Begin Again

Chapter Three

Liberty Ride, 2014, POV/Justin

I couldn’t believe how sore my ass was. Thank God we had a bit of a break before biking another hundred mile leg.  Otherwise, I’d be in need of the medical tent. I couldn’t believe Brian did this ride ten years ago when he was still in recovery from his cancer treatments. Goes to show what determination and will can do. Of course, he was a wreck for two weeks after...could barely walk. Not that I was anyone to talk. I was in the best shape of my life and I could barely walk and we were only in the first day of the ride. And even now, ten years older and after biking a hundred miles, he looked as gorgeous and limber as ever. Of course, Brian was an expert at masking pain, I reminded myself.

“So, how are you feeling, baby? Need a massage?”  Kyle walked up just as I was handing my bike over to one of the volunteers.  He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. Over his shoulder, I saw Brian stop in his tracks and turn away. Damn. He was probably coming over to talk and felt awkward with Kyle being his usual affectionate self. But, I told myself as I eased myself out of Kyle’s hug, there was no reason my partner shouldn’t hug me. So why did I feel like I was doing something wrong? Where was Brian’s partner anyway?  He should be hugging Brian, I reflected. I wouldn’t feel so funny if we both had someone with us – at least that’s what I thought as I watched Brian walk away from me. Sure he looked as confident as ever. But I knew that his looking confident didn’t mean anything; he often looked most cocky when he was the most insecure.  Shrugging off my worry, I smiled sheepishly at Kyle.

“I’m fine. But a massage and a hot bath would be great.”

“I can take care of the one but the other is a no go. You’ll have to be content with a tepid shower.”  We both made faces then laughed. We’d already discussed the fact that neither of us was all that into “roughing it” but Kyle promised that he’d help me. He’d pointed out that we were doing it for a good cause, a good cause that was much closer to my heart than his, which he’d been too polite to point out. Of course, Kyle was up for anything that was a challenge. If I’d suggested we climb Mt. Everest as a vacation, he’d be online ordering the best in climbing gear.

I stopped us in our path to the massage tables and kissed him again – a better kiss. 

“What was that for?” he asked, looking surprised, but pleased.

“Just thinking of how much I love you..” I decided to change the subject – and tease him a bit. “So, how was your ride, Doc? Mine was fine, thank you, though, come to think of it, no thanks to you!”  

“Sorry, Jus.” He blushed. “I did mean to ride with you on that last part but I got caught up in seeing if I could win the fifty mile leg – you know my competitive streak.”

“You competitive?  Is Shaquille O’Neal tall?”

“Justin Taylor!  You remembered the name of a professional athlete! I’m so proud!”

I laughed as he supported me over to the massage tent.  I was stiffening up by the minute. “I can tell you that I’m wishing right now that I were more of an athlete myself. We’ll continue this later. Get me to that massage table and then you can tell me all about the thrill of victory. I’m assuming you won.”  He didn’t deny it – not that there was much doubt.  What Kyle Shapiro set out to win, he won.

I leaned heavily on Kyle as he took me to the area set up for massages.  There I found the rest of the gang in various stages of relaxation after the grueling ride. Ben was handing out bananas and oranges, while Debbie was supervising distribution of more sustaining snacks. As soon as she saw me hobbling over, she shrieked loudly enough to get everyone’s attention.

“SUNSHINE!” She opened her arms wide.

“Deb!” I looked at Kyle.  “Can you help me limp a little faster, I have a hug to collect.”

“Damn straight you do, and you’re about eight years too late collecting it, but if you intend to bring that handsome hottie with you then all is forgiven.” Debbie had closed the distance between us while I was looking at Kyle.

Being crushed against Deb’s ample breasts just like in the old days, I felt like crying. This woman had given me a home when I had nowhere to go. Why had I stayed away so long?  I returned her hug with all my strength. When we finally moved apart, both of our faces were wet with tears. Kyle was rubbing my back comfortingly, and I wasn’t surprised to see that it was Brian who had Debbie’s back.

“So, you two decided to come up for air at last. I was beginning to think Dr. Shapiro was going to need to perform surgery to accomplish a separation.”  Trust Brian to be ready with a snarky comment to restore the emotional balance to a situation, I thought fondly, remembering how I once would have been upset with him for his seeming callousness. All along, Brian had always understood, he just had his own way of coping– and of helping others to cope. I could see it now, with the benefit of age, and hindsight.

Brian stood behind Debbie, his hands on her shoulders. She looked up and gave him a warm smile as she accepted a tissue from him to wipe her eyes. I just used my sleeve.

“Classy, Taylor,” Kyle whispered, giving me an encouraging squeeze. I smiled at him shakily. It was stupid of me to get so emotional, but seeing Debbie, looking as garish and over the top as ever, though just enough older to remind me that time hadn’t held still, had brought back all the feelings of those teen years when I’d felt like no one was on my side – until I met her.

“It’s wonderful to see you again, Debbie, really wonderful.”  I took hold of her hands and made myself smile brightly, knowing it would bring a smile to her face.

“Oh, there it is, that Sunshine smile,” she cried, as delighted as I knew she’d be.

“Deb, I want you to meet my partner, Kyle, Dr. Kyle Shapiro, I told you about him in my emails.”

Debbie gave Kyle the once over. I’d warned him what to expect so he stood at attention and waited, a faint smile on his face. I had to grin at him – nothing ever fazed him.

“You say he’s a doctor?” she asked me, her head tilted. “He looks more like a model, look at that face! Bet he strips down well too.”

“Ah now, Deb, don’t put the young men to blush – save that for us battle scarred veterans who are used to you,” Brian chided, his arms still around her from behind.

“No problem, Brian,” Kyle told him, then gave Debbie his own version of the Sunshine smile, which made her blink. He told me I didn’t want to know how much achieving that perfect smile of his had cost, but I knew that there was more to his smile than mere perfect alignment and bright enamel – Kyle had a charm all his own, not least of which was his disarming acceptance of his own good looks.

“I’d be happy to provide you with a more complete examination, Debbie – but my partner here is in need of a massage which I insist on performing myself – so perhaps we can arrange for it to take place at some later time?  I believe I heard something about strip karaoke later?” He grinned at Brian who winced.

“Speaking of partners, I’d better go break some bad news to mine. When did your son become so fast on a bike?” Brian bitched to Debbie.

“When some dummy made him a bet he couldn’t afford to lose, I’d say,” Debbie cackled with laughter as Brian strode off again, this time grumbling about being hustled.  She had a fond smile on her face as she watched him.  Then she looked back at us. “Well, you two had better get to that massage. The recommitment ceremony is at sunset. Did you get the schedule, Sunshine?”

“Sure did, Deb. Buses start taking us to the lodge at five, then we meet outside by the lake at six-thirty for the ceremony. Food and entertainment in the lodge lounge afterward. You must be so happy to see Michael reaching this milestone.”

She looked out over the crowd of people, all in various stages of relaxing after the grueling ride. Her eyes were damp again as she turned back to answer. “I never thought they’d see five years, much less ten. Not,” she quickly added, “because they weren’t in love or well-suited. Ben is a saint and they love each other more every day. But I feared Ben’s disease...so much. Yet, for all they’ve gone through because of that horrible disease, and there have been some rough times, there’s been so much more that was precious. I was wrong to ever doubt them, or to want something different for Michael. Ten years with that wonderful man, even if it were to end tomorrow, would be worth more than fifty years with someone else who wasn’t as right for my son. You remember that, Sunshine. The right person makes all the difference in the world and is worth all the pain in the world.”

With that, Debbie hurried off, as though her emotions were too much for her.

Kyle said softly, “Well, that was enlightening. Do you have an AIDS stricken lover tucked away somewhere that you never mentioned, baby?  Or just a ‘soulmate’ who is a damaged man, one whom you’re expected to heal with the power of your love? ”

I blushed bright red at that, but still tried to play it dumb.  “What do you mean?”

Kyle looked at me skeptically. “I was waiting for you for about an hour – with several other people who seemed to know quite a bit of your history with Kinney.  His current partner was around for a lot of it too, and I must say, he’s got to be one of the world’s most even-tempered men.”

“Why do you say that?”  We were at an empty massage table but I didn’t get up on it yet.  Better to finish our conversation, which we were conducting in low voices, first.

“Because while not everyone recognized me right away, Kinney's partner was getting needled non-stop about what your return might mean to his relationship with Kinney. He brushed them off but I couldn’t help wondering, Jus – does it mean anything? Why do all these people seem to think that after nine years of no contact at all, just seeing each other is enough to make the two of you start up where you left off. Like your life in New York, your life with me, means nothing at all.”

I looked at Kyle with dismay. I’d missed all the signs that he’d been holding this in ever since he’d walked up to me, but clearly he had and now he was boiling over. I put my hand on his arm. “Kyle...you’re the one I love. You know that.”

His deep blue eyes were as hurt as I’d ever seen them as they met mine.  “Jus, did you know that when we came down here, everyone would be expecting this reunion to be about you and Kinney reuniting?”

I couldn’t hold his gaze any longer and turned to lay flat on the table. “Kyle, now you’re exaggerating. Not ‘everyone’ of the thousand or so riders is thinking...”

“Justin!” 

I winced as he started massaging my calf muscles. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to have a massage done by a testy lover?  I tried to think of how best to explain things.  I softened my voice. “Kyle...it wasn’t that I intended to hold anything back from you. Keep in mind, I haven’t been here for nine years myself. I had no idea what things would be like. You knew Brian and I were important to each other, I told you that. And then I went away. End of story, final curtain.  I am not responsible for other people’s expectations. You’re the man in my life now. At least you are if you don’t cripple me with this massage.” I looked at him over my shoulder and made a face.  His massage was really hurting.

He looked apologetic – but didn’t stop.  “Sorry, but it’s going to hurt, that’s the lactic acid being moved out of your muscles. If you want to be able to move tomorrow you have to let me do this now. Your buddy Kinney really should take advantage of the massage tables too instead of walking around drinking a beer. Which reminds me, drink another electrolyte drink as soon as I let you up.”

“Yes, doctor.” I rested my head back on my arms. Kyle’s storms were fierce but they were over quickly.

“Jus....”

“Mmm?” The pain part was over and his warm hands massaging me were starting to feel good.

“Were you really on the eve of your wedding before you broke it off?”

I held my breath.  Who the hell had been telling him details like that?  I rolled over.  He looked as unhappy as I’d ever seen him.

“Kyle, I was twenty-two years old. I had no clue what I wanted from week to week. One week I wanted to be in LA in the movie industry, the next I thought settling down and raising a baby would be perfect for me. Seriously. Brian meant love, security, a home. But I walked away from all of that, and him, in order to be my own man, to have my own career and find my own future. Which just happened to include an incredibly handsome, gifted, slightly egotistical surgeon who is great in bed.  That’s the whole story – all the parts that matter. Okay?”

His face was still for a moment, then he frowned. “You think I’m just great in bed?”

“Did I mention the really egotistical part?” I asked just before he pulled me into his arms.

“Let me finish this massage somewhere more private,” he suggested in a low voice. “I can get us a ride to the lodge early and we can get a hot shower and....”

“Stop...you had me at someplace more private...though the hot shower is a clincher. Go work your magic and get us that ride,” I urged, giving him another kiss. It really was amazing how much energy he had after such a long ride. Now me, I felt like something that had melted on a sidewalk somewhere...hot, sticky and formless.

“Wait right here and I’ll be back for you in a few minutes,” he promised before walking away toward some of the emergency vehicles. I hoped he wasn’t going to commandeer an ambulance.

Looking around the tent, I saw a few familiar faces – and a lot that I didn’t know.

Brian was on one of the tables in the far corner getting a massage from a large great looking blond masseur while his boyfriend and another guy sat on the table next to him, talking to him.  I took the opportunity to look over Brian’s boyfriend with no one watching. He really was young looking. He looked even younger than me, but I’d heard that he was a full professor at Carnegie Mellon and had been teaching a while, so maybe he just looked young. I knew what that was like. His brown hair was tousled, no doubt from wearing the bike helmet. Kyle and I were lucky. His hair was too curly and mine was too straight to get “helmet hair” from the safety helmets. Brian’s Mac looked like he’d stuck his finger in a light socket, though it wasn’t all that bad a look on him, I thought, grinning. He was good-looking enough, though not at all as beautiful as Brian or as handsome as Kyle.

I turned my attention to the other man and was shocked to realize that he wasn’t a man, not really. It was Gus!  Wow. He was as tall as that guy Mac and his face was still a mirror image of Brian’s.  I hopped off the table. I had to go say hi.

“Hey, remember me?” I walked up, grinning at Gus, no doubt like an idiot, but it was just so amazing to see the little kid I’d babysat looking like a full grown adult.

Gus narrowed his eyes for a second, in a very Mel way that almost made me giggle, especially when I heard Brian snort behind me, then Gus’s face cleared. “Justin! It’s you, isn’t it?”

I nodded and moved closer to hug him.  He returned the hug, but briefly, seeming a bit shy. He turned to Brian’s boyfriend.

“Mac, have you met Justin? He used to live in Pittsburgh back when I was a little kid and lived there year-round. He’s an artist friend of my mom’s and babysat me sometimes.”

I blinked. Was that how Gus remembered me?  As a friend of his mom’s?  Mac was smiling at me, and his smile seemed to invite me to see the humor in the situation.  I found myself relaxing.

“I think he was a bit more than that, Gus. And yes, we met at the beginning of the race. I see you’re moving around fairly well, Justin. You must bike a bit despite being in the city. Brian insists he needs a full deep tissue massage from Sven here.”

“Brian is going to stay prone as long as possible,” the body on the table announced. “Sven – don’t leave me.”

Mac jumped down from the table.  “I’ll leave you now, Gus, to catch up with your Dad, and Justin, of course. Keep an eye on your Dad, make sure he hydrates along with getting felt up, will you?”  The two of them shared conspiratorial grins. I guessed they must have gotten to know each other on prior occasions.  Mac looked at me. “I’m glad the first day of biking didn’t strain you too badly, Justin. I won’t bother giving you advice as I know you have your own private expert with you, but if either of you need anything, let me know.”

I nodded, feeling a little out of place despite his attempt to include me. Why had I been so sure Gus would remember me as well as I remembered him? He’d only been a little kid when he left for Canada and I’d been away a good part of the time before he left. Lindz and I had kept in touch but that was it. I guessed that Gus was thinking of that when he thought of me as his mother’s friend primarily.

I was searching for something to say that wasn’t stupid, like how do you like school, when Gus looked over my shoulder and whistled.

“You should see the guy coming this way, Dad. He’s worth lifting your tired old body, or at least your head, off the table for. He’s absolutely gorgeous–though he looks a little ticked off. Wonder what has him so mad?”

I didn’t even need to turn around to know that Gus was talking about Kyle...and I had a pretty good guess why he was mad too. Who would have thought the hundred mile bike ride would be the easy part of today’s activities?

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