Through the Rain

Chapter 5

"There was even a time right after we met that I thought this could be the reality. Did you ever think that?"

"No. Well, you wanted me to be serious. But that doesn't mean I don't love you."

Brian opened his eyes, tears dried on his eyelashes, fused to his skin. He didn't think they'd ever go away. He looked down at Gus. He had cried himself to sleep, and Brian felt Gus's wet sorrow in the hollow of his collarbone, where his tears had gathered. He sighed and stood up, the cold air proving to be too much. He carried Gus back into the hospital, his body shivering from the dual temperatures.

He lowered himself back into his chair in the corner, cradling Gus like the precious cargo he was against his strong chest. He looked up in time to see two figures moving towards him. He blinked away the haze in his eyes and saw that it was Michael, eyes and cheeks stained red, clutching a Big Q bag in his hands. The other figure was a female nurse, striding alongside Michael, her face emotionless, unreadable.

"Brian," Michael whispered once he reached his best friend. "This nurse has information about Justin." Brian perked up as much as he could without jostling Gus, showing he was all ears.

"Mr. Kinney, we have every reason to believe Justin will be just fine. The transfusion went off without a hitch and his body seems to be accepting the blood well. He had a lot of deep cuts that we had to stitch up. He's asleep now, but when he wakes up I'll come see if you're still here."

"Thank you," Brian said genuinely, feeling a small sense of relief in knowing the blond would be all right. "I'll be here." The nurse gave him a small smiling before bowing her head a little and returning to her duties. Michael sat down in the empty chair next to Brian and looked at him apprehensively. Neither knew how to breech the situation, so they just stared at each other for a long moment.

Michael took in Brian's haggard appearance. His chestnut hair, matted and mangled from the rain. His red, swollen eyes and trembling lips. And the blood. There was so much of it, staining his skin, his clothes. It terrified him to see Brian covered in blood, even though he knew it wasn't his. Tears spilled over his eyes once more and Brian reached out with one long arm and pulled Michael close, resting his forehead against his best friend's in a familiar embrace. Neither man spoke a word. They just cried together, mourning. After a few long moments, they pulled apart and wiped their faces.

"I guess we should get changed," Brian muttered, motioning to Gus. Michael nodded and both men stood up, Brian clutching Gus, and Michael holding the bag. They walked into the men's room and Brian looked down at the sleeping bundle in his arms. "I told him."

"Oh no," Michael said softly. "How did he take it?"

"Better than I expected. I hate to wake him, but I need to get some clothes on him." Michael nodded and Brian gently shook Gus's back. "Sonny Boy, wake up. Let' s get you into some pajamas."

Gus looked up at Brian with sad, sleepy eyes. He nodded and Brian set him down on the counter, unwrapping the little boy from his fleece cocoon. The blue material had spots of coppery blood on it, and Brian stuffed it into the trashcan. He wetted a paper towel with warm water and cleaned Gus as well as he could. Brian's heart clenched as he wiped blood from the boy's tiny frame. Gus stood lifelessly, his eyes trained on the ground.

Brian tossed the soiled paper into the trash and dressed Gus in his new pajamas. "Are you cold, Gus?" The little boy looked up at his father with empty hazel eyes and nodded. "Lift up your arms." Gus did so and Brian slid the sweater over his body. "Want uncle Mikey to hold you while I get changed?"

Gus looked up at Michael with surprised eyes, as if he just now realized the man was standing there. Michael uncrossed his arms and managed to give the boy a small smile. Gus looked to his father's face and then down at his bloody clothing, cringing a little from the sight of it. He turned back towards Michael and held out his arms. The shorter man scooped him up and cradled him against his chest, kissing the top of his downy head. Brian gave him a grateful smile.

Brian slipped his leather jacket from his shoulders and tossed it on the counter. He pulled his white tee from his lean frame and stuffed it in the trash along with the other bloody reminders of this night. He looked in the mirror and gasped when he saw how badly the blood has stained his skin. This stranger's blood had penetrated his golden flesh, dying him with memories of the experience. He tore paper towels from the holder and ran them under scalding water. He scrubbed ferociously, tears welling up in his eyes again. No matter what he did, the blood was there.

Michael reached out and flattened his hand against the smooth, cool expanse of Brian's back. The taller man stilled his frantic movements and looked up to meet his gaze in the mirror. This calmed him and he turned off the sink, tossing the pink towels in the trash. He ripped open the tee shirts and pulled one over his head. He shoved everything back into the bag and took Gus back into his arms.

"Gussy, guess what?" Brian asked softly. The boy said nothing, but looked up to meet his father's eyes. "The doctors fixed Justin. He's going to be fine." Something like relief flickered in the boy's eyes.

"Can we see him?" Gus's voice was so soft that Brian had to strain to hear him.

"He's sleeping right now. The medicines made him tired. I just wanted to tell you he was going to be ok, because I figured you would want to know the news. We can see him as soon as he is awake, ok?"

"Ok, Daddy." Brian smiled a little, and to his surprise, Gus returned it weakly. He rubbed his nose against Gus's before letting the boy snuggle back against his now clean chest. Michael watched the gentle interaction between father and son. He grabbed the bag holding the remaining items of clothing and followed Brian out of the restroom.

Once back in the waiting room, they chose a bank of chairs away from where so many tears were shed. Gus quickly fell back asleep against Brian's chest, emotional and physical exhaustion overcoming his tiny body. Brian looked over at Michael.

"I'm surprised Ben didn't come with you."

"I didn't tell him." Brian looked over at his friend, shock written all over his features. Michael met his gaze guiltily.

"Why not?"

"He was asleep, and I guess I just didn't want to say it out loud. I didn't want to give the news to someone else when I didn't believe it myself." Michael shrugged and looked down at the cracked tile floor.

"I can understand that. But it happened, and we have to tell everyone soon," Brian said softly, as if it was the last thing he wanted to do. It probably was. Michael sighed and slumped down in the chair.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Brian nodded, letting Gus's gentle breathing soothe him.

Brian didn't know how much time had passed, but Michael had gone for coffee three times and Brian had guzzled down each glass of the murky liquid. The sun started to rise, rays of pink and orange spilling into the hospital waiting room. He looked over at Michael, who was staring forward, eyes sad and dark.

"Hey Mikey?" Brian asked. The shorter man looked over at him tiredly. "Will you hold Gus for a second. I need a cigarette." Michael nodded and Brian transferred the sleeping bundle to Michael's safe arms. He kissed Michael softly on the forehead and slipped out to the alcove that he used to tell Gus the bad news.

The morning breeze whipped his skin, stinging him. He began to pace along the cement as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his jeans. He took one of them and placed it between his lips. He lit it and took a deep drag, feeling the cigarette smoke burn it's way down into his lungs. He blew the smoke out into the morning sky, feeling a little more relaxed.

He watched the hues of orange, pink, and purple paint the sky. It was beautiful. Brian took another deep drag, holding the smoke in his lungs until it burned and then blowing it out his nostrils.

It was a new day. The first day of what would be his new life. Life without Melanie and Lindsay. Life filled with more sorrow and pain then before. He sighed and took another pull. The door creaked open behind him and Brian instantly straightened up, putting the façade in place.

"Mr. Kinney?" Brian turned to see the same nurse from before looking at him timidly. He raised his eyebrows to acknowledge her. "Your friend told me I could find you out here."

"Here I am. Is everything all right?" He took another pull from his smoke before stomping the butt out on the pavement.

"Mr. Taylor woke up. He's asking for you." Brian's eyes widened.

"He's asking for me?" The nurse nodded. Brian followed her back into the hospital. "Watch him for me, Mikey. Justin is awake." Michael nodded and Brian continued following the nurse down corridors that stretched on forever, reeking of illness and death.

She stopped outside a door suddenly and Brian almost ran into her from behind. She turned and motioned towards the door before continuing down the hall. Brian stared at the door for a long time before taking a deep breath and pushing it open.

He walked inside the small room apprehensively and looked towards the bed. He swallowed hard at the sight. Justin's eyes were closed, looking sunken in and purple. His skin was frighteningly pale and his hair was matted to his face. The blankets came up to his waist, the rest of his body hidden by a blue hospital gown. The garment hung low around his neck, and Brian could see a large gash in his shoulder, mended with black thread. Strands of his honey blonde hair were tinged red with blood. Brian took a seat in the chair next to his bed.

Justin opened his heavy eyes and looked over at Brian's worried face. The man really was beautiful, even under these harsh conditions. His eyes were dark with sorrow, lines firm around his frowning mouth. Justin sighed and sank back into the pillows.

"It really happened," Justin muttered, his voice hoarse and raw. Brian looked up at him and raised an eyebrow in question. "I hoped when I opened my eyes I'd find out it was all just a nightmare."

"Sorry, it's a reality." Brian locked eyes with Justin, almost losing himself in the pools of blue. Justin suddenly sat up, wincing from the pain. "What is it?"

"Where's Gus? Is he ok? I can't remember." Brian felt his heart swell with respect and adoration for this man that cared so much for his little boy.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"You came and were talking to Gus."

"Ok, well, Gus is fine. He's with Michael out in the waiting room." Justin visibly relaxed against the pillows.

"Did you tell Gus his moms were dead?" He looked over, noticed the way Brian cringed at the question.

"It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It was so hard." Justin watched as tears etched their way down Brian's flushed cheeks and he felt his own eyes tear up as well. "He didn't believe they weren't coming back. I had to tell him he'd never see them again. The look on his face, his eyes. They were so sad. I couldn't do anything about it. I had to hold him while he cried, kicked me, hit me. It was so hard."

He was sobbing now, in front of this stranger. Justin lifted a weak hand and threaded it through Brian's hair, acting on pure instinct. The brunet head shot up, causing Justin's hand to slip down to his cheek. The blond wiped a tear away with the pad of his thumb. Brian took the smaller hand in his own and locked eyes with Justin.

"Are you ok?" He asked. Then he quickly shook his head. "Stupid question. Of course you aren't ok. I mean, will you be ok?" Justin squeezed Brian's hand and offered a low wattage smile.

"I'll be alright, Brian. It's just a shock. It's hard." The older man nodded.

"I know."

"I've heard so much about you. About how wonderful you are." Brian snorted and met Justin's dim blue eyes, the hue softened by the pain.

"You must not have talked to Melanie often." They shared a sad smile.

"Mel loved you, too." Brian seemed a little surprised. It was then he realized he was still holding Justin's hand. He didn't let go. "I thought I'd meet you at some muncher brunch. I'm sorry it had to be like this. You sounded like someone I could really be friends with."

"Hey, just because this happened doesn't mean we can't be friends." Justin smiled softly at Brian. "What have they told you about your condition?"

"They said my stitches will be in for about two weeks, and for that two weeks I'm confined to a bed," Justin sighed. "That gives me two weeks to figure out what I'm going to do."

"What do you mean?" Brian asked. Justin met his eyes sadly.

"I lived with Mel and Linds. I can't live there now and I have no place else to go." Brian unconsciously squeezed Justin's hand tighter.

"Problem solved," Brian said confidently. Justin scrunched his nose up in confusion.

"How?"

"Easy. You're going to move into my loft with me and Gus."

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