Better Friends and Lovers: Interludes

Believing in Your Dreams

A/N: This story is dedicated to Anita, “Totally Frelled,” and Dollparts, for Samhain: may all your dreams come true, and all your walks with the spirits be good ones.

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(Setting: Danny’s townhouse in Pittsburgh; beginning of October 2007; POV/Emmett)

“Well, when are you going to do something about it?” Hunter tossed a kernel of popcorn at Danny to get his attention. The sweetie was stretched out looking perfectly scrumptious with his head on Brian’s lap and Fosse, that old orange and cream colored cat of his contentedly purring on his toned tummy, with Danny’s long fingers stroking him just right. Fosse didn’t like to be petted by anyone except Danny so the cranky old cat took full advantage when his owner was home. Balanchine was different. That dark haired tom was a slut, rubbing up against any man in the place. Brian’s warned me against making any comparisons between the feline and homo sapien inhabitants of the townhouse, so I never do...out loud...but....if I were to do such a thing....I would say they were like the new Brian and the old Brian. Fosse was older and wiser, happy to settle down with one incredibly sexy, muscular man with talented fingers, while the younger, friskier Balanchine was always on the look-out for a hotter lap to rut against. Of course, a big difference was that the cats at least tended to settle for me when they couldn’t find what they wanted. With the people, if Brian’s lap weren’t available, my lap would be the lucky one holding that curly dark head. No doubt about it. But whatever their agreement might be about sex, Brian was definitely a one man snuggler; if Danny wasn’t available, Brian sat alone.

Right now, as Brian flicked the popcorn away, Danny lifted his head slightly to look over at Hunter. His green eyes were opened wide and innocent and his lips curled up in a sweet smile, while his voice purred back in what Brian called his deep “bourbon” range, all smooth and rich.

“I’d be happy to answer you, Hunter, but since I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m somewhat at a loss.” In my view, Danny’s smile held just a smidgen too much sweetness for his answer to be believable–but then, I knew him pretty well. Hunter looked like he was just trying to think of how best to reword his question, since his first try hadn’t worked. We’d decided to stay in and have one of our movie nights since we hadn’t had the chance just to hang out together in a while. We were waiting for Daphne and Jamie to show up before starting the DVD. Blake and Ted were at the opera so it was just going to be the seven of us. Hunter must have figured this was a good time to raise the question of the pink elephant that wasn’t in the room--he was currently living in New York--but who had caused quite a gossipy uproar up and down Liberty Avenue just a few weeks ago.

Fosse meowed his protests as Danny shifted his legs apart in order to sit up higher against Brian’s chest. He resettled the old cat into the crook of his knee and crooned at him, his hair falling down over his cheek, hiding his face from view for a moment. I noticed that Brian tightened his grip around Danny’s shoulders as he settled him back against him. Danny really didn’t want to talk about this, I surmised. The gang, myself included, was so used to most topics being communal property between all of us that it hadn’t occurred to me that this was one topic that would be staying off limits. But Brian was clearly shooting me a warning look with those eyes of his, so I launched into one of my mindlessly perky anecdotes before Hunter could be more persistent in his questioning.

“You’re wondering when he’s going to do something about Fosse’s weight, aren’t you? I’ve been telling him it’s a disgrace how fat that cat is! Balanchine won’t even share a litter box with him any more; he’s insisted on his own. And I have to put Bally’s normal cat food up on the kitchen counter to keep it safe from Fosse’s poaching, since the vet only wants the dear porker to eat this specially formulated Diet for Pound-Challenged Pussies....”

“A specially formulated diet for Pound-Challenged Pussies? Sounds like an attempt at a politically correct weight loss plan for fat lesbians.” Brandon entered the room from the kitchen, where he’d been getting fresh beers for him and Brian, cokes for Hunter and me, and a diet soda for Danny. It was amazing to see him actually taking a turn with helping out. He used to be such a snob. But Danny had been a good influence on him. Brandon couldn’t help noticing that Danny was always quick to offer to help and never minded waiting on the rest of us. Then, when our Danny was so obviously bummed and frustrated after his knee surgery when he couldn’t get around very easily, Brandon lightened the tension of what John and Jamie called Danny’s temper tantrums by making a joke out of “deigning” to wait on him. He claimed he was only doing it as part of his on-going campaign to get into Danny’s pants, but I think he just felt he needed an excuse to act decently. Whatever the reason, he hung out at the townhouse while he studied for the bar exam, and his low key way of assisting didn’t get on Danny’s nerves. Brandon provided just the right amount of help to supplement the professional trainer who came in, and he did it matter-of-factly, ignoring Danny’s moods. Most importantly, he was as good as Brian at being nasty enough to keep away the O’Keefe females, whom Danny didn’t want hovering around when he was laid up. Brandon’s need for quiet to study provided the perfect excuse to chase the sisters and nieces away. He even managed to win grudging approval from Brian, no easy thing. The truth was, Brian and Brandon were a lot alike, smart, successful, hot men who kept their feelings buried, protected by a thick wall of arrogance. Of course, once you saw through their bullshit, they turned out to be pretty decent friends.

After passing around the drinks, Brandon threw himself down onto the leather lounger and twisted the cap off his own beer. Right on cue, Bally leapt from the back of the chair Hunter was sprawled across and landed on Brandon’s outstretched legs. A small smile crept across his lips but both cat and blond pretended to ignore each other.

“Why do you put the food on the counter?” Hunter asked, successfully distracted by my chatter. “If Balanchine can get to it, why can’t Fosse?”

“Because Fosse can’t get his lard ass up that high,” Brian told him. “Which might be fine for the cat’s problem but I find it disgusting that he feeds either of the four legged creatures on the same counter where he prepares our food.” Brian sniffed. He really did. I swear there is more of his mother in him than he’d ever like to admit. One of these days when he really makes me angry, I’m going to take a picture of him making that face and post it on My Space or something.

Danny was grinning again, and the tension had left his shoulders. Which were gorgeously on display since he was just wearing a pair of thin black sweatpants, his usual movie watching attire. Of course, Brian was his typical fabulous sight as well, in levis and a tight black wifebeater, but I’d long ago accepted that he and I had no chemistry for each other. Fondness, yes, in a weird, insult at every opportunity, kind of way. I counted on him like I do few others and he seemed to feel the same way about me. The fact that we both loved Danny was just another bond we shared. I respect that he is the love of Danny’s life and he respects that I’m Danny’s best friend. And we both would do anything to protect Danny from all comers...including his brat of a nephew, Johnny.

The incident that had Hunter wondering what...and when...and how... Danny was going to “do something,” was when his nineteen year old nephew decided to hit on a somewhat drunk and high Brian in a dark corner of Babylon. Johnny, who does look a hell of a lot like Danny, did his best, in front of a large portion of gay Pittsburgh, to mislead a lonely Brian into thinking that he was Danny, home earlier than expected from a modeling assignment. Fortunately, Brian realized the deception before it went too far, but Johnny had definitely crossed some lines that shouldn’t have been crossed. Apparently he’d done it on a bet, but not only did he not explain himself to his uncle after the fact, he never apologized to either Brian or Danny. Word got around town, of course. A story like that was too good to stay quiet. I was out of town for a trade show in Philadelphia the weekend that it happened but I heard about it from six different queens before I even made it down Liberty Avenue and into the diner for lunch after getting back.

Since Danny had the fall fashion show for Dolce and Gabbana to get through with Johnny within a couple of weeks of that episode, and the show was Johnny’s first opportunity to walk the catwalk at such a prestigious event, Danny behaved like the top professional he always is and acted like nothing happened. He got the show ready and both the show and himself, the lead model, choreographer and musical director, were outstanding successes.

We didn’t expect any less of him, of course, and he was tremendously brilliant, as usual. But we also expected that once the fashion show and the hoopla that followed it was over, he would exact his retribution on his erring nephew. No one poached on Danny’s territory and got away with it. It wasn’t that Danny and Brian didn’t have an open relationship...of a sort. They had some kind of understanding between the two of them as to what was okay and what wasn’t and whatever it was, it seemed to work for them. They didn’t have rules or anything but they both seemed to know what would be acceptable to the other and while they didn’t expect total monogamy when they were apart so much, it was clear to everyone that they were devoted to each other. They didn’t need a rule to tell them not to do anything the other wouldn’t like because neither one would ever want to hurt the other. They didn’t need those things spelled out, Danny once told me, as most of them were pretty much self explanatory, such as fucking former boyfriends, for example.

I would guess that fooling around with a nephew who was ten years younger than your partner but otherwise looked like his spitting image would also be on the no-no list. Certainly Brian figured as much, and as soon as he realized it wasn’t Danny’s hands on his cock at Babylon that night, he put the brakes on in a hurry. Always said Brian could hold his booze better than any man I ever knew, even when he mixed in a little recreational drugs. Johnny looks a hell of a lot like Danny, but lacks that certain something that life and experience gives a man. Character maybe.

Funny thing was, naked there would be no contest, for all that Danny was ten years older, his body was by far the better one. I’ve seen both of them undressed and Johnny should only hope to look like Danny someday. Danny’s muscles are rock solid without being too much. For all his slimness, he has a man’s body while Johnny still has a boy’s leanness through his hips and shoulders. Danny’s chest is deeper by a good couple of inches, which is where some of that vocal range no doubt comes from. I’ve fit a lot of men in the dressing room at Torso, and I’ve seen countless more in the backrooms at Babylon, and I can practically tell a man’s measurements from looking at him fully clothed.

Johnny wasn’t the singer, the dancer, the actor, or the man his uncle was. He had been a nice enough kid when he left for school a year ago, but he came back with an attitude. I don’t think most people noticed it. Their attention was focused on Danny’s recovery this past summer, and on Jamie and Daphne’s wedding, which had been postponed until Danny was well enough to participate as planned. By the time things settled down a bit, Johnny was heading back to the City and modeling. No one seemed to notice how little he came around the townhouse, considering that his dad now lived next door and his mom was practically moved in there as well. When he did visit, he was either sullen and non-communicative or too talkative and bragging about how great his year went. Even more telling, Julie and Hunter, who used to be joined at the hip with him, barely saw him anymore. He had new friends now, was all Julie would tell me. From what I could gather, although their schools were close by, Johnny didn’t have time for his girl cousin from back home when he was in New York City; he was too busy being the big man. As far as I’m concerned, Johnny O’Keefe has quite a ways to go before he’ll measure up to his uncle. And I don’t just mean with a tape measure.

Which was probably the kid’s problem. Instead of being content with letting nature take its course, the boy seemed to feel he had to prove himself Danny’s equal now. Hence the stupid bet, which left this mess behind. Now that the fashion show was over and Danny was rested, we were all waiting to see what form Danny’s revenge against Johnny would take. If fact, I wouldn’t have been surprised if the anticipation wasn’t killing Johnny most of all, since he had to know that Danny was going to do something to him. O’Keefes were known for their tempers, none more than Danny. But after fashion week was done last month, Danny returned home and hadn’t mentioned a word about getting back at Johnny. It was no wonder Hunter finally brought it up. He may have been close friends with the other teen, but he worshipped Danny. This situation must be hell on him, being in the middle. Once the payback was over, things could get back to normal. It was even a little awkward being around John and Micky, Johnny’s parents. I wasn’t sure they knew anything about the incident and I sure wasn’t going to tell them. But keeping secrets wasn’t one of my strong points and every time I saw one of them, I felt like I just had to blurt something out. So instead I would make some excuse to leave the room, which made me feel all the guiltier. I just knew that Micky suspected something. She was one sharp cookie.

“So, it’s a Brandon pick tonight, and he went for ‘Double Indemnity.’ Should we wait any longer for Daph and Jamie or just get started?” Danny reached an arm back and wrapped it around Brian’s neck as he stretched, showing off that gorgeous torso of his. We all watched as the two of them locked lips.

“I say we skip the movie. Maybe if we’re quiet those two will forget we’re here and go at it right on the sofa,” Hunter suggested hoarsely as the kiss showed no sign of stopping...until the brat spoke, that is. Danny pulled away with a slight smile.

“Well, imagine that, they’re watching...maybe we should let them. You always say you want to have sex in front of an audience.”

“I want sex in front of an audience of hot men...not in front of these losers. And our living room doesn’t count. Unless it’s an orgy and there are a lot more men here, none of whom are the baby hustler. His fathers would kill me. Besides which, I’d have Bert and Ernie here trying to steal you away every time I blinked.”

“Which would give me a chance to jump you,” Hunter leered.

“Which is exactly the fun of orgies,” I agreed, “cutting in, passing around partners, just like a good old-fashioned sock hop.”

“Ben and Michael killing him...would that count as double indemnity or double jeopardy?” Danny asked Brandon in an innocent tone.

“Fucked if I know, once I took the bar exam, all the stuff I didn’t need to know passed right out of my head, and I count criminal and insurance law in the category of stuff I don’t need to know. Ask me an entertainment law question, something about copyrights or trademarks, maybe agent agreements?” Brandon smirked as he reached over and grabbed a handful of Hunter’s popcorn. “So, are we starting this movie or are we watching the grope-fest on the sofa?”

“I say lower the lights, so we can watch the movie and Brian can grope me to my heart’s content without you perverts watching.” Danny solved that problem, setting a disgruntled Fosse on the floor. The tawny cat made his way over to me.

“Come here, baby, we’ll see where Fred MacMurray should have stuck with Edward G. Robinson and avoided that nasty Barbara Stanwyck,” I told the cat, putting him on my lap.

“And Barbara Stanwyck should have known she was going to be evil as soon as the costume department put that terrible blonde wig on her,” Danny added.

“Did they just spoil the movie?” Hunter asked Brandon.

“No,” Brian clued him in, “‘Double Indemnity’ is one of those movies where you know who the bad guys are, you’re just waiting to find out if they get away with it.”

The door opened then and not only Daphne and Jamie, but Micky and John also came in.
“Hey, mind if we bring along two more? These two were on the landing and begged to join us,” Jamie called over as he started taking coats from the girls. I got up to help.

“Not at all, it’s always great to see the bosses on a night off, isn’t it Brandon?” Brian smirked at the poor guy, who was still somewhat intimidated by John, although he loved working with Micky. They had merged their firms recently and taken Mel on as a full-time partner, as well as started a cooperative relationship with Miguel’s firm in New York. They were hoping to get him to split off and run an office for them in New York once he got more established on his own. For now, they were funneling work to him at his current firm, which was making him look very good to the partners there, and gave him a piece of the fees. Justin had left to study in Rome last month so it was good that Miguel was keeping busy.

Danny moved his legs to make room for Micky. Fosse, who had moved back to Danny when I got up to take the coats, was displaced once again. Micky laughed at him.

“Sorry, Fos, old man, but I need the couch space more than you. How is everyone...sorry to crash your movie night but Daphne swore it would be okay and I wanted to see my favorite little brother in law.”

Jamie thumped his chest. “I’m stricken. Why Danny? I thought I was your favorite,” he cried piteously as he threw his bulk down into his and Daphne’s favorite chair.

John rolled his eyes at him. “Face it, James, you’re no one’s favorite, except maybe Daphne’s, and I think even she prefers Danny. She’s just smart enough to recognize a lost cause.” John stretched out on the empty love seat and smiled over at his ex-wife.

I wondered when those two were going to make it legal again as I offered him a beer. He had that lost in love look to him, which was really a sight to see. It was hard to remember the old John, the cold, repressed man he used to be. Now, his face was more heart-stoppingly handsome than ever. I looked back at Danny, trying to determine which one was more beautiful, as if one ever could. Being in love certainly suited them; it made their almost too perfect features come alive with warmth. The contrast was especially striking with John but it was there in Danny, too, when he was sitting close with Brian as he was tonight. Although at the moment, he was perched on the edge of his seat, looking suspicious.

First Danny stared at John and Micky, then he turned to look at Daphne and Jamie, who were holding back grins. We all started staring too, to try to figure out what he was looking at.

“Okay, what’s up?” Danny’s scrutiny zeroed in on Micky and his eyes widened. “Oh my God,” he said in a low voice. He looked back at John. “I absolutely insist that you marry her at once,” he intoned in a deep voice.

“Danny! You brat, I wanted to surprise you, how did you guess?” Micky smacked his arm then pulled him into a hug and kiss.

Brian frowned. “Anyone want to clue the rest of us in who don’t speak O’Keefe? What the fuck is going on, John, and why is your ex molesting my man?”

I swear, John O’Keefe blushed. He is so cute. Jamie burst out laughing and Daphne threw a pillow at him, which he covered his face with. But then she got the giggles and Hunter helpfully smothered her face with a second pillow. Danny looked up from hugging a tearful Micky and announced with a wry smile at his older brother, “History is repeating itself. My brother John and his lovely, soon to be wife again, Michelle, are expecting...somewhat unexpectedly, I surmise, but nonetheless happily...and I think they were trying to compose themselves enough to tell us. But I jumped the gun by guessing. When you’ve heard as many of these announcements as I have over the years, you develop a sixth sense, and one of the first signs is the ritual passing up of the beer by a sister-in-law who loves beer.” Micky giggled at that.

Danny turned to me. “Em, I should have some champagne in the refrigerator, as well as some sparkling cider, for just such an occasion, would you mind...?”

“Not at all, baby, this is wonderful! Congratulations, you two!”

“Mazel tov!” Hunter grinned.

“Are you getting married, should we toast that first?” Brandon asked as I passed the glasses around.

“Didn’t you hear what Danny said? He’d better be marrying me!” Micky responded. “Though now that you mention it, I’m not sure that he actually asked me.”

“John Jeremiah! I cannae believe you would allow this fine woman to carry your child and leave her in any doubt as to your feelings for her,” Danny teased, his accent as thick as Matt O’Keefe’s on St. Patrick’s Day.

“I think maybe we should hold off on those toasts,” Brian suggested, raising an eyebrow.

John stood up with a sigh and walked back to the closet where we’d hung up the coats. From my vantage point standing with the champagne bottle, I could see what he pulled from his coat pocket. I put a hand over my mouth to stop myself from squealing, but I couldn’t help but start to jump a little bit until Brandon pulled me down into his chair and hissed for me to stay quiet. Daphne and Jamie were still laughing and Brian was teasing them. I don’t think anyone else quite realized what was going on. Except Danny, who smilingly pushed Micky up into a sitting position and brushed her hair back off of her face before giving her a kiss to the cheek.

 

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(POV/Danny)

I turned Micky towards me for a second to give John time to compose himself. Sometimes that particular big brother of mine surprised me, and this was one of those times. Micky was a little windblown and I smoothed her hair back from her face as I fully expected Daphne or Emmett to be taking some pictures soon. I cocked an eyebrow at John to ask if this was how he wanted to do this–if he wanted me to clear the room of everyone, I could do that–but he just smiled warmly and gave a nod. The big guy was ready to get himself engaged. Who would have guessed he’d want to do it in front of five gay men and another couple that included his most non-serious, prank playing brother? Not to mention having my cynical lover looking on, the world’s biggest skeptic when it came to happily ever after.

But looking at Micky’s glowing face, and yeah, it really was glowing, I couldn’t help but think that this is the way it should be this time. With John making a statement in front of family and friends, romantics and cynics alike, that he loved Micky and wanted to marry her, that he wasn’t just doing it because he got her knocked up. I couldn’t keep my own grin away at that thought. Forty years old and he still was knocking his woman up–he was so getting cases of condoms from me at his bachelor party.

I scooted back against Brian again, tucking my legs out of the way as John came over and kneeled in front of a now dumbstruck Micky. Brian wrapped his arms around me as Jamie did the same with Daphne. Good old Brandon managed to gather Emmett and Hunter into his sphere. And yeah, camera phones were aimed and ready.

“Michelle Riley O’Keefe, would you do me the honor of marrying me once more and this time, I promise you, nothing will ever take me from your side, until death do us part?”

John pulled out this incredible sapphire ring, multiple stones set in platinum if I was any judge...and I am. I bet Giancarlo designed it; it had his look to it. Deceptively simple but elegant, with gorgeous twin teardrop shaped stones entwined together.

“You have a ring ready?” She gasped, looking at it, tears starting to fall. Micky’s first engagement ring was this teeny little thing bought with John’s summer job savings. Johnny was on the way and they couldn’t spare much money for non-necessities but he did the best he could. It wasn’t much, certainly the smallest of any O’Keefe bride, but she never took it off until the divorce was final. He had tried to buy her a new one, with a bigger diamond, when he was making a lot of money in his first law job but she never wanted a better ring, she just wanted a better husband.

Now, she was getting both. They were looking at each other like they were the only ones in the room. I had to hand it to him. When he decided to do something, he did it right. If that was a Rizzuteri Original, as I suspected, he probably ordered it months ago...well before news of this baby on the way. Good for him. Micky seemed to be realizing the same thing.

“But we just found out about....” She looked at him.

“I am asking you to marry me, love, because I want to marry you...not because we’re going to be parents again,” he told her. Then he gave her his own version of the million dollar O’Keefe smile. “But, the baby is a nice bonus...if you’re saying yes, that is. You are saying yes, aren’t you?”

“Yes!” She threw her arms around his neck, crying. Eventually the ring got placed on her finger and the pictures got taken. Em and Daphne both got shots of John on bended knee. We toasted the engagement and then the baby on the way, with “Double Indemnity” shelved for another night.

“This is just so exciting!” Em exclaimed. “When is the wedding going to be? And may I offer my services, gratis of course, if you should happen to need a planner?”

“Take him up on it!” Brian recommended. “He does all the big society weddings and commitment ceremonies in town now. And I happen to know he can pull off a spectacular wedding on very short notice.”

“Are you going to have a big wedding?” Jamie asked, reaching for some of Em’s snacks. “This is your third wedding, and the second go round for the two of you, after all, aren’t there rules about things like that? Not that I care, but you know how the aunts and sisters get.”

I saw Micky’s face fall and I wanted to kick Jamie. Maybe he didn’t pay attention to how things were for them the first time, since he was only twelve or thirteen, and if it wasn’t on a soccer field he didn’t notice it, but I could remember. I was younger but I paid more attention to things like that than Jamie ever did. Still do. Micky’s parents wouldn’t come, they were too “ashamed” they said, so our Uncle Frank ended up giving her away. The reception was at Dad’s pub and was a quiet “family” affair, with only a few of her people there. Most of the parish who did come freely gossiped about how far along she might be. Mary Pat had been her only attendant and Luke had come home on leave to stand as John’s best man. The whole affair had been so gloomy, with the air of disappointment hanging over everyone, especially Mama and Dad. They weren’t as crass as the Rileys, not to support their child, but it was clear that they thought John’s golden future was greatly tarnished by this “mistake.”

Before I could say anything to Jamie about his asinine comment, John calmly responded.

“Micky will have the kind of wedding she’s always deserved and I don’t care what my aunts, sisters...or anyone else but her thinks about it.”

“I don’t need any big fuss, Jack,” Micky started to protest. I had to grin. She already was holding her hand out slightly in that way girls did, so they could admire their rings. She caught me watching her do it and bit her lip and tucked her hand under her arm with a self conscious smile.

“Yes, you do,” I interrupted. “I think a very big wedding is exactly what you deserve and need, before you balloon out. It’s been awhile but I seem to recall you being absolutely huge, love. You short girls don’t get a break when you carry O’Keefe babies, although Johnny isn’t the giant his dad is, thank God, still, you may as well get dressed up while you still can. How about a Halloween wedding? You would look wonderful in ivory and the attendants could be in a fall color, what do you think, Em, burnt orange maybe, a russet, or red even?”

“Could we really do it that quickly? That would be perfect....” Micky’s eyes were shining.

“Of course we could do it. Danny can get the Westin to empty a ballroom at the drop of a hat and I can arrange for the catering and flowers. Dresses are no trouble with Danny’s connections and every man you know owns a tuxedo...who will be your best man, John? You have a million to choose from.”

Em smiled at my contented looking brother, who sat with his arm around Micky. Jamie was looking very abashed, with Daphne glaring at him for his comment earlier. Poor Jamie, always putting his foot in his mouth. But Joey had been John’s best man at his wedding to Carole and I assumed he’d probably choose Jamie for this one. That was kind of how it was done in our family; rather a fairness thing. The next youngest brother was chosen or the next oldest. John had done both already, so he could reasonably choose either Jamie or Mark, under O’Keefe “rules.” But he surprised me.

“I thought I’d ask Johnny actually, but then,” John looked down at Micky, “it occurred to me that Micky might like to have him escort her down the aisle this time instead of Uncle Frank.” She nodded her agreement with a teary smile. “So, I was wondering, Danny, if you’d be willing to be my best man at this wedding? It would mean wearing a shirt, you understand.”

I blinked as the others laughed. John was looking at me slightly anxiously despite his teasing comment and Brian gave me a small pinch to remind me to say something. Right, I needed to answer. I was kind of stunned. John and I were a lot closer than we had been but I never thought he would ask me to be his best man. I was honestly touched. “Of course I would...be willing. And wear a shirt. I’m really very happy for both of you, you know.”

I leaned forward then and hugged both of them together. As much as I was pleased to be part of John and Micky’s wedding party, in the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was going to be like, going through yet another wedding ceremony with a sulking teenager. Damn, I was going to have to forget about getting even with Johnny any time soon, or at least before the wedding. Micky didn’t need me on the outs with her darling son while she was expecting a baby. I couldn’t help feeling concerned. Something told me Johnny was not going to take this well, for all that he spent years wishing his parents would get back together, somewhere along the way he got used to having Micky mainly to himself. Sharing her with John again, and eventually with a new little sibling while he was going through whatever type of identity crisis he was dealing with right now was going to be a pain in the ass. Or rather, he was going to be a pain in the ass.

I smiled as Em, Daphne and Micky started discussing wedding plans. Em was in his element with all of this. He even dragged Hunter, Brandon and Jamie into the discussion. Brian and John spoke quietly of the law firm merger while I leaned against Brian and was content to listen to the conversations as they washed over me. And pet my fat cat.
 

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(Later that night; POV/Brian)

I woke up alone in our big bed. It was the middle of the night and the room was dark with no sign of Danny. He must have woken up and been unable to get back to sleep. Sometimes he would play his guitar in the bedroom when that happened, once I convinced him that the music was soothing to me and wouldn’t bother me even if I did wake up. I much preferred a little soft guitar music to waking up to an empty room, like now. I glanced at the dark bathroom door but dismissed it just as quickly...you can tell when you’re alone. On second thought, I went in and gave my teeth a quick brushing before padding out to the living room. Briana was with the girls tonight so there was no need to throw on pants. The house was still, but I saw a faint light coming from the music room.

I entered it quietly, not wanting to startle him. I knew how engrossed he could get when he was in one of his moods. It was a good thing I’d pulled the door to the soundproofed room closed behind me, as the music from his grand piano washed over me like an immense wave that I wasn’t expecting. I leaned back against the door for a moment to get my bearings...and just to watch and listen.

Danny was totally focused on his music. His body was turned away from me and while he might have been able to see the door open from the corner of his eye, he didn’t look over at all. He was engrossed in his own world, his half closed eyes glittering through his long lashes, his mouth slightly open as he breathed hard, his hands flying over the keys. Actually, he looked a lot like he does during sex sometimes. I felt myself getting hard just watching him.

“I like that. What is it?” I asked, moving closer when he paused, head down, chest heaving, after finishing with a major crescendo.

He glanced up, startled. “I didn’t know you were there! I was trying to not wake you so I came in here.”

“I missed you. The bed doesn’t feel the same without you. Do you mind if I stay and listen since we’re both awake now anyway? Or are you done for the night? You didn’t tell me what you were playing.”

He gestured for me to join him on the piano bench, smiling at my nudity. “I haven’t named it yet. How does ‘Concerto for a Naked Man in G Major’ sound to you?” He turned to straddle me, wrapping arms and legs around me as his lips found mine. Almost perfect; if only he hadn’t put his sweat pants on, I thought as I became lost in his kiss.

“Hmm, minty fresh.” He licked my lips, his eyes twinkling. “Did you go to all that trouble for me, Mr. Kinney?”

“Maybe. Wouldn’t want you to feel taken for granted.” I looked into his eyes, searching for the answer to why he was up playing piano in the middle of the night. No obvious answers appeared so I was going to have to figure this out the hard way. I flicked my thumb against his beard roughened cheek. “What’s got you worked up, kiddo? That was pretty wild music. It made me think of some of your late night dances.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Did it? Hmm. Maybe my compositions will get better. Up till now, I haven’t really done the kind of work I’d like to do. Not like my choreography. Perhaps being laid up like this will force me to switch creative focus and express myself in a different way. Maybe I haven’t lost as much as I thought. It’s a good point to consider. I wasn’t consciously trading the piano playing for the dancing but I think now that it’s what I did tonight, as an outlet for my emotions.” He fell silent, his chin resting on my shoulder.

“Anything in particular bothering you?” I ran my hands up and down his back, enjoying the feel of the muscles. We’d fucked earlier, hard and long, but I wouldn’t mind some easy love making now. His skin felt so good next to mine. Emmett was the only other person in the place and he was tucked away in his room on the second floor, unlikely to come wandering down here. I pressed my lips to Danny’s warm neck, inhaling the familiar scent of his sweat. I felt his lips curving upward in response. His thigh moved closer, pressing lightly against my hard cock as his hands tightened against my ass. His lips moved against my jawline as he answered me.

“I’m just thinking of the past. Old ghosts haunting me. John and Micky getting married again is good news, don’t get me wrong, but it brings back a lot of memories, not all of them happy ones. I hope everything goes well for them this time. He was something, wasn’t he? Proposing on bended knee like that?”

We both raised our faces, catching each other’s gaze; the look in his eyes was wistful. I put my hands up to hold his face between them, trying to read what he wasn’t saying. “You don’t want that for yourself, do you? Because if you do....”

He became very still, holding his breath even, before asking, “What are you saying, Bri?”

I bit my lip. “You know I love you, don’t you?”

“Yes....” He dragged the word out slowly, his eyes their darkest shade of green as he watched me inquisitively. I leaned him back against the keyboard, imprisoning him between my arms. Since he had his legs around me and off the ground, he didn’t have any leverage. He held onto my neck for support, smiling faintly at his new position. I kept my expression serious as I struggled to come up with the right words.

“So, you also know, don’t you, that if you wanted to get married...if that were something you wanted...I would want to know...I mean, I wouldn’t mind...what I’m trying to say is that I would be okay with it...if you wanted to....” I paused, trying to come up with what I really wanted to say.

Danny let go of me and landed on the keyboard with a discordant crash. His legs uncurled from my waist and he planted them on the floor, scooting his ass back a bit to give himself room. He sat there on the piano bench, biting his lip, head down. His hair was covering the top of his face, but from the way his shoulders were shaking, he was having a hell of a time holding back his laughter. I stood up and stalked over to the sofa on the other side of the room and threw myself down on it.

“So glad to amuse you,” I huffed.

“No, really, that was so romantic,” he gasped. “A boy dreams his whole life of a proposition like that.”

Totally against my will, I found my mouth turning up. I guess I was pretty pathetic. Good thing Danny had a sense of humor or he would have been the one stalking away.

He got up and did do some stalking himself. Over to me. Fuck, the man knew how to stalk. I was good, but he was a master. Of course, he had an advantage with that powerful chest and those shoulders of his. I had longer legs but damn, that top half of his doesn’t quit. He saw my appreciative look and upped the ante by tossing off his sweats. Yeah, I had to admit, the bottom half could more than hold its own.

He leaned the whole gorgeous package, face and all, over my naked sprawled body. I struggled to maintain my pout.

“I love it when you sulk,” he purred in his ‘fuck me’ voice, deep and coaxing. “Tell you what, if I decide in some deep, distant future that I want to get married, I promise I will order an outrageously romantic ring from Giancarlo, especially designed, one of a kind, just for you, and then I will get down on bended knee, which is no easy task for me, given this defective knee of mine, and I will ask you to marry me. Because the last time I checked, both of us have a dick, so nothing says you have a presumptive duty to do the asking in this relationship. And the same goes for you. If the day comes that you decide you absolutely, no doubt about it, want to get married to me, you can ask me...but same deal, you’d better have one fucking fantastic ring for me. And not just for the sake of tradition, you know, but because I do like jewelry. In fact, I’m perfectly fine with skipping the wedding and accepting a ring anytime you want to give me some more bling. I really like my gem encrusted knee brace, you know.” He leaned down and kissed me lightly, his tongue caressing my lips teasingly, just brushing against them the slightest bit. My cock was drippingly hard by this point as he continued to lean over me, bulging arm muscles flexed on either side of my head, hands holding mine in place, hard chest hovering just inches over mine, full cock jutting out, poised just out of reach of my throbbing one. I thrust my hips up a little to make contact and he moved out of reach, smiling coyly.

“Not while we’re discussing marriage!...you’re the one who started this important talk, after all! Just wait until we’re done. But as I was saying, jewelry aside, I don’t need a ceremony to know that you love me. And I hope you don’t need one to know that I love you, more than my life, Bri.”

I growled at him. “Fine, I’m sorry I mentioned it, you cocktease. I will shower you with rings, bracelets, necklaces, whatever your greedy little heart wants, but I won’t marry you. Now fuck me.”

He laughed softly. “Now Brian...you don’t mean that.” He kissed my chin, still holding my hands down, the brat. “I’m greedy for you...and you don’t want me to fuck you now, do you? Don’t you want me to make love to you? Hmm?”

He started working his way down the column of my neck with his mouth, and then my chest, slow, sensual kisses. I was writhing against him before he made it past my nipples, as much as I tried to keep my cool just for the sake of dignity. Fuck dignity. He let go of my hands and I ran them through his hair and he tongued my navel, his hands caressing my sides and his legs rubbing along mine. Oh God, I wanted every part of him closer to me.

“Danny, come inside me now.”

“Soon...soon,” he murmured, his mouth closing around my cock as his hands moved to my ass and started massaging the cheeks. He sucked on one of his fingers along with my cock and I watched as his bright green eyes peeped up at me through his long lashes. Fuck, he looked so hot sucking me. Holding my gaze, he took his long slender finger from his mouth, and pressed it into me, stroking it firmly against my prostate. The sensation, combined with increased pressure from his tongue on the underside of my cockhead at the same moment, almost made me come immediately. From the hungry look in his eyes, he knew it.

“Come for me, Brian, let me taste you, I want your come, I want to feel you buck on my hand so hard you can’t help yourself, fuck my face, Bri, God, I love your thick cock in my mouth,” he kept purring in his deep voice, adding a second finger up my ass and moving them faster as he increased the pressure and I kept writhing on his hand exactly as he said, straining for more, half up on my elbows now as I ground into his face and hand. He stopped talking finally as he started deep throating me, taking me all the way down to the base, hitting my prostate in time with his swallows, But what finished me off was the sight of his other hand stroking his own gorgeous cock, so thick and hard. One glance at him was enough to send me deep into his throat a final time, holding onto his thick hair as I lost control in a way I haven’t in ages, shooting my load so heavy and thick, it was a wonder he didn’t choke. I reached down for him but he was already coming, my hand could only join his as he finished stroking himself off.

I pulled him up to lie on top of me as I flopped down on my back so I could catch my breath.

“What happened to fucking me?” I pretended to complain. “It was a fantastic blowjob and all, but I was promised a fucking, I believe.”

He looked at me sheepishly. He coughed a bit before answering, his voice a little hoarse. That had been a hell of a blowjob, only Danny would look embarrassed after a performance like that. Such an idiot.

“I’m sorry but can you believe it, for the first time in I don’t know how long...no condoms or lube handy? It occurred to me midway down your chest that I had meant to restock this room after the last time we fooled around in here and I never got around to it. So...it was either stop to run to the bedroom for supplies, which seemed rather like a mood breaker, or plan B. For now, at least. Or I could have picked you up and carried you into the bedroom but I wasn’t so sure I wouldn’t have stumbled into something in the dark. My mind was going over all those thoughts as I was kissing you. I finally just figured, fuck it, I’m horny, and I went for quick and easy,”

It was my turn to laugh. “It was fantastic. Your title as master of the blowjob is safe for another year at least.”

“Whew...that’s a relief.” He laughed and kissed me, a slow, lingering kiss. All of his shadows from earlier in the evening were dispelled.

I held him close and he made himself comfortable on my shoulder, pulling the throw from the back of the sofa over the two of us. He reached over to turn off the light with the remote control on the table. I guessed we weren’t returning to the bedroom for awhile. I would have preferred taking the time to go back to the bedroom but Danny liked catnaps. It was only a couple hours until he’d be getting up to exercise with his trainer and if he moved, there was the risk he’d wake up too much. So, I shifted to a slightly more comfortable position and closed my eyes. I planned on sleeping in anyway. I could always move back to the bed when he got up.

A stray thought nagged at me that wouldn’t go away, preventing sleep.

“Danny?”

“Hmm?” he asked, sleepily.

“Did it occur to you, among the options that went through your head, to do it bareback? At least for a second, maybe?”

He was quiet. I wondered if he had drifted off to sleep again. Then.

“Yeah.”

Well. The next one was a bigger question, in many ways, than the one I’d stumbled over earlier. At least, it was for me. Did I want to ask? Unasked, it hung in the air of the dark room. I should have realized Danny knew me well enough to know I wouldn’t sleep until it was discussed.

Sighing, Danny rolled over onto his side, barely clinging to the edge of the sofa. I was starting to adjust to the dark; I could just make out his eyes and features. He propped his head up on his hand, arm bent at the elbow. He finally spoke in a soft, reflective voice.

“I love you, Brian. I love us. I don’t want to lose what we have. I know a lot of gay couples see barebacking as the Holy Grail of a relationship. But I also know a lot of those couples fail, and then the fact that they were barebacking becomes really ugly for one or both of them. I don’t want that to ever happen to us. It’s sad when love ends or changes, but God, if it ends up doing to someone what happened to Ben, how do you ever justify that? Hell, how do you live with it, literally or figuratively?”

“It doesn’t have to be like that,” I murmured.

“No, it doesn’t...but no one ever plans for it to be like that. John never intended to cheat on Micky and I’m sure that Ben’s partner never intended to give him HIV, or to die from it himself. If it were only bad people that things like that happened to, I’d say let’s do it now...but it isn’t. I’m afraid to try it even once, because I know if we did, I wouldn’t be able to stop wanting it all the time. And we already know that our lifestyle is such that monogamy would be hard for us. What if we say we’ll just do it until we need to practice safe sex again? It seems like a good idea in theory, but I know in practice, I wouldn’t be able to handle it if sometime we’re in bed and you told me we needed to start using a condom again. I don’t know if you would either, because in practice, one of us would still be monogamous, and one of us would be the one to admit that they fucked around. Even if we say we’re okay with it...would we be? Or would we take a chance, and not use a condom, because we wouldn’t want to upset the other and hell, what are the chances. It isn’t like either of us is ever penetrated by anyone else, and you see how it goes? It’s too easy to slide down that slope. Unless we know one hundred percent that we are never, ever going to have sex of any type with anyone else ever again...we can’t risk barebacking. And I am not ready to take that step or ask that of you.”

“Seems like you gave this a lot of thought while kissing my chest. And other sundry parts.” I brushed his hair out of his eyes. It was at that awkward length, not long enough yet to be pulled back but not short enough to stay in place either. I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed by his complete rejection of barebacking and monogamy...or relieved by it. A little of both, I think. He leaned into my hand, rubbing his rough cheek against it. He always needed a shave by the middle of the night, much sooner than I did.

“I think about this a lot. Don’t you? Especially on cold lonely nights in New York when I imagine you with all kinds of hot men in the back rooms of Babylon,” he laughed mirthlessly. “Then I’d wish that I demanded fidelity from you and used every wile of my own body to win such a promise from you...even if it would be unfair and wrong of me...and shortsighted. Because I know you would keep that promise. Even if it made you unhappy. But this is all what I think. You haven’t said what you think. Do you wish I had taken you, plundered your body tonight, crossed that line that you’ve told me time after time since I was a mere boy of what, fifteen, should never be crossed? Do you wish you had a lover who would go for that Holy Grail with you?” I couldn’t quite read his expression in the dark room, see if it were hopeful or concerned.

“I’d sooner get married,” I assured him, pulling him closer. The relaxed set of his muscles told me I’d called it right. Because in truth, I really did want what Danny wanted. “Seriously though, while I can’t put it in words as well as you can, I do agree. I’ve always felt that freedom to fuck was my right as a gay man...even if the only one I want to fuck is you, I still like having that freedom of choice. Being limited might still scare me. Maybe you’re right, maybe it is knowing that I can fuck anyone I want...including any hot guy in the backrooms of Babylon...that makes me not want anyone but the hot guy presently in my arms. I like to think it has more to do with discriminating taste, but in either event, it works. We work. I wouldn’t ever want to feel like I was hurting you or letting you down, or worse, putting you at risk by not telling you the truth. Though I can’t imagine doing that. I guess what I’m saying is, I trust you to know what’s right for us. I don’t trust me to know how to do this relationship thing well, but I do trust you. I know you laughed at me with the marriage proposal,” he made a noise of objecting but I hushed him, “no listen, your monologue is over, it’s my turn.” He laughed at that but shut up.

“You do know and understand me, and I think I know and understand you pretty well. If the time comes for us to take that step, and I think it will, maybe not until we’re in our seventies, but someday, I’ll trust you to know when it is and tell me.”

“You won’t feel cheated if it’s prefaced by twenty years of us having monogamous sex but having the right to fool around that we find out neither one of us was actually exercising?” Danny gave me that dimpled smile of his.

“If the orgasms stay at the level of tonight’s...which was what, my third one in about five hours? I don’t think I’ll be complaining, but if I do, feel free to have me castrated,” I told him.

“Oh, that would be a genius move, I can finally have raw sex and I’m going to cut off my only supply.”

“Come on.” I crawled over him, stood up and held out a hand to pull him to his feet.

“What?” He looked up from the sofa, all tousled hair and impish looking.

“If you’re awake enough to make bad puns, you’re awake enough to haul that ass back to the bedroom, so I can stretch out and get a decent sleep. Besides, there are condoms in there. Wake me up much more and we’ll make use of them.”

He got up quickly at that. No wonder he has so much affinity for his cats. I’d think the man was nocturnal, except that he doesn’t really sleep during the daytime either.
 

*****************************
 

(Mid-October, Manhattan, POV/John )

I looked around the restaurant table at my family. My “nuclear family” as the saying goes, since with the O’Keefes, you’d need the entire restaurant to feed the entire clan. And in fact, this gathering did include one important addition who was pretty much part of my immediate family. In Micky’s eyes, he’d been there for her and my oldest son more than I’d been for many years: my youngest brother Danny. He was both surrogate father and big brother to my three boys. He was teasing Josh and Jared at the moment, making them more comfortable with the situation. Their dad remarrying. He’d done the same thing for Johnny a dozen years ago when I married their mother. God, what a disaster that had been.

Johnny had a major chip on his shoulder this weekend and had been acting rudely to everyone, but Micky had suggested I leave it to her to work it out with him. She still hadn’t told him about the baby, given that his reaction to the wedding had been less than thrilled. We came up to New York right after telling Danny and his friends to see him and tell him in person but he took offense at Danny being told before him.
“But Johnny,” Micky had tried to reason with him, “you’re up here. Your dad had just asked me in front of his brothers on the spur of the moment.” She shot me a warning glance and I gleaned that we weren’t going to be letting him know about his new little sibling on the way during that visit. I couldn’t help wondering when my oldest had become such a prima donna. “So of course they knew. Danny is going to be your dad’s best man...”

I winced. I had wanted to sound Johnny out and make sure he was okay with that.

“Oh. Fine. Well, I guess you don’t need me for anything. Am I invited?” Time for me to step in, warning looks or not. I gently sat Micky down on his desk chair...I wondered when he’d moved back to the dorm; he had been living in Danny’s apartment. I’d driven to the address without thinking, but looking at the cramped space, it occurred to me that he’d been much more comfortable in Danny’s Manhattan apartment. Even Danny’s place in the Village was far nicer.

“Johnny.” I put my hands on his shoulders. He was getting close to my height. He must be about 6'1" or 2" by now, taller than Danny, for all that they really looked alike. O’Keefes keep growing late into their teens.

“I would want you to be my best man,” I’d begun, but he’d interrupted me.

“Just not as much as you wanted your favorite brother. I get that.” I’d narrowed my eyes and tried to read what the hell was going on in his head. He used to adore Danny. Hell, I’d thought his whole conviction he was bi was mainly because he wanted to be like Danny, because in actuality, he really didn’t seem to be that much into men. I didn’t think this was denial on my part. Brian, Emmett and I had gotten into a debate over it. And they had confessed to me that Johnny didn’t strike him as gay, so much as a hot straight guy who loved the attention he got hanging around gay men. When I asked Danny about it last year, he’d laughed and said Johnny was all talk and still a virgin with the men, but was probably at least somewhat bi. Then he’d added with a smirk, “Like his dad.” The ass.

“No. If you would prefer to be my best man over the role we thought you’d want, then the job is yours. You have right of first refusal on any function in this wedding, Johnny. You’re our first priority, your mom and I want you to know that.” Micky had started to object, no doubt concerned about Danny but this time I silenced her with a look. I knew Danny would understand. If there was one thing my brother was, it was unselfish. And no matter what was going on between my son and him, he would step aside for my sake and Micky’s, knowing it didn’t mean we loved him any less. Stupid kid, though. He’d still been standing there with his lip out, pouting like he was Jared’s age.

“What other role?”

I’d forced myself not to roll my eyes. Johnny had been raised as an only child, I had to remind myself. He and Briana were unique in that way, in the O’Keefe family, and both of them tended to be spoiled, although Danny did his best to counter it with my niece. Micky used to be pretty good with Johnny too, but in recent years, as he grew into his looks, he’d gotten much worse, partially because he’d learned how to hide it when it was to his advantage.

“Your mother was hoping you would escort her down the aisle and be the one to give her away. Your grandparents on your mom’s side wouldn’t attend the first time and we have no intention of inviting them this time. Uncle Frank did the honors before but your mom had hoped that you would be by her side for this.”

“It seemed appropriate, Johnny boy,” she’d said softly, reaching out her hand to him.

He’d taken it then, and kneeled by her side, putting his dark head in her lap. “Are you sure you want to do this, Mom? You know what happened before? Why don’t you just live together, see how things work out?”

I’d flushed. My own son didn’t trust me to be good to his mother. But again, I’d bit my tongue and didn’t argue with him. I loved this young man with everything I had in me, and I knew I hurt him badly when I left his mother and him. Weekends a couple times a month and afternoons playing soccer didn’t make up for having a father at home every night. I’d watched his white face, sitting with Danny and my parents at the large reception following my wedding to Carol, and I’d known that I’d broken his heart and shattered his dream of his parents getting back together. I’ll never forget dancing at that reception and having this cold feeling as I looked at those tear filled green eyes that I’d just made the second biggest mistake of my life.

The first one was when I’d left Micky and Johnny in the first place.

But, I was trying to fix those mistakes now. And, I loved my younger boys who came from that “mistake”. Joshua and Jared, for all the teasing that Danny gave me over them, were good boys, rough and tumble, but good hearted and easy going. They were like Joey and Luke, wild and daring, so much easier to understand. Danny and Johnny, with their creative temperaments were hard. You never knew when you were going to hurt their feelings. At least with Danny, there was a deep well of forgiveness. With Johnny, I feared there was a lot of resentment that he hid behind his handsome facade and I had no clue how to make amends because he wouldn’t let me behind the wall. But, for his mother, he did agree to give her away, to me, his father the cad. The man he used to look up to, and dream would one day come back and marry his mom again. Strange how dreams work out sometimes.

That little white faced boy with his pleading green eyes was now the sullen faced teenager with the angry green eyes sitting across from me. Funny thing, I felt like deep down, he was still asking me for something that I was failing to give him.

We were back in New York now, this big happy family, to have final fittings on wedding clothes, and along the way, to take in some of the sights with the younger boys. Briana was going to be the flower girl, but at Danny’s insistence, she was left back in Pittsburgh, on the basis that she was too much to handle when she got excited. He convinced Micky that her dress from Jamie’s wedding could be altered very easily without it counting as skimping. Princess Briana balked, but Danny’s word was law, and Brian was roped in to take her and Gus out on a series of fun activities back home to ease the disappointment of missing out on New York and a new dress. This enabled Danny to take Josh and Jared with him in one room of the hotel room and give Micky and me privacy in a second hotel room. He’d offered to let us use his apartment but it was so much easier with the boys to opt for room service that we went for the hotel instead. I was glad he stayed with us, though, instead of going to the apartment on his own. Micky tired quickly and Josh and Jared were a handful.

Real trouble didn’t start until the waiter asked if we wanted anything to drink. All of a sudden, Johnny decided he wanted to be gracious.

“Yes, would you bring us a bottle of your best champagne? We’re celebrating! A wedding in a few weeks.” He flashed the waiter a charming smile. The waiter looked dazzled for a moment, but then looked around the table, trying to guess who the happy couple might be. Danny hid a grin behind his water glass, but winked at Micky.

It was pretty funny. This was New York City, so same sex couples wouldn’t have been out of the question, or even all that uncommon, but the trouble was, all of the adult men at the table were clearly related. Practically clones, in fact. Moreover, even the two youngsters looked a hell of a lot like the two younger men. Josh and Jared were going on twelve and ten, but were tall and broad, so they looked older than their ages, while Danny and I looked young for our years. Johnny could have been anywhere in between the four of us in age. Then there was Micky, who, with her brown hair highlighted blond, her hazel eyes, and her petite size, looked like she’d strayed into the wrong group. She looked fantastic for her late thirties, but she definitely looked to be that age.

Taking pity on the man, Danny quietly suggested, “Perhaps some sparkling cider and a bottle of Dom Perignon...a pinot noir, please, and six flutes.” The waiter nodded and walked away, after having been gifted with a second dazzling smile, this time from my brother. Lucky for him he didn’t look back at my oldest son, as he would have been in danger of expiring on the spot from the heat of that glare. I now could see what Frannie meant when she said my looks could kill. It was in the eyebrows, I decided, looking at them objectively. I suspected Danny had his waxed so they weren’t quite as threatening looking.

“Johnny’s pissed off,” Jared announced, with all the candor of the nine year old.

“Johnny’s always pissed off, he just hides it sometimes,” Joshua told him, with the greater insight an added two years of life brings.

“Eat some bread,” Danny told them, handing them each a large piece, and pretending to stuff their mouths...at least I think he was pretending. I raised an eyebrow at him and he lowered his hands meekly.

“Don’t gag my sons,” I growled, playing along with him, trying to give Micky some time to continue her low voiced conversation with “our” son. She’d asked me to back off, give Johnny time to adjust to the idea that he wasn’t going to be her main man anymore, but quite frankly, I thought that her catering to his moods and temper tantrums like this was the worst approach. I’d been strict with the younger boys since taking them in charge, and allowed her to do the same, and they’d responded beautifully to the structure and discipline, which had been lacking in their lives before. I suspected that Johnny was missing it. The new-found freedom of New York and adulthood was scaring him and he wasn’t handling it well. He needed his parents to be parents.

I’d always allowed Micky to take the lead, but I’d backed her up one hundred percent and I liked to think I’d been more than a potted plant. I hadn’t been happy about Johnny going to Juilliard but I’d been talked into it, mainly because I didn’t want to seem as rigid as my father. But my objections hadn’t been only because of it being a fine arts college. I wasn’t convinced Johnny was pursuing his dream rather than his adored uncle’s lost dream. Danny hadn’t been allowed to go to Juilliard, so Johnny was going to do it in his place, that kind of thing. There were a couple of problems with that, a big one being that Danny was a long way from having given up on his own dreams. He was still young and God knew he was amazingly talented. Once Simon was gone, there was nothing in his way. And I loved my son, but I wasn’t all that sure that he was in Danny’s league when it came to singing and dancing. His instructors didn’t seem to think so, either, from the reports that were coming back, although Johnny didn’t share much of them with us. We just paid the bills. I did know that his one scholarship was canceled and he was on probation due to his performance last year.

I also knew that something happened last month between him and Danny, and it involved Brian, but I couldn’t get Emmett to tell me, which alone told me it was serious. Emmett, poor guy, was worse than my sisters when it came to keeping anything a secret. And he had a soft spot for me so the fact that he was avoiding me as much as possible meant there was a problem. I called Brandon into my office a couple of weeks ago and practically ordered him to spill the beans. He just looked at me with those cool light colored eyes of his and asked me if his job depended on it.

“What the fuck does that mean?” I’d asked.

“It means that if you’re asking me as my boss to tell you what happened between your son and brother and his partner, who happens to be your friend, then you know and I know, that it is something they must not want you to know and they sure as hell wouldn’t want me to tell you. Right?”

I just looked at him for a moment, then leaned back in my chair and sighed. “Okay, you made your point. It’s that bad, huh?”

Still that blank mask. I really made a good choice when I hired Brandon. Looking now at Danny, who was teasing his younger nephews about whether or not they’d get to drink champagne, and whether or not they’d like it, and my son, who was complaining to his mother in a low voice about “him” having to show off to the waiter and take over ordering the champagne when it was Johnny’s idea, and he was just trying to be more supportive about this whole wedding thing, like she wanted him to, it struck me that Danny was certainly the better actor. I knew he had little patience with spoiled brat behavior and he was no doubt itching to tell Johnny off but was restraining himself for Micky’s and my sakes. I was really going to have to do something nice for him, I decided.

He happened to look over at that moment and caught my eye. The sympathy in his expression caught me by surprise. I smiled. Despite it all, I really was happier now than I’d been in years.

“There are benefits to being gay, you know,” he said, but in Italian, knowing that Micky knew just a little from her years as sister-in-law to Matt’s Italian speaking wife, and Johnny hardly any.

“Yes, but there is a downside to the backside as far as I’m concerned,” I replied, which actually came out even cruder, rendered in Italian. He laughed delightedly, drawing Micky and Johnny’s attention, while the younger boys demanded to know what we’d been saying.

“Your dad says he wouldn’t trade his three sons for all the treasures of my world,” Danny said, paraphrasing somewhat in his translation.

“Even your new car?” Jared asked, awed.

“Even my new car, although I don’t think your dad would fit very well in my Lotus Exige. He likes a more spacious car, that’s why he drives those big Jags, but you like that Lotus, Jar?”

“It’s cool, James Bond drives one of those.” Jared was my car nut. Danny had been forced to trade in his BMW sports car for a larger car that would hold more, now that he was transporting Gus and Gus’s sister around with Briana part of the time, but he left that vehicle, one of the new Ford Hybrid SUVs at the family house and bought a second car, the Lotus, for himself. Brian and the older nephews and nieces heartily approved.

“Maybe when you’re bigger, Uncle Danny will give it to you,” Johnny suggested in a sweet voice.

“Really, Uncle Danny?” Jared’s eyes grew huge. Joshua immediately clamored for a car too, pointing out that since he was older, he should get one first.

“I promise you that the day I start giving nephews fancy sports cars, you guys will be high up on my list...right behind your big brother, in fact,” Danny assured them. I had to smile at the clever way Danny qualified the statement. He had, in fact, already bought more than one nephew a car, but it was always a sensible “first car.” Not something he’d be tempted to drag race in like that Lotus. I had no doubt that if Johnny had gone to a school like Penn State, where he’d be driving back and forth to home for holidays and the occasional weekend, I’d have been arguing with Danny over whether he needed a car or not his freshman year. In New York City, it would have been crazy to have one.

The waiter came back with the champagne, cider and glasses. After the bottles were opened, I told him I would do the pouring. I didn’t want any pissing matches between the other two males at the table. Micky didn’t need the stress.

“Are you going to have a taste of the champagne,” I asked her, not thinking. She glanced quickly at Johnny and tried to cover, acting as though I meant the boys. “I think a taste wouldn’t hurt anyone...the boys probably won’t like it but it’s fun to try and they can always wash the taste away with the cider.”

“Same for me,” Danny said, “Medicine won’t let me have more, but I’ll go along with whatever toast Johnny has planned.” He looked to my eldest expectantly, his face perfectly pleasant. Josh and Jared were excited at the idea of getting real champagne with the adults.

It wasn’t going to wash though. Johnny was looking at the small quarter glass I poured his mother, and then let his gaze drop very deliberately to her waist. He’d been around almost as many hard drinking Irish cousins and aunts who passed on the alcohol for only one reason as Danny had. He looked accusingly at her then to my complete shock turned toward my baby brother!

“I can’t believe you would do something like this, Danny. I knew you’d get back at me somehow...I’ve been waiting for it for weeks...but to knock up my mother and to let her try to pass it off as his,” he jerked a stiff shoulder towards me, “that’s pretty low even for an O’Keefe payback.”

“Oh my God, Johnny, how could you say such a thing, how could you even think such a thing? About me? Or your Uncle? I can’t believe you!” Micky, my poor Micky was crying. She didn’t raise her voice, she was barely audible, but I didn’t know whose face was whiter, hers or Danny’s. She was crying though, and that was enough for me. Micky never cried. Johnny had gone too far. I pushed my chair back.

“Come on, we’re going for a walk. Just you and me,” I told my oldest son in my sternest voice. Micky started to say something but looking from my face to Johnny’s, she pressed her lips together. Danny looked up at me, worry and support in his eyes, and I appreciated both sentiments. I clasped his shoulder briefly as I passed behind his chair, saying quietly in Gaelic, “Don’t worry, little brother, I love and trust you.” He smiled faintly, then, placing his hand on top of mine, and wished me luck in the same language.

“Dad?” Jared reached out for my arm. Josh looked excited by the commotion and no doubt was thrilled at the idea that his big brother and I were going to fight but Jared was frightened. He was the more sensitive of the two. People often thought they were two peas in a pod but they really weren’t.

I paused for a second and kneeled down by his chair.

“Your brother and I have to talk about some adult stuff privately. Then we’ll all meet up together, okay? Uncle Danny will take care of you guys and Micky, so promise me you’ll be good for them, both of them, okay?”

I smiled at him encouragingly and he leaned over and clung to me for a minute, giving me yet another shock. Damn, I was going to have to spend more time with all of my sons. I returned the hug and gave Josh one for good measure, then kissed Micky quickly before taking Johnny by the elbow and leading him out of the dining room. He tried to pull away from my grasp but I had a firm grip on him and it would have taken more of a scene than he was willing to make for him to break free. I think he realized that he’d already caused enough drama for one night.

A couple of minutes conversation with the concierge and the appropriate bill slipped to him unobtrusively got us a small conference room that wasn’t in use that night to ourselves. I closed the door and then turned towards my glowering son.

“Do you want to try to explain yourself? I don’t suppose you actually think your mother and my brother had an affair that resulted in her pregnancy. But do you realize that your little outburst may have made your mother ill? She’s made this trip up here twice in as many weeks in her condition to see you...”

“Don’t you mean to get herself dolled up like some aging fashion model in order to remarry you? Making a fool of herself in a white designer gown, no doubt, while she is how many weeks pregnant? You make a habit of this, don’t you?”

I slapped his face. Hard. “You aren’t a child so I don’t have to feel any compunction about striking you, but somehow hearing you talk like such a childish brat, I can’t bring myself to hit you like a man,” I told him as he held his hand to his red cheek and looked at me accusingly. “Don’t give me that look. If anyone else spoke about Micky like that, I’d do a hell of a lot more than slap his face. What makes you think you have the right to speak of her in that way? We’ll get to your uncle later.”

I sat on the edge of the conference table and crossed my arms, waiting for him to talk. He turned and looked as though he were going to head out. I beat him to the door. I grabbed him by the upper arms and shook him.

“Don’t you get it yet? We’re going to have this out, Johnny, and you’re not leaving this room until you explain what the fuck your problem is. Now sit,” I hooked the legs of one of the conference chairs with my foot and pulled it closer before pushing him down into it, “and don’t get out of it until I say you can. Understand?”

“Or what?” Sullen green eyes glared up at me from the chair.

“Do you really need me to list the consequences, son?” I leaned back against the table. It was so hard to stand opposite this person who looked like a grown man, a man who’d just made me mad as hell, and keep in mind that he really was just a boy. My boy. I worked very hard at calming myself down.

“You know,” I began, in a conversational tone, “your Pop Pop Pat wouldn’t have allowed one of us to speak to him or Mama like that. Even at your age. We’d be unable to sit in a chair afterward if we’d tried it.”

He looked skeptical. But at least it was better than sullen. “I thought you couldn’t do wrong in Pop Pop’s eyes...and Uncle Danny got away with murder. That’s what Aunt Fran and Aunt Mary Pat always say.”

I snorted. “As far as your Pop Pop was concerned, your Uncle Danny couldn’t do anything right...or at least not good enough to be a real O’Keefe male. So long before he was your age, Pop Pop stopped paying much attention to Danny. From me, he expected perfection. In grades, in sports...even in the girls I dated.”

Johnny looked up sharply at that. “So how did Mom fit into that picture?”

“She didn’t. Before her, I’d always dated cheerleaders and homecoming queens. The kind of girl a guy like me was expected to date. And I was bored to death. Not a single one of them talked back to me, or made me laugh. Or cared all that much when I was worried about your Uncle Luke being so wild. Or anxious when my oldest sister’s baby girl was born with Down’s syndrome, or sad when my oldest brother’s little boy died of leukemia. I was the golden boy, imperfect things like that weren’t supposed to touch my life.”

Johnny looked uncomfortable. “I didn’t know about those things, about Uncle Matt’s son, or Aunt Mary Beth’s daughter.”

“You’ve been raised too much apart...and that’s my fault. Your cousin Mary Rosalind died when she was sixteen. She had a bad heart and a lot of other health problems. My point is, I coped by hiding my feelings, I still do, and the result was that I was seen as this Ice King when I was at Penn State. Your mom saw beneath the bullshit from the beginning. I’d known who she was back in high school since she was friends with Mary Pat, but it wasn’t until we met up again in college that I really got to know and appreciate her. She made me laugh. And forget all the bullshit. She was the one girl I knew who didn’t seem to care that I was Mr. Perfect. She made it really clear she didn’t think I was. I fell for her like a ton of bricks and did everything I could to convince her I was serious about her. It wasn’t easy. She was positive I was just after her because she was the one girl who wasn’t throwing herself at me.”

I stopped talking for a minute, lost in my memories of feisty Micky Riley, telling me off the first time I told her I loved her and kissed her. We were standing in a foot of snow outside the library and she looked so cute in her boots and woolen cap, her pug nose all red, and her brown hair squished down. Micky was never a beauty but she was always pretty. Even in the oddest settings and at the worst times, she looked adorable. Beauty queens, and I am an authority on this, can look amazingly ugly if they are caught unprepared. Made up and dressed to go out, they can be knock-outs. First thing in the morning, without their camouflage and battle gear...look out. It can be scary at worst and at best, disillusioning. But Micky, catch her first thing in the morning, wearing nothing but a borrowed shirt from my closet and her face scrubbed clean, hair sticking up any old way, and you wanted to grab her back into bed and make wild, passionate love. Which is how you end up with unplanned pregnancies at forty.

I ran a hand through my hair, distracted. “I’m way off track here. Listen, I know you’ve had a bug up your ass for weeks now, but whatever is wrong between you and Danny, let me set you straight. It has nothing to do with your mother. I shouldn’t even have to say this to you, and you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking it of her or him, but for the record, your mother is well over four months pregnant. She carried small with you too, if you care. We were planning on telling you this weekend, in person. It’s been kept quiet for the obvious reason. We’d kind of like the wedding to take place and I have some things to say to you about your comments about that, but more than that, this is a high risk pregnancy for your mother. She wasn’t telling anyone until after the ultrasound that she had yesterday, except for those people who either guessed or were involved medically, like your Uncle Jamie and Aunt Daphne.”

“She’s high risk? Something could go wrong?” Johnny finally looked concerned about someone other than himself.

I debated over how much to tell him. Micky’s blood pressure was high. And she was forty. While I had nothing against her age, I loved Micky more now than ever, I was realistic enough to face that it was not an ideal time for having a baby. If she weren’t so happy about it... But no, I pushed that thought right out of my head. Besides, I suspected she kept the news from me even until she was into her second trimester just so there could be no question about what to do about it. Not that I would ever want her to do anything so against her beliefs as abortion. I loved the idea of us having another child together, this time with us both being adults and able to raise a child. A daughter, as the ultrasound revealed. Part of me was already thrilling to the idea of holding my own little girl in my arms. And part of me was terrified that something would go wrong and I’d lose my Micky just when I was getting her back.

I’d never be able to look this son in the face again.

“Your mom just has to be careful. She...we…have to make sure she doesn’t overdo it, doesn’t stress herself too much. Her blood pressure is a bit too high so she needs to get that down and...”

“So how is this big wedding a good idea?” He stood up and tried to go face to face with me. I pushed him back down into his chair.

“This ‘big’ wedding is what will make your mom happy. Get that through your stubborn head. She had a crap wedding before, okay? I’m sorry for it but I had no control over it. Her asshole parents didn’t come and it ruined things from the get go and my folks tried but it was awkward. I was your age and had no clue how to make things right for her. It was neither big nor small and by aiming for something in between, it ended up awkward and mixed up. We should have just gone for small and intimate but I didn’t know better!” I was angry by now, at him, at myself, at Micky’s fucking parents–still, after twenty years. “Your mother deserved the best and I couldn’t give it to her. She had to live in a lousy college married couples’ apartment and when you came along, you cried so much we were threatened with eviction so she had to drop out of the full time program and go part-time so she could watch you during the day and keep you quiet at night. It’s a wonder she was able to finish her degree, much less get her law degree. She sacrificed everything for us.”

“So how could you fucking cheat on her?”

“That is none of your business really...but I’ll tell you, since you seem to have set yourself up as the arbiter judge of us all.” Neither of us had heard the door open. Micky stood in the doorway looking mad as hell.

“Mick, maybe you should go lie down...leave this to me,” I suggested quietly.

“From the looks of his face you’re doing fine,” she said tartly, “but I have a few words I’d like to add on this issue, counselor. And don’t look so guilty, I’m not complaining about you slapping him one. I was about ready to wallop him myself but he’s gotten too big for me to have much effect on, and it seems from what I’ve been hearing on the street, he’s been taking advantage of Danny’s good nature too, so maybe it’s time that I turned him over to you for a good old fashioned ass whupping. Reasoning hasn’t had an effect, if he can be so lost to logic as to suggest that his uncle, the person who has done more for him than practically anyone in this world besides us, has cuckolded his father and made a whore out of his mother merely for the sake of some petty payback against him. I think our son truly does think the world revolves around him dear. And now he demands to know why our marriage broke up.”

“I wasn’t saying...” Johnny tried to back pedal, his cheeks equally red at this point. I pulled a chair out and tried to get Micky to sit down at least. I felt my phone vibrate. A text message from Danny. Micky’s OTW, Mad as Hell, I’ve gt J&J in hotel room. Thanks for the warning, I thought ruefully.

“Your dad sugar coats my part in his telling. I was the wonderful wife and mother, taking care of baby and home, and earning my degrees along the way. But what he doesn’t mention is that I was letting myself be a slob while doing it, putting on thirty pounds after the baby weight...dressing in his old sweats, which I rolled up at the waist, so attractive. Letting my hair go days without washing.”

“It’s called post partum depression, Micky,” I said quietly.

“It’s called being a slob and a loser. We don’t know that I had PPD, what we know is that you had no kind of wife while you were starting your practice of law. You tried getting me help and I refused. You weren’t getting companionship, let’s face it, you weren’t getting sex, and all I did was accuse you of wanting out and of looking at other women. It’s no wonder that eventually you did exactly what you were being accused of doing.”

“I should have been more understanding.”

“I wasn’t going to get better until I had to.” She looked at me and shrugged, her smile as warm and understanding as ever. “We were no good for each other then, Jackie. You needed to grow up and I needed to become more independent. We’re both better people now. But you.” She turned back to our son.

“Where do you get off trying to seduce your uncle’s partner? Where the hell do you think you get the right to treat Danny like that? Or Brian?”

“So he went crying to you about me?” The bravado was back in full force. I had to give him credit. When it came to weaseling, Johnny was Olympic class. If one line didn’t work, he tried a different tack.

“No...I heard the story in the Liberty Diner three weeks ago. I was waiting for you to tell me about it actually, maybe ask for advice on how to make amends. I thought something was up during Fashion Week. So, are you going to tell your father the sordid details or will I?” Micky was furious, and when she was angry, she could make both of us cower, although for the sake of form, I tried to maintain position, reminding myself that she wasn’t mad at me. This time.

Johnny had his head down, clearly going for the whipped puppy stance. I could have told the kid it never worked when she was this worked up; been there, tried that, had the scars to attest to its failure.

“Mom, it was just supposed to be a joke...,” his voice was soft and pleading.

“A joke. Do you think your Uncle took it as a joke? But let’s not leave your Dad out of this ‘joke,’ I’m still waiting for you to tell him every detail. And I mean every detail...I don’t want a single bit of it left out.”

I shot a look at her. Her hands were folded over her stomach protectively--thank goodness she’d sat down–but what struck me was how she was leaning forward curiously. I’d seen her at depositions the few times we happened to have clients in the same litigation get just that look in her eyes when she’d have the witness on the ropes and he was about to spill everything. It occurred to me: Micky didn’t know what had happened between Danny and Johnny either! She had just tricked our son into thinking she did so he would confess to me, and incidentally, tell all to her as well. Clever.

I resumed my sternest “father” expression to foster her deception and listened as he unburdened himself. To his credit, and it was the last thing for the next half hour that was, I think Johnny was relieved to get all of it off his chest and finally tell us the whole story. Because he didn’t just tell us about last month, but about the last year.

“I was feeling more and more pressure as it was getting time to go back to school. Last year at school hadn’t gone all that great. I guess I didn’t let you guys know the truth, because you’d been so good about letting me go to Juilliard. But I am kind of on probation in dance. And my drama instructors aren’t thrilled with me either. But,” he looked up at me defensively, “it isn’t all my fault. All I heard from day one was that I wasn’t my uncle. I know I’m not him. If I could change my looks, I would. I could do better than everyone in the class, but if it wasn’t as good as the instructor’s memory of Danny O’Keefe’s audition from ten years ago, I was shit.”

“Language,” Micky snapped. Johnny rolled his eyes but mumbled an apology. She raised an eyebrow and asked the question that was in my mind. “Are you saying that every single one of your instructors remembered your uncle from his auditions which were over ten years ago? Because he was sixteen when he was accepted there, not nineteen. I find that hard to believe.”

Johnny flushed. “No, not all of them. But some of them, and they had films that they showed. At least of his dance audition. They also had some films of him with that woman he danced with. The French woman, Aida’s sister. There was some competition in the City that Juilliard was associated with that he won. But no, some of the professors never knew him, but that was tough too. They felt that I was there because of my family connection and they worked me harder to make me prove I’d gotten in on my own merit and seemed to delight in proving I hadn’t deserved special treatment. Every time a conflict came up between my dance and my drama, they refused to budge, so I would have to decide which one to flunk.”

“Did you try talking to your advisors?”

“It was hopeless!”

I wanted to ask if he tried talking to Danny, who probably would have been able to help, but it seemed that he was the last person Johnny would have gone to for help. Plus, last year, Danny was pretty caught up in his own problems. And I was busy helping him, as was Micky. We all thought Johnny was doing great. Still, he could have told us something. Micky clearly reached the same conclusion I had at the same time.

“Why didn’t you come to one of us to help? It isn’t like you to simply sit back and accept an unfair situation.”

“When? When Dad was up here playing James Bond for Uncle Danny? While you were his Girl Friday, getting all the data back home? And before you think I’m even more of a bastard than I am, no, I don’t begrudge that you both helped him. I’m glad you were there for him and that Dad and Uncle Jamie literally had to rescue Brian and him. That Simon guy was a psycho and it was terrible what he did to Danny. But don’t blame me now if I didn’t come running to you guys with my school troubles last Fall when Dad was off battling evil villains and you and he were reconnecting. Then, Danny was busy having a nervous breakdown or whatever it was he had afterward. Hunter wouldn’t say much other than that Danny wasn’t leaving the house, so I couldn’t talk to him about it even when I tried to go to Danny, and Dad was busy straightening out the whole Estate thing with Briana’s surprise father. Not to mention that you were busy getting acquainted with your two little stepsons to be...since you were practically living at Dad’s place, Mom, and I realized that Joshua and Jared needed a lot of attention. You’d just met them but I’d known them since they were born. I knew what it was like to have your parents break up and to have a new ‘mom’ on the scene almost immediately. I felt they needed time with you, since you were a hell of a lot better deal than Carol, who I understood to be missing in action. So, again, who was supposed to help me?”

I felt kicked in the stomach. Everything he said was true. For the second time in his life, I’d put him last in my priorities, the boy I loved so much. How could I screw up so badly. I felt like I should be on my knees apologizing, begging his forgiveness. While I fought back tears, I heard the slow sound of two hands clapping. I looked over at Micky.

She was slowly applauding, her mouth twisted in a wry smile. I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t like her to be cruel. She glanced at me.

“Close your mouth, sweetheart. Even you have trouble looking handsome with your mouth gaping open like that. You’ve just seen the type of performance that proves the professors at Juilliard who doubt our son’s talent don’t know what the hell they’re talking about if they think he can’t make the grade in their department. Although I always thought the dance major was a mistake. You were just worked by a pro, who managed to avoid telling you about last month by distracting you about last year...and shifting to you, and me, the blame for his poor performance in school. Grades came out at Christmas. By Thanksgiving, Danny was out and singing in the church and had been fine for weeks. Johnny and he spent plenty of time together rehearsing for the Christmas shows, so none of this holds water. You and Johnny spent a good bit of time together over the holidays. He just managed to hit on the low points of last fall to work on your emotions. Personally, I think he’s missing his calling as a trial lawyer like his father, but that’s always a possibility if he gets kicked out of Juilliard. Let’s hear what happened after Danny’s accident, and after he took on some of Danny’s modeling assignments in the Spring; an odd thing to do if he was resenting being compared to his uncle.”

I shook my head. I’d forgotten about all the time the two of them, Johnny and Danny had spent together over the holidays. Or that Danny had arranged for Johnny to model in his place, enabling Johnny to skip right to the top of high fashion modeling, making great money for top designers from day one as a model. Based largely on his looks, and as a consequence of Danny’s misfortune in being in an accident in the spring. Even when Danny was able to return, he made sure that Johnny was kept on to model the younger, hipper clothes by saying that he didn’t think he would look good in those styles. In actuality, he looked good in anything, but he wanted to make sure there was still a place for Johnny, despite his looking so much like Danny.

Really, Danny couldn’t do much more for Johnny than he did. I had no doubt that he would have managed to solve any legitimate problem with the instructors at Juilliard if he’d been told about it. Or, had Johnny told him about it and he’d determined that the problem was more a question of Johnny needing to work harder? I looked again at my son, whose head was down, his hair covering his face. I was pretty sure that if he wasn’t crying, he was close to it. With a sigh, I kneeled by his side. I loved Micky, but sometimes sarcasm wasn’t the best approach.

“Son, please, I know I haven’t always seemed to be there when you needed me,” Micky made a noise but I ignored her, “and I can’t expect you to believe this, but I would have been. Had you tried. So, I’m asking you to tell me now, what happened between you and Danny. I’m on your side no matter what, but I need to know what happened. Obviously you’re waiting for some kind of payback, and were even afraid he would take it out on your mom and me to get to you. I don’t think Danny would do that but I’m telling you, I will go to him and take the payback for you, but then you and I will work on this problem with the school and fix it. If Juilliard isn’t working for you, you’ll transfer to an Arts School that will. You need to find your own dreams, not be following along your uncle’s path. That isn’t fair to you and in a lot of ways, it isn’t fair to him either. But, most important, you have to understand that you’re my son and you come first. Not Danny. So, what happened that was so bad you could think he would do something like you suggested...and you will apologize to your mother before we leave here. That’s not negotiable.”

“I’m sorry, mom, dad.” The green eyes were swimming in tears when he raised his head up. “I know I shouldn’t have said that but I was so shocked. I never thought you’d have another baby and you and Danny were always so close, and well, there’s kind of a reason why that would be poetic justice since I don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Danny is famous for his paybacks; everyone always knows you don’t mess with him because he always gets you back worse.”

Micky and I nodded at that. He could be a bit crazy sometimes, but that was Jamie and Joey’s fault. They used to prank him mercilessly when he was young and he had to be inventive to survive. Luke taught him that. Make the retribution so painful that no joke is worth the payback and the jokes will stop. When you are so much smaller and younger, you have to go quite far to make the punishments meaningful. Danny once drove Joey’s car, the first car he ever owned, into a river. Danny was twelve at the time and barely got out of it before it sank because the door on that old junker stuck shut. That was more of a lesson to Joey than the loss of the car.

“What did you do?” I asked again, softly.

“I tried to seduce Brian.”

I blinked. Micky bit her lip as we exchanged glances and I shared her amusement. The idea was almost funny. There had to be more to it than that. Brian wasn’t susceptible to nineteen year old kids–well, not anymore--and he certainly wouldn’t be tempted by a relative of Danny’s who looked just.... The lightbulb went off.

“Did Brian know it was you when you made your attempt?” Now I felt like I was the one conducting the deposition. Step by step, building the case.

“No.” He spoke so low I could barely hear him. This didn’t sound good but I’d pledged my support so I put my hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze to encourage him to go on. Micky’s smile was gone.

“I was in Babylon back in August. Danny had been delayed up here; the girl models were messing up with the music and he’d stayed to fix it. He’d been working long hours and I knew he’d told Brian he was going to try to take a later flight and meet him at the club, but he looked beat when I left and I thought there was a good chance he wasn’t going to come down until the next morning since they were nowhere near finished when I took off. Anyway, I saw Brian up on the catwalk and he’d been there for hours it seemed, just waiting. Some of the guys there were buying me drinks...yeah, I know, I’m not supposed to drink more than beer, but up here no one thinks twice about a guy my age drinking, they don’t even card me...and one of the guys talked about what a jerk Brian was to all the guys who approached him, shooting them down. Then the talk changed to how much better I looked than Danny, since he’d been looking kind of crapped out since his accident and since he’d been so tired looking lately.”

Johnny looked up defensively. Good thing he was looking at me and not his mother. I didn’t like what I was hearing but I kept my face expressionless. She looked ready to spit nails.

“I wasn’t the one saying it, the other guys were, and it’s true. Danny had been looking beat. He hadn’t been sleeping much and he’d been seen with circles under his eyes and his weight was down. Gay men notice stuff like that. It’s a wonder worse rumors weren’t going around about him. The models had been talking shit on him too, but he mainly ignored it, what he heard. And he has ears like a lynx so he probably heard everything.”

“Get to the point,” Micky snapped. Her nerves were shot by this point.

Johnny looked up at her briefly but seeing no quarter he turned to me. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what got into my head, but it just seemed like everything wrong in my life was Danny’s fault. Every putdown and failure at school, every time I went to a modeling job and I wasn’t muscular enough or graceful enough but was told I would have to do because it was too late to get someone else, or every time some guy hit on me because I was the Angel look-alike. If I asked a girl out, she’d say, oh, I thought you were gay too.”

“That is such crap. You’ve been going out with a different girl every week since you’ve been fourteen...since when have you had trouble getting a date? Are you ever going to stop making excuses?” Micky stood up and started pacing around the room, so agitated she couldn’t hold still any longer. She slammed her clutch down on the table suddenly and turned to look at him.

“Never did I think to hear Riley excuses coming from my son’s mouth. My father made all these same excuses all the time. At least when your father screws up, he takes the blame like a man and makes amends as best he can. Hell, he’s always been willing to take all the blame even when things aren’t completely his fault. But you! You’re pure Riley with that attitude. Even when you’re apologizing you’re excusing yourself. We get it, okay? You’re at Babylon. Danny is in New York, tired but still working. Brian is also at Babylon, lonely and waiting for hours for Danny, who hasn’t yet shown, and strange men are buying our under-age stupid kid drinks. Tell your father what said stupid kid did next.”

“They were saying that I could have any man I wanted, even Brian...and fuck him. One guy said there was a thousand dollars in it for me if I could seduce Brian since there was this big bet on, and I, I accepted.” Johnny looked at us defiantly but both of us were stone faced at this. Of course, he thought his mother already knew the story. I was feeling sick. God, please don’t let him have had sex with Brian, don’t let him have caused that kind of trouble for my brother out of petty jealousy.

“And then,” Micky prompted. Johnny didn’t seem to notice that she was acting awfully eager for someone who supposedly heard the whole story before. His voice was flat as he told the rest.

“I approached him on the catwalk from behind and deliberately pitched my voice like Danny’s. I wrapped my arms around him and started to kiss his neck and ear, whispering into his ear the way I’d seen Danny do a million times and I could tell he fell for it. I didn’t say anything specifically to say I was Danny, but, I knew he thought I was. He called me Danny at one point and I didn’t correct him. Anyway, things progressed from there, he was kind of...well, let’s just say he was feeling no pain and I’d had a bit more to drink than I usually do...and I maneuvered him into a dark corner and told him I was going to, that I was going to....” He paused and swallowed hard.

“How far exactly did things get?” My voice came out slightly hoarse. I might have to let Danny kick my ass to make up for this, I realized. He deserved some type of outlet; we were lucky he hadn’t put Johnny in the hospital. The fact that the fashion show required him to be unmarred was the only thing that must have kept him in one piece long enough for Danny’s temper to die down.

“I had his pants open and my hand on his cock, stroking him when he suddenly seemed to realize I wasn’t Danny. He pulled my hand away and confronted me, wanted to go talk somewhere public like the diner, but I refused. He said if I wouldn’t he would go to you about it, Dad, but, well, I kind of challenged him to do exactly that, suggesting that he would look like the bad guy and you would be pissed off at him, fooling around with a kid like me at his age. I was kind of hoping he would keep quiet about it and no one would know.”

“I guess you ‘kind of’ forgot you weren’t exactly in a private place to begin with, huh?” I suggested, struggling to keep my temper and wondering how Brian, not exactly known for his own mellow temperament, had managed not to throw the boy off that catwalk. Christ, I was going to owe favors all over the place.

“Yeah, the word got around, from what I hear. But besides that, Danny did make it down that night. He was home waiting for Brian and as far as I can tell, Brian must have told him everything right away. He didn’t say anything to me directly, not until the night of the fashion show, but he had to have found out, and the two of them were tighter than ever that weekend so I’m guessing Brian told him because Danny wouldn’t have liked finding out from someone else.”

“So, knowing that about your uncle, why didn’t you follow Brian’s good example and confess your actions to him at the earliest opportunity? He would have listened and accepted an apology...you know he would have,” Micky jumped in again.

“Because that would have been Danny being ‘perfect’ again and you being the one in the wrong?” I suggested, looking at Johnny’s bowed head. I could understand. I didn’t like what he did, but I understood. I’d spent a good number of years being the family’s black sheep in my mother’s eyes after my fall from grace. Sometimes it’s easier just to stay unforgiven.

Johnny looked at me gratefully but Micky made an exasperated sound. We both looked at her. She addressed me, pointedly ignoring our son.

“I’ll leave you two to figure out how this is going to be made right. I’m going back upstairs where your ‘perfect’ brother has been entertaining your two far from perfect younger sons, who I’m beginning to think aren’t as bad as I thought. I can’t see either one of them ever acting as ungrateful and selfish as you’ve acted, John Junior. When I think of all the times Danny helped us out over the years, babysat you and helped with your homework while I was at night school, attended your recitals and rehearsed with you...he was more than a big brother to you. And if you dare to tell me you didn’t love him and he didn’t love you, I...I...I don’t know what I’ll do. For you to let the words come out of your mouth that I’ve heard tonight...in front of your little brothers...my God, if they should repeat them to their mother, I’ll die...and I can’t even begin to think of the consequences if Brian had been so far gone as to actually have sex with you. You know how that destroyed my feelings when your father cheated on me, yet for you to show so little respect for your uncle’s relationship...and don’t even think to give me that bit about it being open, you know and I know that doesn’t mean letting someone else fuck them, especially not someone like a nephew for God’s sake...I can’t even talk about it. You drive him back to his dorm.”

She slammed out of the room.

“Your mom always says a lot when she can’t talk about something,” I offered up, dryly. It wasn’t anything to joke about, none of it, but the reality was, we had to get past this and move on. Danny was a pragmatist and the fact that he sat down to dinner with us, and he already knew everything that Micky and I had just discovered, excluding perhaps why Johnny did it, meant that he wanted to put it behind him too. The thing now was to get Johnny’s head screwed on right again. Maybe he needed counseling? He probably should have had it ages ago but he always seemed so well adjusted. For an O’Keefe. The Rileys were a whole other story.

“Will she stay mad at me?” He looked at me, his face looking young and worried. At least the sullenness was gone. I sighed as I stood up. It was hard for him, having his mother angry with him. It was probably a better punishment than anything Danny could have done. Micky and Johnny were as close as Mama and Danny had been. It was almost inconceivable to think of Mama ever not taking Danny’s side in a dispute. I could see the danger in this scenario being that Johnny could quickly turn from being contrite to thinking it was Danny’s fault that he’d fallen from grace with his mother. I pulled him to his feet and put my hands on his shoulders so I could look him in the eyes.

“You have to understand, son, that your mom is pretty emotional right now. She loves you and wants what is best for you, as I do, but you really hurt her with what you said. In striking out at Danny, you hit her pretty hard, negating everything she is as a person, and all that she’s tried to be to you. Maybe I don’t deserve any better treatment from you than you’ve given me tonight, but your mother does.”

He looked down. “No, you do too. I’ve been a jerk, but knowing that just makes me feel like I may as well keep being a jerk.”

“You’re not a jerk...not completely,” I amended, causing him to look up sharply. I shrugged, keeping my hands on his shoulders. “You pulled some real jerk moves lately, welcome to the human race. Some time your uncle and I will sit down, if he ever feels like talking to you again, and he can tell you some of his more jerk escapades and I’ll tell mine. If we can get Brian and Jamie to tell theirs, we’ll all look like mere amateurs. Those two were professional assholes. But, you try not to hurt family, or friends. That’s a cardinal rule. Or the friends or family of either. That’s the corollary of the cardinal rule. You broke that. Doubly, with your uncle’s partner who happens to be one of my best friends. And really, your uncle is one of your mother’s best friends. Has been your whole life. Even if you hate his guts, that should mean something to you. But, do you hate his guts? Or are you not happy with yourself? Is it the instructors and the clients with the modeling jobs or is it you? Do you think you measure up to Danny, or even that you have to, because I don’t think you have to, and I don’t think your mom does. You just have to be you. Johnny O’Keefe.”

His eyes filled up more than he could hold back this time and I don’t think he was acting. I pulled him into my arms and let him cry. I think it was the first time I’d ever been there for him when he needed to cry. It was past due. My phone vibrated in my pocket but I ignored it.

“Can we go get something to eat, Dad? Just the two of us? Someplace not so fancy?”

“Sure. There’s a Mexican place nearby that’s good. How would that be?”

“Sounds great.”
 

*****************************
 

(POV/Danny)

When Micky came back to the suite she was close to hysterical. I sent the boys in our bedroom with instructions to order a movie and watch it...nothing R or X...and tried to get Micky to sit down and drink a glass of milk I’d saved for her from the room service dinner I’d ended up giving the kids. After she’d taken off, I told our poor bewildered waiter to have the kitchen send the dinners to our suite and I left the guy a large tip. Distracting Josh and Jar with video games while they waited for their food was relatively easy as long as you ignored the rates they charged for these pay per minute services in the hotels. I let them play even while eating. Sometimes even I had to relax my rules and I wasn’t in the mood to field questions more complex than which Naruto character I thought was coolest.

Poor guys. They were well versed in making themselves scarce when adults were fighting; more comfortable with it than any kids should be. Maybe I should cut them more slack. In any event, as soon as Micky came back in distraught, they just needed me to look at them and they were already up and heading towards the bedroom. I gave them a grateful smile even as I issued the orders about the movies. Josh gave me one of his irrepressible grins before closing the door.

“How about PG 13?”

“Sure, if you see any thirteen year olds in there with you,” I told him, grinning back. I handed Micky her milk and pulled her down next to me on the sofa. “You know, he really reminds me of Joey sometimes. Poor you.”

“Hmm, maybe that’s a good thing, look how well Joey turned out. Good father, husband...oh Danny, why didn’t you tell us what Johnny had done? I’m so sorry.” She jumped up again, setting the glass on the table, undrunk.

Hmm, how to play this? Did she know the whole real story or not? “What Johnny had done? His crack at dinner time? You’re not going on about that, are you? I mean, you and I certainly know that baby isn’t mine...unless you drugged me and took advantage of my unconscious body....you didn’t, now did you, Ms. O’Keefe?” I looked at her in mock shock. She didn’t even crack a smile.

“Danny, he tried to seduce Brian. Well, it wasn’t even a seduction really; it was trickery is what it was! You must have been furious! It was evil, to try to take advantage of Brian when he was lonely and drunk and....”

“Brian is a big boy and can take care of himself,” I interrupted firmly. “And nothing of any consequence happened, don’t get yourself all worked up over it.”

“Nothing of any consequence? He had his hand on Brian’s....”

“Well, besides that,” I broke in, interrupting her, since her voice was rising and the last thing I’d needed was for that particular story to hit the middle school set. Or Carol. I’d already had a very firm talk with my little nephews about how things that are said by stupid big cousins in temper tantrums do not get repeated to mommy if they’d like to ever get those sport cars bought for them by Uncle Danny when they are old enough to drive. Yeah, bribery is bad but so is gossip. Besides, I choose to call it positive reinforcement. I salved my conscience by telling them that good grades were necessary also. But, talk of hands on dicks would prove too much for any pre-adolescents to resist repeating. I knew their limits.

“Mick, if I thought there was a need to deal with Johnny over this, I would, and it wouldn’t involve dragging you or John into it. Obviously I’ve decided your wedding and the wee one on the way is more important and I kind of think you should too. Now, Johnny has some issues. I’ve figured that out, but I don’t happen to think Johnny is priority number one right now. Maybe he is for you and John, especially since he’s made himself into a nuisance over this whole Oedipus thing of his...when did that start, by the way...but Brian and I are doing great and I can’t wait for the wedding. Or for my new little...you didn’t tell me, by the way. The ultrasound yesterday, did you find out if it’s a he or a she?”

I watched her closely to see if my words were having the desired effect. She was leaning against this cabinet that held the TV in this area, and from this angle, it was easy to tell she was pregnant. Most of the time, she didn’t show at all. But right now, she was bending backward a little and she had one hand on the base of her spine, and in the little A-line dress she was wearing, you could see the baby bump plainly. I frowned. She was paler than she’d been and there was a line of sweat across her forehead. I jumped up and went to her.

“Mick, you feeling okay?”

“My back is hurting like...ow!” She bit off whatever she was going to say and doubled over. Fuck. As I bent to give her support, supporting her weight with my arms, I could see a line of red running down her legs. Double fuck.

Okay, time to stay calm.

“Micky, I want you to lie down now. Josh!” I yelled for my nephew. Okay, perhaps I wasn’t completely calm. But Micky was barely twenty weeks pregnant. This was way too early for her to go into labor so she needed to be gotten to a doctor. Angel had experienced a couple of episodes of spotting and premature labor and I’d had to get her to the hospital in a hurry. It was a worry but easily handled by the professionals, I told myself.

Except Micky wasn’t in her twenties. And her doctors weren’t going to be handy.

Josh came out of the bedroom, too slowly in my view but straightened up as soon as he saw me carrying Micky toward the other bedroom. Jared was right behind. I remembered then that they hadn’t been officially told that they had a little sibling on the way. Fuck again. I needed John.

“Grab some towels from the bathroom and bring them to the bed. Jar, pull the bedspread off, quickly please. You guys are being a big help here. Micky, are you feeling pain anywhere besides your back?”

Her eyes were wide and frightened. “It hurts...a lot, Danny. Oh my God, is it....I want John.”

“You’re going to be okay and I’ll get John, sweetie, hang in there. Good going guys, Josh, get my cell phone from my jacket pocket please.” I packed some of the towels between her legs and placed some pillows under her to keep her legs slightly elevated, trying to remember as much as I could from Angel’s Lamaze classes. There seemed to be a lot of blood, too much for spotting. Too much for the beginning of a miscarriage even. I tried to remember that other complication they’d talked about...something that scared the fuck out of me...happened sometimes with high blood pressure, increased risk where there was drug use which is why I worried about it with Angel, but it also happened with older mothers I remembered; the placenta started to pull away from the uterine wall or something. That usually happened later in the pregnancy I thought. Still, I looked at Micky, concerned. John had told me her blood pressure was running too high. One of the reasons we were doing the wedding now was to get it all done so he could convince her to take it easy for the rest of the pregnancy.

Josh rushed in with my phone. I hit speed dial and waited impatiently. John’s cell phone went to answering machine. I left a message for him to call me back at once. What now? I looked at Micky’s pale, pain filled face and the two boys’ frightened ones and made a decision.

“Okay guys, we’re getting Micky here to a doctor. Can you two help?” They nodded their heads solemnly. I rattled off a bunch of instructions. I’d always thought Jared was the cool leader but in this instance, Josh took charge, telling his younger brother which jobs he was to do, and taking on the more complicated ones for himself. He even thought of some things I hadn’t, adding snacks from the room for the two of them as well as my laptop bag to the bundle of things he was carrying.

I put a pair of my sweats on Micky, and wrapped her in one of John’s jackets, which was large enough to provide plenty of coverage. After asking the concierge to arrange for emergency transport to the closest hospital...St. Luke’s was so close it was easiest just to take one of the cabs from out front rather than wait for an ambulance, I tried John again but he still didn’t pick up. Damn, I wished I could reach him.

“Danny, can’t you reach John, I don’t want to leave without him.” Micky looked ready to go into hysterics again. I don’t think she quite realized how much blood she’d lost already. It was hard to tell, it always looked like a lot when it was like this. Maybe I should be calling an ambulance? But remembering how long ambulances always took in the city, I decided to go with my instincts.

“Micky, I left a message with John. He might even beat us there. I’ll call him again from the cab but I don’t think we should delay. Better safe than sorry. Let’s get you checked out and then we’ll all relax and feel better, okay?”

I was carrying her out of the suite as I spoke, the boys hurrying ahead of me to open the door. She wasn’t heavy, even pregnant, but my leg was tired after a day spent walking around New York City and I was limping. I was grateful for John’s two big sons to carry the bags and press all the elevator buttons. I concentrated on speaking in low, calm tones to soothe Micky’s nerves, which had the side benefit of calming the two young males with me too, I noticed.

At least until we got out to the street and almost into the cab. Micky’s pain got a lot worse, as did the bleeding and Jared started crying. Josh tried calming him and the cab driver didn’t want to drive us, complaining his seats would be ruined. I looked to the concierge to solve the problem...quickly. Or get me a damn ambulance. I was in no condition to run to the hospital. Not with two boys and a hemorrhaging woman.

A pretty dark haired woman stepped forward. One of those real take charge types.

“My name’s Sherrie, I’m an obstetrician from Alaska, believe it or not. Looks like you need some help.” Within seconds, she had that cabdriver chased away and was letting us into the limo she’d rented to take a group of friends around the city and to see some guy in a show. She told me she didn’t have to pick anyone up until later. She soon had all of us in the limo, the spare towels Josh was carrying spread out and Micky laid down across my lap and the seat while she examined her and the car sped toward the hospital.

“Uncle Danny,” Jared leaned across to stage whisper in my ear. “How do you know she’s really a doctor?”

I paused for a second. How did I know? His brother saved me from answering. “Because who else but someone who has to would want to look up there? And she said she was from Alaska; notice how no New Yorkers were helping.”

The kid had a point. Two points if you asked me, but I knew some men wouldn’t agree with me.

I tried to thank Sherrie but she brushed me off.

“I’ll go in with you and talk to the doctors in the ER, try to get you seen right away,” she offered. Micky’s eyes were closed. Poor girl looked exhausted. Sherrie pulled off the gloves she’d used. She’d only done a very cursory exam, not wanting to disturb anything, she explained to Micky and me. She explained to me now in a low voice.

“You said she’s around twenty weeks, as far as you know? And she’s forty years old? Are there any complications that you know of?” In a very quiet voice I mentioned that she’d been having high blood pressure and that she’d been under a lot of stress tonight. Sherrie looked worried although she spoke in a bright, encouraging voice for the sake of Micky and the boys.

True to her word, Sherrie was great at helping us get through all the red tape in the ER at St. Luke’s. She spoke to the attending and got him to call the OB/Gyn on call immediately. I overheard the words placental abruption and felt a chill. This was bad, really, really bad.

I tried reaching John again. Damn, he must have clicked his phone off by mistake, I realized. I quickly dialed Johnny’s phone number instead.

“O’Keefe...oh, it’s you.”

“Yeah, me, put your dad on.”

“Why’d you call my phone? Listen, I have to apologize...”

“Not now! Put your dad on...please.” Christ, why do kids think the world revolves around them? Johnny started in on his apology again and I snapped.

“Johnny, listen to me, I’m at the hospital, your mother is here and it’s a crisis situation and I need to speak to your father now but his fucking phone is off so could you fucking stop talking about yourself for a second and give him your fucking phone?”

Dead silence. Everyone in the hospital waiting room, including my young nephews and the security guard, stared at me. I covered the phone for a second.

“Sorry...I’m a little stressed here.”

“Danny?”

John was on the phone. Finally.

“John, please come over to St. Luke’s Hospital right away, both of you. There’s been a problem...”
 

*****************************
 

(POV/John)

Some days, you know are going to be bad, and you cope. Others turn into nightmares before you even have a chance to flinch. Then there are the ones that I hate most, where a good day starts to go all wrong, but you think you’ve got the problem solved and no sooner do you let yourself relax and then that’s when the real bastard sucker punches you and you’re flat on your back wondering what happened.

This was that kind of day. Johnny and I were really connecting and I didn’t even realize that I’d turned off my phone instead of just silencing the ringer back at the hotel restaurant. It was tricky, because he had a tendency to portray himself the way he thought I’d want him to be. But the good, and sad, thing was, he didn’t know me well enough to guess what I might want him to be, so once he figured out that I wanted neither a mini-me nor a doppelganger of my youngest brother, Johnny finally started letting himself appear. And thankfully, there was more to him than a spoiled teenager. The truth was, he had no real idea what he wanted to be, but I told him that was okay, and it seemed to lift a large weight off his shoulders. He liked singing and disliked that he wasn’t able to do more of it. I gently suggested that perhaps a less prestigious school that would enable him to take classes in all three disciplines might suit him better at this stage. He looked more hopeful than he had in a long time. Genuinely hopeful, not just acting.

Then the call from Danny came. We had trouble catching a cab at first so we just took off running the twenty or so blocks, dodging the crowds of tourists and theater goers. As soon as I gave my name at the desk we were ushered by security to this other floor and a surgical waiting room. Johnny was clutching my arm and I put an arm around him to give him some support. He looked ready to pass out. I was glad I did because the first sight of Danny and the boys was almost enough to send me to my knees. I felt his buckle and I shifted my arm to his waist to hold him up.

“Steady, hold on, son, your mom needs us.”

“What happened, Dad? He’s covered in blood,” he whispered.

Danny’s pants were covered in blood, as were his arms, although it looked like he’d made some effort to wipe them off. Joshua and Jared were clinging to him, one on each side and there was even a bit of blood on their clothes. I felt sick to my stomach. Danny had his arms around them and was hugging them close to his chest. I realized he was leading them in a prayer.

“Oh God,” I whispered.

“Are you Danny’s brother?” A dark haired woman in casual clothes walked up to us and spoke in a low voice. “Of course you are, look at the two of you. He’s been waiting for you to get here before going to clean up, they have some scrubs for him, maybe one of you could sit with the boys? They’re prepping Ms. O’Keefe for surgery....”

I looked at her, perplexed.

“Who the h...”

“John, thank God!” Danny was looking up from the bench.

“Dad!” The two boys jumped up and ran at me like torpedoes. I braced myself for the hit.

“Listen, time’s short. This is Sherrie, she’s been a lifesaver; she can walk you back to where Micky is, and the doctors can explain. She’s having a complication. Johnny, can you sit with your brothers for just a couple of minutes while I get these clothes off. It’s kind of freaking them out, and then I think they’ll let you back before they take her in. John, you’ll have to see about that, they told me one person but you’ll know what to say, Sherrie can explain, as I said, time is short so don’t waste it talking to me, but Micky won’t agree to anything until she sees both of you.”

I nodded, hugged both of my younger boys quickly and asked them to keep being so good, and just gave Johnny a look, begging him to cooperate. He nodded but I could see he wasn’t happy. I followed the good Samaritan who’d helped my family behind some double doors marked no admittance.
 

*****************************
 

(POV/Danny)

I changed as quickly as I could, a friendly nurse showing me where their shower room was and loaning me a clean set of scrubs. I wasn’t looking forward to dealing with Johnny but it was unavoidable. I leaned back against a locker and took a deep breath. I wanted Brian.

I pulled my cell phone out from the pocket I’d just dropped it into. The signal wasn’t strong enough in here to make a call but I could send a text message. I kept it simple. “Bri I need you. Come to NYC tonight. Let me know when you’re here. D”

I closed the phone back up and walked back into the waiting room with two extra tops for Josh and Jared. They’d feel better once they got off their dirty ones too.

It was a long wait. Johnny had his chance to see his mom but it was a short visit, made as soon as I got back. I knew John would be able to talk the doctors into it. We said our goodbyes to Sherrie in the meantime since she had to catch up to her friends. I held her close.

“I don’t know how to thank you enough; you’ve been a lifesaver. If ever I can do anything for you, you just call me.” We’d already exchanged numbers.

“I just might do that someday,” she smiled at me warmly. “Cheer up, handsome, everything’s going to be okay, I know it will.”

“I hope so. If so, it will be due to your help. I hope we meet again. I owe you a drink, or a dance...something.”

“Something,” she agreed, and with a wink and a last squeeze, she was gone.

“How is it so easy for you?” a voice behind me asked. I turned tiredly and faced the accusing look in my older nephew’s eyes.

“What do you think is so easy for me, Johnny?”

He waved his hand around helplessly. “Everything. Life, even death. You handle it all with...I don’t know...grace? Always the right quip, the right degree of flirtatiousness but never too much. The perfect boy hero grown into the perfect man. You even jump in front of speeding trucks to save the love of your life and ...”

“And what?” I asked harshly. “Don’t die? Get barely a scratch? Can we not do this here? I thanked the very kind and very smart woman who helped tonight and may well have saved your mother’s life. You think I flirted with her for God’s sake? Maybe I did, so what? How is that any concern of yours?”

“What do you mean saved my mother’s life? There’s a problem with the baby right? Isn’t that the worry? But it’s going to be okay, right?” Johnny grabbed my arm. I looked over at Josh and Jared. They were watching the two of us closely. This was so rough on them. As much as I gave them a hard time, I loved the little monsters and I was pretty sure the feeling was mutual. But they worshipped their big brother as much as they did their Dad. Their divided loyalties were clear from their expressions. I sighed.

“Come here,” I said to Johnny, softening my tone. I led him over to his little brothers. I sat Johnny down next to Jared and took the seat next to Josh. Watching the three faces looking at me, it struck me that Johnny didn’t look all that much older than his half brothers.

“Johnny’s mom is really sick guys. You two young guys were going to be told tonight the big news that you had a little sister on the way. But, well, sometimes things with babies don’t work out. That’s one of the reasons your Dad and Micky didn’t want to say anything. They were waiting to make sure everything was okay. Your mom used to do the same thing when she was expecting you guys, Josh, Jar. Well, Micky saw the doctor yesterday and had pictures taken of the baby and there were a few worries but they pretty much told her she should be okay if she took it easy so your dad and Micky wanted all three of you boys together to tell you. I got to come along for the ride. And because I’m good at picking out wedding dresses, I guess. Anyway, Micky wasn’t feeling too good all day but she didn’t tell anyone because that’s kind of how she is, stubborn, and she didn’t want to cut the day short.” I looked Johnny in the eye. “It’s nobody’s fault, but there was already something going wrong that the doctors didn’t catch with the ultrasound she had. It got a lot worse today and that’s why she started bleeding tonight.”

“Is it because she was crying and yelling?” Jared asked.

“No, it probably was due to a lot of things, although the crying and yelling may have sped things up; it was happening already is what Dr. Sherrie told me. If crying and yelling caused ladies to have problems having babies, I can tell you most of us O’Keefes never would have been born. I know I wouldn’t have been.”

“So are they fixing it now and the baby will be okay?” Jared had guts; I had to give him that. He was asking the questions the other two were afraid to ask.

I sucked in my lip and thought about whether this was my answer to give. But, if I could spare John this, I should. It was going to be hard enough in the weeks ahead.

“No, they can’t fix things for the baby, I’m afraid, Jared. She’s going to be up in heaven with the other O’Keefes and Mama Rose is going to hold her for your Dad and Micky.” I blinked back my tears. It was getting crowded up there in O’Keefe heaven.

“What about Micky, she lost a lot of blood, is she going to be okay? She’s not going to die, is she?” Johnny started. Jared didn’t realize how his question sounded to his brother; death wasn’t as real to him. His grandmother’s was the only death that meant anything to him and even that was softened by the passage of a couple of years. He was a toddler when big Uncle Luke last visited and while he’d been told he died a hero in the war, it had no meaning. Seeing Micky pale and lifeless in my arms bore a close resemblance to what he’d seen of TV deaths, but everyone knew those weren’t “real.” And our talk of a heaven where life went on as normal didn’t help. No wonder he had questions. But Johnny looked petrified. It wasn’t the right time to offer empty platitudes, though, as I didn’t have any guarantees and at nineteen, Johnny was old enough to face reality. His father needed him to be strong as did his little brothers. Hell, his mother did too. This wasn’t just about him. If Jared was grown up enough to ask the question, Johnny should be grown up enough to hear the answer. Was I getting a little bit of revenge for Johnny’s behavior earlier in the night? I hoped to God I wasn’t that petty.

“The doctors are doing the best they can, Jar, but it’s serious. So, we have to keep praying that God will grant them the skill to take care of her, and that she’ll pull through. She’s a very strong lady and she loves your dad and Johnny and even you two monsters very much, so I know she’s going to do her best to get better.”

Jared threw his arms around me and Josh grabbed Johnny and we ended up in this massive group hug, engineered by the two monsters.

I felt Johnny on my shoulder, over the two little guys’ heads.

“I’m scared, Uncle Danny.”

“I know, Johnny, I know.” I reached a hand up to rub his neck.

 

*****************************
 

(St. Luke’s Hospital; New York Hospital; POV/Brian)

I found my way to the right waiting room after a few wrong turns. Danny was sleeping in a God awful stuffed chair, his legs over the side, John’s youngest asleep in his lap, with a second chair in front of him to hold the legs of the long legged youngster. Johnny and the other boy were dozing together on a sofa nearby. A blanket had been tossed over them and a jacket was over the one in Danny’s lap. A nurse was at a desk nearby.

“Do you have any more blankets?” I asked quietly, indicating the sleepers with a tilt of my head. She nodded and reached under a counter to grab a couple. I asked her if there was any news on Michelle O’Keefe and she told me she was in recovery now with her husband by her side. They expected to move her up to a room in another hour or so.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

I moved two more chairs end to end and gently lifted Jared or Jerry or whatever his name was onto it, covering him up with one of the blankets; I used the other as a pillow for him. He never woke up, I noted with satisfaction. My other sleeping beauty did, and was watching me as I turned back towards him.

“Hey...you were supposed to give me more instructions when I got to the City,” I complained softly as I gathered him close.

“Thank you for getting here so fast...I am so glad to see you.” He melted into me. I lifted him up and settled him back onto my lap as I sat down in the ugly chair. He put his head against my shoulder and sighed. “I don’t know how you found me but I’m fucking glad you did, mo gra.

“Elementary. I checked at the hotel, got the scoop about the crazy man carrying the bleeding woman with two little clones by his side, trying to get a cab to St. Luke’s. That screamed you to me. John would have called an ambulance. Only a former New Yorker like you would have thought, no, a cab will be quicker. So, I came to St. Luke’s. Once here, it was easy. I have news for you, now. Micky is out of surgery, and in recovery. She’ll be moved into a room in an hour or so. I say let’s wake the boys then, or wait until John comes down to get us.”

“Thank God, she’s okay then.” He sank back down against me, closing his eyes. I gave him a moment before asking, “Was it really that close?”

“Placental abruption. Yeah. She could have died. They lost the baby, you know.” He looked up at me again with those big eyes of his. I bent my head to kiss him. I hated seeing him look so sad.

“I kind of guessed. I’m sorry. For them and for you too. You seemed pretty happy about this.”

“I was happy about their fresh start. Their chance to redo everything the ‘right’ way. This shadow, I just hope it doesn’t ruin things for them. Mama never got over losing a baby and she had so many children. Micky just has her one and I think she was looking forward to having the chance to raise another one, without the worries she had the first time. With John by her side. Now, I don’t know if she’ll be able to have another. And a little girl too. John was over the moon about it being a girl; he’s so crazy about Briana and...” Danny started blinking fast like he does when he’s determined not to cry. I rubbed his back.

We sat quietly together until John came in, dressed in yet another set of scrubs. The surgeon was with him, talking quietly. They shook hands and John thanked him, the doctor heading off briskly. I wondered if he had another life and death emergency waiting or merely a pizza getting cold. Johnny must have heard his Dad’s voice as he was awake suddenly. Unless he’d been awake all along and allowing Danny and me our time. He shifted Joshua as gently as I had the other boy and came over to where we were so John could talk to all of us at one time.

“Micky’s doing fine. She lost a lot of blood but they gave her four units; they let me donate two of them.”

“I would have....” Johnny started to interrupt but his father rubbed his eyes wearily.

“Our blood would take longer to test,” Danny said flatly, “if the hospital would take it at all. Let your dad talk.” The kid flushed bright red and shut up. Reality bites, kid, I thought, remembering when having my blood rejected simply because I slept with men made it boil. I’d heard that some hospitals in the city were being more practical but it was still stupid. There were more new cases of HIV among straights than gays but who cares about facts when perceptions are involved?

“It was a bit dicey. I had to leave after the...after the C-section. The baby didn’t survive, I guess you know that. She wasn’t, she didn’t get enough oxygen.” John was crying but I don’t think he even realized it. “Then Micky was bleeding again and they had trouble stopping it and her blood pressure...well, it got bad, but they got everything under control and she’s okay. The doctor was amazing. They said it was lucky you got her here when you did, Danny, another half hour delay could have made the difference between her stroking or, or...” John broke down completely at that point.

Danny started to reach for his brother, then paused and looked at Johnny. He gently moved his brother towards the young man who opened his arms awkwardly.

“It isn’t easy, but this is one of those times if you’d like to get started on doing the right thing.”

 

*****************************
 

It was late morning before I even tried to get up...or let Danny sit up in the bed. I’d taken him and the younger boys back to the hotel while Johnny stayed with John and eventually went up to Micky’s hospital room. John finagled permission for both of them to stay the rest of the night with her, and since it helped keep her calm to have both of her men with her, the staff agreed to it. The fact that the men happened to be extremely handsome didn’t hurt, I thought cynically, but kept my thought to myself.

I brought my coffee and a diet coke into the bedroom where Danny was still curled up in the bed. Housekeeping had still been cleaning up the other suite which looked like a mob hit had taken place in it, so Cynthia had called while we were still at the hospital and arranged to have everything moved to a different, three bedroom suite before we got back. I loved her sometimes. What she achieved with my Amex was sheer poetry.

“So, if John and Micky agree, we’ll take Ike and Mike back with us later this afternoon and unload them on Joey?” I handed him his soda which he gulped gratefully. Someday you’d think he’d learn to drink his caffeine like a man. “Oh, and I let them order double servings of lunch to make up for no breakfast. By the time it gets here it will be about right.”

He stretched, the sheet slipping down. I wished we didn’t have two pre-teens in the next room. Two pre-teens who were sure to come knocking on the door the second anything interesting started happening in here. Although, they’d been so somber this morning, I’d almost welcome seeing them back to their usual selves. Same went for Danny.

I crawled back into bed and pulled him into my arms. He didn’t resist but he didn’t reciprocate either.

“I guess hot, wild, sex is out of the question for the moment?” I cocked an eyebrow at him.

He smiled faintly and rested his head on my stomach. “Maybe later. I’m a bit....”

“Verklempt.” I told him. “You’re verklempt, But do you know why?”

He looked at me surprised. “Well, it’s a pretty sad thing, isn’t it?”

“Two weeks ago you didn’t even know this baby was on the way. From what I can tell, John didn’t know all that much longer. Micky was keeping it to herself. For a couple of months. Maybe she didn’t know. Maybe it wasn’t real to her. What was real was that she and John were getting back together and that was the important thing. John wanted that and he’s been wanting that for ages now, but was afraid to ask because he was afraid to be rejected. Micky was afraid to tell him about the baby because, I think and this is just my guess, but I think she was afraid to ruin what they already had. Kind of like what you said the other night about us. What we have works, so why mess with it? But in their case, totally by accident it seems, because it wasn’t planned, a baby was on the way. And suddenly, they were facing all these ghosts of their past, John was feeling insecure, Micky has to be reassured that she isn’t still that college girl who got knocked up and rejected by her asshole parents and there are two sets of kids needing reassurance. A lot of baggage.”

“So you’re saying losing the baby was for the best?” Danny’s voice was tight.

“No, relax, I’m not saying that. I know it hurts. I know John and Micky are in pain and I know their pain hurts you. And, you should know that what hurts you hurts me.” I tapped my forehead to his lightly. “I’m just saying that as much as this hurts, now John knows that Micky loves him and wants to marry him...and ditto for her. She knows how he feels. It was very big that he bought that ring before he found out about the baby. And they both know they’d like to have another child. Whether she can carry another one or not, I think they’ll find a way to raise a baby together. Which is nice for them, because I also suspect they’ll be raising those two guys out there together.”

Danny nodded thoughtfully. I pulled him over on top of me, rubbing my hands along his back soothingly. “Lastly, you all pulled together as a family, and John got to be there for Micky and Johnny both. I’ve talked with him a lot over the past year and a half and he feels like he’s failed them, but I think he’s making up for lost time. You saved the day yesterday, but then you bowed out and let them have their time. Which, by the way, was incredibly noble of you. Not to John, he’s been great to you and me, but his whelp, you stepped back and let him be there for his dad instead of crushing him like a bug. You must have wanted to kill him at least a dozen times....”

“Make it two dozen.” Danny pressed his ass back against my hand a bit and burrowed closer into my shoulder with a contented murmur. “I did want to punch him or spank him or do something, but it was all too serious for too long. I had the little ones to worry about and they were being such champs that I had to be grown-up too. It struck me, seeing Jar and Josh struggling to stay calm, how childish all this nonsense about paybacks was. Paybacks were fine when it was about a brother putting a dent in your car or a sister getting a stain in your favorite sweater. He tries to have sex with you on a bet and next thing you know, he’s accusing me of impregnating his mother and passing the baby off as my brother’s. That’s fucking sick.”

I rolled Danny over and looked at him. “Whoa, wait a second. When did he do that?”

“Oh, I forgot, you didn’t know about that. He did that at dinner yesterday, before we were to go to the show. That’s what set everything in motion. John dragged him off to give him a talking to, but Micky decided she needed to ream him out to, and left to go find them. I took the boys upstairs to feed them, since by then, it was pretty awkward sitting at the table in the restaurant downstairs. Four stars, too. Anyway, she came back a short while later, near hysterics, having gotten the story out of him about what happened in Babylon in September. Stupid ass didn’t have enough sense not to tell his mother. She was worked up and next thing you know, she was bleeding...and from there you know the rest. Except that John had made a breakthrough with our young hero and taken him somewhere to eat and his phone had gotten turned off by accident. I couldn’t reach him until we were at the hospital. It was a mess.”

“Poor Danny. But, as I said, there were positive parts to it. John did make a breakthrough with Johnny. And you no longer want to kill him...I think.” I brushed his hair out of his face.

“There will be a funeral to get through.”

“And a wedding.” I reminded him.

“Don’t let them name the baby Danielle or anything like that,” he begged me.

“I won’t,” I promised, wondering how the hell I could stop them, suddenly sure that they would want to do exactly that.

“I love you.”

“That’s because you’re hoping for a ring.”

“Emeralds...I bet you choose emeralds.” He lowered those long eyelashes and peered through them at me, knowing exactly how cute he looked doing that. Even needing a shave, he managed to look like a cute little boy sometimes. And only on him did I find that look incredibly sexy.

“Is that a hint that you want emeralds?” I asked, playing along, glad that his melancholy mood was lifting for now.

“Do I ever hint?”

“No, you usually come right out and ask,” I agreed before pressing down to take him in a hard kiss and ending the conversation for awhile.
 

*****************************
 

(October 31st, Pittsburgh, the Cemetery behind the Episcopal Church; POV/Fr. Baker)

I watched the two young men lingering by the tiny grave, talking so seriously. The parents of the tiny one in the grave had left quite some time ago to go back to the house and be comforted by their large family and many friends. I wasn’t surprised by the one slim figure out there. He often visited the graves and this new one had been buried close to where her grandparents rested. But the other one did surprise me. Johnny O’Keefe wasn’t one to spend much time with the dead, he was a lively young soul, and it was a good many years since we saw much of him in church either, except command performances around the holidays. I watched the two of them shake hands, which gesture surprised me, uncommon as it was among the affectionate O’Keefes, and especially on such an occasion as this. But then Johnny turned back and gave his uncle a hug, which was returned, if after a pause, and then the younger man walked off, his step seeming a bit lighter.

I waited to see if Danny was going to follow and when he didn’t, I put on my coat and walked out to see if he needed a listening ear.

He turned when the crunch of leaves alerted him to my approach.

“Father, I thought you would have left by now. Do you need a ride to the house?” He smiled at me. Only someone who’d known him as long as I have would guess he was troubled, poor lad. There was more than the sadness of a premature baby’s loss, sad as that was, shadowing those fine eyes.

“I won’t turn down a ride, son, but I was hoping I could do you a favor today. Is young Johnny giving you sorrow? Or is it just memories perhaps? Rose’s passing still weighing heavy?”

Danny waved his hand in the air. “All of that, Father, all of that. Do you believe we can feel the spirits of those who’ve gone before us? My Grandmother used to say that on All Hallow’s Eve you could see the saints if you had the sight, and believed. Samhain, the druids called it.”

“I’ve heard such things.” I waited for the lad to tell me what was bothering him so, why he lingered here among the graves instead of joining his partner and family.

“I made my peace with my nephew...I thought it was what I should do, but I couldn’t help thinking of my brother, Luke...he was the one who taught me so much about getting even. Holding my own in the family. So many times, I’ve tried to feel his spirit...I swear, I can sometimes feel Mama with me, or Angel, especially when it comes to Briana, but I never feel Luke. Today, on Samhain, of all days, I felt like I needed to reach him, and have him understand about Johnny, why I was letting something go...and he still wasn’t there. He’s never there.”

Danny turned to me with his eyes bright with tears. “I feel as though it means something, Father Baker. Am I crazy?”
 

*****************************
 

TBC in Interludes Part Four: Following Your Heart

 

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