stick them up there. Seven years later, and the glue was still holding. "Michael and Emmett said something about wanting to celebrate making it to our last semester of high school."

Brian looked over at him, damp hair hanging in shadowy eyes. His tongue found the inside of his cheek and Justin wanted it to find the inside of his mouth.

Sure, they had kissed. Plenty of times. But there was more fucking than kissing. More condoms used than intimate touches bestowed. It was almost too much for Justin to bear.

"Those guys will use any excuse to party," Brian replied, running his hand through his hair.

"Kind of like us," Justin told him. Brian just nodded and stood up.

"Well, let's call Michael and Temmett," he said, crossing the room and picking up his belt.

"I don't wanna call them," Justin replied lazily. "You call them."

"You call them."

"No, you call them." It was times like these Justin loved most, when they were just friends. Two best friends.

It was times like these Justin almost forgot he was in love with him.

Suddenly Justin's cell phone landed in the middle of his chest with a dull thud. He sat up and clasped the small silver phone in his hand.

"You call them. I helped. I gave you the phone." Justin rolled his eyes and made the phone calls. As he talked to their friends, Brian jumped on the bed and repeatedly poked Justin in the stomach while Justin repeatedly swatted his hand away.

Justin grabbed Brian's hand and held it as he faced the opposite direction, engaged deep in conversation. Brian didn't pull away.

*************************************

Justin hopped into the passenger side of Brian's jeep and grabbed the CD case he knew he'd find under the passenger side seat. Brian started the engine and Justin pulled an unlabeled blank CD out.

"What's this?" Brian looked over and then back at the road.

"New mix," he replied. Justin nodded and popped in the CD. He pressed random and leaned back in the seat. "The diner, I assume."

"Where else?" The blond turned up the volume and closed his eyes, letting Brian whisk him away, even if it was just in his car.

I was only 17

When I got my heart ripped clean

How can I forgive you that?

Love's so confusing

The scenes are amusing

I have to express how I feel

Justin's eyes snapped open as the words flowed from the speakers. He looked over at Brian and back at the radio. His heart beat faster and he swallowed hard.

One thing I know is true

I'll never replace you

A memory I rewind and play

"Wh-who is this?" Justin asked shakily. He stared at the radio suspiciously, as if it could read his thoughts. Brian looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Who? Oh, the band? Maxeen. The song is called Soleil." His attention went back to the road then and Justin fought to keep his emotions under control.

His relationship with Brian was such a wild roller coaster ride, but instead of feeling exhilarated and alive, he just wanted to get off and sit in the corner.

Friends with benefits. Fuck buddies.

It killed him, but he couldn't stop.

*************************************

Brian pulled the jeep to a screeching halt in front of the diner and both boys hopped out. Brian held open the door for Justin, as always. The blond waited right inside the door for Brian to reattach himself to his hip, as always.

They walked to their normal booth and said hello to the guys, as always.

"What took you guys so long?" Michael asked. Justin looked down at his hand on the table, interlocked with that of his boyfriend Ben's.

"We were fucking," Justin deadpanned.

It was okay to joke about it, acceptable to poke fun.

But have a serious conversation about it? Never.

"Yeah, it was hot," Brian replied, sliding in the booth next to Ted and Emmett. Justin sat on the other side, next to Michael, and promptly put his feet up on the booth on either side of Brian, as always.

"Ya know," Emmett said, turning slightly towards Brian and Justin, "you two really should go out." Brian rolled his eyes and Justin made a pretend face of disagreement, as always.

That was the thing, nothing ever changed.

"No really, you two are perfect for each other," Emmett continued.

This was new. Usually, he just dropped the subject. Now he pushed on, bravely. Justin raised an eyebrow and felt his stomach clench.

"Emmett," Brian warned. Justin's heart dropped.

"I'm just saying, you two are together every second of every day anyway. You finish each other's sentences, eat each other's food, and flirt like nothing I've ever seen."

"We do not flirt," Brian said indignantly. "We're friends, nothing more."

Justin felt physically ill. Nothing more. Ever.

"Emmett's right," Ted piped up. Justin wanted to die. "I mean, who else would put up with your shit?" Brian smirked and playfully reached back and slapped Ted on the back of the head.

"And you guys would have the cutest babies ever!" Michael joked. Justin laughed and Michael squeezed his arm under the table, silently offering comfort. He was the only one that had any idea of Justin's feelings. Justin shot him a look of thanks and buried his red face in a menu he had memorized years ago.

"Kiki!" Brian called. "I'm getting our drinks!" The waiter/waitress nodded and Brian hopped over the counter and started pouring drinks. Everyone at the diner learned long ago that even though none of the infamous high school gang worked at the diner, it was best just to let them serve themselves.

"Justin, you want the usual?" Brian asked from over the counter. Justin looked over at him and pursed his lips together.

"No, tonight I want a vanilla milkshake blend-"

"-blended with a banana and some caramel with whipped cream-"

"-and a cherry on top."

"Coming right up."

"Thanks, muffin," Justin called in a sarcastic falsetto voice. Brian smirked and grabbed a banana as Justin looked back down at the menu. The other four boys looked at each other and shook their heads.

They were hopeless.

*************************************

The six high school boys walked past the long line outside of Babylon. Brian and Justin strolled right up to Johnny, the bouncer and grinned up at him.

"Well if it isn't my favorite dynamic duo," Johnny greeted them, already placing his hand on the velvet rope.

"Is there room in that little ol' club for two beautiful underage kings and their consort?" Brian asked, batting his eyelashes.

"You are so full of shit Brian," Johnny laughed, shaking his head. He pulled the rope back nonetheless, and the boys ran in, ignoring the outraged cries emanating from the line behind them.

*************************************

"Babylon is hot tonight," Brian observed. "We should come here more often."

"You look hot tonight," Justin told him, the words slipping out before he could stop them. He looked over at Brian with wide eyes, and the taller boy gave him an expression he couldn't read.

"C'mon Justin. Let's dance." Brian slinked his arms around Justin's waist and they moved together in perfect rhythm.

Justin's senses were on overload. He was sad/happy/excited as he wrapped his arms around Brian's shoulders. He bit his bottom lip against the swell of emotions but when he felt Brian's hand slide under his shirt and rest on the smooth bare expanse of his lower back, everything just melted away.

They kissed on the dance floor, one of those rare, unplanned occurrences that they never spoke of.

*************************************

"Are you staying here tonight?" Justin asked as they walked up the stairs to his bedroom, arms around each other. It was sometime right before the sun wakes up and takes over for the moon. Brian yawned against Justin's temple and nodded.

They stripped off all their clothes silently. They had seen each other naked so often that it didn't matter anymore. They collapsed on Justin's twin sized bed and Justin's head automatically rested on Brian's chest and his arm wrapped around Justin's back, as always.

"Night Justin," Brian said sleepily, giving Justin's upper body a squeeze. Justin listened to his breathing even out until he knew he was asleep. He looked up at Brian's sleeping face, a perfect profile lit by moonlight. His forehead rested against the taller boy's temple and he studied his closed eyes, long elegant eyelashes that rested on his, perfect cheekbones. Justin stared at his lips, inches apart from his but miles away.

He trailed his fingertip along his bottom lip and blinked in surprise when a tear rolled down from each eye. The image of Brian got blurry and he quickly wiped his cheeks before the salty drops rolled off of his cheeks and splashed against Brian's bronzed skin. He forced himself to roll away from Brian and get out of bed. He wandered aimlessly around the room, anything to distance himself from the sleeping teen currently nestled in his blankets. Another set of tears made their way down his cheeks and he furiously wiped them away.

He didn't want to feel this way. He hated feeling this way. He would do anything not to feel this way.

Why? He wanted to know. Why weren't they together? Why didn't Brian love him back?

He went into his bathroom and stared at his face in the mirror, eyes red and swollen. A final set of tears rolled from his chin and landed in the sink, dying in the drain.

Justin finally gave up and went back to his bed. He stared at Brian's form, dreading getting back under the covers with Brian's smooth, heated skin. He sighed and laid on the edge of the bed. He faced away from Brian and stared at the moon until exhaustion took over and he fell asleep to the sound of his own breaking heart.

As always.

Return to Something More