The room filled with gasps, clinking dishes as someone literally dropped their fork, and coughs as a few started to choke on their food, then nothing, complete silence.

Justin was frozen, and then a strange look came over his face. He looked at Debbie, "would it be okay if I go lie down in my old room?"

"Sure, Sunshine, are you alright?"

"I don't know. I've had a headache all day, but now I'm hallucinating and that's new."

Some of them giggled and even Brian smiled.

"Aren't you going to answer my question?" Brian asked.

"What? I can't. I didn't hear you correctly," he replied.

"Yes, you did."

"No I'm sure I didn't. Could you please repeat it?"

"Will you marry me?" Brian said louder and more clearly.

"Oh, there it is again," Justin said. A look of fear came over his face. He fumbled with his napkin, reached for his glass of water, drank it quickly, and started to stand. He sat back down as he was starting to get dizzy.

"Well?" Brian asked, knowing he would not take no for an answer.

"I…uh…what?" Justin stammered then pinched himself. "Ow!"

Brian reached over and rubbed the spot where Justin had pinched himself. "What was that for?"

"I just wanted to wake up," Justin explained. "Maybe I'm unconscious again," he mumbled to himself.

"You are NOT dreaming," said Brian.

Justin turned to Emmett, who had tears in his eyes, "Em, I think I've finally lost it. Did Brian Kinney just propose? I mean that's the silliest thing I've ever heard, right?"

"Well, it is a little shocking, but I thought it was more romantic than silly, really," Emmett answered.

"Wait. You mean you heard it too?" gasped Justin.

"Yes, Baby, I did."

"You all heard it?" Justin asked, looking around the table. Everyone nodded; they were in shock, too. Justin then looked at Brian whose face was drawn into a self-satisfied smirk.

Justin got up and started pacing around the living room, mumbling to himself.

"What's going on? Talk about the twilight zone, maybe I should check and make sure water swirls in the right direction. He's been acting strange today. But why? Have I really finally driven him crazy, literally? Or maybe, I'm the crazy one—this could be a psychotic episode. I don't know if I would be clear enough to identify it if it was. I don't know what to think…Wait, this all started after Brian's meeting with Dr. Lewis. That's it," he turned to Brian, who was watching him from just inside the room. "Am I dying?"

"NO, God, no, why?"

"Why else would you ask me that, unless I was dying and you thought it was my fondest wish and a dream come true, but it's not my dream or my fondest wish, so you don't have to do this. It's actually scaring me. What have you done with Brian Kinney and his precious rules?"

"It's me, Justin, and I think we both know those rules have been gone for quite awhile," Brian answered calmly.

"But why? You don't even believe in it. Hell, you wouldn't even watch Lindsay and Melanie get married, and you love Lindsay, not to mention the stability it brought for Gus, but you still went to Miami."

"I don't believe in it in a traditional way and I'm not going to make you any promises I can't keep. We will have a long private talk about what is going to change and what's not. A lot of things will change but not everything. What I can promise you is that I will care about you and want what's best for you until the day I die. I'll do whatever I can to take care of you or help. ANYTHING! Including getting married."

"What good will it do except scare the shit out of me?" Justin wondered.

"Please, come sit down before you get dizzy, and I'll explain it to you."

"Too late," sighed Justin, walking out the door.

"I could use some help here," Brian growled to everyone.

"What can we do? I would have bet money he'd jump at the chance," said Michael.

"I'm not sure what to say, I'm just as shocked as Justin, but you'd think he would say yes," answered Lindsay. "He loves you."

Brian just shook his head.

Daphne stood up, "I'm always so surprised at how little you all know or understand about their relationship."

She turned to Brian, "what the fuck?" Are you trying to lose him for good?"

"I'm trying to get the old Justin back," he replied. "Just get him in here to listen, please."

"I'll try," said Daphne heading out after Justin.

Jennifer just sat quietly thinking. "Is this because of yesterday?" She asked softly.

"Yes, it's the best solution," answered Brian.

"Solution for what?" Michael wondered.

Brian stared at Justin through the window. Daphne was slowly moving him back to the house.

"Here they come. Now, try to be encouraging or shut up. NO negatives right now," snapped Brian.

Justin and Daphne stood in the entryway.

"Daph, thinks I should hear you out before I run screaming from this whole situation," Justin said. "And just so we are clear that was my first instinct."

"I'll bet," laughed Brian.

"So?"

"Okay… you know that operation we talked to the doctor about. He, the specialist, your mother, Deb, and I all think it's the answer."

"I don't know?"

"Let me finish. I know you have your doubts. You are losing hope Justin and that is what really has ME scared. I can't stand to see you like this. You are the happy upbeat one and I'm … not. If you are going to start acting like me, then I'm going to have to be you and we all know that will never work."

Justin couldn't help but smile, "I know I've been hard to take lately. I'll just go back to Mom's and you can be rid of me," he offered.

"I don't want to be rid of you. I hate it when you are not there. Did you notice all the lamps I bought while you were gone? Everything was so dark. I couldn't get enough light," Brian explained.

"I noticed them. I thought your eyesight was going now that you are over thirty," Justin teased.

"No, there wasn't any sunshine." Brian sighed. "It's not shining much lately, either. So I'm going to fix it."

"Here we go again. Poor little Justin needs big strong Brian to come save him. Well, FUCK YOU," hollered Justin.

"Justin, stop being such a twat and listen. You are so far in the middle of this that you can't see the whole thing or the way out. You are going to meet with Dr. Tomkins about this procedure, even if I have to tie, gag, and carry you there myself. He's got the answer Justin. He can fix your problem, not me."

"I already agreed to go, but I refuse to get my hopes up. I don't think I could take another big disappointment right now. You are right. I have to learn to live with my limitations and move on. Even if that means I never draw again," Justin said, choking on the last part.

"I'm not letting you give up."

"For arguments sake, let's say I completely agree with you, which I don't," Justin began.

"What a surprise," smiled Brian.

"What does any of this have to do with us getting married?"

Brian shifted around uncomfortably.

"Brian?"

"It's to get the procedure covered on my insurance," Brian admitted. "But, I still wouldn't do this, if I didn't want you in my life permanently."

Justin was thinking and staring out the window. After several minutes, he turned to Brian. "You don't have to do this. You HAVE TO STOP BLAMING yourself."

"Justin, I want to."

"Bullshit! The last thing you want is a relationship or a commitment."

"That's not true. Even if I don't use the word, this is a relationship. Do you know how many tricks I've had since we got back together?"

"I know it's not like it used to be, but I don't want to guess," Justin answered.

"Three."

"Yeah, right," said Michael from the kitchen. "It's been eight months."

"Fuck You, Mikey," snapped Brian.

"Come on, Brian. Lying to Justin isn't going to convince him to marry you," Michael countered.

"Brian doesn't lie," Justin said defensively.

"When was the last time you actually saw me go into the backroom?" demanded Brian.

Michael thought for a minute, "when Justin was in the hospital."

"Right. I was scared and mad at the world so I fell back into my pain management system. For one night, but I couldn't even finish. All I could think about was how sad and sick Justin looked in his hospital bed. So, I left and went to sleep at the hospital."

"I remember that night," Justin said softly.

"You must of have known that things were different?" Brian asked almost pleading.

"Yeah, but I guess I thought that lately, since I haven't been in the mood very much, maybe things were going back to normal."

"That life isn't normal for me anymore. It's not like I'm constantly denying myself for your sake. I don't even think about it. Much. It's not what I want. I'm very rarely even tempted anymore. I'd rather go home."

Justin smiled with tears in his eyes.

"Holy shit! I can't believe it. Brain Kinney finally grew up," Deb said with awe.

"No one is more surprised than me," laughed Brian.

"But, Justin, you know I don't lie and I would never break a promise. So, I'm not sure I can vow fidelity forever. I just don't know. My heart says `maybe' but my brain says `be realistic'. Truthfully, I don't think you can keep that vow either. I know everyone thinks that our age difference won't matter so much as we get older. I disagree. I think it's going to get harder. Right now I don't feel it or notice it. Except for the knowledge that you are a little naïve about some things and some people, but I have a feeling you're not going to grow out of it. Mostly, I find it fascinating, how you see the world. It's so… It's not…"

"Cynical," finishing Brian's sentence, Justin smiled slightly.

"The age difference is going to grow. College hasn't been all it can for you yet, because of your health and because of me. Life is going to open up for you. Who knows where life and your art will take you. I won't hold you back. And there will be other people—easier people to get along with. I know the prospect of marrying `Brian Kinney' is terrifying. I'm an asshole. I know that. Why would anyone want to be stuck with me forever?"

"I can think of worse things," smiled Justin.

"But you are scared."

"Yeah, aren't you?" Wondered Justin.

Brian just nodded.

"I thought I had insurance. Why do we have to get married?" Justin questioned confused.

"The procedure is experimental. It's not covered on Dad's policy," Jennifer explained.

"Gay marriage isn't legal here, so how will it help?" asked Justin.

"Brian's policy acknowledges same-sex marriages. It just has to be legal wherever you have the ceremony." Melanie explained.

"So did you all know about this?" Justin wondered.

"No, they didn't. Your mother, Deb, the doctor, and I discussed the insurance issue when we discussed the procedure. Then I had Mel look at my policy to see how you could be covered."

Justin went over to the window and sat down. He stared at the scene for several minutes.

"Justin?" Brian queried, as he sat next to his lover.

"Brian, I can't tell you what it means to me that you would even consider this. For Me!?!" Justin admitted. "But my answer is no."

"What?"

"Brian, I love you and I hope we are a part of each other's lives permanently, like you said, but this is never going to work. We are going to end up resenting and hating each other. That's the only way all of this could be worse for me. So I'm going to be selfish and say no," Justin continued and gave Brian a kiss.

"I'm not going to take no for an answer."

"You are going to have to."

"I'm not going to end up hating you. It's impossible. Believe me I tried. I just can't do it, but you might be right. Forever is hard to fathom, so let's break it down into more manageable installments."

"This should be good!" Ted mumbled from the table.

"What do you mean?" Justin asked.

"Well, we'll get married but know that in… uh…" Brian closes his eyes, calculating something in his head. "Three years we will re-evaluate the situation," offered Brian.

"Why THREE years?" Justin wondered.

"It will take six months for you to be eligible for my insurance, then a couple of months prep before the procedure. That is eight months, then the actual operation, six to twelve months of rehab, it will be two years before you are 100%.."

"As if," interrupted Justin.

"Justin, it's going to work. I have never believed anything more in my life," stated Brian.

"You're going to be even more messed up when this doesn't work. The first thing you ever believe in is THIS?"

"I'll believe enough for both of us."

"If you think it will take two years for this miraculous recovery to work then why THREE years?" Justin asked. "And how depressing is that, my best hope will take two years."

"Two years is better than never. Think about it. After you are okay, we can take a year to see if we can work things out and make a go of it. Then we can take a trip. While we are away we can figure out if we want to keep going or if we need to make some changes and if so, what changes. We could even renegotiate whatever we agree upon now."

Rubbing his forehead, Justin replied. "I still don't think it's a good idea."

Seeing the signs, crossing the room, grabbing Justin's empty glass, refilling it with water, Brian fished around in his pocket for a small pill bottle and then handing Justin a pill and the water, he asked. "Do you want to go home?" Watching this play out, Jennifer thought about how in tune and responsive Brian is to Justin and smiled.

"I don't know," Justin said after gulping down the pill.

"Justin, you have to trust me on this. It's going to be okay."

"It's just too much of a risk."

"What risk? Do you mean the surgery?" Brian asked.

"Us… but the risks involved with the surgery are things I need to think about, too."

"As far as `us' goes, we'll be okay. Things have been good for awhile. There's no reason to expect many changes," Brian argued.

"Brian, it's not that I don't trust you. It's just… just that we get into these weird patterns when I'm sick. It happened after the bashing and it's happening now. You get overly protective and sensitive to me. You change everything about who you are and how you live your life. I'm not saying I don't appreciate it because I really do. If it wasn't for you, I'd have spent the last two and a half years hiding at my Mom's condo. I get submissive and overly needy, I don't know why…I hear myself or see myself doing some of these things and I could kick myself, but I can't stop. I lose all confidence in myself and by extension my ability to read you. This is how things got ruined last time. Since, we don't talk, we both start to jump to all sorts of conclusions. When I get better, you get freaked by the `relationship.' Then, Brian Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue takes over. So, I'm left weak, scared, and desperate to hold onto you so I start to go along with things just to keep going. The more I go along, the more self-conscious I get and the more you push. Before we know it, we're mean, resentful, and shut off from each other."

"Brian's always emotionally shut off," Mikey corrected. "You've known that from the beginning."

"Michael, shut up or leave. I have had enough of that. It doesn't help matters." Brian barked. Ben shook his head, upset with Michael.

"Okay, I have to stop here and say something or more appropriately ask something because this has bothered me since the week we met. Why are my experiences with you so different from the rest of them?" Justin asked, pointing to the kitchen.

"I'm not sure what you mean but with the exceptions of Lindsay and Ben you are the only one I've had sex with."

"No, that is not it. Everyone used to warn me about you. I know they meant well and I quickly learned you could be a huge asshole. I used to sit there listening to them thinking are we even talking about the same guy. I mean how could they know you for years and years and not see who you really are?"

"None of them are blinded by lust and love," answered Brian.

Justin just smiled. He and Brian looked at each other and chuckled. "Let's get back to the issue at hand," suggested Brian.

"I agree that we can't repeat what happened last time. I also know it was mostly my fault. I have to talk more. I'll try. I really will, but you can't back off either. You better not just do things you don't want to just try to hold onto me. You have to call me on it. Remind me that I am pushing.

"I don't know, before the prom nothing you said bothered me too much because I could always figure out why you were doing things. I understood you," Justin said confidently.

"You understand me better than anyone, especially myself," said Brian. "That scared the shit out of me, so I panicked and started to push you away."

"I couldn't believe how hard you fought for us. For me!?! And what you put up with. I was torn. There were times when I would sit and plan how to piss you off hoping you'd give up on me. It was what was best for you, and then at other times, I couldn't help but enjoy us."

"That's another thing. You think you can make these big decisions about us and even about me without any input from me. You decide I would be better off without you so you put a plan into motion that ended with Ethan. It relieved your need to deal with your fear over your feelings for me, making you push that much harder. Even Michael, helped your plan, unwittingly. I knew what you were doing and yes, I let it happen because I was just too tired."

"Now, you have decided this operation is what's best for me and you are just going to take charge and make it happen. Well, it's my fucking head they are going to cut open so back off. It's my decision not yours."

"But this time, we are talking about it. Yes, it is your final decision but it involves us, too. Don't you see how concerned I am and why I want this, for us? For you?"

"Yes, yes and yes to all the above," Justin relied.

"Are you scared?" Brian asked, smiling from Justin's answers.

"Of course, I'm scared. I'm fucking terrified."

"So am I, Justin, I am not going to lose you. I can't, I won't," Brian said softly, as he pulled Justin into a hug.

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