Brian and Justin were smiling at each other as the justice of the peace started the ceremony. Brian noticed Justin’s hand twitching and instinctively reached for it. He gently massaged it between his two larger hands. “It’s okay. Don’t be nervous,” he whispered.

 

Both men were too busy staring at each other to really hear what Ms. Bretton was saying.

 

“Brian, I understand there’s something you want to say to Justin,” she said.

 

“Yes.” He looked at Justin, took a deep breath, and started to speak. He continued to massage the younger man’s hand.

 

“I know you’re scared that I am doing this for all the wrong reasons, that I am doing this for you. The truth is I’m doing it for me …and for both of us. I learned the hard way that I don’t want to live without you—that I can’t live without you.”

 

“I made the decision to propose after a particularly rough night. You had a horrible nightmare followed by a debilitating headache. When you finally fell asleep, I stayed awake to watch you. I’ve never told you this, but watching you sleep has been one of my favorite pastimes for years. As I watched you, I knew I would do anything within my power to help you get well. This is the best way I can help you so I proposed. I completely expected your reaction. I knew you would be scared that I was only doing this because you’re sick. To some extent that’s true, but not for the reasons you are thinking. The real reason is I don’t deserve you and you deserve so much more than me.”

 

“Brian, no…”

 

“Let me finish, Sunshine. I might never say this out loud again and this is it. I am finally going to let you see behind the curtain. That night at Deb’s you asked me to give you three reasons for marrying you that didn’t involve our current situation. I know you were surprised when I finally answered you. In reality, I chickened out. The reasons I gave you were selfish ones. They were all about how you’ve made my life better. I thought a lot about this and the real reason I want to marry you is that I respect and admire you more than anyone.”

 

“Your strength humbles me. The amount of shit you have had to deal with is simply unfair. Your father, the kids at school, me, Hobbs, losing your art, and now the medical stuff is more than enough to break most people. If it had been me I would have given up a long time ago. But you, you keep going facing your problems head on. Which by the way, is so brave that it brings tears to my eyes. I am so proud of you. You not only keep going but you’ve still got the biggest heart. You are caring and compassionate of others despite your situation. It makes me ashamed of how I treat people, especially you. For you to overcome that and still be kind even when you are in pain only illustrates how selfish and childish it is to use my rotten childhood as an excuse to be an asshole to everyone.”

 

“I love to see how you look at the world. Your point of view is so refreshing. I could talk about world events with you for days. I always thought I was pretty smart, but you’ve got me beat hands down. Even though, you are well informed on the ways of the world you still have an optimistic view of life, the world, and people. It challenges me to evaluate how much of what I’m thinking is what I truly believe or part of the Brian ‘Fucking’ Kinney persona I have created to shield me from people.”

 

“You challenge me to be a better person. Over the years many people have tried to provoke me into being a better person, but you’re the only one who has inspired me to try. You call me on my crap without guilt. The bottom line is you understand me better than anyone else. You won’t accept my excuses as excuses. You expect more from me and because of that I am starting to expect more from myself.”

 

“Your sense of humor is infectious and I smile more when I am with you and because of you than I ever have in my life. You bring out the silly side of me. This is particularly important when it comes to Gus. I’m not sure he would have as much fun with me if you were not there. Listening to the two of you giggle together heals the scars left by my childhood. The pent up pain is disappearing and you and Gus are the antidote. I’m not a big believer in fate or destiny, but I find it hard to ignore that you both came into my life on the same night.”

 

“When Lindsay asked me to be the biological father I never expected I would want to be a part of his life. But now I do. I miss him when I don’t see him. I know a lot of that is your influence. Your encouragement and belief that I can be a Dad, is one of the most profound gifts anyone had ever given me. I or anyone else, for that matter, would never have had the faith in me to be a good father and with your help, I’m starting to feel that I am.”

 

“You know me so well you knew all of what I just said. I know you wanted to hear me say it but you knew. All of the people who think they know me so well are probably stunned. I’m surprised we haven’t heard them faint from the shock.” Brian kept his eyes on Justin but Justin couldn’t help but take a peek at the family.

 

Jennifer looked relieved, like her worries had just been solved. Emmett and Deb had large tears flowing down their cheeks. Deb’s eyes were filled with pride as well as tears. Vic beamed like a proud father. Daphne was visibly touched, but met Justin’s eyes with a look of I told you so. Cynthia and Lindsay looked relieved like a secret they’d had a hard time keeping had just been revealed. Mel’s and Ted’s jaws were hanging open. They couldn’t believe what they were hearing. Michael was obviously stunned, but quickly smiled. Justin was pretty sure he saw a fleeting look of heartbreak before Michael’s smile was firmly in place. Ben also looked happy and relieved. Justin’s gaze returned to the man he loved. Brian smiled.

 

“There’s one more thing I’d like to say, No one was more surprised than me to discover that sex is so much better with someone you love. Who knew?” Brian laughed.

 

 

Justin smiled. “I hate to tell you this, but I saw behind the curtain the night we met,” said Justin. “I got a glimpse when you held Gus for the first time. I knew in that moment that I would love you for as long as I lived. That whole night was magical to me. I knew you felt something too. I could feel it.”

 

“You are such a good person. You take care of everyone and get nothing but grief for it. I love our little makeshift family, but I get very angry when they put you down and then run to you to solve all their problems. I feel a little hypocritical saying that since we are standing here because you are fixing my problem.” Justin turned to the group. “I have rarely said anything when you treat him that way. It wasn’t my place to defend him. Now that he is my husband, I won’t stand for it. It stops now! I don’t want to hear any of you blaming him for things that aren’t his fault. We are all adults. He can’t make us do anything we don’t want to do. I know it’s nice to have an easy and willing scapegoat, but it’s time we started taking responsibility for our own actions.”

 

“I see a side of you that no one else does. I get to see all your sides, glimpses at least, but I get to see them when no one else does. Maybe, I pay more attention to you or maybe it is that you want me to see those glimpses. I know that one day you will be able to share it all, I’ll be waiting.”

 

“You take such good care of me. I know that kind and thoughtful aren’t part of your mystique, but they are very much part of who you are. You said I was strong. If that’s true then it’s because I draw from your strength. I love that, but the few times that you have let your defenses fall in front of me has made me love you all the more. I will never judge you.”

 

“Your unflinching honesty is often an eye opener and sometimes a little hard to swallow. I can, however, depend on it and therefore you. Now we can depend on us. Loyalty is another quality you have in spades. When you care about someone, nothing they or anyone else can do will change that. The lengths you will go to for the people you care about makes me so proud.”

 

“You give me more than you will ever know and more than anyone will ever give you credit for.”

 

“You mentioned that I challenge you. I guess we work because we challenge each other. You challenge me intellectually, physically, emotionally, morally, and sexually. You told me once that you wanted me to be the best homosexual I can be. With your help and advice I am.”

 

“I love to listen to you laugh too. Your dry sense of humor and sardonic comments make me laugh. I could watch you play or hold Gus forever.  You are so gentle and open with him. I, more than anyone, know how you worry about him. There’s no need to worry. He’s perfect just like his Daddy.”

 

“You are fundamentally a good person with a stronger moral code than anyone I know. It’s slightly different, but strong as steel and I admire that. I know how hard it was for you to say all of this today. Thank you for being brave and as usual coming through with exactly what I need, when I need it. I love you.”

 

Brian smiled. 

 

“Having said all of that, I think there are a few promises we could make to each other that would help things go more smoothly day to day.”

 

Brian raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

 

“I Promise not to eat in bed anymore. I know it drives you crazy.”

 

Brian smiled mischievously. “Only if we are eating together, because that reeeally drives me crazy.”

 

The group groaned.

 

“What?” Molly asked, innocently. “That sounds fair to me.”

 

“I promise to share treats with you more often, especially ice cream.” Justin smiled sweetly. “Especially when we are lounging on the chaise.”

 

“I promise to do more of the things and go to more of the places that you like.”

 

Justin beamed. “I promise to pick up my stuff more and at least aim for the hamper.”

 

“You’re finally admitting that you don’t,” laughed Brian. “I promise not to make such a big deal about the clutter, or at least try not to.”

 

“I promise not to make pasta a part of every dinner I make.”

 

“I’ll hold you to that. I promise to get up on Saturday mornings and watch cartoons with you,” said Brian.

 

“I promise never to iron your expensive shirts again.”

 

“Thank you. I promise to call when I am going to be late.”

 

“I promise to really leave you alone when you’re working,” offered Justin.

 

“I promise to sit still while you draw me.”

 

“I promise to watch more horror movies with you,” Justin said.

 

“I promise to protect you when you do.” Everyone laughs, even Molly.

 

“I promise to stop wearing cargo pants everywhere I go.”

 

“I promise to celebrate holidays and birthdays with you. Well… at least your birthdays.”

 

“I promise to stop sitting in my chair all day.”

 

“I promise everything that I promised last night.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“I promise this is going to work,” said Brian with a squeeze to Justin’s hand.

 

Ms. Bretton smiled. “Now, is there anything you plan to exchange as a symbol of your commitment?”

 

“No,” answered Justin. “The words are enough.”

 

“I was kind of hoping for something a little more tangible,” said Brian, letting go of Justin’s hand to take a box from Cynthia.

 

“I knew I wanted us to have something to hold onto when the other one wasn’t physically there. I considered rings, but in the end it was too hetero for me. Somewhere along the line the cowry shell bracelet became a symbol of who I was and what I stood for. Whatever the hell that was. I want this to be a symbol of who I am now. Who we are.” Brian explained as he took two bracelets out of the box.

 

“I talked to several jewelers and decided on these bracelets for a few specific reasons. Traditionally marriages and commitments are symbolized by circles. The circles represent eternity and are unbreakable. I chose these links because while they are strong, they aren’t invincible. They require more care and work to maintain, just like our relationship. We can’t start to take each other for granted and I chose these as a way of telling you that I plan to work to make us successful. I chose platinum because it’s more precious than gold, but not as indestructible as titanium. I am not standing here making you all of these promises lightly. I know that the biggest threat to our marriage is going to be ourselves. If you ever feel like I am becoming complacent or that we are drifting apart, just take your hand and put it on my bracelet and/or take mine and put it on yours. I promise to stop anything and everything I am doing to focus on you and us. I also, promise to do the same.” As he said the last, Brian put on Justin’s bracelet, clasped it, kissed his fingers and then put his fingers on the bracelet, only then did he hand Justin his to do the same. Justin watched his every move and his eyes watered. The words had hit home. Justin gingerly placed the bracelet on Brian’s wrist, clasped it, kissed it with his fingers, all the time looking into Brian’s eyes and he saw what he was looking for, pure love.

 

“I don’t think there’s anything more I could possibly add, except that I now pronounce you lawfully married.” Ms. Bretton said. “You may ki…” Her eyes were glistening. The truth in the vows had gotten to her, but the bracelets had really moved her. She hadn’t had such a moving set of vows and heard such conviction in a long time, a very long time and hoped that indeed they would work on this marriage. She truly wished someday, they would want to renew their vows and she would be here to see it, but she sensed that this Brian Kinney was a one-time sort-a-guy.

 

She didn’t even get to finish the sentence before the newly married couple came together in a passionate embrace.

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