Truth Be Told

Part Twelve

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Lindsay walked past the open door of Molly’s room; she couldn’t help but see the love in Brian’s eyes as he watched the two young Taylors sleep.

 

We haven’t been fair, she thought to herself. They deserve to be happy. Justin and Daphne are right, we have held him back. Lost in thought, she didn’t notice the hazel eyes that watched her.  After a moment, their eyes met, she smiled sadly, moving on down the hall.

 

Brian’s thoughts returned to his young lover and the even smaller version of him as they slept entangled together on the small hospital bed.

 

Everything has changed between us in just a few short hours. What does it mean? Can I be what he needs? What he wants? What about Ethan? I know Justin cared for him. Am I even sure they are over? … Yes, I don’t doubt Justin’s love for me, but how long can he put up with my shit? Can I get over my shit? I don’t know how to do this. I am going to fuck it up. Again!

 

“Brian?”

 

“Hey, precious, are you okay? Does your arm hurt? I can get the nurse,” Brian said quietly.

 

“Not really.”

 

“Why don’t you go back to sleep, it’s not morning, yet.”

 

“Justin looks tired, is he still sick?” Molly asked, cautiously.

 

“No, he has been working too hard, that’s all. He’s okay,” Brian answered. I hope I’m not lying to her, but the way he shut down earlier scared the shit out of me, thought Brian.

 

“It’s still dark out,” she said, looking out the window.

 

“Morning will be here soon enough,” said Brian.

 

“When Justin still lived at home, I used to sneak into his room in the middle of the night, sometimes. He called me squirmy because I would always wake him up. We used to get up and watch the sunrise. He’d draw and I’d eat chocolate chip muffins and orange juice. It was so much fun and he’d tell me silly stories.

 

“I miss that, too,” Justin whispered with a smile.

 

“I didn’t know you were awake,” smiled Molly.

 

“Are you sure your arm doesn’t hurt?” Justin asked.

 

“It feels funny but it doesn’t really hurt.”

 

“Okay. If it starts to, tell someone and you can have some medicine that will make it stop hurting,” said Brian.

 

“Justin?” Molly asked apprehensively.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How is Mommy?”

 

Justin and Brian exchanged looks. “She’s hurt real badly, Mol.”

 

“Is she going to die?”

 

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. She had a long operation last night and will probably need more.”

 

“Can I see her? Is she awake?”

 

“She’s not awake, yet. They are trying to keep her asleep for the next day or two. You can’t see her right now, she is in a part of the hospital that kids aren’t allowed,” said Justin, tracing soothing circles on her back.

 

“How long will she have to stay in the hospital?”

 

“A very long time, but that will be a good thing because they will make her better.”

 

“Do I have to stay here until she is better?”

 

“No, Mol. You will be able to leave either today or tomorrow,” Justin explained.

 

Brian sat quietly and listened as Justin answered Molly’s questions honestly. He is so good, telling her enough to understand but not enough to scare her even more. He will be a wonderful father some day. I hope he gets the chance.

 

“Do I have to go live with Dad?”

 

“If you want to.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Then, you can live with me.”

 

“And Ethan? No offense Justin but his apartment is gross.”

 

“No, not with Ethan and yeah, his apartment is kind of gross.”

 

“With you and Brian then?” Molly asked excitedly, she thought Brian was the coolest person she had ever met. Brian smiled.

 

“No, I will move home with you until Mom is well enough to take care of you herself.”

 

“Dad, isn’t going to like that.”

 

“Let me take care of your father, sweetie,” said Brian.

 

“Okay,” she giggled. He can get really mad sometimes.”

 

“I know, but he doesn’t scare me.”

 

“Molly, there is something else I have to tell you about Mom,” Justin continued.

 

“What?” Molly’s eyes grew wide with fear.

 

“The doctors don’t know for sure but Mom might have to use a wheelchair.”

 

“All sick people have to use wheelchairs, silly; you had to when you were sick.”

 

“No, Mol, I mean forever. She might have hurt her back and she might not be able to walk anymore.”

 

Molly got very quiet and started to cry. It was something she could understand and it scared her very much. She shifted in the bed so she was facing away from Justin and Brian. She stared out the window blankly.

 

Justin got off the bed and adjusted the covers around over her.

 

He and Brian stepped away from the bed, “maybe I shouldn’t have told her that,” sighed Justin.

 

“No you have to start preparing her. She doesn’t understand and that is more frightening. I think you were great with her. How did you know what to say?”

 

“I had a good example from someone who said and did all the right things when I was scared and lonely,” Justin admitted to Brian.

 

Their eyes locked for a long moment until Brian looked over at the scared young girl in the bed. He glanced at his watch. “I’ll be right back; I have an idea on how to make her feel better.”

 

Brian rushed to the nurse’s station, if this is going to work I have to hurry, he thought to himself.

 

“Sarah, is there any way I can take Molly outside? I think it would cheer her up to see the sunrise.”

 

“I’m sorry, but without her doctor’s permission I have to say no.”

 

“Can we get his permission?”

 

“I could try but by the time I get him on the phone it will be too late.”

 

“Damn.”

 

“I’m sorry, but the big bank of windows in the waiting room faces the sunrise it is actually a pretty good view.”

 

“Thank you,” said Brian as he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and ran off.

 

Several moments later Brian entered the waiting room with a bag from the cafeteria. He looked around the room and rushed back out. He returned again with a lazy boy chair from the storage room. She had explained that the hospital kept them on hand for when family members spent the night. Brian set it up in front of the window. The others looked confused by his actions. When he set the muffins and orange juice on the table, Craig understood and couldn’t help but smile at the memory.

 

Brian looked out the window and knew he had only minutes if this was going to work.

 

“Let’s go,” he said as he lifted Molly from the bed.

 

“Where are we going?” Justin asked.

 

“I have a surprise. Grab some extra blankets Justin.”

 

He took them to the waiting room and over to the chair. “Sit Justin.” Justin sat and Brian gently placed Molly in the chair with him. She smiled when she saw the muffins and OJ.

 

“Stay with us,” she said when Brian started to move away.

 

“Okay,” said Brian, as he sat on the arm of the chair and put an arm around Justin.

 

The three of them watched the sun come up together. The promise of a new day was a relief to them all.

 

“Stop,” Brian said and squeezed Justin’s shoulder.

 

“What?”

 

“You are over thinking things. I can sense it, feel your uneasiness. We are going to be okay.”

 

“How can you be so sure? I messed everything up, last time,” sighed Justin. “How will you ever trust me again?”

 

“Justin, now that everything is out in the open, I can’t hide from you now, even if I want to. I’ll be honest though it really scares me. I know this is how it will have to be for us to work, so that is how it will be.”

 

“But…”

 

“Trusting you won’t be a problem. We both know I pushed you away and I was even cruel about it. I am the one that really messed up.”

 

“Okay, I should tell you…” Justin began.

 

“Let me finish, if I don’t say it now, I might never have the nerve again. I need to say this… even more than you need to hear it.”

 

Justin smiled; he understood what Brian was trying to say.

 

“Brian, you don’t have to say anymore, I heard you and Daphne when you were talking. It is all I ever needed to know. It is what I should have known already.”

 

“No, Sunshine, I have to say it. You have waited to hear it for too long, two years. I should have told you so long ago. I felt it from the beginning, I fought it at first, denied it, told myself I didn’t even know what it was, and that I definitely didn’t deserve it.”

 

“I LOVE YOU !! I love you so much I can’t even think straight,” Brian said with a smile, “no pun intended.”

 

Justin laughed, he was smiling brighter than ever, tears threatened to fall. “I love you too,” he said quietly.

 

They stared into each other’s eyes, each other’s souls for several quiet moments.

 

“I know that I have to change, that you need more than before. No more games, no more tri…”

 

“No, Brian, I don’t want to change who you are. I fell in love with YOU, not an idealized version of you that I imagined in my head like Michael did. Or the fucking image you try so hard to portray to everyone. You! I love all your wonderful qualities that outnumber your faults big time, but I fell in love with your faults too.”

 

“But you were so unhappy before,” protested Brian.

 

“I think you will be surprised to know how little I want to change. The first thing we have to do is forget the rules. One of my worse ideas ever,” he continued.

 

“Justin, I am willing to give up…”

 

“I’ll never ask you to give anything up,” he interrupted. “We have to work on us,… on our…” Justin paused.

 

“Relationship,” offered Brian.

 

“If we are honest and clear with our feelings, our expectations, and our needs, everything else won’t matter.”

 

“I don’t think I understand.”

 

“I don’t need monogamy, I never expected it. I do NOT want to see anything though. I want you to be considerate enough to do everything in your power to make sure I don’t. If we live together again, I would expect the loft to be for us. I don’t care what you do at the baths or the backroom, but not in our home.”

 

“There will be NO more games. I hated them and I think they really affected my self-confidence and my belief in us. I don’t need to push everything and everyone else out of your life to be happy. I do need to feel like a priority to you, that I matter.”

 

“I know. You matter more than anyone, but if for some reason I start to take you for granted again, talk to me before you start to resent and hate me.”

 

“I have never hated you, not even for a second. You know, I can only talk to you, if you will listen to me and communicate as well.”

 

“I know and I want you to know that I want to really try this. I have realized over the last six weeks that I don’t need, no WANT anyone but you. I think I am ready to try being faithful.”

 

There was an audible gasp in the room. Daphne stood up and walked over to them.

 

“Why don’t I stay with Molly and you guys go talk somewhere privately?” Daphne said, motioning to the group who were very obviously hanging on every word.

 

Brian looked down at the sleeping girl, “I’ll take her back to her room first.”

 

After making sure that his two favorite girls were settled in, Brian took Justin’s hand and led him outside. They strolled slowly, silently in the little garden for several minutes, both knew that more had to be said, but first, they needed to enjoy each other’s presence. And they needed to become comfortable with their new beginning, with the new revelations already in place.

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