Truth Be Told
Part Sixteen
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Justin unlocked the door to his mother’s condo and
Molly pushed passed him. She was worried about her pet turtle,
“I should call my grandparents now that we know she will be okay. I didn’t want to call until we knew something. My grandfather can’t take the worry so soon after his heart surgery.”
After her best friend left the room, Daphne got up and started to go through the cupboards and the fridge. Then, she took a note pad that hung on the fridge and started to write. Brian watched her with interest.
“What are you looking for?” He asked.
“I wanted to see what was here in the way of food. We’ll have to go to the market soon.”
Brian was confused. He went to the fridge and looked in only to be even more confused. Just as he had suspected there was more food in there than had ever been in his fridge at the loft.
“What do you mean? There is enough food in here to last quite awhile.”
“I know, and we will try and use as much of it as we can, but when the three of us get back to school and our everyday routines we will need different foods.”
“Like what? What could possibly be missing?” Brian asked, looking at the contents of the freezer.
“Poptarts, more kinds of cereal, sandwich stuff, can pasta, frozen pizzas, French fries and chicken nuggets, bagels, doughnuts. You know convenience foods. We are not going to have time to cook everything from scratch the way Jennifer did.”
Justin came back into the room. “They took the news pretty well. I told them what happened and that I would care for Molly. They insisted that they should call my Aunt Sue. God, I hope she doesn’t show up here.”
“I have never heard you mention an Aunt Sue,” said Brian.
“That’s probably because she is a scary witch,” offered Daphne.
“She is very overbearing and hard to get along with. She and my mother don’t talk much. She drinks and is overly critical. Sort of like my Dad really. I never thought of that before. Why would my mother marry a man that is just like the sister she can’t stand?”
Brian didn’t know what to say. He was starting to wonder if Justin was going into shock. Daphne quick with her newfound psychology knowledge offered her opinion.
“Probably because your father was accepting of her. At least in the beginning and that was something she always craved from Sue.”
“Yeah, maybe,” answered Justin. He distractedly looked at his mother’s calendar again. “I guess I should call the real estate office. I wonder where her day planner is. Maybe it was in the car.”
“Why don’t you let me help with some of the paper work stuff. I can talk to the police for you and then the insurance company, make sure everything gets settled properly. You have enough to deal with,” Brian tried to explain.
“I can do it. I am not a little kid. I am perfectly capable of taking care of everything,” snapped Justin, as he left the room.
This is going to be a long day, Brian thought to himself. Molly entered the kitchen opening the door to the fridge. She pulled out the heads of cabbage and lettuce, pealed one leaf off of each. She got one pod of fresh peas and picked three blueberries out of the container. Brian watched with interest. What the hell is she doing? He wondered. When Molly pulled a knife out of the drawer and placed the lettuce and cabbage to the cutting board, Brian moved to stop her.
“Why don’t you let me do that for you? What are you making? This is going to be a very small salad. If you are hungry, I can make you something.”
“No,
silly. This is for
“Who is
“My turtle. He lives in my room and is hungry.”
“I didn’t know you had a pet.”
“I can’t have a real one because Justin is
allergic, but
“How small should I cut this up?” Brian asked, as he took the knife out of Molly’s hand.
“I can do it. I feed him all the time.”
“I know, Sweetie, but until you are more used to your cast how about no knives sharper than a butter knife. Just to be safe. Deal?”
“Deal,” she agreed.
After Brian had cut the food up to Molly’s satisfaction, he followed her up to her bedroom. It was very much a little girl’s room. Brian had never seen so much pink and so many ruffles in one place. On the far wall was a large fish tank with Barbie stickers stuck to it. Molly took the cabbage pieces and slowly dropped them into the water through a door she had opened in the light canopy of the tank. The turtle was very interested in the people on the outside of the tank and didn’t eat right away. She added the lettuce but he still wasn’t interested. He sniffed at the peas when she added those but was watching Brian.
“I guess he’s not as hungry as you thought,” said Brian.
“He’s too interested in us. He doesn’t like to eat when people are watching.”
“Quite a polite little reptile you have there. Definitely a Taylor,” smirked Brian.
“What about the blueberries?”
“I know he’ll eat those but they are dessert.”
“How often do you usually feed him?”
“Twice a day.”
“If he hasn’t eaten in a day and a half, he probably is hungry. Just let him have it.”
“Okay. You are going to spoil Gus,” Molly said, shaking her head as she dropped the blueberries into the water.
“What else does he eat?”
“He loves hamburger, but it makes a mess in the tank. Since, I won’t be able to clean it so good with this,” said Molly, holding up her cast. “He will have to stick to vegetables. And a few treats. The man at the pet store said we could feed him live fish but that is too GROSS! A boy at school gives his live worms, YECH! I give him these turtle pellets for one feeding and real food for the other.”
“How do you clean the tank?”
“I take him out and let him walk around or put him in a bucket. Then I scoop the water out and flush it. I clean his sunning platform but not with soap because his eyes are very sensitive. Then, I replace it and put clean water in with a bucket. It’s a pain but he has to be clean or he could get sick.”
“How often do you have to do it?”
“About every 10 days.”
“I could help you when it needs to be done.”
“Thanks Brian. Are you and Justin getting back together?”
Brian didn’t answer right away. “Would you like that?” He finally asked.
“YES! There was something about Ethan that wasn’t right. I think he’s nice and everything but Justin didn’t smile much when they were together. He’s happier when he is with you. And if I have to live with him, the happier he is the better. He can be a grouch.”
Daphne joined them as they watched the turtle. “He’s getting big. How big will he get?”
“Don’t know,” said Molly.
“Mol, would you like to take a bath? I can help you so you don’t get your cast wet and I’ll wash your hair for you.”
“Okay, but I think there is glass in my hair from the car windows.”
“We’ll be careful.”
Brian left the girls and went downstairs to find Justin carrying empty boxes to the door.
“What are those for?”
“I have to get my stuff from Ethan’s,” said Justin as he sat down on the a step. He looked so tired. “I’m not looking forward to it.”
“I’ll do it. Justin, I know you think you have to do this all by yourself, but you don’t. I am here, Daphne is here, and starting tomorrow, this place will probably be overrun with ‘the family.’ Just accept it now. It will be so much easier on everyone if you do.”
“Okay. I’m sorry I snapped earlier.”
“Considering all the times I snapped at you without apology, it’s not a problem,” laughed Brian.
“I can’t let you go get my stuff from Ethan’s. That is just too weird, even for us.’
“Justin, you are overtired and emotionally burnt out. The fiddler seemed to take it okay at the hospital, but if he is upset now that he has had time to think about it, I would rather face him than you. The whole mess is my fault anyway.”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I do,” Brian said grabbing the boxes. “I’ll be back in a little while. You get some sleep.” Brian finished. He kissed the teen on the forehead and went out the door.
“I hope there isn’t a scene,” sighed Justin, before going back up the stairs.
How could Justin live here? This place is disgusting. He should probably have a tetanus shot, Brian thought to himself as he went up the dingy staircase to the fiddler’s apartment. This place should be condemned.
Nearing the top floor, the violin music got louder and louder. He put the boxes down and knocked on the rotting door. The music didn’t stop. He does have talent, I guess. I don’t care for it myself. He knocked harder, the music stopped then the door flung open.
“What.”
Brian just stared at the young man before him. For the first time, he really saw what Justin saw. The young man obviously put everything he had into his music. Just like Justin did with his art. I always hold myself back, even when I’m fucking. Unless it’s with Justin, he realized.
“I figured you wouldn’t let him come back here.”
This pulled Brian from his thoughts, “he has enough to deal with, and I am only trying to help. If you are thinking I believe you to be a threat, you’re wrong.” Brian declared as he took the boxes into the apartment.
“I almost forgot. You are the great Brian Kinney,
Lord Stud of
“I know that you got hurt in this… whatever it is that happened between Justin and me. Since our little break from each other was mostly my fault, I won’t make things worse by getting into an argument with you. You were an innocent bystander who got caught in our crossfire.”
“You knew he’d come back, didn’t you?”
“I knew that at some point we’d more than likely have another chance. I know he loves me.”
“Do you love him?” Ethan questioned.
“Yes. Very much.”
“Then, it’s too bad that this second chance is happening so soon,” sighed Ethan.
“Why? Because you want him for yourself?”
“Actually, yes, and I would never throw him away the way you did. But what I meant was, are you ready to be what he needs,”
“Like you were?” Brian snapped as he packed Justin’s art supplies.
Ethan stopped to think about that question. I know I’m not what Justin needs. Oh, I have tried, but the bottom line is I’m not Brian. I think I did help Justin though. He was able to vent all of his pent up anger and sadness. It hurt to listen to him talk about the bashing? How could anyone attack him so violently? He’s so beautiful, kind, caring, funny, smart and a lot of fun. God, I am going to miss him. He was almost killed for who he is and that walks around with him every day. He suffers from the after effects everyday, too. Being gay that angers me to no end, but as someone who loves him, it never leaves my thoughts completely. There is a very good chance that I might never have met him. He could have died and he never would have brightened my life with his fantastic smile.
I can’t help but wonder, as I watch Brian flip through a sketch book, so obviously proud and relieved to see the unbelievable beauty Justin has captured on those pages. If the bashing is so difficult for me to deal with, me, who didn’t even know Justin at the time. what must it be like for Brian? I can’t imagine watching it happen. I have a great deal of anger and frustration that it happened. How does he deal with it AND the guilt of being there and yet he was just as helpless to stop it as the rest of us? While he considered all of this he started to put Justin’s clothes in an empty box.
“You’re helping me?” Brian asked.
“The sooner it’s packed, the sooner you leave,” he replied evenly.
He watched as Brian looked through another sketch book. Pride poured from his eyes as he flipped the pages. He really does love him. Justin deserves to be happy. He took a seat and decided he had nothing to lose at this point.
“I really do care for Justin. I would like to be friends with him. I can see now that is all it ever should have been.”
“NOW, you realize it,” exclaimed Brian.
“I know that you think he came to me because I was more romantic. It wasn’t the pretty words, flowers, or music that brought him here.”
“So, you think you know him better than I do now, huh?”
“Maybe I know a part of Justin that he was afraid to show you.”
“There is no reason for him to be afraid of me. I would never hurt him,” said Brian.
“But you did. Very much.”
“When Justin and I first started spending time together he never wanted to talk about himself, or you, or even his life. We talked about me, my music, music in general, his art, art in general, and literature. He seemed so free and he smiled that amazing smile all the time. I knew he was conflicted. I even knew he loved you very much, but for some reason, it was painful for him. My original opinion of you was low because of what he told me about you the day we met. It made it easier for me to write off your whole relationship. I had never been the ‘other guy’ before and I justified it to myself because anyone who wouldn’t celebrate his boyfriend’s birthday didn’t deserve someone as great as Justin. I was convinced he would be better off without you.”
Brian laughed bitterly. “So was I.”
“What I CAN see now is that I was an escape for him. He was able to get away from everyone and everything he knew. There was no pressure here,” Ethan said motioning to the apartment. “No expectations. No responsibilities. He could just be.”
Brian nodded.
“Everything started to change after you found out and after you and I met. In a way, I think I had been tarnished in his eyes. I wasn’t an escape or a safe haven anymore. On top of whatever he might have felt for me, I was a reminder of how deeply he hurt the love of his life. That was never his intention. He was conflicted before you found out, but after he was a wreck.”
“After we left the Rage party, he cried for hours. His heart was breaking but very, very, painfully slowly. His sobs would level off and I would think good, he got that out of his system, but he would think of something else and it would start all over again. He wouldn’t let me comfort him. He fell asleep eventually from exhaustion.”
“I think I cried that night too. I didn’t think I could be what he needed. I lived my life in fear. I was such a coward, but I knew I couldn’t drag him down with me. He deserved better and you seemed like the perfect solution. I had my assistant check you out. I knew that Justin would be safe with you or I never would have pushed him away. It almost killed me to do it, but I truly believed it was for the best.”
“We talked a lot about the bashing after he moved in here. I encouraged it, hoping to help him get past it. He should be seeing a therapist. I learned some things that might help you and since that will help him, I’ll tell you. You hurt him because you won’t talk about the bashing and you hurt him because you wouldn’t listen. Most of all, you hurt him because you blame yourself. That is the reason he can’t express his feelings to anyone. Everyone that he should talk to about it has their own pain associated to that time. He didn’t want to upset anyone and he was so scared that they would all tell you, that he was having problems dealing with it. He would have done anything to keep you from seeing how much pain he was in because he knew you would blame yourself even more.”
“The other area that I might be able to offer some insight is in his art,” Ethan continued.
“I don’t need any help with the art. I know he is very talented, gifted even.”
“That’s exactly what I mean. I can only imagine what it must be like for him not to be able to express himself as he always has. For an artist that is suffocating. He is proud and gets enjoyment out of the computer graphics, but sketching is pure joy to him. He is improving all the time.”
“These are great,” says Brian holding the sketch books.
“No offense, but it doesn’t matter what you or I or anyone else thinks. HE doesn’t feel 100% and that is why he won’t take a sketching class at school. It has nothing to do with the professor either because I know for a fact that they are very impressed with the improvement he has made. It pains him not to be able to commit his artistic expressions to paper as he sees them in his mind’s eye. You probably don’t understand. If I were forced to never play Paganini again, I would be devastated. Not that there aren’t plenty of other beautiful things to play, but there would be a hole in my soul. On top of everything else, Justin has a hole in his artistic soul.”
Brian was about to say something when he heard his cell phone ring.
“Hello.”
“Molly? What’s wrong?”
“Where is Daphne? Okay, good. Tell her I am on my way. Sweetie, don’t be scared he will be okay, I promise.”
Brian put his phone back in his pocket and put the boxes by the door.
“Is Justin okay?”
“He will be. He is having another panic attack. I have to get back.”
“I’ll help you bring this stuff down so you don’t need to waste any time,” the younger man offered.
After they placed all of Justin’s things in the jeep, Brian turned to Ethan.
“Thank you for what you said. You gave me a lot to think about. Justin will forgive you for not telling Jennifer he was home and then I hope you two can be friends. Justin needs more friends his own age. It is very easy for our little fucked up family to forget how young he is. But we shouldn’t. I really have to go. He needs me.”
I know you are who he needs, but can you come through, Ethan thought to himself, as he watched the jeep race toward the condo.
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