Truth Be Told

Part Eleven

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Justin trembled as Brian smoothed his hair. Brian couldn’t help but feel he had failed Justin yet again. They had worked so hard to ensure that no one would see him in the middle of a panic attack. They had made sure the “family” never saw how bad they could get. Justin had a small reaction at his mother’s in front of Deb and Vic his first day out of the hospital. The only other time the other’s had been around was Gus’ birthday party and Brian had been able to get Justin out of there before anyone noticed what was happening. Here they were surrounded by everyone including Craig. Damn, Craig, Justin is going to hate looking weak in front of his father.

 

“I’m sorry, Brian,” Justin whimpered repeatedly.

 

“There is nothing to be sorry about. It’s okay Justin, I’m right here. Everything is going to be okay. We’ll be okay. Just breathe, take a deep breath, Baby, please, your inhaler isn’t here. Breathe with me, nice and steady,” Brian took a few deep breaths and hoped Justin would mimic him. He didn’t. “Now, Justin. Breathe. I can’t do it for you. Breathe. And again. That’s it. That’s better. Just breathe.”

 

“Sunshine, can you hear me? Justin?” Deb approached quickly. Concern was evident in her voice.

 

“No!” Justin wailed as she got within a few feet. He turned into Brian’s body even closer, trying to escape, trying to feel safe.

 

“Stay back,” snapped Brian. “He needs room. Don’t come closer until I say it’s okay.”

 

“Like I am going to listen to YOU when we are in a hospital with qualified people,” Deb replied.

 

“I’ll get a nurse or a doctor,” Mel said, leaving the room.

 

“I know what to do and the most important thing is to stay calm. He is going to be fine…” Brian began.

 

“Fine? He just had a breakdown right here in front of us,” snapped Deb.

 

“It’s not a breakdown Deb. It’s a panic attack. He’s had them before. Just stay away and give him some room. Don’t upset him anymore.”

 

“Sit down, sis, now!” Said Vic.

 

“No! I need to…”

 

“You need to sit down and let Brian do what he knows how to do. This isn’t your problem. It is theirs and they seem to have a non-verbal understanding so let them take care of each other.”

 

“He had attacks like THIS? Michael gasped.

 

“Yes, quite frequently. Please keep your voice down, I’m trying to stop this before he has an asthma attack,” Brian talked in an even tone while he rubbed Justin’s back in soothing motions.

 

“Do you need anything? Can I get anything that would help?” Ben asked, from his seat.

 

“A cool facecloth,” answered Brian.

 

“I’ll be right back,” said Ben making sure to keep his distance as he walked past Justin.

 

Mel returned with Sarah. She watched the interaction between the former lovers. “Panic Attack?” She asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“What medication does he take for them? Adavan?”

 

“Yes. But he doesn’t need it. His breathing is starting to even out. The med has side effects on him that will just make this night from hell harder on him.”

 

She paused to look at Justin, but couldn’t see any improvement. “Is this common or worse because of tonight’s situation?”

 

“It’s pretty bad, but he’s triggered asthma attacks in the past, so they’ve been worse.”

 

“Okay, if you are sure,” she smiled.

 

“I’m not sure of anything, I’m just hoping.”

 

“I’ll be right down the hall and I’ll talk to a doctor so we can have some Adavan and whatever his inhaler is on hand in case it’s needed.”

 

“Flovent and thank you,” said Brian.

 

Ben returned with a cold facecloth and handed it to Brian.

 

“Justin, I’m going to wash your face,” Brian explained before wiping the cool compress onto his forehead.

 

“Mmmmoooollll…” Justin stammered.

 

“I’ll go,” said Deb, needing to do something.

 

The others, including Craig, watched as Justin was slowly calmed by Brian’s knowing actions and soothing voice.

 

“Brian?” Justin asked hesitantly.

 

“Yes, Baby.”

 

“We have a lot to talk about.”

 

“Yes we do, but not now, we have the rest of our lives to talk about it. Right now, you have to calm down. I can still feel your heart beating too fast, please just relax.”

 

“Okay,” Justin looked away disappointed.

 

“Justin, did you hear what I said. We have the rest of our lives to figure this out TOGETHER. I’m not putting you off, I know we need to talk, but you are more important right now.”

 

“I’m okay,” he said quietly.

 

“Brian, how can you let him get to you like this after all that he has done,” Michael said loudly, squatting in front of them.

”No!” Justin screamed as the panic returned full force.

 

“Get away from him now,” said Brian evenly, flatly, but the cold look in his eyes was a definite warning.

 

“He’s just trying to keep us apart…” Michael continued until he was interrupted by Ben physically pulling him away from the boy on the floor.

 

“Michael, I am not getting into this now. LEAVE! Sit down. You are not the important one here. Not now!”

 

Brian continued to soothe his boy as he trembled on the floor. He was able to get the boy’s breathing under control for a second time.

 

“Justin, Molly is asking for you,” Deb said from the doorway. “She had a nightmare or memory about the accident; I can’t seem to calm her. She is calling for Jen, I tried to explain things to her but she is too upset to listen.”

 

Craig stood. Deb looks at him with a look that spoke volumes and Craig promptly sat back down. “She wants Justin,” she continued.

 

What the fuck does she think she is doing? He can’t deal with Molly like this. It’s not like he can turn this on and off like a fucking faucet. He has no control over it. Brian looked to Daphne and was about to ask her to go, when he felt Justin steel himself.  Slowly Justin sat up, and took the facecloth out of Brian’s hand. He wiped his face, took three deep breaths, then got up and walked to the fountain, shook some more pills out of the bottle from his pocket, and swallowed them with a drink. He calmly headed to the door.

 

“Thanks Deb, I’ll take care of it.”

 

What the fuck, thought Brian. “What was that?” he asked Daphne.

 

“I don’t know. He started to do that about two weeks ago. He just stops. It was never for anything like this, but anything stressful or unpleasant he just … turns it off.”

 

“That’s new,” said Brian worriedly.

 

“It’s not good, he isn’t using coping techniques. He just pushes it aside,” offered Ben.

 

“Eventually, it’s going to catch up with him and then what?” asked Brian.

 

“It is not unlike what soldiers have to do in combat, but you’re right it will come back to bite him in the ass. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is often a life-long condition, he needs to establish healthier coping methods,” answered Ben. “He needs a good therapist.”

 

 As he left the room, “I’m going to go sit with him, just in case,” said Brian to Daphne.

 

After Brian left, the friends paired off, they couldn’t wait to discuss the revelations that had just occurred in front of them.

 

“I can’t believe that Brian just admitted that he loved Justin,” said Ted quietly to Emmett.

 

“It’s not like we didn’t already know that. What was really important was Justin hearing it,” Emmett smiled.

 

“I know and I don’t want to be accused of holding Brian back but do you really think that Brian is ready for a real relationship. To go from his lifestyle to ours would be quite a change for him,” said Ted.

 

“I know Teddy, but from what I can understand from the few conversations that Justin and I have had, he might not want what we have either. He is only nineteen.”

 

“There is no longer any doubt, they love each other, and now that they both know it at the same time, nothing, including romantic violin music will keep them apart,” Emmett sighed. He just loved the romance of it all.

 

“Yes, but what about Michael,” said Ted looking over to a very upset Michael who was standing with his mother and Ben.

 

“What a crock of shit!” Melanie hissed. “Like it’s our fault that Brian has been an asshole for years. I can’t believe that he has them fooled. Talk about pulling fancy words and sentiments out of your ass. I am surprised he was able to come up with all that shit. He hasn’t said that many nice things in a fucking decade, let alone one conversation.”

 

“SHUT UP!!” Lindsay snapped. “They are right. We never give him any credit and are way too quick to assume the worst. Justin was right. Brian was trying to stay for the wedding, but I threw it all in his face,” she continued sadly. “I owe him an apology. I have been an awful friend to him. He is a much better friend to me than I have ever been to him.”

 

“You are not falling for this,” Mel said with disbelief. “He is a self-centered, obnoxious, uncaring bastard.”

 

“You never answered the question, Mel, what has he ever done to you? When has he failed to come through for Gus? Or us for that matter?”

 

“The life insurance policy, the parental rights…”

 

“The same old thing you always say, Mel, and Daphne is right, none of it would hold up in court, counselor. He comes through for us all the time and if he wasn’t so financially generous, something that he shouldn’t do considering he has no rights or obligations, we would have lost the house. You know it as well as I do,” Lindsay interrupted.

 

“He treats everyone like he’s better than us,” Mel said.

 

“He doesn’t really feel that way; he is probably one of the least judgmental people on the planet. Mel, I will not have you bad mouthing him in front of Gus, or in our home. I want you to figure out what your real problem with Brian is and either work it out with him or keep your attitude to yourself. Gus deserves that much.”

“If you think you can tell me what to say or think about that fucker in MY home, you are even more delusional than I thought.”

 

“It’s not YOUR home, it is OUR home and considering how many times Brian has saved our asses financially in the last eighteen months, it should be HIS as well.”

 

“Fuck, I knew that would be thrown in my face for the rest of my life.”

“I would bet that he has never told a single person, not even Justin, how much he helps us out or I’m sure Daphne would have mentioned it earlier.”

 

“How dare some starry-eyed teenager with a crush on a gay man tell me how to live my life?”

 

“It doesn’t matter if she has a crush on Brian or not. She only told the truth, Mel, and I agree with her. I’m not kidding. I want the badmouthing to stop in front of Gus, in our house or in my presence, for that matter. I am sick of it and am glad it is in the open.”

“You are using it as an excuse to get in his good graces.”

 

“No, I don’t need an excuse or do I need to get in his good graces. I have felt this way for a long time.”

 

“That’s right. I forgot I have a wife who is in love with a gay man telling me how to live my life.”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Lindsay asked.

 

“You love him more than you love me and you always have. If he would have played the het game, the two of you would be playing house and Justin and I would be the fun you guys had on the side. He has always been right in the middle of us. He has more influence in this relationship than either of us,” said Mel.

 

“The only influence he has over us is what you give him. Your petty jealousy and unnecessarily mean disposition has caused us more problems than he ever has. In fact, if it wasn’t for his influence, we never would have gotten back together or married for that matter,” said Lindsay, as she pushed Gus’ stroller out of the room and down the hall.

“Think about what I said.”

 

“Look, now that fucking little brat is causing trouble for the girls,” snapped Michael.

 

“Michael,” said Debbie.

 

“No, Ma, that little shit has been nothing but trouble since the second we saw him under that goddamned streetlight. It’s time he stopped fucking with Brian’s head.”

 

“Michael, I have failed you, as well as, Brian. For years, I have watched as this school boy crush escalated until it almost swallowed you whole. Except for a few comments here or there, I have done nothing to help you realize that Brian is never going to love you that way.”

 

“I know that, I’m with Ben now and I love him. I don’t even want that anymore. I just don’t want Brian to be with Justin.”

 

“Why not? Then you don’t want him to be happy, because in all the years I have known Brian, he was never happier than when things were good between them.”

 

“Or sadder when things were bad between them,” corrected Michael.

 

“True, but then you should try to be helpful and encouraging instead of trying to tear them apart,” offered Ben.

 

“Brian has been hurt by that little fuck for too long…” Michael began.

 

“MICHAEL,” Ben yelled. “If you don’t stop this, you are going to lose your oldest friend for good and it will be no one’s fault but your own.”

 

“It will be Justin’s fault. If he never showed up, things wouldn’t have changed.”

 

“No, it would be yours, you have mingled in their business one to many times. Leave it alone. If it doesn’t bother Brian, it shouldn’t bother you.”

 

Daphne and Vic sat quietly off to the side listening to the reactions of their friends to what they had all learned tonight.

 

“I can’t believe they still don’t get it,” Daphne sighed, as she looked from Mel to Michael and then back to Vic.

 

“At least, Deb and Lindsay are coming around,” admitted Vic. “Most importantly; Brian and Justin BOTH get it now. And if Michael doesn’t come around, he may lose Ben.”

 

“True. What happens now?” Daphne asked, worriedly.

 

“Well, we have to wait and see. Brian and Justin have to talk, really talk. Brian has to finally decide that the family is second to his relationship with Justin. He has to accept himself and not what we want him to be. We will see. This is better than a …movie, but I want it to work out for the two of them. They have gone through so much and love each other deeply.”

 

Down the hall in Molly’s room, Justin reclined on the bed with his little sister in his arms.  Combing his fingers through her hair slowly, as she slept with her head on his chest. From his seat next to the bed, Brian gently ran his fingers through Justin’s hair as he watched the two of them, his heart and soul joined them in restful slumber.

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