Through the Rain

Chapter 7

Brian stared at the phone in his hand, then at the small piece of paper in his other hand. Two things so simple alone, but combined they were lethal.

Brian needed to call Lindsay's parents.

He already had to tell his son his mothers were dead. Now he had to tell a mother her daughter was dead, too?

He was sitting on the sofa in the loft. Gus was sound asleep in Brian's bed after he had finally gotten the boy to eat something. He pressed talk, and then end. Talk, end. Talk, end. Just fucking do it already.

Talk, dial.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mrs. Peterson?"

"Yes?"

"This is Brian Kinney, Gus' father?"

"Right. What can I do for you?"  Her voice was so calm, so steady. She had no idea. Brian took a deep breath.

"I have some really bad news. Um, I…" His voice was breaking, and he was doing all he could to keep his tears at bay. Nothing should ever be this hard.

"What is it?" Now she sounded concerned.

"It's Lindsay. There…there was an accident. She and Mel, they didn't make it." Brian closed his eyes. He heard a gasp. He heard the phone clatter to the floor. He let out a sob and then bit the back of his hand, his tears falling onto his palm. The room felt so cold, everything felt so cold. He heard the phone being picked back up.

"No. It can't be. Please tell me it's not true."  Oh god, please don't cry.

"I wish it wasn't, but it is. I'm so sorry." He sobbed with Lindsay's mother for a long time, his tears staining the phone. She's at Allegheny. I'll take care of the funeral. I'm so sorry."

"Ok Brian. I'll be in touch." His tears flowed harder. He heard a loud sob and then a click. Dial tone.

He allowed himself to cry for a few minutes, his entire body shaking. His head ached, his body begged him to sleep. But he couldn't. Too much to do.

He flipped the piece of paper over in his hands and stared at the number, taunting him in black ink.

Deep breath, talk, dial.

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Marcus?"

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"Gus, come back here!" Lindsay laughed, chasing her mini tornado through the park. Brian leaned against the trunk of a tree, watching with subdued awe. That little boy was his. He made that amazing little boy.

"Daddy!" Gus cried, running up to Brian. He leapt up in the air and Brian had to lunge forward to catch him. He wished he could have that kind of trust in someone, and marveled over the fact that someone could have that much trust in him.

"Hey Sonny Boy," Brian told his son as he ruffled his hair.

"Lub you, Daddy!" Gus jumped out of his father's arms and ran towards the sandbox.

"Love you too, Gus," he whispered. Lindsay walked up and stood next to him. The wind whipped their hair and she looked over at him.

"When do you leave?" She asked. Brian looked over at her and smiled.

"Three days."

"New York City, you must be excited. We'll miss you." Brian wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cheek.

"I'll miss you, too. But don't worry, we'll have plenty of time after I get back." Lindsay smiled and he kissed her softly before they turned to watch their son lose himself in a fantasy world.

Brian opened his eyes. His light sleep was effectively ruined. He hadn't slept.

He didn't think he'd ever sleep again.

He hoisted himself off of the couch with a groan and trudged slowly into his bedroom. His eyes softened when they landed on Gus's sleeping form. The little boy was spread out, limbs stretching to all four corners of the bed. He crawled onto the bed and scooped the little boy up in his arms. He felt Gus cuddle up against him and his entire body relaxed. He concentrated on Gus's deep breathing and the baby shampoo scent of his soft hair. With Gus in his arms, he could finally sleep.

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The drugs were wearing off. He hurt. The pain was all over.

Justin felt a tear slip down his cheek as pain tore through his stomach, his shoulder, his heart.

With a slow, deliberate movement of his thumb, he pressed the call button at his side. He took deep, calming breaths as the nurse came in and gave him another shot. The medicine felt ice cold in his veins, before turning into something warm, something wonderful.

He tried really hard not to think of the two people he had just lost. He kept seeing Lindsay's warm brown eyes, Melanie's friendly smile. He tried not to think of the only time he was happy. It was taken from him just like everything else. God, he missed them.

He felt guilty for trying to push them out of his mind. He let all the memories flood his vision as freely as his tears. He played out the tape in his head. Rewind. Stop. Play. Pause.

Never fast forward. The ending of that tape was a disaster.

He felt tear drops in the crease of his neck, but he didn't have the strength to wipe them away. Blackness slowly ebbed its way into the montage of Mel and Linds. The tape was ripping, tearing, disappearing.

Once nothing was left but the blackness, Justin drifted into unconsciousness once more. While he was out, he couldn't feel the throbbing ache in every inch of his body, especially his heart.

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The phone wouldn't stop ringing.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Ring.

Michael must have told them.

He didn't want them to call. He wanted to lay here with his son. He wanted to sleep. He wanted everything to go away. He watched Gus's eyelids flutter with every ring of the phone.

Let the answering machine get it.

"Brian, it's Debbie. I just want to see if you're ok. I know this must be hard. It is hard. I love you, kiddo. Call me if you need anything." Click.

He could hear Debbie's tears. It was like she had lost two daughters. A tear slipped down Brian's cheek and he held Gus tighter.

Ring.

"Hey Brian, it's Emmett. I just…wanted to say…sorry. I know that doesn't really make up for anything, but I still wanted to say it. I hope you're doing well. Call me if you need anything at all. I'm here for you. Click.

He had never heard Emmett sound so somber. Everyone was in mourning. Everything felt so heavy. He knew he had a friend in Emmett. He's always liked Emmett.

Ring.

"Hey Bri, it's Michael. I just wanted to make sure you guys made it home ok. I told everyone. They all seemed to take it hard. That was so difficult. I wouldn't be able to have the strength you do. Call me if you need anything. I'm here for you…always. I love you, Bri. Tell Gus uncle Mikey loves him, too. Later, Brian."  Click.

Michael. Brian was glad to have Michael. He'd missed all his friends so much while he was in New York. He couldn't wait to get reacquainted over coffee at the diner and bumps at Babylon. Now it would be over obituaries and coffins.

His entire body felt so heavy. He just wanted to sleep…just sleep. He didn't feel when he slept. He ran is hand over Gus's cheek. He was glad he was sleeping so much. He didn't want his little boy to feel this pain. He shouldn't have to.

Please don't ring anymore.

Ring.

"Mr. Kinney, this is Glenda Bernstein from Allegheny General hospital. I'm calling to you inform you that Justin Taylor has been signed over to your care. He will be ready to be released at 1 o'clock this afternoon. Thank you." Click.

Justin. They would be living together. He would be taking care of him. Justin was something to be cherished, he could tell.

The digital clock on the nightstand read 10:47 a.m. He needed to go to their house and get things for the two of them. He didn't want to be in that house ever again. Not without them.

Within ten minutes, he was carrying a drowsy Gus through the loft door. The young boy held onto his father tightly, but didn't utter a sound. The phone started ringing again. Brian ignored it and locked the loft door behind him.

Ring.

"Mr. Kinney, this is Nancy Peterson. I wanted to talk to you about Gus, and the situation with him. I could be out there to pick him up this evening, if that would work. I just want to get everything settled. Call me when you get this so we can discuss the arrangements. Thank you." Click.

The silence in the loft was deafening.

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