“When I asked you to take care of Brian for me until I could get away, perhaps I should have been more specific.”

It had been a long night. I was tired. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into Brian’s arms and make love. But that spot was taken. After making the flippant comment that pride demanded, I leaned back against the door and tried to decide what to do next as I watched Brian and Etienne fumble to bring themselves back from the throes of whatever passionate frenzy had overcome them.

“Danny!” One or both of them gasped, while fumbling with clothing that had them so tangled together that they couldn’t even sit up; they kept falling back against each other.

I couldn’t help it. I started laughing. It wasn’t even 'hysterical, two seconds away from falling apart at seeing my lover and friend on the verge of fucking' kind of laughter.  It was, 'this is a fucking funny sight' kind of laughter. There is just something inherently funny to me in two gorgeous, hot men – and Brian is incredibly gorgeous, while Etienne is one of the hottest men in the world even if his looks are not as classically beautiful as Brian’s are – fumbling about like two teenage boys caught by the headmaster.

And didn’t that give me ideas for some role-playing?

But not tonight. Tonight, I wanted to be held, and made love to, and it suddenly occurred to me that I really wouldn’t mind if it was by two men instead of one. Assuming there was room for one more. I started to strip off the Rage costume, which I probably should have found the time to do sooner but I really had hurried to get to Brian. As they both stared at me, dumbfounded – probably because I was tearing off my clothes instead of their heads, either set of heads – I walked toward the bathroom naked. Nothing like being a model to train a man so he can walk naked and still maintain the power in the room, I thought, amused, as I heard one – or both – of them suck in his breath. Neither one said a word. Speechless, I supposed. Though from admiration of me or lust for each other, or guilt at being caught – no way to tell.

“I’m going to grab a shower – a quick shower – and then meet you two in the bedroom, where I trust the bed will be large enough for all of us. Bring something for me if you two are drinking. I’d hate to feel left out.”

As a parting shot, it wasn’t my best, but it would have to do. I closed the door to the luxurious bathroom behind me and leaned back against it with a sigh. Maybe the shower wouldn’t be that quick after all.
 

************
 

I had to give Danny credit. When necessary, he still knew how to manipulate the elder siblings as well as when he was a cute little toddler. Before I knew it, he had Matt and Mark convincing the others to wait for any explanation – which they hadn’t gotten yet either – and Maria and I were able to escape with only a smile and a promise to get together with them soon for a proper introduction. We avoided a dozen O’Keefes with little more delay than a smile and a couple of hugs, with Danny handing out most of the hugs.

I walked Maria to her car, which was a beat-up Hyundai Accent. The car was about ten years old and on its last legs. I frowned at it as she fumbled for her key. She happened to glance up and catch my expression.

“What? You don’t like Harriet?”

I looked around. “I don’t know about anyone named Harriet but this Hyundai....” I stopped as she started grinning. Of course, the car would be named. My brothers used to do the same thing with their junkers. I never owned a junker. I waited to buy a car until I could afford a new one, and a name just never seemed appropriate for a Nissan 280Z.

“We need to get you a better car,” I said. Mumbled it really. No doubt because I expected the reaction that came.

“Listen, ..... damn, I don’t know what to call you. Mr. O’Keefe seems a bit too formal, and John seems too informal and I know I’m not ready to call you that other name, but anyway, listen, um, you, I can appreciate concern, may even get to liking it, but no blood connection gives you the right to start telling me what to drive and what I can.....”

I held up my hands in surrender. “My apologies! To you and to Harriet. I didn’t mean to offend. And if I have a choice, I prefer John or Jack to hey you.” I smiled at her. She stopped yelling and smiled back at me sheepishly.

“This is going to be a little tricky for both of us,” she said, “but maybe if we each agree to give each other some slack, Jack?” Her smile revealed that she had inherited the O’Keefe dimples as well as the eyes, though her smile reminded me of Luke’s more than mine. Luke’s and Danny’s, with their dimples on dimples.

All I said, though, was, “I think that’s a good idea.” We stood for a moment, looking at each other. Then we both spoke at one time.

“I’m glad we finally met.”
“I’m really glad we met tonight.”

We laughed and then hugged. I made her promise to be careful and reminded her that we’d be meeting at the Liberty Diner. Danny would complain about the locale but it was actually a great place for a Saturday brunch. Very few of the hardcore regulars got up before noon on the weekends and the food was good. I wasn’t sure yet which of the family I would be bringing but it was a safe bet none of them would wander in by accident – none that I would mind seeing, that is.

I waved as she drove off to wherever the young people were celebrating. I remembered then that Johnny might be among those young people. Damn. I should have warned her, or at least tried to contact him. I wondered if I should try now, or whether I should head home and deal with Micky first.

I gave myself a mental shake. Deal with her? I loved Micky and she had every reason to be upset. Except, what the fuck happened when we were in school and Barb came to see me and found Micky instead? I walked toward my car, my head down, deep in thought.

“We need to talk.”

I sighed and raised my eyes slowly. Matt. I supposed it could have been worse. By several brothers. Still, I tried to escape his third degree.

“Matt, I’m really tired and I need to talk to my wife so....”

“You’re not going to deny me a ride home, now, are you, Jackie?”

“Where’s your car?” Not the most gracious answer but I knew damn well that I’d have to give up more than a ride if I let Matt in my car. He smiled faintly in acknowledgment of my churlishness, but otherwise let it pass. Matt held the position of head of the family now, but he was far more easy-going than Dad had ever been. Disrespect like mine would have earned me a swift blow to remind me of my place. I’d seen my father strike Uncle Frank more than once when my uncle was well into his thirties and had children of his own, all because of perceived disrespect. Yet the disrespect of striking his adult brother in front of their children never seemed to occur to my father. It was no wonder my Uncle Sean moved to another state.

“Jo and I came together and she had to leave – early call tomorrow. I’m not trying to infringe upon your privacy, and I accept Danny’s assurance that we’ll get to hear what we need to when the time is right, but I reserve the right to be big brother still, and tonight was all sorts of difficult. I wanted to make sure my little brother is okay. So, give me a ride home and that will give me enough time to see for meself that you’re doing all right.”

I let Matt hug me. With twelve years between us, we were never close, not that I was all that close to any of my brothers growing up. Even without the age difference, Matt was a very different man than I was, content to settle down, work in the family business, raising his kids and tending bar. Yet, Matt’s always there, a solid, supportive figure when you need one, so much more reliable than my father when it came to advice or support...or understanding. Infidelity was completely alien to him, yet he was the one who made me feel like I hadn’t put myself beyond any possible forgiveness when my marriage broke up. That’s just how he was. Whenever you fucked up, Matt would give you a stern lecture, tell you how to do better, and then have your back as you went about rebuilding your life. That’s something Luke should have remembered. It’s something I should always remember. Mark always understood when you messed up, but Matt stood by you even when he wasn’t able to understand how you could do what you did. In a way, that took a lot more love than if he did understand.

We walked to my car in silence but it was a companionable silence as I contemplated my brothers’ different natures; Matt no doubt contemplated how to get me to talk. It wasn’t until he sat down in my Jag that he finally said, “I love this car. You’re going to have to get your girl something a little safer than that old rust bucket she’s driving now.”

I had to laugh. He turned to me, his expression reflecting surprise and a little hurt. “What’s so funny? Don’t you think she needs a better car? I’d never let Francesca or Rosa drive a car that old and beat-up! I wouldn’t even let one of the boys....”

I broke in on his indignant speech. “You’re absolutely right. But she seems to be attached to that car – named it Harriet – so I may have to wait and finesse it a bit. And I suspect there’s a whole lot that she needs. The car’s just the tip of the iceberg.” My voice cracked a bit as I confessed to him, “She had to live in foster homes, Matt. In Chicago. That couldn’t have been good.”

He was silent for a long moment. “No, it may not have been. But we don’t know that it was bad, John. You’re going to have to take your time to get to know her. Don’t make assumptions. Hell, Joey and Sally are foster parents, they can’t be the only good ones. Be there as much as you can. You’re getting a full-grown woman but I can tell you, as the father of two full grown women, there is still room for a father in her life, you’re just going to have to wait for her to show you what she wants it to be. You’ve missed a lot but there’s still a lot the two of you can share and be for each other. What you can’t do is make up to her for the past twenty plus years – you can only do the best you can in the here and now and going forward.”

“But I want to, Matt! I want to make it up to her! I wasn’t there for her growing up and I should have been!” I slammed my hands down on the steering wheel. “I feel like I’m cursed to be a horrible father. I fucked up with Johnny and didn’t do too great a job with Josh and Jared, and now I find out I completely missed out on my daughter’s whole life.” I ground the gears as I shifted out of neutral. I shifted back out of first, cursing.

Matt calmly turned the ignition key off before I could shift the car out of park again. I stared at him.

“I think, given your state, that I should drive you home. Let’s trade places and then I’ll tell you what nonsense you’re talking.”

I didn’t bother arguing with him. One didn’t argue with Matt. I just got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side while he did the same, getting into the driver’s seat. He gave me a quick smile.

“Always wanted to drive a Jag,” he confessed boyishly. I smiled. I was going to suggest he tell Danny, who wouldn’t rest until he found some good excuse to make Matt accept one from him, but decided on second thought that I would tell Danny, and together we would get Matt a Jaguar of his own. Maybe as a wedding present, that was coming up in June.

Successfully distracted from my terrible parenting history, I relaxed against the seat and enjoyed having someone else drive – Micky hated driving my car, said it was too big, and her car was too cramped for me. Plus, while I’d never tell her to her face, she was a terrible driver. So, I usually drove. I wondered if Fenton, that irritating shit, drove her home tonight. He was a new associate at the firm but if I’d had my way, he’d have been fired months ago. He was lazy, incompetent and annoyingly fatuous. Though by definition, fatuous is annoying, I told myself.

“You aren’t a bad father,” Matt said, reminding me of the important issues of the night, Fenton not being one of them.

“How do you figure that? Johnny is lazy and refuses to accept responsibility for his actions, Josh and Jared are doing well now but before the divorce they were barely house-broken. And I now learn I have a daughter, who was left to the care of strangers when her mother died because I didn’t even know she existed!”

“Seems to me that a lot of Johnny’s problems aren’t your fault, but his. Perhaps you could have spent more time with him, but you deferred to his mother in most issues as I recall, and there was many a time when you tried to discipline that boy and his mother stopped you. Same with the other two but you were able to undo a lot of the damage. Funny how Michelle is much better with them than she was with Johnny,” Matt mused as he made his way through traffic.

“She’s a good mother,” I protested, feeling like I should defend her, though Johnny really was spoiled by her. She was a better mother, in some ways, to Josh and Jared, than she was to Johnny. But she had it rough raising him, without all that much help from me – not that she allowed much. Tensions remained high between us for years, and that made visitation difficult.

Matt glanced over. “I’m not judging her, Jackie. I’m sure she always tried her best. But Julie and I tried to help, you know. She wasn’t left all on her own, and it wasn’t completely a situation where she was treated like a child. If anyone understood what it was like to be a young mother trying to stand up to Mama, it was Julie. Your Michelle had quite a chip on her shoulder from day one. Now don’t get mad – I love her and I’m glad you and she worked things out. But I just think that there comes a time when you should be forgiven. If she wasn’t going to forgive you, she shouldn’t have remarried you.”

“But this new situation.....”

“Is something that happened before you ever got married the first time, isn’t it?”

I nodded. He reached a hand over to clasp my shoulder.

“Then I don’t see how you can be blamed for it now. Don’t you lawyers have something you call the limitations statute?”

I had to laugh. “I’m not sure but I think fathering illegitimate children kind of falls in the same category as murder – no statute of limitations. At least, I’m sure that’s how Micky views it.”

“And maybe Jo would see it the same way,” Matt conceded. “But just think about what I’ve said, John, when you go to talk to Michelle. You’ve been a good husband to her since you’ve remarried and you’ve been the best father you could be.”

“Which is pretty pathetic.”

“All that any of us can do is the best we know how to do, Jackie. That’s all that Michelle has done, she’s had no magic wand. It’s all I’ve done, all Mark’s done. It’s hard. Hard, frustrating, day to day and week to week and year to year hard work.”

“It sure looks easier when you and Mark are doing it. Or even Joey.”

Matt looked sideways and grinned. “Well, a lot of that is illusion. And cheer up, you’ll soon have Jamie to compare yourself to. I have a feeling he’s going to find it a lot harder than he thinks. Which reminds me, did you hear the news? Jo told me tonight that it looks like Daphne’s having triplets – can you even imagine?”

I joined him in laughing – but it was happy laughter. We continued talking about the impending birth and Matt’s wedding the rest of the ride to his house. By the time we got there, I was calm enough that he had no qualms about letting me drive. He leaned on the car door as I buckled myself back into the driver’s seat.

“It is a great thing that this child of yours is found now, focus on that Jack, instead of the bad parts that are in the past and cannae be helped. She is a fine girl from the looks of things, with a lot of talent. We’ll have a get-together so she can meet the family as soon as you think it is time, all right?”

I thanked him and drove off without committing to anything. I hoped that Maria would agree to being part of the family, but I wasn’t sure what that would involve. The first step was going to be dealing with Micky.
 

************
 

I’d kicked off my shoes as soon as I got in, and turned to say thanks to Drew Fenton for driving me home – I’d had a bit too much to drive myself. I was surprised to see that he had walked on past me and was heading over to the small bar that stood in one corner. Before I could ask him what the hell he thought he was doing, inviting himself in like that, Joshua poked his head down the stairs.

“Hey, you’re home already, great. I got Briana asleep and Gus and Jared are playing Marioworld in Jared’s room. I was just going to get them a snack but since you’re home....”

He ended on a hopeful note. I’d forgotten that the babysitting was happening at our place tonight – and was being done by Josh, who was all of thirteen. Since Briana was the youngest at eight, and she behaved pretty well for the boys, it had been agreed to let him try, with a long list of available aunts and cousins only a phone call away. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t even called once to check on him, though. I looked at him now, my mind racing, trying to come up with an explanation for where his father was. Turned out I needn’t have bothered. Josh chattered on.

“Uncle Danny called to check up four times, can you believe him? I’m glad you and Dad trust me more. He said Dad had to help him with some stuff and they would be late getting back. Was the party cool? Danny sounded stressed. I guess that’s why he needs Dad’s help.” Josh just glanced over at Drew, uninterested. Which was just as well, I supposed, since Drew was acting strangely possessive. I’d have to have a talk with him, but later, once I settled the kids down – and got rid of this splitting headache. I smiled at Josh, relieved that his adventure in baby-sitting had gone better than his father’s and my night out had.

“The party was real cool. Do you want me to fix you guys the snack since I’m home? Pizza or something else? I’ll just be a few minutes then I can pop one of those frozen ones you like into the oven,” I offered, relieved that I didn’t have to explain anything now.

He smiled, his teen-age version of his father’s charming smile. Josh was already beginning to get that tall and lanky look. In another year he’d be six feet tall – or more. Jared wasn’t much behind him and even young Gus looked years older than his age. I remembered when my Johnny went through this stage. At barely a teen he looked far older than his age and I had girls a good five years older calling him up, asking him out. Danny was such a help then, helping me shepherd my son through the shoals of teenhood. I felt wistful, wishing these youngsters could stay little boys a while longer. Of course, sensing my mood, this man/boy used his O’Keefe charm to convince me that three of them would need three pizzas and I found myself agreeing.

Chuckling, I moved away from the stairs to head for the kitchen as Josh ran back upstairs to tell the others that he’d “scored” three pizzas. I’d forgotten all about Drew until he spoke.

“The son is just like the father, isn’t he? Thinks that all is takes is a smile to make you wait on him. How many of his children do you have to take care of, lovely lady?”

I laughed a bit sourly, thinking of the girl I’d seen tonight. “Not quite all of them as it turns out. Really, Drew, thank you for the ride home and your chivalrous support tonight, but this whole...thing...is something John and I need to straighten out. I’ll see you at the office on Monday, okay?”

Before I quite knew what he was up to, he had his arms around me and was forcing a kiss on me. I struggled to get free but he had the advantage of surprise – make that shock – and he was a strong young man for all that he was not built on O’Keefe lines. He was rough, and I felt my head swimming as he kept his mouth on mine, forcing his tongue into my mouth when I opened it to protest his hand on my breast.

I tried to remember all the tricks that John and Danny had taught me over the years but my mind just kept screaming that this couldn’t be happening. The nice young associate from the office couldn’t possibly be assaulting me. Except, he was. He was pushing me backward, toward the sofa, and I struggled harder, twisting my head away to catch a breath.

“No,” I gasped, afraid to yell and frighten the children.

“You know you want it; you’ve been coming on to me for weeks,” he muttered.

Dear God, is that how he saw my being nice to him? I tried to argue but he grabbed my head by my hair – hard – and I saw stars. He pushed his mouth against mine again and tried to force my lips open again, but I concentrated on keeping them closed. Who needed to breathe? If I passed out, he’d have to leave me alone, right? My arms were pinned by one of his hands but I tried to kick him. He twisted my arms painfully in retaliation, causing tears to fall from my eyes.

It finally hit me. This man might actually rape me with four children upstairs. Dear Lord, let John come home. I heard a noise and thought help was near, so I fought with renewed energy. That made Drew tighten his grip on my head and the pressure he was putting against my lips. Soon, I was seeing stars and then everything was going black.

The sound of Drew cursing brought me back to an awareness of my surroundings. I found I could take a breath as blessedly, his heavy body was pulled away from me by a tall, dark-haired figure of wrath.

“John?” I whispered dazedly. But no, John had not come home yet.

“You fucking bastard! Leave our Micky Mom alone!” It was Jared who was yelling. It was Josh who had pulled Drew away from me. I managed to sit up, conscious that my top had been torn open and my skirt was twisted around, my hose torn.

I looked like I’d been attacked by a pervert – go figure. I tried to speak but my voice didn’t quite work. I looked around for a bottle of water or something. That’s when I saw Gus holding on to a frightened Briana by the stairs. Both children were wide-eyed and pale. It made me push my own pain and fear aside. Just in time, as Drew was so insane that he was responding to young Jared with a rough shove.

“Are you lost to all sense of decency?” I screamed. At least, I tried to scream, but my voice came out as a weak squawk. Drew didn’t even look over, he was too busy shaking Jared. Josh had fallen back and was holding his jaw.

“She’s not your mother, brat, and don’t you dare talk to me that way.” Drew shook Jared again.

I pushed myself up and pulled at his arm. “Let go of him! I’ll call the police if you aren’t out of here in thirty seconds!”

He turned toward me and it was an ugly face that I couldn’t recognize. He looked like a complete stranger. A violent, terrible stranger. I tried to pry his hands off of Jared, who bravely kicked at his attacker – much more effectively than I had. Drew swore and released him. I grabbed Jared and pulled him close.

“Bad man, get out, get out, get out!” Briana screamed at the top of her lungs while Josh, brave boy, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him toward the door, which Gus ran ahead to open. Whether it was the force of the grip Josh had on him or his own sense of what he had done – I suspected it was the force of Briana’s voice – but finally he was out the door and it was slammed closed.

“Lock it,” Jared advised from his place in my arms.

Briana and Gus rushed back to the sofa and looked at me questioningly. I opened my arms and they both hugged me. Josh stood in front of us, arms folded over his chest, looking so very O’Keefe it made me want to laugh – or cry.

“You guys, you were all great. Thank you,” I whispered. “Josh, are you okay? He hit you! You need some ice for your jaw. I can’t believe he hit you!”

“I’m fine,” he said, in his new deep voice, blushing. “You’re the one he roughed up the most. I’m going to call Dad.”

“No!” Four sets of startled eyes looked at me. I lowered my voice. “He’s really busy with something; we don’t want to worry him. Besides, you guys were awesome. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Jared peeped up at me from under his lashes. “I know how you could thank us though.”

“Yeah, me too,” Gus chimed in.

“Pizza!” the boys said in unison. Briana still looked worried though.

“Will that man come back? Maybe we should call Uncle Daddy and Uncle Brian if Uncle John can’t come now.” Briana was chewing a nail, a habit Danny had tried in vain to break her of.

Josh reached down and swung her up onto his shoulders, making her laugh. “Nope. We’re going to have pizza and we don’t want those guys here eating it all up on us. I’m going to keep you safe brat. Okay?” She nodded happily, her hands out of her mouth and gripping his shoulders instead.

I smiled wanly as we moved into the kitchen and the boys chattered happily over the type of pizza they wanted. As soon as they were settled at the table, happily munching their way through a couple of pizzas – Briana eating some fruit – I excused myself. I wanted a shower. I needed to wash the evening off. And I needed to think.

Before I left, I touched Joshua on the shoulder. He looked up.

“Thank you...son.” He smiled warmly as he put his hand over mine. “Don’t mention it. ‘Micky Mom.’”

Micky Mom. Jared’s nickname for me, given back when he was small and he was first introduced to me as his half-brother’s mother. I was the Micky Mom. I never cared for it all that much, but had never complained. I’d spent enough time around John’s brothers to know that complaining only made something more popular. But, over the years, especially after the boys were abandoned by Carol, and I’d started seeing them as John’s sons, Johnny’s brothers, and not “that woman’s spawn,” well, the name became a badge of honor. It meant that these boys loved me as much as I had learned to love them.

So ... why did I react like I did to the sight of this new child of John’s? Why had I felt so threatened by it that I just reacted, without thinking? I was like Drew, drawing a conclusion from very little evidence. What he did was so ugly, but what I did was ugly too. I could feel my face flaming as I remembered what I had said in front of Matt and Jo and the others.

I put my head down. I remembered John’s friend Barbara Senyour. The name didn’t come back to me until I heard her daughter sing. And the large screen showed a close-up of her green eyes. Then my mind flashed back to that afternoon when she had stopped by John’s apartment. He’d obtained a job as a hall director even though he was still an undergrad so he had a full apartment to himself. It was a great place to go to study...and have private time together. He’d left me there while he made rounds of the floors, checking in with the R.A.s, the resident assistants who worked under his supervision.

We’d just reconciled after a pretty serious fight over his roving eye, and were in a honeymoon period where we couldn’t get enough of each other. Answering the door, I’d expected it to be one of the residents, or maybe an R.A. who’d missed him on his rounds, maybe one of the soccer team, not a very tall, very beautiful black girl who I recognized as my Jack’s girl buddy. I’d seen him with her a lot when we’d been on the outs but he’d assured me that they were just that – buddies. And I hadn’t had any doubts, not at first, because she was one of those girls who, for all her looks, was a total tomboy who was always hanging out with the jocks but never seemed to date any of them.

But she ignored my greeting, just asked for John in a nervous voice. That set off my temper. I hated when the girls who swarmed around him treated me like I was invisible. I guess I’d expected more from her because John had assured me that she was different, that she was his friend, really his friend, and would be mine too. But it didn’t happen that way. Any opportunity we had for girl bonding started and ended that day. The way she held her hand over her belly as she asked for my boyfriend set off every alarm in my...admittedly...paranoid girlfriend brain.

“Do you know when he’ll be back?” she’d asked, ignoring my invitation to sit down. She stood over me, towered over me, shoulders back, head held proud with her chin up, even if her eyes looked like she’d been crying not long before she’d come over. I pretended like I didn’t notice and feigned a cheery demeanor – like that of my sister Sue, a renowned cheerleader and boy magnet.

“So, you’re John’s friend? Barb, isn’t it? He’ll be so sorry to miss you. He’s told me so much about you. But, he didn’t say you had a boyfriend! Looks like you’re expecting a new little basketball player – when are you due?”

It had been a shot in the dark but the shock on her face told me I was right. I didn’t stop to think, I just reacted viscerally. John was my whole world. I mimicked her hand to belly action and gave her a coy Madonna smile.

“No need to be embarrassed. It happens. John hasn’t told anyone but we’re expecting our own little soccer player. Messes up some of our plans but it really just changes the timetable. It’s not like we aren’t engaged, after all.”

She had smiled then, a wide smile that seemed to be perfectly natural. “That’s great. John must be over the moon. I know he’s crazy about you. But I would appreciate it if you didn’t say anything about me – most people haven’t noticed and that’s kind of the way I want it right now. My ...boyfriend...is back home so I’ll be transferring to the college back there. Wanted to let John know before I left but I can send him a postcard. Tell him I said so long – and congratulations, okay?”

I had wished her the same and sent her on her way, not caring if what she said was true or not. I told myself it wasn’t my concern whether it was and I did my best to forget her. Her and her baby. And I told myself she had nothing to do with my letting John sweep away my reason that night when we made love over after over, forgetting all about the condom after the first time.

A month later, we got engaged, when one of those home tests showed I was more than just “late.” And if John ever wondered what had happened to his friend Barb, he never mentioned her to me. I think that until tonight, I’d managed to convince myself that she really did have a boyfriend back home who was the father of her baby.

I stood under the hot shower and cried. For the girl I had been, for the girl Barbara, whom I’d caused to raise a baby on her own. And didn’t that bite me on the ass, since, in the end, I’d been a single mom raising Johnny when John left me to marry his pregnant mistress? Karma was such a bitch.

I even cried for John, who’d ended up not getting the chance to know either of his two oldest children very well.

The water stopped and a towel came around me. Strong arms lifted me out of the shower.

“Any longer in there and you’ll be permanently pruny,” John said softly, as he moved the towel gently to dry me.

I lifted my face up to his. He looked so sad. I gathered my courage. “We need to talk, John. I need to tell you something, something I did a long time ago, and something that happened tonight.”

He nodded. “I want to talk to you too. But I want you to know something. I have an idea of what you did and it doesn’t change how I feel about you. And I think you have an idea of what I did back then, but I want you to know that it doesn’t mean that I didn’t love you – I’ve never loved anyone like I’ve loved you. Micky, you have to believe me.”

“I do believe you,” I managed to say. “But, you might want to hear about tonight. Drew...Fenton...he brought me home and started acting crazy. He...he hurt Josh and frightened the children and....”

I stopped talking when I saw his expression darken. He turned my face from side to side, examining it; he then gently touched a few spots on my shoulders. My arms were covered by the towel so he couldn’t see the bruises there but he would soon enough. His voice was quiet as he asked, “What exactly did Fenton do, Micky?”

“It isn’t important, John. We need to ....”

“What did he do?”

“John, we need to talk about your new daughter. And we have four children – well, three children and one child well on the road to manhood – downstairs, who need comforting, can’t we put first things first? Drew Fenton is far down the list of importance.”

John frowned. “He hurt you and from the looks of Josh’s face, I’m guessing he’s the reason for the bruise on his chin, not just some horseplay between the boys as I’d assumed. So that raises him up the list a bit, doesn’t it? Maria is important but she’s waited this long; she can wait a little while longer.”

I grimaced. This was going to be a difficult conversation and I no longer had a corner on the high road...or the good guy role. I’d ask for a drink but I didn’t think John would be likely to agree that was a good idea. Drinking too much kind of added to my problems tonight and certainly impaired my judgment. Letting Drew bring me home – I shuddered.

John drew me close again. “Let’s get you warmed up, some hot tea into you and the kids tucked into bed and then we’ll talk.”

I leaned against his chest, enjoying the feel of his strength. I hoped he still wanted to hold me when he heard the whole story – both stories.
 

************
 

“Where do you think you’re going?” I asked as Lanier straightened out his shirt and slipped his feet back into his expensive Italian leather loafers. He paused, one shoe on and one shoe off, just like the old nursery rhyme. Diddle diddle dumpling, my lover Lanier. No, not like the rhyme, didn’t work at all, I thought, grinning. Now, “one shoe off and one shoe on, gonna see if I can diddle the big guy before he’s gone.” That scanned a little better.

“Stay,” I ordered, tugging lightly on Lanier’s arm when he tried to stand up. He pulled free but didn’t get up, just settled himself a little further down the sofa, ostensibly beyond my reach. He gave me an odd look.

“Brian, I can appreciate that you’ve been in a reckless mood tonight. I even let it sweep me up into its delectable embrace for a few moments, but that was it. The man who is steaming himself in that shower means the world to me – as he does to you. Neither of us wants to hurt him and neither of us wants some quick sex with each other enough to do exactly that because even if you won’t admit it, I will. You mean something to me. And I don’t want to see that ruined. I know Danny in this kind of mood, the kind of mood you’ve been in all night. Danny can be reckless and wild, but he does not like it about himself. He sees the Dark Angel part of himself as something wrong, and he’ll hate anything he does in such a state.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” I stroked his leg. “I love Danny. I love all parts of him. I know that you do too. And my ‘reckless mood’ aside, there’s been something simmering between us for quite some time. Something more than friendship. Between us, I think it is time to explore whatever that is while we show Danny that there is nothing wrong with his Dark Angel side – if he still harbors any doubts in the morning that there is. And I fully expect you to be around in the morning to help provide that reassurance. Besides,” I grinned as I stood and pulled him to his feet. “This is your suite...where were you planning on going?”

The dismay on his face was amusing. I walked him backward into the bedroom, keeping an ear out for the sound of the shower, so I’d know when it stopped. I wanted to have the stage set for when Danny came out. The thing was, other than me, Etienne knew Danny better than anyone, and I wasn’t sure that he didn’t know him better than I did. In his typical fashion, he’d gotten right to the crux of the matter – Danny needed to come to terms with his dual nature. And while I certainly understood the idea of not wanting to fuck a friend, lord knew I didn’t want to fuck Mikey, I was pretty sure it was different with Lanier. The chemistry was overpowering sometimes. Distracting.

I blamed it on that trip to Germany to rescue Danny. Everything had been upside down, inside out...terrifying. But Lanier had been a rock throughout. Whether it was calming me in the plane ride over, letting me vent, or planning our escape out of a window to outsmart both the bad guys and the troop of super soldiers who wanted to leave us out of the action, catching me as I jumped from a second floor window, Lanier was always surprising me. He was always there for us, and more and more, we’d gotten drawn into his life too, with that dance competition and the drama with his family.

And, he was sexier than a man had a right to be. It was a sneaky kind of sexy, one that caught you unaware. His face could look downright ugly – until he smiled. He was all long limbs and angles, but he moved with an agile grace and strength that made you wonder what he’d be like to fuck. Or be fucked by.

And, Danny loved him. I knew that he did, and I was okay with it, since I’d come to realize that it really didn’t diminish his feelings for me, any more than my feelings for Justin lessened my feelings for Danny.

Four years ago, Lanier would have jumped at the chance to have sex with Danny – and probably wouldn’t have turned that large nose of his up at a roll in the hay with me either. He’d changed. So had I. Now, I recognized the importance of this man who’d been there for Danny at a very important time in his life, a time when I was too self-absorbed to even notice the treasure that was waiting for me to see him as something more than my buddy’s sexy little brother.

Danny was steaming in that shower, his so-called “quick” shower, because he was undecided about how to proceed. If he had wanted to, he was perfectly capable of throwing a fit over Lanier and me kissing. But I knew him. His innate sense of fairness wouldn’t let him do that, knowing that he had sent his “Eti” after me, knowing full well that the attraction between us could ignite. And he had chosen that risk over my being off on my own in some hellhole, with some anonymous trick. Damn altruistic of him.

Or not.

The shower was also undoubtedly lengthened by Danny’s own ambivalence about his desire to be with both of us at once – what he might, as Lanier thought, consider his Dark Angel side. I loved that side of Danny, just as I loved his earnest do-gooder side, and his absent-minded creative genius, and the playful little brother in him. Though he might doubt it, there wasn’t a part of him I would trade away for all the world. Even for a double dose of Dark Angel. And no doubt about it – I did love that Dark Angel too, and it was past time for Danny to come to terms with his darker self.

Besides which... Lanier was right. I was horny as hell and I wanted him. And I really didn’t think it would cause any morning after regrets. At least none that couldn’t be fucked away.

I pressed Lanier down onto the bed. But even with my body flush against his, he was still passive. With a sigh, I got back up. Before he could do or say anything, I started taking off my clothes. Not to brag, but I was good at it, not quite as lyrical as Danny, who could make foreplay out of reading the paper, much less stripping, but I had a style all my own – and my way had the added benefit of being fast.

“Mon Dieu,” Lanier moaned as I crawled back onto the bed...stark naked...and began to undo his pants. For the second time that night. Or maybe it was the third. Whatever it was, it was the charm, as with a groan, he rolled us over so that it was his body pressing mine into the mattress. He kissed me as his large hands moved down my body, exploring, stroking. I pushed his pants down so I could get a grip on his ass. I felt the cloth being pulled out of the way and I murmured my approval. A pair of hands slid between our chests and tugged gently, separating us in order to pull his shirt off. Our bodies rolled to the side slightly to facilitate the removal of the rest of his clothes.

I was conscious of the delicious feeling of being surrounded by firm warm flesh, and then my mind registered that some of that flesh was slightly damp – and that there were four hands besides my own doing the touching and caressing.

Rolling to my other side slightly, I took in the beautiful sight of Danny, nude from his shower, his long hair just towel dried so it was wild with curls, his body golden in the dimmed lighting of the bedroom. He was kneeling behind Lanier, and his thigh muscles bulged, while his hard cock rose up from his beautiful black pubes. His eyes were deep emerald green as he looked at Lanier and me.

“I want to make love to both of you...and watch you make love to each other,” he said in his deep voice, his tone husky with desire. Lanier’s hand shook as he reached out to stroke Danny’s cheek and brush a stray strand of hair back behind his ear.

“Are you sure that is what you want, my David? I couldn’t bear to lose you,” Lanier whispered, his voice breaking. Danny answered in French, speaking too fast for me to understand, but it made Lanier relax. To my surprise, instead of then kissing Danny, or making some other move toward him, Lanier pulled me into his embrace and once again kissed me.

Danny once told me that Lanier was an amazing kisser, that, his love for me aside, objectively he would have to rank Lanier as the best kisser he’d ever known. I’d thought he was just teasing me, trying to pique my ego.

He hadn’t been. Damn, the man could kiss. He could kiss in a toe curling, cock hardening, fuck me now, who cares about lube kind of way. Which of course, made me remember that Danny had also claimed that Lanier’s kissing was second only to his cock sucking. I moaned, and heard Danny laugh.

“It is your birthday, after all, and while you don’t celebrate it officially....”

Danny pulled my head toward him and took over the kissing while Lanier moved down my body, his mouth settling on a nipple while a hand teased my cock. A second, slightly smaller hand joined his, and the two of them played with my cock just enough to keep it hard but not enough to get me off. I bucked up against them.

“Okay boys, this is fun,” I told them, trying to wriggle away so I could do a little torturing of my own. “But let’s get this moving along to the serious fucking....”

I found myself being stretched out on top of Danny; he easily kept my arms pinned above our heads with just one hand while he held my head with the other, turning it toward him so he could continue to kiss me. And Lanier had nothing on him when he focused on it, Danny was a hell of a kisser. And multi-tasker. His strong legs held mine spread and up. His cock was pressed nicely against the small of my back but while he rubbed against me a bit, his focus was on kissing me and using his free hand to stroke me once he let go of my face. Meanwhile, Lanier had settled between our legs and was rimming me...though I suspect he might have been taking a few licks at Danny’s ass too from the gasps he let out every so often.

I love being rimmed, especially by someone who clearly loves doing it. Lanier was such a man and damn, he had a gift for it. I would have said I could have gone all night with his tongue up my ass, but then he put his lips around my cock and I felt like I was fifteen and I’d never had a mouth on my cock before. It felt so fucking good. Danny was kissing my mouth and stroking my chest and abs and murmuring all sorts of filthy things to me while Lanier deep-throated me, his fingers deep in my ass and I felt like I would keep coming forever. This is what I’d wanted tonight. To be filled. To be fucked. But this was so much better, to be fulfilled and safe while having incredible sex with men that meant the world to me. I shouted as I came in Lanier’s mouth. I watched, breathless, as Danny slid from under me and pulled Etienne into a deep kiss, sharing the taste of me. The sight of their bodies entwined as they kissed was such a fucking turn-on. I leaned closer and joined them in kissing.

Danny’s hand caressed my ass, his fingers sliding along the crack, teasing at my hole and I pressed against them. I wanted more.

“Brian, do you want Eti’s cock in you or mine?” Danny’s deep voice in my ear was enough to start my cock hardening again. Which did I want?

“I want to feel you both in me,” I confessed. “And then trade about.”

“A good plan,” Etienne said, before he kissed me forcefully, his chin was rough with the shadow of his beard. His whole body was so much hairier than mine or Danny’s. I could see how Danny kept stroking his chest hair and along his legs – he had a fondness for it that was almost a fetish. Running my own hand along Etienne’s chest, I was surprised by how soft it was, I’d expected it to be wiry. I bent my head and ran my tongue along his chest until I came to the nipple. I sucked it in, and he fell back with a moan, pressing my head to him.

“He likes that,” Danny noted, unnecessarily, before bending his head to Etienne’s other nipple. He also reached for some condoms, he must have placed them on the nightstand when he came in from the shower because they were right there when he reached out his hand. Along with lube. I thought I’d better explain that I hadn’t meant I wanted double penetration, certainly not with two men as well endowed as Danny and Lanier, but Danny knew without my explaining. He moved me to my knees and positioned himself at my mouth while Lanier lubed my ass and donned the condom.

There is nothing quite like being filled completely like that – being rocked back and forth by two cocks, hearing the grunts of pleasure, feeling the hard flesh inside you, knowing that you’re being fucked by two men at once. It is a total turn-on, especially when it’s two men you trust completely, and it’s rough and hard enough to satisfy something in you that needs it to be rough and hard.

Then, when I was as fucking hard and hot as I could be, and they were going to come, they both reached for me, their hands slicked up with lube, and they stroked me in time with the thrusts of their cocks into my mouth and ass, one of them losing grip as he lost control and started coming, swearing a blue streak – I think it was Lanier but I couldn’t be sure. I was practically blacking out from lack of air but it felt so fucking good. I felt the hot come on my tongue as I came and the three of us collapsed onto the bed.

I fell asleep for a bit then. When I woke up, I opened my eyes to the sight of Danny slowly moving in and out of Etienne, who was on his side, facing me. I closed my eyes again, ready to pretend that I was asleep, not quite sure what to do, thinking maybe I’d been wrong and there would be some awkward moments after all. But then I felt myself being pulled up into an embrace.

“If you’re done napping, get behind me and start fucking me,” Danny ordered. Actually, it was more of a request, his gentle tone at odds with his tough words. I did as he asked.

If what we did before was hot, this was...incredible. Danny shifted Lanier onto his back and drew his legs up, so that he could then bend forward more, presenting his ass to me at just the right angle. Entering him, thrusting, it was like thrusting into both of them at once. Danny turned his head and kissed me, then bent down and kissed Etienne.

“I love you...both of you,” he told us, as his body connected the three of us, just as mine had earlier.

My eyes met Etienne’s at that moment, and we smiled. “We’re both rather fond of you too, kiddo,” I grunted to him, then gave a thrust that sent him moving forward into Etienne. He tossed his hair back and laughed joyously, before beginning his own thrusts anew.

It was quite a while before we fell asleep, entangled with each other. Etienne and I made sure that before we did fall asleep, we had Danny nestled between us, his front against Lanier’s furry chest so he could rest his cheek on it, and my chest to his back so I could rest my cock against his delectable ass. We smiled at each other over his head as he was the first to nod off, murmuring in Gaeltacht and French. There was no way he was running away in the morning.