Carpe Noctem

Prologue

Brian was tired. And not just because he had just spent the hour in a meeting with some of the most demanding clients he had ever met. As he sat behind his oh-so-stylish desk in his perfectly tailored Armani suit he finally let himself think of the one thing that had made his mind such a battleground of late.

Justin…. He was all that Brian could think about since that fateful night at Babylon over a year ago, the night that Justin had walked away. Who ever thought that Brian Kinney would fall so hard for a single person?! Because he had, he could finally admit to himself that in all honesty it was quite possible that he actually loved Justin.

Yet, despite the possibility of being with someone who cared for him, Brian had systematically pushed Justin to the edge until he finally fell of the cliff. Not that he had been alone in destroying their…relationship, if you could call what they had had a relationship.

What was causing Brian so much grief lately was one simple thought: "Was it worth it?" Was it?! Was it worth his own unhappiness? Was Justin happy? Well maybe it wasn't so simple after all. They had finally started talking again; Justin had helped him out with the poster for the Centre and with that goddamned fiasco with his nephew. But now that they were talking Brian had noticed the twinkle was gone from Justin's eyes and he didn't smile as much anymore. Especially not that damn beautiful Sunshine smile that Brian had secretly grown to adore, and much as he hated himself for it, he was concerned.

Brian thought the only way for Justin to be happy was to go and be with his romantic violinist. He knew he couldn't give Justin what he needed, he would never be one for roses or romantic gestures and if that's what Justin wanted he was going to need to look elsewhere. Brian knew he was a hopeless case, and now he'd pushed the one person away who had been willing to put up with his bullshit, into the arms of another man and all he was left with were memories. At first he had thought that everything was wonderful in the land of violets and violins, but now, now Justin didn't seem happy and Ethan (yes, Goddamnit, he knew the kid's name) didn't seem to be able to make the situation any better. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on Brian's part, but he seemed sure that Justin was putting on a façade, and not just for Ethan, but for all of them.

Brian came out of his thoughts and glanced down at all the work he was going to have to do for his new account and decided maybe it was time to go home, it was already getting late in the evening. Although he knew that even if he went home he wouldn't be getting anything more done, he'd probably end up picking up a trick and fuck him while dreaming that he was with a certain blonde someone else. That would make Mikey happy. He was on his case lately about not being his usual self. Since when did Brian Kinney become so predictable?

As he began to gather his things he thought that maybe it was time for him to grow up and stop trying to make everyone else happy. Start to be happy himself and pursue his dreams…. and recently those dreams all consisted of his blonde beauty with the sparkling blue eyes. Maybe he would get a late dinner at the Diner before heading home….

Twenty minutes later Brian was leaning up against the Corvette outside of the diner smoking. He had decided to come straight to the diner instead of heading home to the loft. He had to be honest with himself that when it came to admitting something like what he was planning to do, it was quite possible that he would lose his nerve and spend the night drinking instead. To the patrons of Liberty Avenue passing by, Brian looked the part of the stoic stud of the Avenue, but inside Brian was in turmoil over coming up with a plan of attack. He needed to come up with some kind of campaign to get Justin back in his life. Especially since this particular client had already been with the company and had decided to go another way; Brian couldn't let that happen again. As the cool breeze ruffled through his hair he watched Justin inside the diner. It wasn't his imagination, he was sure, the blonde looked tired. Whenever Deb wasn't looking the smile he was wearing came off and a look of exhaustion washed over his pale white face. More often than Brian would like, Justin's hand would come up to his head and rub his temples or pinch the bridge of his nose.

Brian didn't know the half of it. Inside the diner Justin felt like he was suffocating. The heat was overwhelming and his head was pounding, although that wasn't too unusual lately. The headache was well on its way to a full-blown migraine anytime now. Deb looked over at him and caught him massaging his temple.

"Hey, Sunshine, you feelin' alright tonight Hon? You don't look so hot and you've been messing up orders all night! You haven't done that since you started. Do you want me to call Kiki to come in and cover you for the rest of the night?" she asked in her loving and concerned 'Deb' way.

Justin looked up and cursed himself for letting Deb catch him, but even though his head was starting to feel like it would explode he needed the hours. "Sorry Deb, no that's alright, I'll be fine. My mind's just somewhere else, I have a ton of projects due for the end of term soon and I was just thinking of them." He hoped he sounded convincing, although from the look on Deb's face he was pretty sure she didn't buy it but she let it go anyway. It was true, he did have a ton of projects due soon and his hand wasn't cooperating even with the stylus that Brian had given to him. Then there was Brian, and how he still felt about him. Then there was Ethan, who he really did care about, but who was also wreaking havoc on his head with practicing for the Heifitz competition again; after second place last year, he had become a music machine, playing at all spare moments. Their entire year together seemed to consist of constant violin playing and it was past the point of enjoyment for Justin. Now that he thought about it, it was no wonder that his head was pounding.

Outside Brian steeled himself, dropped the butt of his cigarette on the ground, crushed it with his heel and made his way to the door of the diner. Inside Justin had just started to bus a newly vacated table. As he was putting the dishes into the bin he started to feel as if the heat had just been raised about 50 degrees. He picked up the bin and started walking across the diner when the chime above the door rang. He could feel Brian's presence and turned around to greet him, but as soon as he turned around the pain in his head started to explode. He could barely see Brian through the white hot pain that was now shooting through his brain.

"Brian?...." he managed to get out as the bin of dishes came crashing to the ground as Justin's hands shot up to his head, but that was only for a moment before Justin himself was falling to the ground. Brian watched in horror as Justin crumpled to the floor. Images of the one night he'd tried so hard to forget flashed through his head. It all happened within seconds, but Brian was down next to the fallen blonde within moments, if only to assure himself that he was still breathing, not aware that tears had begun to run down his cheeks. The rest of the diner was shocked to see Brian crying and muttering to himself and the unconscious blonde, when it became obvious that Justin was not waking up any time soon.

"NO! Not again…please don't leave me again..." Brian was whispering into Justin's soft, silky hair. "Please….GOD!.... NO! Not again."

Return to Carpe Noctem