Better Friends and Lovers

Chapter 30 - Part II

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(Setting: Kinnetik's Office; Friday afternoon in early March; POV/Cynthia)

"That is about it for the upcoming week's schedule. Next weekend is Daphne's birthday. I didn't know what type of plans you wanted made, given that the wedding is coming up next month. Have you discussed anything with Danny?"

I glanced up from my laptop and couldn't help the strong sense of deja vu that hit me as I took in my boss's pose. He was staring out the big window behind his desk, lost in thought, very much as he had a year earlier when I'd raised the question of what we were going to do for Daphne's birthday, the weekend that had led, indirectly, to so many changes since it was at the Westin Hotel where she was wined and dined that Brian had met up with his old friend Danny O'Keefe again.

Yes, so much had changed in the past year and yet some things were still the same. The Brian I'd watched over a year ago had been lonely and lost, far too thin, even for him, and not sleeping well, all due to missing the man he loved. This Brian was in the best shape of his adult life; he was playing soccer with his friends every weekend, no longer smoking, drinking only in moderate amounts and off drugs completely. While he was still thin, his body had a great new layer of muscle thanks to the exercise and a high protein diet planned and prepared by Emmett.

Brian was still missing the man he loved though. The downward cast to his beautiful mouth at times like this, when he forgot I was in the room, bore testament to that. In January, Danny had taken the plum position he'd been offered with the Pennsylvania Ballet and since then had been spending a good part of each week in Philadelphia. They both made the short flight back and forth as much as possible but it wasn't the same as spending every night together as they'd become accustomed to doing. To make matters worse, part of Danny's time here was spent in the recording studio with his old partner Stephan Lane as they worked on putting together Danny's first CD, which Lane was co-producing with Phillip Regin, the talk show host. Danny's career was really taking off, and if I knew my boss...and I did... it was taking all of his cool not to freak out over it.

Not getting an answer, I repeated my question. He looked at me blank faced for a moment before turning back to the window.

"Daph's birthday? It's that time already? I don't know...probably you should check with the O'Keefes. They no doubt have something planned. The roses will likely be enough this year. She'll be inundated with gifts, maybe a bridal shower since the wedding is so soon. No need for more fuss." He was lost in thought again, staring at the darkening Pittsburgh skyline.

I raised my eyebrow. Someone was in a funk. Danny must have canceled coming home this weekend. With the premiere of his ballet approaching, that was likely. Damn. No sooner did I think it, however, than a warm body pressed against me from behind and a finger touched my lips warningly.

"Shh," whispered that lovely deep voice as firm lips brushed against my ear. "I'm thinking someone needs a little special care this afternoon, and I may have to break my rules about proper office behavior. Could I get you to perhaps let the staff go home early, Ms. Preston, and lock the door for me on your way out? I'll greet you properly later, lovely lady, and I'll be in your debt, of course."

The humor in the twinkling green eyes didn't completely mask the shade of concern in them as Danny looked over at Brian, who was still lost in his contemplation of the view outside his window, oblivious to the presence of his lover in the room.

I gave Danny a quick peck on the cheek and a nod to show my acquiescence, then quietly left. A year made quite a bit of difference, as I now could leave Brian safe in the knowledge that whatever was troubling him would be worked out between the two of them, together.

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(POV/Brian)

I knew that I had a hell of a lot to be happy about, hell, I should be fucking thrilled with how great things were, with Danny, with Kinnetik, with Gus, even with all the rest of my extended happy homo family and friends, but I wanted more. This was what love got you, I thought. Where once it would have been enough to just have great sex on a regular basis, you fall in love and you want only that one person you love to fuck. Not only that, but you want them all the time, not only to fuck, but to hold, to eat your meals with and to wake up with, to talk to after a funny client meeting or a lousy one, or after reading a good chapter in a book, or hearing a great song. And when they aren't there for those things, you feel lonely where once you never noticed the lack of another person. Before, I loved silence, and whenever the silence became oppressive, there was always Mikey. He chattered enough to fill any silence and it didn't matter what he said. It was familiar and comfortable.

Now, I had other people if I wanted them, Emmett and Ted, and to a lesser extent, Mikey still, especially if the Professor was with him to tone down his whining. More and more often, I found myself seeking out the company of John or Jamie O'Keefe. Me, with breeders! But, they reminded me of Danny. Actually, I liked them for themselves, but I would never admit that to them. They weren't clingy or emotional and they didn't expect anything of me. Consequently, I found that there was little I wouldn't do for either of them and I suspected the same was true in reverse. We became close after all that shit up in New York and I could always grab a game of racquetball with John or practice soccer with Jamie rather than hit the clubs, no explanation needed. No need to be the old Brian Kinney, stud of Liberty Avenue. I can discuss the stresses of developing a client base and supporting a business with a whole payroll counting on you with John, or the hassle of convincing friends who were used to living vicariously through your sexual exploits that you really had settled down with one person with Jamie, and they got it. Not only that, but they didn't just listen sympathetically and give advice as Cynthia or Daphne would, they bitched too. For the first time, I felt like my homosexuality wasn't the only thing that defined me so it didn't have to be the only thing that defined my friends.

I also seemed to have inherited Hunter and Brandon. I think they missed Danny, and no amount of snarking at them made them disappear. Along with Emmett, they formed my new Gay-Team on those nights when I did go to the clubs and just wanted to relax. Those nights weren't bad, but they were dull grey compared to the times Danny was back and we all went out. When Danny was there, the dancing was better, the jokes funnier, the colors brighter. He was like the best drug, with the only bad side effect being that you became so addicted that life without him seemed flat. A blowjob from some other guy, no matter how young and hot he might be, no matter how skilled his mouth, wasn't worth undoing my fly, in comparison to going home and listening to that voice on the phone, knowing that he was touching himself as I brought myself off. Fuck, he had a voice and an imagination made for phone sex.

So, what to do? I was thrilled that he was so excited by the new opportunities coming his way and I knew it would only get better for him. He was still coming to Pittsburgh almost every weekend, but realistically, how long would that keep up? Especially since the plane rides were so tough on his headaches. As it was, he would have to tour soon to promote his CD, which was bound to be successful. With his voice and looks, it would have to be. Sex sells and they didn't come much sexier than Danny. Then there would be another movie. More CDs. More dancing and touring All of it taking him away from Pittsburgh.

Whereas me, I had a stationary job. Sure, there was travel, but not the type that was likely to coincide with his. I was years away from attempting to open another office in some place like New York or LA, even if that were the answer. Another office would just be a different stationary place. So, any way you looked at it, Danny and I would be spending a lot of our time apart. And a lot of his time was going to be spent around some of the best looking gay men in the world.

"So, have you tried out your new desk yet?"

I felt that low teasing voice go straight to my cock. Which was exactly where the long, nimble fingers were also, stroking firmly as one muscular arm had reached around my waist and the other had come around my upper body and pulled me back against a hard chest. "I've missed you," I confessed, turning my head to seek out his mouth.

"A week is too long," he agreed before kissing me. His hands continued to undress me, to my surprise, since he was adamant against sex in the office, insisting on maintaining his professionalism. With one fondly remembered exception.

"Rules are meant to be broken?" I murmured into his mouth hopefully, my spirits beginning to rise along with my cock.

That reminder got me an impish smile as Danny broke off our kiss to crouch in front of me and work on my belt. "Exactly. Plus, I bought you that handsome new desk for a reason. You'll notice how its pretty black surface looks almost exactly like a certain piano? And when I am spread out on it...naked...hard...panting for you...it will be just like my lovely piano at Babylon."

He finished undressing me as he spoke and stood up to admire his handiwork, caressing my hard cock lovingly as he took a step back. I made a move to follow him but his hand on my chest held me back.

"Watch," he ordered, in his lowest, sexiest tone, before stepping back even more. I leaned against my new black desk, empty at the moment since I liked to leave it clear when the weekend came. I watched the show he put on for me. Fortunately the lights were off in the office so there was no chance of anyone seeing inside in the late afternoon light. This was a view I didn't want to share. His green eyes held mine as he slowly slipped out of his jacket and tossed it to the couch by the wall. He pulled the dark green knit jersey he had on under it up over his stomach slowly, revealing his firm abs, teasing me with his hand stroking over his pecs and squeezing his own nipples lightly before he finished pulling it over his head. He pulled off the tie that held back his long hair and shook it out over his shoulders, tipping his head back so that it fell in loose waves down his back while he kicked off his boots. He bent down to pull off his socks, giving me a nice view of his firm ass. I gave my cock a few pulls.

"Ah, ah, no touching, that's for me," he warned, coming forward to bat my hands away. "Am I going to have to tie you up to get you to behave?" He quirked an eyebrow up.

I couldn't help smiling at the hopeful gleam in his eyes. "Not this time. I'll be good if you hurry the fuck up, it's been a long week and I've been very good, not a blow job even."

"So my spies tell me," he grinned. "And before you ask, no, I don't ask them to spy, I can't stop the fuckers. They think I make you abstain and 'tis cruel I am. So I must make it up to you, I'm thinking. Now stop ruining my sexy moves...I'm being the Dark Angel here, Kinney," Danny's smile was pure mischief, and not at all the Dark Angel. It was something far better though, and exactly what I wanted I decided, as I pulled my Danny in close for a kiss.

"I want in you now, this second," I growled, spinning him around and laying him down on his back on the desk. I slid his pants and briefs off in one motion then reached around to the drawer that held the condoms and lube. Fuck, he was gorgeous as he spread his legs wide for me, angling his ass up so I could press my cock inside him. I wrapped my lube slick hand around his cock as I went balls deep on my second thrust.

"Oh fuck, Bri," he gasped, arching his back and pressing against me. "Yes, right there, oh my God, yeah, there."

He pressed his hands and feet flat on the desk and pushed up against me as I drew out and thrust back in. Hard. Our momentum built as we burned away the frustration of a week of abstinence, pounded away the emptiness of a week of loneliness. Danny bent forward to kiss me, his tongue plunging into my mouth as fiercely as my cock was invading his ass.

"Harder," he gasped, laying back down and wrapping those hard thighs around my waist to grip me tighter, pulling me closer into him. "So close, mo gra`, harder now."

"Always the conductor," I teased breathlessly, as I picked up the pace, the sweat pouring from me. A flicker of a smile passed over his features but it was quickly lost in the intensity of his chase toward orgasm. The fading light coming from the large window behind the desk illuminated his body, which was gleaming with sweat, his and mine. I swiped at the curve at the base of his neck where the sweat had pooled with my tongue, tasting the saltiness.

Hearing him groan, I licked some more along his collarbone, continuing to thrust my hips but holding my upper body as close as I could. I tried to slow down the pace, to make it last but I didn't have a chance of holding back when I felt his muscles clenching deliciously around me in the tight heat of his ass. Seeing his beautiful features light with the joy of coming and feeling our stomachs sliding together on the hot spunk that spilled between our bodies, I felt my own orgasm hit the point of no return and let loose.

"Fuck, Danny," I slammed into him as hard as I could. He laughed and grabbed my ass to pull me close, wrapping his legs around me tightly.

I wriggled away from him as the last tremors faded, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Welcome back to Pittsburgh. So, you decided to reward me with a visit this weekend after all?"

"Nope, decided to reward me with a visit," he replied with a grin as he sat up and stretched luxuriously. The desk really did reflect nicely, I mused as I watched that muscled back and wide shoulders mirrored in its shining surface. Of course, the view of the actual naked man, his toned arms raised above his head as he worked out his kinks, was even better. I didn't think I would ever tire of seeing those abs. He caught me looking and gave me a knowing grin as he started posing a bit more deliberately as he went through his stretches. I loved the cock tease in him. He hopped off the desk and leaned forward to grab his ankles in a hamstring stretch as he answered.

"I juggled some things so I could take the whole week off. Actually, I won't be heading back until after next weekend. Briana's school starts an early Spring break next week, and I arranged for her to be out ahead of time so I'm actually leaving her here for two weeks. I'm hoping we can squeeze in some together time, just the two of us, somewhere in the next couple of weeks, although I will have to be back part of the second week for some rehearsals. But maybe you could come with me and..."

I bent down to kiss his back. "We can work all of that out later. Let's get dressed and head over to the Loft. If you're free for the evening, we have some more quality time to catch up on."

It was amazing what a difference a year made. All of a sudden, the worries of a half hour ago that had seemed so insurmountable didn't seem like such a big deal as I held Danny in my arms again. He needed me as much as I needed him, and I was reminded that he was a man who would make whatever effort it took to keep us together. While I was busy moping over our not having enough time together, Danny did something about it. Maybe I should learn from him and start looking for solutions instead of fixating on the problems?

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(Liberty Diner; Same day; POV/Daphne)

"You don't understand, Daphne, if Miguel would just stop being so fucking stubborn, we could move into a lot better place together and I could have a studio of my own again instead of just using the one at the college."

I bit back a sigh and tried to come up with a diplomatic way of explaining real life to Justin. He'd been so much better after everything that had happened in October, thanks in large part to his friend Juan, and to his contrition over how Danny and Miguel, not to mention my man Jamie, had gotten hurt helping him. He never came out and admitted that, but I knew him, he felt terrible about it. I think Miguel was smart to wait and make sure that Justin's feelings for him weren't merely gratitude for his help, or worse, rebound over Brian. That was why he refused to let Justin move in with him or to move in with Justin anywhere. He wanted the two of them to be sure their attraction was something that was going to last. Miguel Martinez was a great guy and deserved the best. I hadn't liked him at first but the more I knew him, the more I realized that he was the real deal. What I thought was coldness was just caution. He truly loved my clueless best friend. Against his better judgment, the poor guy. His twin, Juan, was so funny about it. You could tell that he really loved the idea of Justin and Miguel together, but was also afraid of Justin ripping Miguel's heart out. Jamie thought that Miguel would be smart to run away from Justin as fast as he could, but out of deference to my feelings only said it about once a week. Sweet guy, my Jamie.

I took a deep breath and tried to take Justin through Miguel's reasoning, step by step.

"Justin, Miguel's apartment is perfectly nice, much nicer in fact than most people our age have in New York City, and there is no reason for two of you to have a bigger place. He is right that you need your own space for now, as you're still a new couple, and the dorm works well for that. You aren't there much, granted, so it isn't like you have to be with kids all the time and you did get a single there. You're both out all the time, working or partying. A bigger place would cost three times as much and might not be as close to the Village, where your schools are, and he wouldn't want to move now, when he will be studying for the bar and busy with that all summer. After he's been working a while as a big shot lawyer, that's when he'll want to move to someplace fancier. Not now. And why pay rent on a studio when you get one with your tuition, where the professors are there to critique your work and you have other students around to bounce ideas off of. Same thing, you also don't want to tie yourself down to a lease when you might want to move to a new place in six months. For now, staying with him sometimes in his place works and having your things in your own place at the college, with a studio there near the professors is perfect. Consider it a new experience. You've never had the chance to live on a campus before. Miguel is thinking of what's best for you right now."

Justin interrupted me. "But that's just it. Miguel says he wants what's best for me but he won't even consider going to Paris. Or Venice. I painted much better in both of those places! I talked to Ben and that John O'Keefe, but they won't release the funds from my trust for me to go back to Europe. I know they would if they knew that Miguel were going, they all love Miguel. He's worked hard and he could use a vacation in Paris and I know he would love to see Venice. You know, he's never been anywhere, not even back to Mexico. So, it's not like I'm being selfish here, Daphne, like you all think I am. I just think that after all he went through he could use a year off to just relax in Paris or Rome, hell, even a trip to Mexico would be great. Don't you think it's a good idea?"

The big blue eyes looked at me hopefully. Oh Justin, you are so transparent. Taking classes at Parsons was obviously proving boring to you, just as your studies did when you had to study the basics at PIFA. It wasn't just the difficulties with his hand that gave Justin trouble in college. He disliked the tedium of the lower level art classes, the ones that he considered "coloring inside the lines." He never could be made to understand the importance of learning the classic disciplines. After all, he was never going to be an art teacher, like Lindsay Peterson, he used to laughingly sneer, as though there were something to be ashamed of in that. Justin wanted to skip right to the acclaim and stardom, thank you very much. No wonder he and Miguel were having problems; Miguel believed in working for everything you got, and even then, experience had taught him that you might not get what you were entitled to. For a person of color in America, that was the way it went. Justin's world was different. If he hadn't been gay, and thus a "minority" I wondered if Justin and I ever would have been friends. I persevered in my attempts to get through to him, old habits being the toughest to break. I reached out and grabbed his good hand.

"Jus, Miguel doesn't want to take time off, although it's really nice of you to want him to be able to do that. He needs to take the bar exam this summer, when all that law school stuff is fresh in his head. And well, if he feels that he needs to act on the contacts he's made to get a good job right out of law school right now as well, he probably knows best. He's a pretty smart man. He's worked really hard for this, being a lawyer has been his dream, and..."

Justin bristled at me. "And I don't know what it's like to work hard? Is that the speech I'm going to hear now? Fuck, Daph, I thought you at least were still my friend."

In a flash, his eyes teared up. Oh God, Justin, not the tears. It was beginning to get really old. We were supposed to be discussing plans for my wedding, and Justin's role as my closest attendant. Jamie, in an act of true sweetness, had grudgingly agreed on our having two "best men" instead of me having a maid of honor since I didn't have any sisters or a best girlfriend. Thus, Danny and Justin would be standing up with us and I was hoping that the two of them would be civil to each other. I knew Danny would behave, and he had far more reason to be unhappy with the arrangement than Justin did. Had the request not been made before last October, I think I might have done it differently, but it was too late now to change. I would never want to hurt Justin's feelings by asking him to step aside and there was no way I could ask Jamie to ask one of his other brothers to be his best man when he wanted Danny. Yet, here was Justin, acting like I wasn't a good friend to him!

"You know I'm your friend, Justin, but these temper tantrums don't help." I was beginning to lose my own temper. "Besides, who isn't still your friend? Ben is looking out for your best interests, you know he is. And Brian will always be your friend, he really loves you and always will, just..."

"If he loved me he would have accepted that trustee position so that he would have some say over how I could spend the money. He wouldn't be such a tightwad about it. Brian always understood the better things in life and how you sometimes have to make your own opportunities and not follow the same old path that everyone else takes." Justin slumped back in the booth.

I wondered if that was exactly how Brian, who worked hard to get through college and clawed his way up through the ranks of his profession, would have put his career advice. Before I could interject, Justin was going on.

"Instead, I have Ben, who's a great guy, I know that, but let's face it, he's limited in his imagination. Sure he's talked about going to Tibet, but did he ever do it?"

No, I thought, he stayed with the man he loved instead, and took a homeless kid in off the streets and gave him a loving family, and, oh yeah, he's been fighting a potentially fatal disease while being a rock of caring common sense to limitless numbers of gay teens at the GLC and Carnegie Mellon. What a waste he's making of his life, doing all that instead of staring at his navel in a monastery in Tibet. Where was Debbie to smack some sense into a person when you wanted her?

"Brian's passing on the trusteeship isn't why you have Ben. George chose Ben and I think he was a great choice. You're lucky you have that trust fund," I reminded him quietly.

That shut him up for a minute as he thought of the quiet man who died last October. But only a minute. "Well," he looked out the window, "if George hadn't been giving me those drugs that Edward told him to give me, everything might have been different, don't you think? I'm sure I never would have acted the way I did. I never would have let things get so bad between Brian and me, and we never would have drifted apart. He never would have been so lonely that Danny O'Keefe would have been able to take advantage of him. Brian certainly wouldn't have refused to be my trustee if it weren't for Danny."

My mouth dropped open. Juan had told me that he was pretty sure that Justin hadn't been taking anything when Juan was still in New York, that it wasn't until after he left and Justin started going out on his own that Simon must have started drugging him. Prior to that, Justin had admitted to taking only a very slight amount of muscle relaxant for his hand. It wasn't until later that Simon told him George had improved upon that medication and he started taking something else. By that time, Justin had long since stopped seeing Brian and had moved into Simon's place. Yet now he had convinced himself it was Danny's fault that he did that? Amazing. I toyed with the idea of telling him that he was lucky he had a trust fund at all, that if Danny had turned down Simon's bequest, his trust fund wouldn't be large enough to pay for his school and living expenses, much less trips to Europe. Moreover, if he hadn't drugged Danny, maybe George never would have died and there wouldn't be a trust fund. But any comments like that would just fan his resentment or start up his guilty tears. I opted for the safer route of reasoning with him.

"It would not be appropriate, Mel says, for Brian to have been your trustee, given that you were lovers, Justin. She explained that to you. John O'Keefe offered to have Mel named your other trustee instead of him if you didn't feel comfortable with him, I know he did, or anyone else appropriate that the lawyers would agree to."

"Mel? She'd be worse than that lawyer O'Keefe! She's tighter with money than anyone I know. Lindsay wouldn't have been bad, at least she has some idea of how people of a certain...well, of what a person like me needs."

Of how a certain class lives, is what you were going to say, best friend. For all that mom and I lived next to the Taylors, we were not of their "class." That was clear whenever I accompanied Justin to the country club, where blacks were allowed, but not welcome, a fine distinction. My mom is a surgeon, and as such, could cross certain lines despite being a very dark black woman who made no attempt to hide who or what she was. Mom had met dad in medical school and their love did not last past her residency and my teething. Dad was of mixed race and light enough to pass, and he found that his life went more smoothly with his second wife, a pretty white woman. I had as little interest in him as he had in me, his little black daughter. At St. James, I was used to that second glance as people stared, trying to figure out, "is she or isn't she?" Maybe I was a little over-sensitive, but I felt what Justin was thinking now was that Lindsay, as "his kind" of person would know what he needed to live in a way that Mexican Miguel, Jewish Melanie and Black Daphne just couldn't possibly understand.

"Are you sure John O'Keefe gets it?" I asked sweetly. "I mean, the Irish are one step away from white trash, don't you think?"

"Daphne Chanders! I can't believe I heard those words coming out of your mouth!"

Great, now Debbie shows up. Justin and I'd had the back booth to ourselves ever since one of the new twink waiters had brought our coffee and dessert. She must have just come in for a shift. Hunter was with her too, just perfect. I groaned at the expression of glee on his face.

"Does your luscious man know what treasonous thoughts you harbor in that curly head of yours Dr. Daffy? Putting down the Irish like that, next thing we know you'll be bad-mouthing the Italians!" Hunter shook his head sadly.

"I was just kidding, Deb, don't crucify me."

"Well, what is it that John O'Keefe doesn't get? I can't think it would be much, that's one sharp man. Easy on the eyes too. For once, a looker who isn't gay! Who says all the great looking men are queer?" Debbie laughed her big laugh as she sat down next to me. Her usual hug and kiss for Justin were conspicuously absent.

"You usually do, Deb," Justin greeted her with one of his biggest smiles. He knew he was in her black books and one of the reasons he wanted to meet here was to try to score some points with her. The fact that she joined us was an encouraging sign, even without her usual warm greeting. It would take a lot for him to be beyond Deb's forgiveness, she had a big heart. But Justin had a ways to go to win redemption. She'd been his staunchest supporter throughout the whole Danny and Edward Simon debacle. Finding out that she'd so misjudged Danny, and the lengths he'd gone to for one of her favorite boys had made her pathetically eager to make amends to him, while at the same time caused her to be furious at Justin for putting her in the position of having to make amends.

"Hrumph" was all the response Justin got from her. Hunter snickered as Deb turned to me. "So, Daphne, how are the wedding plans coming? Why don't you get us some coffee, Hunter, so I can catch up with this little bride to be? I hardly ever see you anymore. Do you think you could get that man of yours over to the house for one of my Sunday dinners? I'll even have it on Saturday if that helps. Maybe you two can drag his little brother and the asshole over too if Danny's in town, and even get Emmett to grace us with his presence?"

I knew Danny was coming up this weekend but he was counting on spending a lot of time alone with Brian. We were watching Briana for him tomorrow and Mark had her tonight. Plus, there was no mention of Justin being invited. Either way, it was awkward. If he was invited, Danny wouldn't want to come, and if he wasn't, since he was staying with Jamie and me while he was down from New York I would be left with the question of what to do with him while we went out to dinner. Damn, I wished he would stay with his mother when he came to visit. But, it was clearly my duty as a best friend to do something. He looked pathetic, sitting there with his big blue eyes all teary.

"Well, I can ask Jamie what the plans are and let you know, okay? There may be something arranged with one of his siblings already but if there isn't, you're first on the list. I miss your dinners and Jamie loves them, only you make enough food for his big appetite." I gave Debbie a big smile, then pushed on. "Although with Justin and him, even your lasagna reserves would be pressed, I think. Those are two big mouths to feed."

I held my breath as Deb's eyes narrowed. I knew she didn't like being backed into a corner, she preferred to be the one doing the corner backing. But I had to do something. Justin couldn't take being ostracized by her until she was ready to forgive, as Brian had back after Vic died. Brian still joked that if he hadn't been lucky and gotten cancer she might still be mad at him. For all his kidding about it, it had really hurt him when Debbie turned her back on him. She still was the closest thing to a mother he had even though he now spoke to his real mother again. Justin kind of felt the same way. Deb had been there for him when Jen hadn't been. He'd really feel lost if she abandoned him. For all that Justin was good at leaving the people who loved him, he needed to know they'd be there for him when he chose to come home again.

"Sure, I guess I can manage to whip up that much, it's not like those other two ever eat enough pasta to make it worth dirtying a plate for them. But you're helping with the dishes," she finally answered, shaking a finger at Justin warningly.

"Thanks Deb," he smiled gratefully. Hunter just rolled his eyes as he placed a coffee cup in front of his grandmother and refilled our cups from the pot in his other hand. I refrained from joining him in the eye rolling. I was busy trying to figure out how I was going to talk my future brother-in-law into giving up his Saturday afternoon, which no doubt was intended to be filled with sex and dancing, and instead come to the Novotny house for fattening food and annoying company.

"Lots of luck," Hunter whispered in my ear, apparently having added mind reading to his talents.

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(Later Friday night; The Loft; POV/Justin)

I let myself into the Loft, relieved to find that my key still worked. I'd been afraid that maybe Brian had changed the locks since I'd last been in town. I wanted to get away from the happy couple for awhile and there wasn't really anywhere else I could go. Mom's place was out; she and that Tucker were almost as bad as Daphne and her giant with the PDAs. I didn't think Brian would mind if I crashed at his place for a few hours. From what I heard, he wasn't here all that much, even with O'Keefe away in Philadelphia a lot of the time. According to Michael, Brian and Emmett practically lived together in O'Keefe's townhouse, which was really weird. The other O'Keefe, my "trustee," lived in the townhouse next door and Brian was turning into some kind of health nut, Michael said, running around with John and Jamie O'Keefe and hardly ever drinking. Instead of going to the gym with the guys, he played soccer and racquetball with the O'Keefe brothers. He was even coaching Gus's soccer team. It was like he was turning straight, Michael had laughed, but it was a snide laugh. You could tell he was jealous.

I wasn't jealous. If it made Brian happy to get into shape, good for him. It certainly looked good on him. I couldn't help wondering, though, if he was just pretending to like this stuff, like he pretended to be into getting a house and being monogamous when we were planning to get married. I knew Brian Kinney, and the real Brian Kinney liked to party hard and fuck hard. I couldn't see him out coaching little kids' soccer with the other dads on a Saturday morning. The very idea of it was enough to make me laugh. I could picture Brian pulling some hot younger dad or older brother behind an SUV and fucking him maybe...that I could see. But doing the soccer dad routine himself? Not in a million years.

There had been no sign of Brian's car outside or in the parking garage, so I was surprised to hear the shower running. For a brief moment I toyed with the idea of taking off my clothes and joining Brian in the shower, but on the off chance he wasn't alone in there or he wouldn't welcome company, I thought I'd better wait. I also thought of Miguel. I wished I knew where I stood with him but he was as annoying in his own way as Brian ever had been. I didn't know for sure how much he tricked. If he did he was more discreet about it than Brian ever was. But he actually wanted me to go out with other men. He insisted on it, in fact. He would make love to me, listen to all my stories, good and bad, and make me laugh with his stories, but then at some point, he'd pat me on the ass and send me on my way. He insisted I was far too young to settle down. He only let me stay with him if I kept a dorm room too. Which, as I pointed out to him whenever I wanted to give it up, was only used by me when we fought. Which, as Juan would philosophically point out, was at least twice a week, so it was a good bargain, but I would never admit that.

I didn't know how to act with someone like Miguel. He was only a few years older than me and he refused to play "daddy," he said, so I was expected to carry my own weight, whether in buying drinks while out at a bar or in conversations with his friends. I didn't get a pass based on my youth, presumed or otherwise. Which is the way I wanted it, of course. But then he would assume he knew what was best for me, like seeing other men or going to school. Of course, he agreed I could do what I wanted, but he made it clear that if I wanted to stay with him, I had to get a college degree. Juan took his side in that fight, pointing out that all of Miguel's friends had at least undergraduate degrees and most of them were in graduate school or beyond it. Even Juan had a Master's Degree in Fine Arts, as I found out when I tried arguing with Miguel that his own brother had been content to pursue his art in lieu of a formal education.

"Artists are different from more vocational fields like the law, or medicine," I'd argued when Miguel wanted me to sign up full-time for courses at college in the city. "Look at Juan, he didn't worry about a formal education. He knows that his real training as an actor is to be found in front of the cameras or up on a stage."

"Actually, Justin, that isn't true," Juan had grinned apologetically from where he'd been refereeing our fight from the couch. "I have two degrees from NYU, a B.A and a M.F.A I can hold my own with Mig's gang of paper pushers any day."

Miguel had smirked at me as he pulled me into his lap. "We immigrants don't have the luxury of being drop-outs...we'd find ourselves doing landscaping work for below minimum wage for the rest of our lives. But you, you're too fucking smart not to get a degree, Justin. That fancy high school of yours didn't teach you everything you need to know and not only is there still a lot you could learn about your craft, there's a lot you can stand to learn about the process of learning. Hell, if you don't want to take art history or fucking art major courses, then take business courses, which isn't a bad idea for anyone who will have to learn how to manage all the money you plan to make as a genius artist, or take philosophy, take sociology or psychology or literature, find out what interests you in addition to art. Read some fucking books, man."

I forgave him that comment only because he followed it up with some really good sex. I made him happy when, using some of Ben's connections, I signed up for a full course load for the Spring semester at the New School University, located in the Village. There, I could study fine arts at Parsons School of Design and take liberal arts at its Eugene Lang College. It helped that Lang was considered the most gay friendly college in the country and Parsons was a lot more innovative than PIFA had been. My use of the computer was no problem at all; in fact, my advisor was excited by it.

My current fight with Miguel was over his refusal to live off of what he called "Simon's blood money." He had no problem with George's bequests being used for career advancement. He and Juan each had received some money and both of them put it away for future use. Part of me was a little resentful that their money wasn't in trust like mine was, but it may as well have been since all they did was bank it. Miguel planned on saving it for the day when he opened his own firm and Juan was saving his for the "right opportunity," a play to produce or a movie to invest in...or, as practical Miguel pointed out, health insurance payments if his work dried up. Quite frankly, it didn't look like that was going to happen any time soon. Juan's career was growing slowly but steadily.

What Miguel saw as a bad use of the trust money was a bigger apartment or travel or eating out in fabulous restaurants. Having fun. The first time I brought home a present for him, a really great leather coat from Armani, he threw a fit. Of course, his queen out was all in Spanish so I couldn't catch more than the gist of it, but he was pissed off. Miguel almost never yells. He usually gets really quiet when he's mad. But he yelled that time, throwing the jacket and telling me to get it the fuck out of the apartment. I wasn't sure, but I think he told me he wasn't going to turn into a Brian Kinney clone no matter how much blood money I spent. My high school Spanish wasn't all that good. Which, under the circumstances, was probably a good thing, Juan said, when he came to my dorm room to calm me down.

It took all of Juan's calm good humored intervention to fix things between us that time. But first, Juan very seriously asked me if I was sure I wanted to be with his brother, because if I wasn't, maybe I should do us both a favor, and leave before either of us was hurt any more. It was the first time Juan had ever made it clear that as much as he was my friend, he loved his brother more than anyone, and I'd better not hurt him. Juan would understand if the two of us didn't work out, he explained, but he wouldn't appreciate my just using his brother as a place holder. Juan had rearranged his life to come back to New York after Miguel was injured. As good a friend as both of them were to me, there was no one closer to either twin than his brother.

I couldn't believe how much the thought of leaving Miguel bothered me. I really didn't think I was trying to turn Miguel into Brian. In so many ways, he was so much better for me. While Miguel wasn't as good looking as Brian, and there wasn't that same thrill to our relationship as my early days with Brian, I was mature enough to realize that maybe nothing ever equals your first love. I knew that Miguel would never hurt me as Brian had. I'd never have to worry about coming home and finding him fucking a guy from the produce section of the corner market. Miguel was very into respect. When you went to a club with him, he would find it disrespectful to show another man too much sexual attention. He certainly would never go to a backroom with someone else if he were with me. And while he wanted me to flirt and go out, even date other men, he made sure everyone knew that no harm was to come to me. It wasn't like being Edward Simon's Angel, though. People liked and respected Miguel Martinez. They didn't mess with him or with anyone who was his friend. For all his toughness, though, he wasn't afraid to show affection, and his brown eyes reflected as much warmth and love when he looked at me as when he looked at Juan. Whenever he wasn't looking at me with irritated frustration, that is.

So why was I back here in Pittsburgh trying to connect with my past? I knew I was just kidding myself that I was looking for a quiet place to hang out for awhile. I was hoping to run into Brian. Now that his boyfriend was away so much, pursuing his dreams, maybe there was room for one more chance for Brian and me. I knew that Brian still cared for me. He never cared that I wasn't a college graduate, or acted ashamed of me for not finishing school. I'd stayed away from Brian since that night in October when he watched me freeze on the steps of Babylon and did nothing to help. He had left it to O'Keefe to be the hero once more. I understood his reasons. Fuck, everyone took pains to explain it to me, how important it was toward laying the rumors to rest that their precious Danny and I look like great friends.

That was another sore point between Miguel and me. He wouldn't tolerate me saying one bad word against Danny O'Keefe. He made me go over all the details of what happened the night Edward died like he was cross examining me; he was worse than the cops had been. By the time he was done questioning me, he'd been furious over how stupid I'd been and even more enamored with O'Keefe's bravery, pointing out that he'd been doing everything he could to help me. He thought the guy walked on water. But knowing that I owed the guy didn't make me like him any better; the opposite, in fact. Anyway, to be fair, I stayed clear for six months. Gave the Dark Angel his shot. But I was pretty sure that if Brian had been over me he would have been able to manage a simple dance that night. As it was, he nodded hello and that was it. O'Keefe kept him by his side the whole night. If the Dark Angel was so sure of his man, he'd trust him around me more, I thought. Still, Juan did say the guy was rumored to be pretty upset still over what had happened with Edward, and it had been a pretty ugly scene. Jamie and Daphne didn't talk about it much in front of me but I'd overheard them whispering a few times, enough to know that he wasn't as cool and calm as he looked that night.

By now though, I figured six months seemed like enough time for him to get over his upset. Since he was recording and dancing, he must be recovered, so he should be able to manage without Brian if he had to. Juan was right, after all. Before I could really commit to Miguel, I had to be sure that there wasn't still a chance for me with Brian.

The shower was still going strong so I decided to go take a peek. It wasn't like Brian was shy about anyone seeing him naked, especially me. Hell, he got naked in front of me in the first two minutes I was in this loft. As quietly as I could, I walked up the couple of steps to the second level and over to the door of the bathroom, which was open, probably to let out the steam that was so thick you could barely see. I couldn't believe the sight inside the mist filled room. I could make out a tall man who, from the long wet black hair down his muscular back was most definitely not Brian, slamming away into the ass of another man, whose head was cradled in his arms as he leaned against the wall of the shower. O'Keefe's arms, looking much more muscular than they had before when I'd seen him naked, were wrapped around the other man's body. One hand was fisting the guy's dick and his other looked to be toying with his nipples while the water pounded down on their backs. O'Keefe's ass and thigh muscles flexed powerfully with each thrust and I could feel myself harden as I watched.

I must have made some noise that was loud enough to be heard over O'Keefe's murmurs of encouragement and the sound of the water; because suddenly he looked over, startled. His expression darkened, and he shifted so that he blocked his companion from my view even more. He bent and whispered something before straightening slightly. Still not pulling out though.

"This is not a public performance, Sunshine," he drawled, raising one of those dark eyebrows at me. "So would you mind getting your bubble butt out of here so we could finish our shower? If you need Brian for something, I'm sure he'll be happy to talk to you later."

"Oh, you'll give him the message when you're done tricking on him behind his back? In his own place, no less? You really have balls, O'Keefe."

I slammed out of the loft. I really had to do something about that guy. He had everyone snowed. But not me. Brian so deserved better.

*****************************

(POV/Danny)

"Well, that kind of fucking killed the mood," I commented. "Does it count as tricking behind your back if I'm literally behind your back?"

Brian's shoulders were shaking. Fuck. He couldn't be crying over that little shit's antics, could he? If he were, I was going to have to run after that blond shit and kick his fat little ass. Even if I were naked. How hard could it be to catch him?

"Bri," I nuzzled his neck. "You okay? I'm sorry that happened but I swear to God I locked the door. Bri, come on, is it because he caught you bottoming?" I tried to peek under his arms and see his expression. My lips were caught in a hard kiss as soon as I uncovered his face. The fucker had been laughing.

"If you don't fucking move that big cock of yours and finish what you started," he mock growled, "I'm going to throw you down on the floor of this shower and ride you until your cock falls off...stop letting yourself get distracted."

I laughed and got back to business, gripping one of those slim hips that I loved and talking dirty in his ear. I moved a hand back to his lovely cock, which was hard and weeping just for me and rubbed my thumb all around the head as I continued with short hard thrusts, just barely grazing his sweet spot.

I was the noisy one during our sex. But with a little effort, I could drive Bri to the point of babbling incoherence, which had been tonight's goal before we were so rudely interrupted. I'd had him there once already with a slow rimming, and he'd begged me to fuck him as I slowly stroked him, my tongue buried deep in his ass. By the time I finally brought him to orgasm, he'd been hovering on the edge so long he was screaming his release and shooting hard enough to coat the walls. I held him up as his legs gave out, a few more pumps being enough to finish me off, aroused beyond measure by his excitement.

I tossed the condom away and held Brian under the stream of water to rinse us both off then lifted him from the shower, chuckling at his dead weight.

"Good thing for you I'm used to lifting up men all the time," I told him as I wrapped him in a large towel after using another one to dry him off. He looked at me sleepily as I picked him up again and carried him to the bed.

"Hmm, my big strong manly man. I always wanted one of those." I laughed as he fluttered his eyelashes at me mockingly. Not so sleepy after all. I tossed him on the bed, getting a protest.

"And here I thought your taste ran toward pretty boys. Maybe I should get myself one of those butch haircuts?" I shook out my hair, scattering drops of water all over Brian like a shaggy dog. There were times when this long hair was a pain in the ass but his body looked gorgeous, lying there with the drops of water on it. I was tempted to go grab my camera. Or better, just fuck again.

He, however, was still focusing on my comment. "Don't you dare cut it! I love your manly long hair, and you know it. Besides, you love the way people line up to brush it for you. However do you manage in Philadelphia?"

Aha, one of those deceptively innocent questions that masked a serious worry. I was learning to read Brian after a year with him. I skipped the pretend question and went right to the real concern. I kneeled next to him on the bed.

"I don't have any substitutes in Philadelphia for what I have here. It's why I come home so frequently. I miss Em, and Hunter and Brandon and, hmm, who else? Oh yeah, my reason for breathing, you, you beautiful man. So, there's no one else to sleep with, no one else to brush my hair, or fuck my ass, or play my guitar for late at night, besides Briana, that is. I do play my guitar for her but it isn't the same at all..."

"I get the point," he said quietly, leaning up and pressing his forehead to mine. I grabbed my brush from the night stand and handed it to him with a smile, then settled between his legs as he took his usual position resting against the headboard. He started to brush gently through my tangled hair.

"You know, I don't expect you never to trick, Danny." The brush strokes were harder and faster than normally, a clear sign that Brian was upset despite his words. His voice was pitched slightly higher than was normal for him. I thought how best to ease his mind even as I shifted my body closer against his to maximize our skin to skin contact. I put as much warmth into my voice as I could, dropping my pitch to my best range, the one I knew he loved, rubbing my hand along his thigh soothingly as I spoke. This wasn't the time for sex...yet...this was the time to convince him I was his.

"I know. And the same goes for you. Especially with us apart like we are. But, there's kind of a difference between scratching an itch and what we have, you know? If you have an itch, Bri, then go ahead and get it scratched. So far, I haven't been interested in even a grope or blowjob in a club on the way back to the apartment from the studio. I've been too busy and I don't need any complications. You know how focused I get on my work. I'm not promising it wouldn't happen, unless you want a promise. I'm just saying it wouldn't mean anything if it did, and if it would bother you, then I can do without. If at some point I find myself dying for lack of sex, I'd let you know and we'd talk some more. I still wouldn't do anything 'behind your back.'" I turned around to flash a grin at him, but my real purpose was to gauge his expression, which looked relieved so I shifted back. "I honestly wouldn't care if you were to grab a quickie to let off some steam, Bri. If you were to start seeing someone on a regular basis, I guess that's something I'd want to know about."

His voice was back to its normal relaxed pitch and the brush strokes slow and easy when he answered. "That's how I feel, too, but I wasn't sure we were on the same page. We didn't really talk about it when you left. I guess Justin's comments when he caught us in the shower made me think. It would never occur to me that you would trick on me like that, of course, but..."

I pushed up with my hands on either side of his chest and looked over my shoulder at him, tossing my hair aside.

"In your place, in your shower, while I was back in Pittsburgh specifically to visit you? I would think not! What kind of prick would I have to be to do that? I can't believe he didn't recognize your ass, much less the rest of your body, but I guess you've toned up a lot since you've been running so much."

I laughed at Brian's expression. The truth was, he had a fine ass before but it was even better now with a bit more muscle to it. There was a little more to grip, without it being plump; soft was not to my taste at all. His was lean and perfect. I didn't want a man whose ass looked like a woman's. Emmett said Brian's looks were now every bit as perfect as they'd been when he was twenty-nine, before he'd gotten sick. Before he lost his job and had to work so hard starting up his own company. Emmett didn't add, before Justin was bashed, but I knew that was part of it. I also knew that whatever he looked like, this was the beautiful, smart, sensitive man I fell in love with so many years ago, and I loved him more every day. I wanted to do everything I could to convince him he was worthy of being loved. I was no longer laughing as I leaned back to kiss the corner of his mouth.

Brian gave me a wry smile. "Actually, I used to be that kind of prick, so maybe Justin has good reason to be suspicious. Plus, he wouldn't have been above that kind of stunt with his fiddler, I suspect." He kissed me. "Maybe you're the only good and true man amongst us? However did I luck out and get someone like you in my life?"

I made a face at him before turning back around and pulling his hand back toward my head to signal he should get back to work brushing. It usually soothed both of us. Right now, I was feeling frustrated, as well as protective of him. I wished he could believe, really believe, how much I loved him. But I sensed that a light touch was still the way to go; Brian hated thinking anyone saw too much beneath his defenses, even me.

"When will you get it through your head that I feel like I'm the lucky one, you stupid Mick? Maybe we're both just blessed and we should stop looking for trouble and let ourselves be happy? I don't go looking for tricks who'll give me some brief satisfaction when I'd rather work harder and get done sooner so I can come back here to you all the quicker for some mind-blowing sex with the man I love."

"But what about when it isn't just a week?" His hands tightened in my hair and he bent his face down, hiding in it. His words were muffled but my hearing is sharp. "What about when you start touring and making movies and we're apart for a lot longer?"

"Who says I'm going to do that?" I asked softly, rolling over so that I was leaning on his chest. I shook my hair back from my face so I could see him clearly. No hiding for either of us. His expression was confused. I loved him so much at that moment. I leaned up and kissed his lips, running my tongue over his lips a bit but not trying to go further. Maybe it was time to let him know that I was willing to come behind his final defenses and stay if he'd only let me?

"This isn't about tricking, is it? It's about missing each other. I'm smart enough to know that another man, no matter how hot he may be, won't take away the feeling of missing you. So I'm not going to take every opportunity that comes my way just because it's there, Bri, if it means spending all my time away from you. The point of life is to be happy. Dancing makes me happy, but so do you. I never was in this to be famous, but to do good work. I'm doing that now and it's exciting. The CD is exciting too and I'll do a certain amount to promote it, but with the internet, a singer doesn't have to tour to get his work out there anymore. I have Briana to think of as much as ever, and I'm not going to have her raised out of a suitcase, or by anyone else. But as important as she is to me, and as much as my work mean to me, you're just as important and you mean more. I thought that was made clear at Christmas. You're here in Pittsburgh, so anything that takes me away from here for too long is going to be turned down, end of story."

"But, this is your chance to make it big..."

I shook my head. "No, being with you is my chance at happiness. I'd be a fool to pass it up. For what? More money? I already make lots of money, Bri. Would I like to star on Broadway? Sure, eventually. But it doesn't have to be this year, or even next year. I can do some movie roles now that some doors are opening to me. Thanks in part to that role for Etienne I can afford to be picky about what I take. We can work it out so that when I do a film again, we take the kids with a nanny and you come for at least part of the time, especially if I do the next film with Etienne directing and producing, since he'll give me the concessions I want. If that goes well, we'll see where it goes from there. The important thing is that we talk about it. Don't you go making assumptions about what I'm going to do and I won't make any decisions without talking to you about it, okay? I realized when I saw a madman pointing a gun at us that if I never made another movie or starred in a play, or had a hit record, that I could live with that. I can't live without you. So why would I voluntarily choose to do so, when I can make career choices that give me the chance to create what I want and be with you too?"

Midway through my big speech I gripped both his hands and stared deep in his beautiful hazel eyes. I had to get through to him on this. I knew it was clear in my head but I had to convince Brian of how much I meant this. I knew that he had a deep seated belief that he didn't deserve anything that he saw as too good, but God knew that I wanted him to understand that we belonged together and he sure as hell was good enough for me because he was all that I could ever hope for, he was all I'd ever wanted.

"Won't you regret missing out on fame and fortune?"

"Not fame and fortune, the being a 'stah' bullshit. I always wanted the chance to prove I could compete with the best and hold my own. Dancing is my first love. If it hadn't been for trying to please Dad, I would have gone to Juilliard and focused on dance years ago. Singing and acting are things I do well, and I enjoy them, but dancing is like..." I gave him my best smile. "Dancing is like sex with Brian Kinney. Nothing else compares for me. Edward knew I felt that way and that's why he made sure all doors were closed to me in New York. He prevented me from being able to dance at the type of place where I really could have learned and grown as a dancer. He stopped me from being in musicals where there was a lot of dancing. One of the reasons I went to Europe was to study dance with the best. I took the acting and modeling jobs to pay for my dance lessons. Once this stint with the Pennsylvania Ballet is over, I'm hoping I can come back to the Pittsburgh Ballet as something more than a sometime lead dancer, but as a lead dancer and artistic director. There's an opening coming up and I want that job to be mine. I want to make the troupe one of the premiere troupes in the world...and this opportunity in Philadelphia is just a step toward doing that."

Brian looked impressed. And relieved. "So, you have a plan."

"Of course I have a plan. Hasn't Emmett sent you the memo? I may be hyper but I'm also anal. I just make it look like I'm spontaneous...by design. Like my spontaneous visit to you today that I carefully planned, down to getting your office emptied out of staff so no one would hear me screaming as I came on your desk."

My confession garnered me a laugh and a hug from my man. "I did wonder about that. You're usually so fucking careful to appear professional in front of everyone at Kinnetik, and Cynthia disappeared damn quickly."

"Well, I didn't tell her until I got there because I know her loyalties. I didn't trust her not to tip you off to the surprise no matter what I asked. But her assistant knew I was coming and worked on the others. I got my former assistant in the music department to get rid of Ted but no one could think of a way to get Cynthia away from you and I knew she wouldn't keep a secret from you," I confessed.

He smirked back at me. "Good, she's paid well to put me first."

"No, she puts you first because she's your friend and she loves you," I gently corrected him.

He sucked in his bottom lip in that thoughtful way he had. It made me want to suck on it myself. I felt my cock stirring. Time for round three. I casually moved my hand down to stroke myself lightly, waiting to see how long it would take to catch his attention. Brian loved to watch me touch myself. I could get him hard faster this way than by going straight for his cock.

"True. I am lucky...she's been with me a long time..." his voice faded away. "Would you like some lube for that?" His voice was slightly hoarse. His eyes darkened as they fixed on my languid strokes, my legs spread wide, one crossed over his as I leaned back against his chest.

"Hmm, maybe if you just suck on my fingers for me a minute?" I asked, wearing my most innocent expression as I offered my hand up to that gorgeous mouth. He took my fingers in his hand and then one at a time, pulled them into the warm wet heat of his mouth, rolling his tongue around each as he sucked on it slowly, his eyes fixed on my mine as I stared. There was no need for me to touch myself to get any harder. Brian could make me hornier by sucking on my fingers than any other man could by blowing me.

"Fuck, Brian, I want you inside me now." I rolled over on top of him and ground against him.

"You started so well, why stop now? Use those fingers to get yourself ready for me. I was enjoying the show." His eyes gleamed as he stroked my back. I pushed away and got back up on my knees, placing one on either side of him.

"I like a man who gives direction well..."

*****************************

(Novotny House; Saturday afternoon; POV/Emmett)

It was almost like old times, getting together at Debbie's house for one of those big old Italian dinners of hers. Almost, but not quite. First of all, I would never get used to Vic not being here, his quiet sense of humor and his ability to rein Debbie in were really missed. No one else could take his place. Ben had a gentle sense of humor but lacked Vic's wickedly funny bite. Carl was able to settle her down a bit but when push came to shove, she would push and he didn't shove back hard enough. Not like Vic could.

Actually, if anyone could stop her in her tracks these days, it was Danny. He gave as good as he got, and when he thought she was crossing a line, he made sure she knew it. Deb respected that. I think they both recognized that when it came to family and friends, they were kindred spirits; there was nothing they wouldn't do for one of their own. Debbie finally got that through her head when she figured out what Danny went through for Justin. Well, Justin for Brian's sake. From that point on, he became one of her boys. Also, she realized that he really did need people to look out for him. I think before October, he still seemed a little too perfect to her. Too glamorous. Brian as an adult is perfect and intimidating to the rest of us, but to Debbie, he's still that bruised, skinny fourteen year old she used to patch up and feed. It took her some time before she could see the little gai boi behind the Dark Angel persona of Danny O'Keefe. His falling apart when he lost his mother started the process of her realizing he was just another big kid, but then he did the benefit and was so overwhelmingly talented and gorgeous he made all of us a little intimidated. Everyone except Brian, that is, who was even more protective of Danny during and after that period. For Deb, it took seeing Danny so battered in New York after the episode with Simon to clinch his place in her heart. Now, she protected him as fiercely as she protected all of us. The only difference was, she didn't smack him in the head.

"About time you two showed up here for some real food. Don't they have any food in Philadelphia? You look like you're starving! Get in here and eat, both of you...oh my god, you brought Briana? And Gus! You're forgiven! Come in and give me a hug you dolls! Don't they look just like little miniatures of you two?"

I had to hide a grin behind my hand. Gus looked up at his dad for help but Briana went forward obediently for a big hug. Growing up in her family, she took exuberant hugs and sloppy kisses from older women as par for the course when you entered some houses. She didn't see Debbie a lot but she had gotten past the "mean lady" stage with her, thank God. Briana had begun to develop charming company manners...which she used when she wanted to. Danny must have laid down the law for today. Gus was shy, but he followed Briana's lead when she shot a commanding look at him. Brian despaired of his son's tendency to be pussy whipped but Danny just laughed and pointed out that Gus had his own methods for getting his way. He just picked his battles, like any smart man who lived amongst all women most of the time.

"Hi Debbie, Carl, everybody...are we late?" Danny looked around as Brian just grunted at everyone and handed me some bottles of wine before heading over toward Carl and Ben. I'd brought vegetable trays and cake earlier when I caught a ride with Brandon. He was another interesting addition to our little gatherings. Little Hunter and he seemed to be spending quite a bit of time together, although it wasn't quite a romance. Like the old Brian, Brandon didn't "do" boyfriends. But he always seemed to be around when he wasn't busy with school or work...or tricking...helping Hunter with his own homework or giving him rides to places, like clubs where he was playing guitar. I'd asked Danny about it but he just smiled and told me we should let them be and pretend we didn't see anything. I worried about Hunter getting hurt but I also trusted Danny's judgment. He said that worry over Hunter getting hurt was probably why Brandon was taking things as slowly as he was. The other reason, he suggested, kind of to my surprise, was Brandon's worry over himself getting hurt. Who would ever have guessed Brandon was capable of getting hurt? Danny must have had a similar talk with Debbie, as she was surprisingly accepting of the new stud of Liberty's presence. As far as Michael, I don't think it would ever occur to him that Brandon was around because of Hunter. The one time he raised a question about it, Deb just asked him if he was going to start telling her who she could have over to dinner and he shut up after that.

"No, you aren't late," Hunter said cheerily. "We're still waiting on your brother and Daphne, who are bringing their lovely house guest. Shall we start on the wine now or go right to the hard stuff? The water perhaps?"

Trust Hunter to make a crack like that. For a moment, there was a kind of group wince as Danny stared at the brat and Brian seemed to be debating whether to beat the living crap out of the kid. Then Danny's lips quirked up. Praise Jesus.

"I think I'll stay away from the water today, now that you mention it. Maybe just a beer for me? Do you need any help in the kitchen, Deb? If so, Hunter will be glad to give it, I think."

The room exhaled. Brian pulled Danny close while Debbie sent Hunter off to get everyone fresh drinks and Carl put out some toys for the kids from the supply he kept around for his grandkids.

"Are Mel and Lindz coming over today?" Brian asked, checking out J.R. who was sleeping on a blanket on the floor before sitting down in a nearby armchair. Danny perched on the arm of the chair, his leg nudging Brian's arm. At two, J.R. was still taking naps in the afternoon. A visit to the park with Ben and Michael earlier had worn her out.

"No, they dropped off the baby for a visit but plan on catching a movie and dinner out with some friends. I told them we'd babysit instead of them always letting the O'Keefes have her."

Michael's voice had only a slight whine in it. If he would offer more often, I was sure Mel would be happy to have him take J.R. as much as he wanted. But the trouble was, he only wanted his daughter and the O'Keefes were willing to watch both Gus and his sister. Brian sucked in his lip but didn't say anything. I saw him reach over and squeeze Danny's leg, no doubt asking for his patience as well. Danny covered Brian's hand with his own and simply smiled at Michael. I let out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

"She's getting so big," Ben noted, keeping his voice soft. "Seems like just yesterday she was born, remember? It was as we were finishing the Liberty Ride that year you broke your collar bone, Brian...and now she's running around the playground, a little girl really, no longer a baby. I'm so glad the girls came back from Canada."

"They do grow up quickly," Danny agreed, a lovely smile on his face as he crossed the room to sit down next to me on one of the battered old sofas. He gave me a kiss before reaching out for some carrots. "How are you, Em? I've missed you."

I hugged him close. "I'm pretty sure I've missed you more but fame and fortune are stealing you away. Or at least, Philadelphia's version of it. I can't wait to see your ballet premiere. You are getting us front row seats, aren't you?"

"Best in the house, of course. And the best gay dancer...next to me...as your date for the night. Promise. What are best friends for?" He popped a carrot into his mouth as he winked at me.

I'd debated moving to Philadelphia to help out with Briana, but Brian needed me more, we'd decided. Danny arranged for one of his cousin's daughters who was going to University of Pennsylvania to act as his au pair, at a salary that was much better than the waitress job she previously had, and he was managing fine. It was far better than his original plan of commuting every day, which would have been terrible on his headaches since the change of air pressure in the planes tended to set off his migraines. As it was, he hated the amount of flying he was doing back and forth, but every week or two was better than daily. When he could, Brian flew down to Philadelphia for a couple of days. It was far from ideal but they were managing. Still, Brian tended to forget to eat unless someone made him food; he'd gotten used to the routine of a family during his months with Danny and having me there helped him cope. He was still a little lonely when Danny wasn't around, hell, we all were, but he wasn't lost like he was when Justin had left for New York. John and Jamie helped a lot too, as did having Gus around. Brian's old family was still part of his life, but his new family really gathered around and made sure he was taken care of when Danny wasn't there to do it. I knew just how good that felt, because they treated me the same way. When soccer season started up, Brian got a call from Matt to come out for practice and I got a call from Julie asking if I would come out and help them organize a cheerleading squad. Danny said my squeal could be heard in New Jersey.

We were all having a great time catching up, although Deb was getting antsy that her lasagna was drying out, when the door opened and the missing trio showed up.

"Sorry we're late, Deb...I was delayed with..." Daphne looked at Jamie.

"A fight with her boyfriend," he good-naturedly finished, giving us all a sheepish look. "Don't be mad at me, Deb. These damn pre-wedding jitters get a guy's nerves all a flutter and I'm a real bear to get along with these days."

Deb looked at him skeptically. "Pre-wedding jitters, huh? I can see the bear part but somehow you don't look like the type to get your boxers in a bunch over the china pattern."

Justin slipped in quietly as everyone was busy laughing at the mock hurt expression on the big guy's handsome face. "Deb, you wrong me, you really do."

"Yeah, he is strictly a briefs kind of guy," Danny chimed in with a grin. "Never boxers. Can you imagine? The kids could use them as a tent in the summer!"

"Just because some of us are built on more manly proportions, munchkin, is no cause for insults," Jamie retorted, to Debbie's delight. Brandon's too. He loved it when Danny got taunted by one of his brothers, especially Jamie, as it often continued to the point of one of them losing it. It was funny up to the point when one of them really lost his temper. Then either Brian or I would have to step in. This time, however, there was no sense in letting it go that far as it was obvious, at least to me, that all they were doing was covering for what was probably some disagreement between Justin and Daphne that delayed them. I decided to help out.

"Actually, you have no idea how fussy the big guy can be, Deb. I've seen him dither over which shirt to wear for all of twenty...seconds."

"That was because he was trying to determine if anyone could smell that it had already been worn," Brian pointed out. "I roomed with the guy. I know."

Daphne wrinkled her cute little nose. "I'm insisting that John draw up a prenup that includes professional dry-cleaning of all dress shirts and weekly laundry of all sports attire. Whether he thinks it needs it or not! That is non-negotiable!"

"Tell her, Ben, you don't need to wash shorts every time you wear them...that's why you wear underwear, isn't it? I mean, I have my lucky shorts! If it were up to her, she'd wash the luck right out of them!"

We all just stared at him. I don't think any of us knew what to say.

Danny finally told him, "You are truly disgusting, James Joshua O'Keefe. I refuse to acknowledge a blood relationship with you. You know Daphne, it isn't too late, find yourself a man who is housebroken."

"Nah, I like this one. And you have to admit, he does clean up good. What's a few laundry bills in the grand scheme of things?" He smiled at her and pulled her down into his lap. From the way his eyes were twinkling, I could tell he was in no danger of taking offense and was happy to provide the distraction today. Mind you, Jamie O'Keefe was every straight stereotype of a caveman but he was also an adorable hunk.

During the teasing, Justin had settled down on the edge of the steps near where the kids were playing.

"Hey Gus, remember me?"

Gus looked at him for a minute, then smiled. It had been quite a while since he'd seen anything more than a picture of Justin and he was pretty young but he had a good memory.

"Justin!" The two of them hugged while Briana watched jealously. That firm chin of hers was sticking out. Uh oh, I thought. Danny had an eye on her too, and was ready to intervene if need be. His little princess could be a terror if she thought her ground was being poached on and as far as she was concerned, Gus was her ground. She also wasn't used to being ignored. I hoped that Justin wouldn't let his dislike for Danny carry over and make him mean to the little girl. His next words took away that worry.

"Who is your pretty little friend? Would you introduce us?" Justin gave his biggest smile to Briana, who smiled back, her deep dimples, just like her Uncle's, showing on either side of her pretty little mouth. All of the watching adults gave a little "aw" as she curtsied to him after Gus very charmingly introduced "my best friend Briana O'Keefe" and Justin solemnly took her hand and kissed it.

"I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss O'Keefe."

"Me too," Miss O'Keefe said.

"Aren't they the cutest fucking things you've ever seen?" Debbie asked from the kitchen doorway, causing Danny and Jamie to wince while Brian and Hunter whooped with laughter.

"What? Oh shit, I did it again, didn't I?" Deb's face was comical in her embarrassment. Carl shook his head affectionately while Danny went over and gave her a hug.

"No problem, Deb. And you're right, they are cute. Thank you for having us all over. Now are you sure we can't make Hunter and Brian do some work to help you get dinner on more quickly...I'm hungry."

Debbie returned the hug, grateful for the save, and the segue into a safe topic.

"I can't believe the boy is admitting to being hungry! Let's move this party into the dining room before the whim passes! Em, Michael, you grab the kids and get their hands washed. Danny and Brandon, you open the wine. Hunter you take care of freshening up the other drinks. Ben, you pull the extra chairs around, I guess you can help with that too, Jamie, you're big enough to help Ben. Brian, Daphne, you bring in the other food while Carl helps me bring in the lasagna."

"What can I do, Deb?" Justin looked lost.

"Find something to do to make yourself useful," Debbie called back to him.

"You can have my job if you're feeling left out," Brian offered readily, from his position in the armchair. "I seem to recall you being much more experienced in the food service industry than me."

"Such an altruist," Brandon mocked as he ambled out to find a corkscrew. Justin still stood uncertainly in the middle of the floor until Daphne grabbed him by the arm and led him to the kitchen, whispering something to him urgently under her breath.

Well, this was shaping up to be a typical fun family get together at the Novotny's.

"What do you think was really the problem with Jamie and Daphne?" Michael asked me as he held a sleepy J.R.'s hands under the water and I helped Briana dry hers on the hand towel. I looked down at Gus and Briana significantly but he just shrugged.

"They're just kids, they don't follow," he said.

Yeah, right, I thought. Didn't he ever hear the phrase, little pitchers? Of course, he was so clueless, he probably didn't catch on to anything as a kid and half the time as an adult. He actually thought that Jamie and Daphne had been fighting.

"Oh, probably something silly, like how to put the toilet paper on the holder," I suggested lightly. I caught Gus rolling his eyes at Briana and she giggled. Great, now the rugrats were going to think I was an idiot too. Just then the miniature Brian smirked up at me and I swear the little guy knew just what I was thinking. At six and a half, he was one smart boy.

*****************************

Dinner was like watching a tennis match. Someone would serve a smash hit over the net and those of us in the audience would wait to see if it got returned. For the most part, the pairs were Hunter and Brandon versus Justin and Michael, with Debbie the wild card. She was capable of causing more trouble with the best of intentions than the others were with mischief on their agenda. Daphne and Ben kept trying to steer the conversation into calmer channels while Carl and Jamie simply ate their food steadily, watching the show with casual interest. The subjects of it, Brian and Danny, tried to ignore it altogether, focusing on the kids as much as possible or attempting quiet side conversations. Me, I needed an Alka-Seltzer.

There were oblique, and not so oblique, references to Danny's absence from Pittsburgh to follow his career and comparisons to Justin's going to New York, suggestions that one or the other was tricking, or was just with the other one for money, or would leave the other one when he got tired of him, or was using him for some unnamed personal gain, with the requisite insinuations that such things were true about Justin, but not about Danny.

Finally, Justin grew increasingly annoyed by the lack of attention from Brian, especially when he'd tried to get Brian to talk to him about his trust a couple of times, and he chose a lull in the conversation to drop his bombshell. He glared at Hunter.

"I may have done some not so nice things to Brian in my time...and vice versa, but at least I never brought a trick home to his loft and fucked him in Brian's shower behind Brian's back...which reminds me, Danny. Did you ever give Brian the message that I wanted to speak with him after I caught you with your cock deep in that trick's ass yesterday?"

Danny's eyes flashed furiously as he looked over at Gus and Briana's wide eyes. He pushed his chair back. His brother's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Hey, Carl, if you're done eating, how about you and I take these little guys out for a walk so they can make some room for dessert?" As he spoke he picked up Briana and grabbed Gus by the hand. Carl, looking relieved to have been offered an escape from a fight that looked to involve more discussion of cocks in asses, picked up J.R. and headed out behind the big doctor.

Meanwhile, Brian had pulled Danny close and was whispering in his ear soothingly. I looked around the table. Pretty much everyone except Michael was glaring at Justin. Even Ben's normally calm face was looking stern. It didn't surprise me that no one besides Michael seemed to have any doubt that there was a good explanation for what Justin claimed to have seen. I had a pretty good idea of what it was, and also why it wouldn't occur to those two, who only saw Brian a certain way. A way that no longer fit him. It was Brian who responded to Justin's challenge, a very cold Brian.

"Justin, I really hoped when you came in today that you were making an effort to be pleasant. I even had a bet with Danny that you wouldn't mention that little incident from yesterday, although now I'm convinced that arguing over it is really what made the three of you late. I'm sure Daphne told you to keep your mouth shut, or at most, to ask Danny about it privately. After all, isn't that what you claimed Mikey should have done when you were seeing the fiddler? Spoken to you privately when he saw you with the guy?"

Justin flushed at that little old reminder. Score one for Brian and his memory. Michael grew red too. Brian had made it very clear to his best friend back then how he felt about such gossip. An ambush in front of family and friends, much less children, was not the way to handle it in Brian's code of good gay behavior.

"Despite getting what was no doubt excellent advice from the doctors, you chose to embarrass Danny and me, and everyone else here with your groundless accusation. You might think you've somehow upset Danny by revealing some damaging secret but I can tell you the only reason he's upset is because you've exposed the children to completely inappropriate talk about our personal life. You're lucky he isn't like you or he would tell your mommy on you." I didn't think Justin could get redder but he did, a couple shades at least. He tried to defend himself.

"Fine, I'm sorry for saying anything in front of the kids. I shouldn't have done that. But I was just so mad to see you treated like that...don't you even care?"

Brian laughed.

Brandon leaned down the table to smirk at Justin. "Don't you get it, Taylor? We've all figured it out if you haven't that Kinney was the guy in the shower with O'Keefe. Didn't you ever see the guy from the rear...pun fully intended... in all the time you two were together?"

Brian was biting his lip to keep from laughing but Daphne and Hunter lost it totally at that point, mainly due to Brandon's dry delivery, I think. He wore that perfectly bored expression on his face and the eyebrow raised as he posed the question. I was afraid Hunter was going to break a blood vessel or something. Even Ben looked amused as it was clear from Brian's expression that Brandon was, once again, completely right. Danny still wasn't all that happy but he was leaving it to Brian to handle, I guessed, as he sat back, his arms folded, but still close enough to Brian that their shoulders were touching. Debbie looked at the two men in surprise.

"Are you telling me that the mighty Kinney lets someone else top him?"

"No way," Michael insisted, his brow knit together like a petulant child. "Brian, you're covering for him."

Brian rolled his eyes. "Do you need a demonstration?"

Daphne and Hunter shouted yes as Danny shook his head. "I think not. You're all just going to have to take our word for it. Justin, I didn't take any strange men to Brian's loft yesterday. I didn't recognize who was there at first through the mist of the steam, so my initial reaction was to block the view of Brian, and once I saw it was you and how you were reacting, I confess to seeing no need to disabuse you of the assumption you leapt to...I knew Brian wouldn't believe any story you might tell him since he had, um, hard evidence in my favor." Danny looked at Brandon accusingly. "Now you've got me doing it!" That set off Hunter and Daphne again, with Debbie joining in this time, to Michael's annoyance. Ben and I managed to restrain ourselves...barely, although Brian had a big grin on his face as he tried to land a punch on Danny's arm for the pun, which was easily blocked.

Brandon maintained his cool. He raised an eyebrow and interjected one of his drawling comments once everyone settled down a bit. "I don't get what the big fuss is. Kinney may have been the big top around Pittsburgh but O'Keefe was a big top around New York City...and let's face it, New York City tops Pittsburgh any time."

Debbie groaned. "Tell me he didn't just pun again." Brandon's smirk was her answer.

"New York doesn't top any time, more like one time in three," was Danny's comment, his good mood fully restored.

"I'm so glad Jamie took Carl out for this conversation...forget the kids, Carl would have been dying." Debbie pointed out with a grin. She then pinned Justin down with her glare, her mood changing on a dime. "But what business is it of yours what's going on between those two? If you weren't so eager to cause trouble, you would have taken a minute to realize who was in the shower with Danny...Jeez, that sounds like an old song, doesn't it? Someone's in the Shower with Danny? Anyway, if you can't recognize the man's ass when you see it, it goes to show you've been away a hell of a long time. These two are good for each other, Brian's in the best shape he's been in since he was a kid... better, in fact! So you leave them alone. You're getting to be as bad as Michael with your jealousy."

"Ma!"

"No offense. But you stop encouraging him," she shook her serving spoon at Michael. "Justin's got a perfectly nice young man up in New York who's crazy about him, a guy he's going to lose if he doesn't start appreciating him. Time to stop looking for the easy way out in life and buckle down. I heard more of your conversation with Daphne yesterday than you thought I did, and it seems to me you need to stop worrying about spending that trust money and start thinking about how you're going to prepare yourself for earning your own living. Everyone else has to do it, why should you get a pass?"

I wasn't sure what conversation she was talking about but it was clear Justin did. His face was pale now and he was hovering on the edge of tears. Any minute now, Brian's going to take pity on him, I thought.

Sure enough.

"Listen, Justin, why don't I meet you for lunch on Monday and we can talk about your trust. I won't make any promises but if you have a plan for how you want to spend the next year or so, and it seems like a sound one after I check it out with Lindsay and Sidney Bloom, some other people in the field, then I'll talk to John and Ben and see what we can do about the finances. Okay?"

Justin gave Brian this tremulous smile while everyone else looked at him like he was nuts. Except Danny. From my vantage point on their side of the table, I could see that he just reached down and clasped Brian hand. Brian's fingers folded around his tightly, so much that his knuckles gleamed white as their hands rested together on Brian's leg. Brian's face might look perfectly calm, but it was all a pretense, I realized. He was probably angrier with Justin than Danny had been, but was trying to build a little old bridge there, and convince Justin that he could still be there for him as his friend even if he wasn't his sugar daddy lover. I wondered if Justin understood the distinction. Probably not, but maybe it was enough that Danny got it.

*****************************

(Soccer Field near O'Keefe house; Sunday Afternoon; POV/Brian)

"You're not playing and that's the end of the discussion." Matt crossed his arms and stared down at Danny, who was in full pout.

"Who's going to look out for Brian and the old ones if I don't play?"

"I really hope you're making a clear distinction between me and the old ones in that question, brat. I'll have you know I've played plenty of soccer without your skinny little ass protecting me and I've managed to do it with nary a skinned knee to show for it...imagine that?"

I glared at Danny from where I was doing my stretches next to his crouching form. He watched me critically but must have been satisfied that I was doing them correctly as he didn't make any adjustments to my form, which he wouldn't have hesitated to do if he thought I needed correction. No protecting my fragile ego with this lover. He turned his attention back to Matt.

"Why can't I play? I want to play with Brian!" I hid my grin, he sounded like such a kid. He sounded like Briana, if her voice were a deep baritone that is.

Matt didn't bother hiding his grin, and ruffled Danny's hair to boot.

"Poor baby. We don't always get what we want, do we?" Brave man. If it were any other brother but Matt, he'd be on the ground being pounded after that comment, I mused. Even so, Danny looked like he was considering it as Matt continued. "I spoke to Jamie and John. One, medically, you really would be taking a risk if you were to get another concussion. You were tremendously lucky after that one last fall and we don't need to push your luck. Two, your contract with the ballet doesn't allow you any leeway if you get hurt. They can replace you and still use your dance. Due to your medical history, their people insisted on it."

"I've never missed performances." Danny objected indignantly.

"Which is why I agreed to it," John walked up and joined the discussion. "We discussed that clause, remember? You felt it wouldn't be a problem because you don't miss performances, but the fact is, now that you're into rehearsals and getting closer to performance time, it's a good idea not to take unnecessary chances. Soccer isn't important, your dancing is, right? You can play soccer with Brian and us any time you want, but not in one of these games, where the other side is out for blood, and you get carried away playing hero."

Danny tilted his head thoughtfully as he considered his two older brothers. He surprised me by giving them a delighted smile.

"You know, all these years I was sick of soccer and the fun was gone from it. I never thought the day would come when soccer wasn't mandatory. But fuck it, wouldn't you know, today is one day I really would enjoy playing and you guys are telling me I can't? Let me play some and I'll take it easy...like Joey."

Matt and John looked at each other and burst out laughing. It really was a pretty funny idea. Danny was incapable of not playing full out, pretty much as the cheery, easy going Joey had long since lost his edge and would be incapable of playing like one of his more fiercely competitive brothers.

"No, but we appreciate the thought. You can sit this one out with Johnny. He's just as bummed as you are. Since he's not playing college soccer, he thought he'd be allowed to play. But I'm not letting him risk his dancing legs either. I'd think you'd be proud of my progressive attitudes. Dad must be spinning in his grave." Matt grinned.

"I'm still not sure he's not going to haunt me," John grumbled. I wasn't sure whether he was joking. Johnny O'Keefe had surprised his father, and Penn State, by turning down a full soccer scholarship and going to Juilliard instead, where he'd been accepted by both the drama and dance departments. He took on a challenging course of study in both disciplines, an opportunity which was the envy of his youngest uncle. John blew his stack at first, mainly at being left out of the loop, but after a long talk with his ex-wife, and an even longer one with Danny, he finally listened to the one who mattered, his son, and gave his blessing. Still, he confessed to me over a beer that part of him still missed going up to Penn for his son's soccer games, something he always assumed from the time Johnny was born would happen. Going to his dance and stage performances in New York weren't going to be the same.

"No," I told him, "they should be a hell of a lot more interesting and more comfortable. Besides, you do have two other boys and they're dyed in the wool neanderthals. You can count on them to go to Penn State."

"Or the State Penn," Danny had chimed in cheerfully.

Today, both he and Johnny looked a little forlorn as they stood on the sidelines with Matt and watched the rest of us playing. While Johnny wouldn't have been allowed to play as a college student in his soccer season, there was a definite difference to being side-lined as a non-soccer player. I got the feeling Danny was feeling it more than Johnny, since soccer had been much more a part of Danny's life than Johnny's. Even in France with Etienne, he'd played pick-up games, he'd told me, and had made friends with some of the semi-pro players in Europe. He'd never just watched while healthy before. It was driving him crazy.

At the half I headed over to where he was sitting with Cynthia and Daphne in the stands.

"Hey boss, you're looking good out there," Cynthia called out as I walked up.

"You want some water, Brian?" Daphne held a fresh bottle out to me from the cooler by her side. Jamie jogged up behind me and grabbed the bottle from her hand.

He flashed a grin at me. "First come, first served." He bent and kissed Daph while she slapped at his arm for stealing the water bottle.

"And your definition of first would be? Doesn't matter, I'll get another one in a minute. I was hoping for one of those massages I used to get offered." I looked questioningly at Danny who was staring out at the field.

"Danny? You okay?" Daphne asked him. He continued staring until Jamie gave him a shove.

"Hey, Earth to Danny, Brian and Daph have both tried getting your attention. Are you accepting messages?" Jamie lifted his brother's sunglasses just as Danny moved his arm up to brush him away.

"Hey! What? Get off, Jamie...what is it?" Danny saw us all looking at him and flushed. "I'm sorry, did someone say something to me?" The others laughed, causing his blush to deepen. I stepped up to where he was sitting and sat down next to him.

"Ignore them, kiddo, they just aren't the deep thinker you are. Come walk with me so I don't tighten up, okay?"

"Sure, Bri. Did you want a massage?" Of course he didn't understand why that caused another laugh. We grabbed a couple of waters and went down to an empty section of the bleachers. I stretched out on my back, leaning on my elbows, and he started massaging my calves for me as I drank the water.

"What's wrong, Danny? You looked really lost there for a few minutes. I don't think you were even seeing the game." I reached up and touched his face. "You miss playing that much?"

"I was missing my dad, of all things. It struck me that he's gone. Really gone. And all those years of playing soccer, trying to be the best at it...if I was only doing it for him, it's too late to ever be good enough if what I did wasn't enough. I didn't have the guts to face him down as Johnny faced John down. I gave up Juilliard and kept playing soccer, but it wasn't enough. So who did I do it for? Nobody was happy that way, him or me."

"Your dad wasn't John," I pointed out. "You compromised, Danny. That wasn't a bad choice. It was the choice that made your mom happier, and helped your dad save face. And I don't care what you say, you were brilliant at soccer, you must have loved something about it. It couldn't have been all for your dad."

Danny sat back on his haunches and looked back over the field. "I was trying to figure that out. Watching today, I felt like I wasn't seeing today's game so much as all these ghost games of past years...with Matt and Luke out there playing too. Dad and Uncle Ryan, mom's brother, showing us how to do certain plays like they did in Ireland a million years ago. Remember how the older ones played? Matt, Mark, Luke and John? They were incredible when they were on the field together. Mary Fran, Mary Kate and Mary Pat used to be able to keep up with them too when they were young. You'd never guess it to see Mary Kate now, but she was an amazing athlete. Dad would take the girls, and the boys would play against them and the games would be so much fun to watch. I couldn't wait until I was old enough to play too. Back then."

Danny looked over at me and his eyes were overly bright. "You know, Bri, I know you do, how there comes a time when you figure out that you're different? For some reason it was Matt and Luke who taught me soccer, not Dad. He taught Jamie, mind you, and Jamie was only three years older, but he shied away from me. I tried so hard to get his attention. Maybe it was the dancing. Maybe it was the fact that Mama almost died having me, that was Angel's theory, but long before I came out, he was colder toward me. Mama made such a fuss over me always, but for years, I would have done anything to get my father to look at me with the kind of pride he showed Jamie and Joey."

"Danny, when you made All American, he must have been thrilled. He..."

"He said congratulations, of course. And then he said, 'but then, that type of thing always does seem to come easily to you, doesn't it, Danny boy? Shame your team didn't do so well this year.'"

Danny mimicked his father's brogue perfectly. "The clear message was that if I hadn't been hotdogging, if I'd been more of a team player, maybe my team would have won more games. Mind you, I played the way my coach told me to play, and I had a dog of a team, but that was no excuse to Dad. My team had the worst record of any O'Keefe son so it didn't matter that I had the best stats. We lost to Rutgers, for fuck's sake." He gave me a half hearted grin.

I understood completely where he was coming from. God knew that Jack never was happy with anything I did either. At least my dad didn't have any other sons to compare me to, much less a half dozen to favor over me. I hugged him tightly, stroking my hand through his long hair.

"I didn't begrudge him loving them more," Danny whispered into my neck. "I just wanted him to love me too."

"In his own fucked up way, he did, Danny. Believe me, I know what a dad who didn't love his son at all acts like, and that wasn't your dad. He used to talk about you to others, bragging about what a great soccer player you were and even what a great dancer and singer you were. But he had no clue how to handle someone so different from himself. So, forgive him and forgive yourself for not being another Jamie or John. Enjoy the soccer for yourself, and for the memories of the times with your brothers. You had a perfectly good surrogate father in Matt, and another couple in Mark and Luke. Hell, how many fathers does one gay man need? I got by with just Mikey's Uncle Vic."

He laughed a little at that and held me a little closer.

"Is this hug fest almost over? The half time break is and we do kind of need Brian back."

John was standing over us, bouncing a soccer ball on his knee.

"Yeah, you can have him back. Maybe I'll join the cheerleaders," Danny retorted getting to his feet easily. I admired his grace and flexibility even as I conceded, if only to myself, that those days were gone for me. I was glad of the hand he reached down to help me.

"We miss you out there," John commented, throwing his arm over his brother's shoulders as the three of us headed across the field.

"Yeah? You're all doing pretty well without me," Danny tilted his head and looked up at his taller brother searchingly.

"It still isn't the same, brat. Maybe a pick-up game afterward? You think Mary Pat would want to lace on her cleats? Mary Fran has hers in the jeep, I know. Matt can play then too."

Danny's face brightened. "If you have two games in you, I think it would be fun."

John grinned. "I'll hold back a little this half and let Kinney pick up the slack. He is younger, as he likes to tell me...and tell me...and..."

"Shut up O'Keefe and let's get our asses out there." We ran back onto the field with the sound of Danny's laughter following us.

*****************************

(Woody's Bar; Sunday Evening; POV/Brian)

Winning the soccer game, the first of the season, felt great, but the informal pick-up game afterward was even better. Danny was in rare form and spurred everyone, despite being tired, to their best play. I'd forgotten just how good at soccer the female O'Keefes were, but M.P. and Frannie quickly reminded us. They teamed up with Matt, Danny, Johnny, John, me and Frannie's tall twins, who were also home on spring break, against the rest of the men, minus Joey who insisted he didn't have two games in him. Mark complained that he wanted the "fresh" team, while Jamie teased that the manly team would easily beat the old man and girly team. Danny and Johnny had narrowed their eyes at that description, which both suspected of including them in the girly category. Mark had shaken his head.

"Like shaking a red cape in front of a bull," I'd commented to John as we took the field.

He grinned back at me. "If the girls don't kill him, my boy and Danny will...or Matt will. I'm not sure which part of that comment was dumber. That's the great thing about Jamie, he always manages to stick that whole size 15 shoe in, amazing really."

We killed them. Eight to three. Not only were the drinks on Jamie, but Daphne insisted he buy them at Woody's to "enlighten him." The younger crowd was used to the place, having gone in with Hunter on several occasions, but the usual crowd was wide eyed to see the invasion of the Celtic pod people that I brought in with me. Corinne was thrilled to see Mary Pat, and the rest of the O'Keefes easily grabbed a couple of corner tables and sat down to enjoy themselves. Ted and Blake joined John and Emmett and sat down to hear how the game went while Ben and Michael wandered over to sit with Mark and Mary Fran. Matt was chatting with the bartender about business while Liam and Joey got invited into a game of pool. Jamie and Daphne joined the younger crowd where Jamie was being teased mercilessly by his nieces and nephews.

The O'Keefes had been raised in pubs and Woody's didn't faze them a bit. Danny was a little tense at first but seeing these particular siblings of his take "his" kind of bar in stride, he soon relaxed and settled down between my legs with a beer.

"Feeling better about life and family?" I nuzzled his neck.

He leaned back against me. "Yeah. Thanks for helping gain perspective...have I mentioned lately that I love you?"

"I kind of knew that but it's nice to hear in English once in awhile."

He chuckled. I saw John slip away into the dark corner where that Mysterious Marilyn liked to hang out when she came here. Damn, what trouble was she stirring now? As much as I didn't believe in that shit, I knew that a lot of people did. Even practical, hard headed John seemed to give it more credence than one would think. Corinne and Mary Pat came up to talk to Danny about Philadelphia so I excused myself, acting like I was going to the men's room.

I walked the long way around the room to reach the alcove where Marilyn was seated. I leaned against the wall, out of sight of Danny and the two in the alcove, to listen.

"Your prediction is over, right? Danny made his choice up in New York so he doesn't need to be careful anymore...he is okay now, right?" John's voice was tense.

"You know the October incident wasn't it or you wouldn't be here asking me, Jackie. What do you want me to do? The die is cast, and you know as well as I do that there comes a point when any changes you attempt risk an even worse set of outcomes. Six months ago, Danny had certain choices and could have avoided this fork in his fate, now he must continue on this path or you will force his choice...and not necessarily the one he would make."

John made an impatient noise. "You aren't always right. You said." I was shocked to hear his voice actually break; John was always so cool. His next words shocked me even more. "You said Luke was going to die if he went on that mission...but....he...I saw..." He stopped, as though he wasn't sure what to say.

Marilyn's voice dropped even lower. I strained to hear. "I said Luke O'Keefe would cease to exist. So, he finally revealed himself to you, did he?"

What the fuck? Was I hearing what I thought I was? Was Luke dead or not? He didn't die but he ceased to exist? I hated Marilyn's fucking mystical bullshit.

"But he won't come back. You're right. He told me that 'Luke O'Keefe died.' So whoever he is now, whatever name he lives under, he won't come back home. Why the fuck can't you speak plainly Mario? Why the double talk? If you can help Danny....I've lost one brother, I don't want to lose another."

John's voice was anguished. I held my breath, waiting for the response. Marilyn's voice had gentled, revealing a lot more genuine caring than I'd ever heard in it before.

"You won't lose him. He must give up something to keep something. To save it. There's no other choice now. If you interfere to save him pain, you'll end up causing him greater pain. Believe me, Jackie. He's the only one. The seventh son of the seventh son. Otherwise, another tragedy is preordained. But he is strong. He can handle it. He's been blessed with two great loves in his life...he'll lose one to save the other. I see no way to avoid it and believe me, I have tried."

Danny loves two men? Could he mean Lane? That was bullshit. I refused to believe that. Plus, Danny would never choose one person over another. That wasn't his way; he'd kill himself trying to save both people.

"Tell me what you've seen and let me try," John suggested.

"I can't do that. I know what you'll do and I know how wrong that would be, how disastrous. It would cause Danny to lose everything, and you would lose Danny too."

John swore. I pulled back when I heard his chair scrape on the floor. I hid as I watched him storm over to the bar and order a whiskey.

"You may as well come in now too, Brian." Marilyn's deep voice floated out of the alcove.

Walking into her lair quickly so as not to be seen, I sat down across from her, staring into the kohl lined eyes.

"So, seventh son of the seventh son stuff?" I asked, trying to stay calm.

"You don't believe, why bother wasting my time or yours?"

"Why did you bother telling me to check my tires all those years ago when we were looking for Justin? When he ran away? Didn't that break the rules?" I cocked an eyebrow at her. I played it as cool as I could, mask firmly in place. I wasn't bothered by her knowing I'd been listening; she probably had a mirror set up somewhere. I would if I were her, all the better to amaze people when they came in and she was ready for them. Probably had a way to eavesdrop on them too.

"I knew you wouldn't do it, and I also suspected that being told to check them would guarantee that you wouldn't. Without that delay, you would have arrived sooner, Justin would have been downstairs and he would have bolted when he saw you. That path had a very unhappy outcome for him. That was the vision I had that I wanted to prevent, not your flat tire on the turnpike. You were fairly easy to play."

"You couldn't help Luke?" Time to cut to the chase.

"I did....which is why he ceased to exist as Luke O'Keefe, but his brother John saw a man in New York City last October who helped save all your lives; a man who will never be Luke O'Keefe again. And before you ask, I've done as much as I can for Danny O'Keefe, who was born to save others. But sometimes no matter what steps one takes to avoid it, fate will keep placing a man at the same crossroad until he makes a choice."

"Danny has made choices, fucking courageous choices," I argued, my stomach feeling as though it had been kicked. Part of me was wondering why I was even dignifying this quack with responses while the other part wanted to run out of this damn alcove, grab Danny, and take him someplace safe where nothing could get to him.

"He will continue to do so," Marilyn agreed calmly. "Brian, one can see the future clearly sometimes and still not know what would be the better course of action. If I had known that Chris Hobbs was going to bash Justin at the prom, would it have been prudent to warn you to stay away? Yes, if I knew for certain that it was your presence that was going to cause him to do it, but not if he were planning to do it anyway, which arguably he did, since he had the bat so readily available on prom night and was so quick to follow Justin and you. In the latter case, if you weren't there and instead it was just his pretty little female date, he would have been killed, maybe her too. Hobbs had been angered by Justin earlier in the week, at least that's what I heard. So my warning may have caused a death, not prevented a bashing."

I started to argue with that theory, but he held up a manicured hand. "Or, let's say you kept Justin with you instead and never let him leave you at the car. Well, then Hobbs may have chosen to attack at some other time when Justin was alone and again, the outcome may have been far worse. Do you see the risk of playing with fate?"

"So why do what you do at all? What's the point of giving any warnings at all?"

"Choice. Caution. Caring. Some people may care about life again if they learn that their true love will be a dark haired man with green eyes, especially if their heart has just been broken by a blue eyed man with blond hair. Some people may drive more cautiously if they've been warned about the risk of having an accident in the rain and that extra care may save them. Some men...may need the perspective of knowing that even if they lost something important...they would make that choice every time to save something more important to them if that was the only choice fate was giving them."

"That's really fucked up, you know that, right?"

The tall black haired queen gave me a wry smile. "So is falling in love with the straightest man in Pittsburgh when you're in your teens and never getting over it your whole damn life, and then losing even your friendship with him when you feel honor bound to tell him prophecies about his much loved brothers that he can't do a damn thing to help. I seem to specialize in fucked up."

Marilyn paused, then took a deep breath.

"Listen Brian, just try to be cautious tomorrow, okay? Cross with the light, chew your food carefully, don't talk to strangers...you know, the usual stuff."

There was a message in there and I suspected it had nothing to do with chewing my food. The danger to Danny was going to involve me and hiding in the townhouse all day wasn't going to fix the problem, from what Marilyn said. There was nothing to do but move on and hope for the best. Yeah, this was really fucked up.

*****************************

(Liberty Diner, early Monday afternoon; POV/Hunter)

Eavesdropping is an art. Good eavesdropping. Not the skulking in corners kind. The kind where you make yourself part of the environment so you aren't technically doing anything wrong, but where the people you're listening to forget you're there and talk freely. I excel at this, in fact, I blend into the background so well I have to deliberately interject myself into the conversation to remind the gang I'm around. They think I do it to be a wise guy. Nope, I do it purely from altruism. To remind them before they say things around me that they...and I...would prefer I not be privy to hearing. This is especially true for some of the things I hear my dads say. TMI.

I explained this to Danny once. He could never do it; he's too fucking gorgeous to ever blend into any background. He was especially vulnerable to it though as he often zoned out to his surroundings and while he didn't ignore people for the same reasons others did, like he never failed to see me and hadn't from the first time he'd been in a room with me, he was capable of ignoring whole rooms full of people if he was thinking about a song he was composing or a dance he was working on. Or about Brian. Total concentration. He joked about having attention deficit disorder but I think that was a ruse. The truth was, when he wanted to, he could multi-task like no one's business. But sometimes he just escaped into his own private world and it took a lot to bring him out. You could rob him blind during one of those times and he'd never notice.

He'd stopped by the diner for an early lunch with me before my shift started. We got to talking about my school and life in general and he didn't get a chance to leave before Brian and Justin showed up for their little chat about the trust. They sat down in a booth near the middle so they didn't see Danny slouching down in the back facing me.

"Guess who just came in, Tweedlehot and Tweedlenot," I told him.

"Fuck. I knew they were having lunch together. I thought they'd go someplace decent, like Pappagano's. How long have we been here? Damn, if I leave now it'll look like I was waiting here for them. I blame you for this," he grinned at me sheepishly, running his hand through his hair and slouching even lower on the bench seat.

It really was my fault. I'd been asking Danny's advice about which classes to take next year and somehow that segued into how he felt about Brandon, like whether he thought there could ever be any chance for me there for even a one night stand, and time had gotten away from both of us, so that a late breakfast ran into the early lunch crowd. Kiki had waved to me to stay seated. Since the diner was slow, there had been no need for me to start my shift on time so we just kept talking. Well, actually, I'd kept talking. Now that Brian and blondie showed up, I settled Danny in with some chocolate cake and milk, got Kiki to keep quiet about him being in the back booth, and went to reconnoiter.

"Hey, college boy, how's it going? I'll have my usual and what do you want, Jus?"

I waited patiently, and because blondie so obviously was expecting me to try to provoke him, I didn't. I loved being unpredictable.

"I'll have the double cheeseburger with fries and a chocolate shake."

I raised my eyebrows but didn't say a word. Until I got to the window, that is.

"One Kinney style turkey on wheat, hold the lard, and one breeder special, with a chocolate shake...gotta get that ass from somewhere."

Kiki laughed as she relayed the order to Tony the cook. Justin shot a glare over at me while Brian gave me a friendly one fingered salute. I brought Brian coffee and Justin some water while his shake was being made but then kept my presence properly low key for the rest of the time. Soon enough they forgot I was around.

"The thing is, Brian, I know I would do much better in Europe. My work there was better and the art world is really happening."

"I thought New York was the best place in the world for a new young artist to be. Isn't that what you said a little over a year ago?"

Justin looked uncomfortable. People with good memories could be so rude, I thought with an inward smirk as I put their plates and the shake down without comment. With the two booths between Danny and them empty, it wasn't all that hard to hear them even when I rejoined him. I motioned for him to be quiet and blatantly eavesdropped.

"We really shouldn't listen," he whispered.

"Fine, you don't listen then...but be quiet so I can. After all, I need to know when they need their waiter back." I grinned at him and he rolled his eyes. Justin was continuing his pitch.

"I know I said that, and New York is a great place for art, but I think I can learn even more in Paris or Rome. It isn't like the money isn't there." Danny made a face at that comment.

I grinned and whispered, "See, it is fun to eavesdrop."

"You're a bad influence," he hissed back at me. He pushed his cake aside only half eaten and rested his arms on the table with his chin on top of them.

"But what about school? You've what? Enough credits to be a sophomore after all this time? Maybe you should focus on that for a while, and then for graduation go to Europe for a year or two."

"After graduation! I'll be old by then!" Justin's voice rose as he got agitated.

Brian laughed. "Justin, you're twenty-three. I hardly think two more years will make you too old to enjoy Europe. But I do think getting a college degree will help you in any number of ways."

"You're the man who first believed in me, who told me to follow my dream of being an artist! What changed you, Brian? Or should I ask, who? Danny O'Keefe with his multiple performance degrees but his inability to ever really do the things he studied? Is that what you want me to become?"

Danny clenched his hands on the table. I reached over and grabbed them.

"You know that isn't true," I whispered. "He's just talking shit and Brian will set him straight."

"Leave Danny out of this. You know nothing about him, his talent or his career. We're here to talk about you."

Yay, Brian. Danny relaxed a bit as Brian's cold voice cut across the room. I couldn't make out Justin's next words but from the expression on Danny's face, it must have been more of the same.

"Why does he hate me so much?" The green eyes looked up at me perplexed. "He left Brian...I didn't steal Brian from him...he went away. Yet he always acts like I somehow broke them up. Even now, he's with Miguel, who's a really great guy, who loves him. And Justin keeps asking to move in with him...so what is the deal? Who does he really want?"

"Probably whoever he doesn't have," I suggested as the debate continued, with Brian leaning back and squeezing the bridge of his nose in that old way of his that meant he had a tension headache coming on.

"I really should have left right away...this sucks," Danny frowned. "I worried about it looking like I was here to spy and now you have me actually listening in...I should kill you, Hunter."

"Pfft. Blondie will get pissed off as soon as he realizes Brian won't give in and storm out...let me go see if he is going to want dessert first. Or at least offer Brian some Advil."

Before I could reach their table, Justin's voice was getting louder and angrier, proving my point that their lunch date was almost over.

"You are so full of bullshit, Brian. I haven't asked you for a damn thing since I left Pittsburgh despite all of your promises that you would be here for me if I needed you. Now, for the first time I'm asking you to do something for me and you say no. It wouldn't even cost you anything. But everything is no with you. You say no to being my trustee...no to talking to my trustees about the trust...no to going somewhere, just the two of us..."

Whoa, where did that last one come from? I looked at Danny but his face was down in his arms and covered by his hair. Ostrich impersonation time. Fine, I would deal with this. I jumped up and headed over.

"You act like you can't even..."

"Would you guys like some dessert? The lemon bars are fresh this morning." I cut Justin off mid-rant when he paused to take a breath.

Brian looked up gratefully, even as Justin stared at me in disbelief.

"Yeah, I think some coffee and some lemon bars would be...."

"I can't fucking believe you! Forget it, Brian, just fucking forget it. It's clear I don't mean a damn thing to you anymore. Thanks for nothing." Tears were pouring down Justin's face as he slid out of the booth and stumbled out of the diner.

"Shit. I'll get the tab in a bit, Hunter...I have to catch him." Brian ran after him, pushing past Brandon who was coming in the door just then.

Danny walked over as Kiki and I joined Brandon by the doorway. A few others started to head over but Brandon told them to mind their own fucking business and they quickly sat down again.

Brian had caught up with Justin a little ways up the street, almost to the other side and the two of them stood near the curb arguing.

"Damn, Miz Scarlett is fucking mad at Rhett this time, wouldn't you say?" Brandon drawled. Kiki giggled.

"And here I thought I was the green eyed, dark haired Irish beauty of the story," Danny murmured.

"Right coloring, but nowhere near crazy enough...besides, Scarlett lost the man...all of them in fact...don't tell me you want that ending? I'm from the south originally, we know our Margaret Mitchell...we'll get Em to pick someone else for you, that story sucks."

Danny started to reply when his attention was caught by the clock on the wall.

"Hunter, I've been away for awhile...does that crazy truck still come through about now?"

"Nah, that guy got taken off this route a few months back, Brandon and Debbie sent letters complaining about his driving to his company and he was shifted to a different route or something, away from our part of town."

Danny looked down the street anxiously.

"I still wish they'd get the fuck out of the street," he muttered.

"Yeah, can't they argue on the sidewalk like normal crazy people?" Kiki laughed. She pushed the door open slightly so she could hear what they were saying. Brian had his hand on Justin's arm. His voice was too low to be heard from where we were but Justin's response was loud and clear.

"Just fuck off, Brian. You've made your choice but I'll be damned if I stay and watch you make a fool of yourself with him!" Justin shoved Brian violently, pushing his arm away as he turned to step up on the curb. Brian stumbled backward, his foot twisting as it went into a pothole in the road behind him. Brian fell flat onto his back in the road and Justin just stood there up on the curb, frozen in shock at what he'd done.

Of course, that was when the fucking bread truck from hell turned the corner and came barreling down the road.

Danny pushed past Kiki and tore down the road toward Brian. I'd seen him run before, but I'd never seen him run like that. He went from standing next to us to an all out sprint instantly. I'd heard he'd been an All American soccer player but that was the first time I'd really seen it. He was unreal in the way he moved and he fucking reached Brian, who was just lying there stunned, staring at this truck heading for him, and bent down and scooped him up in his arms. Then, with the truck right on top of them, he leaped toward the sidewalk and at the last second threw Brian clear.

He almost made it himself.

*****************************

(Liberty Avenue; POV/Mysterious Marilyn)

I put the pay phone receiver back in place just as the horrible crunch sounded and Danny O'Keefe's body flew through the air in the graceful arc that I'd seen in my dreams countless times over the past year. Always hitting the ground with the same sickening thud. Ever since he'd first started seeing Brian Kinney it had been the same vision. At least thanks to my call the ambulance would be here a few minutes sooner. An earlier message left with Jamie O'Keefe ensured that his tall figure was now rushing down the street toward his brother's crumbled body. I'd done everything I could do maximize Danny's chances of survival. Everything except keep him from being here for this moment. But if I'd done that, Brian Kinney would have died. His connection with Justin Taylor was bound to end in tragedy without Danny to break the cycle. Seeing Danny's right leg bent at the awkward angle and the pool of blood beneath his dark hair, I knew the cost was high, but it was a price he didn't hesitate to pay. Not for one such as he.

Thankfully, police and ambulance sirens were coming. The crowd was ready to lynch the truck driver and Kinney looked ready to fall apart, with just the young waiter from the diner holding him together. I debated going over but I doubted I would be welcome. Jamie O'Keefe had his hands full rendering emergency care to Danny. Seeing Taylor looking lost on the curb, I saw one small way I could help. Dressed as Mario today and not Marilyn, I was unlikely to attract too much attention. But I could offer a cup of coffee and a listening ear.

"Justin, you look upset...wouldn't you like to sit down for a few minutes? It's okay...we can get out of the crowd over here...let the ambulance people get through and do what they can to help."

He looked at me gratefully. "Sure...do I know you?"

"I'm Mario...I was a friend of Vic's. We've met before but you probably don't remember. It was before you went to New York."

I led the shaken boy over to the coffee shop a few doors down the street. I would check later with the hospital to see how Danny was doing. After I got Justin calmed down, I planned to find out from him how to reach his friends in New York. He was going to need them by his side.

*****************************

(Pittsburgh Medical Center; POV/Brian)

I looked up when the door opened but it was only John. He gave me an apologetic look before slumping down in one of the chairs in the surgical waiting room. It felt like Danny had been in surgery forever. At least I was allowed in with the family. Jamie and John made sure of that. John held Danny's medical power of attorney and had been decent enough to talk to me about the procedures but I left the decisions to him and Jamie. What the fuck did I know?

I knew some of Danny's family thought it was weird that Danny had chosen John. They worried that my feelings would be hurt. I think John was a little concerned about that as well. I knew why Danny had done it and I was glad he did. I knew his reasoning; he'd explained it to me. After his experience with his mom, he knew how hard it was for a person who was closest to a person to make rational choices. While he and John were much closer than they used to be, he admired John's ability to separate his emotions from his decision making process when he had to do so. I don't think I could do that when it came to Danny.

Danny didn't regain consciousness before they had to perform surgery. So John had to give the okay for surgery on his brain...to reduce swelling from a subdural hematoma or some such thing...the main priority. All I understood was that there was a bone chip from a fracture in his skull that they had to remove as it was causing pressure and fluid beneath it that they had to drain. Then they had to fix his leg, his knee was fucked up badly where the truck hit. The knee team was going to work on that while the head team worked on his head so they didn't keep him under too long. All of which was risky in a patient who was essentially out of it anyway.

Daphne's mother, Josephine, who was assistant chief of surgery, was observing the whole thing and promised to come out as soon as the worst of it was over...so far they'd been in there eight hours. Matt had been looking like death for the past three.

"They have the best neuro guys in the state in there, Matt, he's going to be okay." Jamie looked over at his oldest brother.

"You've said that four times...which of you are you trying to convince?" Mary Kate asked tiredly.

"Don't start...please?" Mark's voice was quiet. He'd been sitting over by the window and hadn't said much all day.

"What if...what if he doesn't make it?" Mary Frances asked the question that everyone else had been ignoring. "That could happen with this, couldn't it? I mean, shouldn't we have heard something by now?"

"Don't even say something like that!" Joey snapped at her. "They said it would be a long surgery. If you can't wait, go home and we'll call you when there's news."

"There's no need to yell at her," Mary Pat snapped back.

"Ok, that does it. Why don't all of you go home or go down to the chapel with Mary Beth?" John suggested. "Everyone is tired and the surgery can take anywhere from six to twelve hours they said...quite a range. Mainly based on how much knee damage they can fix today...which isn't life threatening at all but time consuming. Josephine will give us a report when she can and I am assuming that would include any bad news. But you all are getting cranky from lack of food and sleep and this starving yourselves is stupid. Danny will need you tomorrow and the next day as well. Rather than show yet another hospital how badly we behave under stress..."

"And just how badly would that be?" The tall black woman stood in the doorway. Her face was weary looking, but calm. "Let me relieve your worries...Danny came through surgery well. We had to cut his hair...that may be an upset to him but the doctors believe that there will be no residual damage, indeed, Dr. Israel thinks that Danny was suffering from multiple areas of infarct before this and there were multiple old fractures that were missed in the past that may have been causing pressure."

All of his headaches. No wonder. Of course, the pounding his head took in October may have caused some of that as well as the old sports injuries. I looked at Jamie who was shaking his head, troubled.

"The knee, they did what they could. It will take a long time and much therapy. Dr. Gordon is still closing and he will come out and speak with you when Danny is taken to recovery. It is early days to make a prognosis and you must keep hope." She looked troubled.

"What is it, Jo?" Matt got up and walked over to put his arms around her.

"There are other injuries, of course. Lesser ones, but still, he is very fortunate to be alive." She looked at me. "You must count yourself lucky to be alive and keep that in mind, Brian. That truck would have run you over and you would have died. That is clear, so in the balance..."

I bit back my impatience. "What else is wrong?" Wasn't brain surgery and a busted knee enough? All because I fucking tripped? I was ready to kill myself only that would be a waste of what Danny had practically sacrificed himself to save.

"He sustained internal injuries. His organs along the right side. Most seriously is his pancreas, it was traumatized...it isn't producing insulin and we aren't sure if that is a temporary condition or permanent. His spleen and kidney were bruised but there didn't seem to be a need to take either out. His liver enzymes were also elevated but we're watching them as well. He'll be in significant pain once he regains consciousness."

"Diabetes then? Is that what you're saying? Along with the other risks we talked about, the seizure disorder? The leg..." Jamie was upset but not nearly as much as I was. No one had mentioned a seizure disorder or diabetes to me. I thought all I'd done to him was damaged his leg...like that wasn't fucking bad enough. Taking his dancing away from him. Dancing was the love of his life.

The love of his life. God damn it. Marilyn and her damn prophecy. Saving me cost Danny the love of his life. He was never going to dance again. Not like he did before, before he jumped in front of a truck for me.

I had to leave. I mumbled something to the assembled O'Keefes and made my way past Dr. Chanders and Matt. Despite being on crutches due to a broken ankle, I was almost all the way down the hall and out the double doors to the main lobby when John's hand grabbed me and swung me around.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" His voice was quiet but deadly.

"I don't belong here."

"Where else would you belong? When my little brother wakes up, that is? I can tell you right now, there is only one answer that won't put you in a hospital room...and it isn't a bar or some back room and it certainly isn't with Justin Taylor."

I slumped against the wall. "Yeah, that's it. I'm rushing off, on crutches no less, to meet with Justin. In a bar where I will proceed to get drunk and then take him into a back room. Why don't you beat me up now? That's exactly what I deserve. Let me have it." I closed my eyes and waited.

Only to find myself pulled into a fucking hug instead of beaten to a bloody pulp.

"He's going to be okay, Bri. But not if you aren't there when he wakes up...shit, he's going to need you there by his bedside talking to him to wake up if I know him. And I do, better than he thinks. He's loved you more than half his stubborn life, Brian Kinney. He isn't going to stop now, I doubt if he ever will. I've never known him to ever change his mind about anything actually. I get that you're freaked over this accident. So am I, so are all of them in there, but you have to put Danny first right now, Brian, he's going to need you. So stop whatever meltdown you're having right in it's tracks and get your ass together to go to the recovery room in a few minutes...we all agreed it will be you who gets to go. Danny has to regain consciousness and you have the best chance of getting him to do it."

"I can't...I can't face him."

He shook me. Then pulled me close again.

"You can't not face him, not when he needs you. God knows why, when you're so stupid"

I guess that's what it came down to.

*****************************

He still hadn't regained consciousness by the time they had him back up in a room so they put him in intensive care. I was still by his side the next day, having taken turns sleeping in the recliner in the room with Jamie, Matt and John. For once, I was alone with him, John having convinced the others to go down to the cafeteria and eat something before they collapsed, even if he couldn't get them to go home. He was a good one to talk; he hadn't slept in two days.

I looked at that beautiful face, so still, looking like it was carved from the smoothest, warm wood. Not stone...stone was too cold. They said he wasn't in a coma, just unconscious. Damned if I understood the difference. The only sound in the room came from the various monitors that reassured me that he was still breathing and his heart was still beating steadily. I just wanted his eyes to open and those lips to smile and tell me he still loved me despite everything.

"I need you to wake up, kiddo. They say people in comas hear when you talk to them. Do people who aren't in comas hear too? Can you hear me, Danny? Do you have any idea how pissed off I am at you for that stunt you pulled? What the fuck were you thinking? Running in front of a truck? Like you're some kind of Goddamn superman? Throwing me at those two bears too. Very funny. Did you even see where you were throwing me? They thought it was raining men or something."

I looked to see if there was any reaction from him. Still nothing. I picked up his hand and held it in mine, wondering if the slight chill was in my imagination or because the room was cold or a sign of something worse.

"They cut your hair, you know. Daphne and Emmett were really upset. They got Dr. Chanders, the mom one, to hold things up for your surgery until your hair could be saved for Locks for Love. Em said it would make you feel better to know it wasn't wasted. I hope so. John was pretty nice about it. Em was pretty much a basket case and somehow knowing your hair was going to a good cause comforted him. Jamie just kept bitching that your hair grows like grass after a rain but Matt told him to shut up and for once he actually did on the first request. You look kind of hot with really short hair...it's curly and you look like you used to when you used to visit Joey and me at college. Which will totally make me feel like a dirty old man, but at least I can make up for one missed opportunity. I have always regretted not kissing you that time when you were sixteen...remember? Joey had passed out drunk on my bed and you hit on me...why the fuck I was so damn noble and turned you down...my chance at a teenage Danny O'Keefe."

"A kiss is a terrible thing to waste." His voice was barely a whisper.

"What?"

"It's a song... 'A Kiss Is A Terrible Thing To Waste.' I forget all the words, but it says something like, it doesn't matter what you've lost, what matters is what you're going to find."

"You're awake?" I asked stupidly. The green eyes were looking up at me from under the long lashes. He smiled faintly.

"I was hoping you could tell me that...I'm not quite sure. Something about bears and Joey drunk and my hair...it's all a bit confusing but I think I heard something about a kiss?"

I knew I should call for the doctors or nurses but first I leaned forward and gave in to the plea in his eyes...and my own need. I held him as gently as possible as I kissed him.

I pulled back after a minute. "I need to buzz for the nurses, your doctors...they need to check you over...you've had us all worried."

He held my arms. "Just wait a sec...are you okay? I remember the truck...I picked you up...I tried to get you out of the way but...." He looked over at my crutches and frowned.

"I'm fine...fuck, that is nothing. A hairline fracture that happened when I fell. I looked at him intently. "You saved my life, Danny. You never should have done such a crazy thing but I owe you my life for it. I would have died if you hadn't done what you did...that truck would have gone right over me. You almost lost your life. What were you thinking?"

I have seen Danny give some incredible smiles over the years but nothing as dazzling as the one he gave then. "You are my life Brian. There was nothing to think about...I could do nothing else. I had to get to you in time...or die trying. But I have never in my life accepted failure as an option."

There was a lump the size of a grapefruit in my throat. He said that now but what would he say if he knew the cost? Dying was one thing...living without his full abilities, that was something else entirely. I had a taste of it after the cancer treatment made me impotent for a time and Danny's leg impairment was unlikely to be short term; they were talking forever. I paused with my hand on the call button. I could wait for John or Matt or the doctors to tell him, but I felt that I had to be the one to do it.

"Danny, your leg...."

He looked down at the cage they had around his knee to protect it and furrowed his brow. He tried shifting slightly and gasped at the pain.

"Okay, I think you'd better call for the doctor or nurse or someone now," he said through gritted teeth. He glanced up. "It's bad, huh?"

"Yeah, it's bad."

"How bad?" His voice was deep, controlled, his eyes steady on mine.

"They aren't sure completely but...they had to reconstruct the knee pretty much."

He nodded. "Ligaments?"

"Shot, torn completely."

"They don't expect me to be able to dance again."

"No. But they are...."

"Often full of shit."

"Yeah."

"Get me some fucking morphine, Bri...please...this hurts like a mother fucker."

I hopped to the door and yelled for the nurses, the doctors, anyone. Everyone came running

*****************************

(Three Weeks Later; Danny's Townhouse; POV/Brian)

Danny looked up at the stairs to his townhouse and grimaced. Jamie and John exchanged grins at each other.

"Well, we could draw straws to see who gets to carry you and who gets to carry Brian up...unless you have a preference?" Jamie posed the question perfectly pleasantly.

"When is Eli getting here?" Danny asked, making a heroic attempt to keep calm. "I could always sit in the car until then. It couldn't be more than a day or two, right?"

"Or your brothers could grow up...although at their ages, I'll admit it's not a likely event," Michelle O'Keefe commented. "John, why don't you show Danny the very nice surprise you moved heaven and earth and the condo Board to get installed in time for his homecoming and stop giving him a difficult time?" Daphne smacked Jamie for good measure.

John looked at his ex sheepishly and without another word, led us around back, Danny and me both on crutches, Danny with his right leg in a full length brace that immobilized his whole leg, me with just a small air cast on my ankle. Behind the condo was a new passenger elevator set between Danny and John's units.

We both stared, shocked, while John, Jamie and the girls waited with bated breath for some tangible reaction.

"Well?" Daphne finally asked, jumping up and down.

"How did you do this?" Danny looked up, his voice faint.

"Does it work?" I asked, skeptically.

"We figured we'd make you test it first," Jamie said, then if it crashed....." He let the rest go unsaid.

"Well that would be a fucking waste now, wouldn't it?" Danny said briskly. "Besides, if I know Josh and Jared, they've been up and down that thing a million times already."

"Try two million," John conceded sheepishly.

Danny bit his lip as he looked over at the older of his two brothers, resting his weight on his good leg as he reached over with one of the crutches to tap John lightly with it.

"Thanks John...you too, Jamie. I know you must have kicked some ass to get this in so quickly...I was dreading being carried up and down but I really wanted to be in my own place and not back in the old place. This is incredible. I can't thank you enough."

"Then get that gorgeous ass of yours up here and start relaxing, baby...I have carrots ready for you!" Emmett was leaning over the back balcony and waving a spatula at us. Good old Honeycutt could always be counted on to break up an emotional scene or trigger one, as the situation demanded. I clasped John on the shoulder as I got into the elevator and bumped shoulders with Jamie. You had to love straight guy "talk" sometimes; it was neat, easy and no unnecessary hugging was involved.

An hour later found Danny and me stretched out together on the big sofa in his living room, a musical on the big screen television, Briana and Gus playing on the floor quietly in front of us while Em and the girls readied more food in the kitchen and the guys worked with Eli to modify the exercise room. A chair lift had been installed on the stairs to enable Danny to make it to the second floor for the time being, until his knee became more mobile.

Lane had been pretty decent, sending his big therapist to live with Danny and work with him on his physical therapy. Danny liked and trusted the man. He had been a friend of Luke's and served with him during the first Gulf War. I still hadn't talked to Danny about Luke. I wanted to talk to John first and with all that had happened, there just hadn't been the chance. There must be some reason why John hadn't told the others and Danny had enough to deal with without coping with that too.

Which brought to mind one of the biggest issues.

"Hey."

"Hey." Danny gave me a dimpled smile. His hair was already growing back in, "like the crabgrass at the O'Keefe house after a rain" as Jamie liked to say. I tugged on one of the loose curls that fell over his forehead.

"It'll soon be long enough for Em and Hunter to fight over brushing again."

"I promise you first dibs."

"What did the Pennsylvania Ballet say? I heard John mention that they called him."

Danny paused. "They're having some problems with the new director...they wanted me to come back and direct even if I couldn't dance, and work with the understudy, and resume the direction."

I felt a thrill of hope for him. "Danny, that's great! So, when could you start?"

He gave me a sad smile. "Bri...how could I possibly do that? Look at this place? John worked his ass off for three weeks to get it ready for me to come home and rehab in it. How could I leave and work in Philadelphia?"

John answered from stairway. "Maybe by asking us to work something out for you? We did this but this is for the long haul...and we know it will be a long haul, Dan. Philadelphia needs you to save your dance. Get it up and running before its premiere in three weeks. We send Mark to find an accessible place for you to live, you go there with Eli and Emmett, and we make it work."

He hesitated.

"But I can't dance...how do I..."

"You're doing it. You've shown them how to dance that dance for weeks and besides, we have it on film from the benefit," I pointed out. "And I'm going with you."

"You can't do that, Bri, you have your own company and you're still healing and..."

I kissed him. Then I glared at him. John slipped away into the kitchen.

"Don't you dare tell me I can't do this...you aren't the only one in this relationship who can do something for the other one, Danny O'Keefe. I love you every bit as much as you love me. Maybe I can't outrace speeding trucks or bodily throw grown men, or do any number of heroic things that you can...but I can take care of one stubborn green eyed Irishman and I intend to do it. I will find ways for you to show them how you want things done and I will help you cope with whatever you have to cope with and I will be there opening night when you are recognized as the most brilliant new American choreographer since Ballanchine. I just wish you could have danced it yourself."

He rested his head on my shoulder. "It will come, Bri...I know it will, some day, in some form. I can wait when I have the dream that matters most...dancing with you, mo gra`."

Coming soon: An epilogue

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