Carpe Noctem

Chapter 7

As Brian tried to calm Daphne he felt the panic rising in his own mind. Where could Justin be? How could he get lost from the sidewalk to the loft?

"He did come inside the building right?" Brian queried the hysterical girl.

"Yes! I remember I walked around the car, retrieved his backpack from the backseat and walked him to the door. I remember specifically 'cause he was acting kinda weird…."

"Weird?" Brian repeated.

"Yeah, he looked up at the sky, well not looked, but, well you know what I mean, and said 'Looks like rain.' Then he kissed my cheek and let himself in."

Brian didn't really listen as Daphne continued to prattle on. He had come in the building? Then where was he? He ran to the door and slid it back on its tracks, and leaning up against the wall, right next to the door was Justin's backpack.

He interrupted Daphne's babble, "He was here! I gotta go, I'll call you the second I know anything." Without another thought he hung up the phone, tossing it back into the loft as he flew down the four flights of stairs to the street. When he reached the door he realised he'd forgotten his shoes upstairs. There was no time to go back up; Justin couldn't be that far away and he could be in trouble.

He dashed into the street in his jeans and black beater. He looked desperately up and down the street, "Justin!" he called. No answer, the only noise was of the soft pitter-patter of the rain that had begun to fall. Now Brian was really worried, Justin could get caught in the storm, get pneumonia…he caught himself before the panic could raise any higher, that wouldn't help him on his search for the missing blond. He took a chance and headed west up the street. He called into every alley and peered into every window as the rain continued to fall. His bare feet slapped against the rain-slick street as he broke into a run down the street. Where the Hell was he? Brian couldn't bear to think what might've happened to Justin out here alone and now as the sun was setting it would be even harder to find him. Brian ran into the park where he brought Gus every once and a while. There wasn't a person in sight; everyone was inside, hiding from Mother Nature. As his eyes scanned the park again he noticed a prone figure lying on the grass.

"Justin!" he cried as he tore across the slippery grass towards the blond. What had happened? Had he fallen? Been pushed? Brian slipped on the grass five feet from Justin's form, he landed on his knees and crawled frantically over to him. Justin was lying on his back with his eyes closed. Brian fearfully reached over and touched Justin's arm. Justin's eyes flew open, fear in them for a moment before he recognised the touch.

"Brian," he said.

"Are you alright?" Brian asked, eyes scanning the other's body, not seeing any signs of injury.

"Yes. I'm fine, just enjoying the rain, thinking," Justin answered flatly. At the discovery that Justin had been here the whole time of his own volition Brian felt the panic dissipate and the anger begin to build.

"What the Hell? Why didn't you just come into the loft when Daphne dropped you off, she's worried sick" he said voice rising. 'And so was I' he thought.

Justin sat up pushing his wet hair off his face. "I didn't want to interrupt."

"Interrupt wha..." Brian realised that Justin must've arrived when Mikey was ranting. No wonder Justin hadn't come in.

"Your feet must be cold, let's go back to the loft." Justin said getting to his feet.

Brian looked down at his bare feet and wondered how the hell Justin knew how he was barefoot and then realised the rest of what Justin had said. 'The loft,' Brian thought, 'Not home.'

They walked back in an uncomfortable silence. As Justin led them back to the loft Brian marvelled at his sense of direction. No wonder he had been able to make it to the park.

As they rode the elevator up to Brian's floor Justin finally broke the silence. "I can just take my stuff and leave." He said it dejectedly and Brian silently cursed his luck. Of course Justin would've shown up at the exact moment that Michael had decided to shoot off his mouth.

"Why would you do that?"

"I don't want to be an inconvenience, I don't want to disrupt your life."

Brian looked at the rain-soaked blond and could see the doubt written on his face. He cursed himself for pushing him away. "For the last time you're not disrupting my life, plus it would be an inconvenience for you to leave just when I finished unpacking all of your things."

Justin seemed to contemplate this for a moment, Brian watched as Justin thought, shivering from the rain. He reached out to touch the blond, but before he could reach the cold flesh Justin moved into the loft. "I'm going to have a shower." He stated plainly.

Justin could feel Brian's eyes follow him as he walked the familiar path to the bathroom. Once in he closed the door and peeled his sopping wet clothes off and turned the shower on. He stepped under the hot spray and let it begin to wash away the cold. It was wonderful to finally use a real shower again. The one in his hospital room was tiny and Brian's was, well, spacious. He smiled to himself a little remembering all the little interludes he and Brian had shared in there. His smile faltered a little when he thought of the conversation that he had almost walked in on earlier. As he had made his way to the park after leaving he contemplated his new living situation. True, it had been bred out of desperation, since there was no way he wanted to go live with his mother and be constantly fussed over, he knew she meant well, but it was overwhelming. However, at Brian's was where he truly wanted to be when he really thought about it, but he really didn't want to be any trouble, he'd already caused everyone so much worry. If he was really honest with himself he just wanted to be wanted, he didn't want to be there out of pity or convenience.

As he reached up to grab some shampoo he felt a familiar shape, he pulled the bottle off the shelf and opened the cap and the scent wafted up to his nose. It was his favourite, although he could rarely afford it when he was living with Ethan. As he poured some on to his hand he smiled, 'He remembered.' Maybe it was a little more than convenience.

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Brian watched worriedly as Justin slowly made his way across the loft, up the stairs and in to the bathroom. When he heard the shower start he walked over to the phone and called Daphne.

"Did you find him?" came the panicked voice of the girl on the other end.

"I found him, he was laying on the grass in the park." Brian said listening to the running water coming from across the loft.

"Oh. Thank God. Is he alright?"

"Yeah, unfortunately you dropped him off when Michael was here giving his two cents about the situation, so he left, not wanting to interrupt." Brian explained.

"I'll give Michael MY two cents and a kick in the ass!" Daphne exclaimed. Brian had to smile, knowing full well that Daphne could probably take Mikey any day of the week.

"Yeah, like I said, I found him lying in the park, he said he was thinking."

"That's all he does lately! He doesn't have his art to distract him anymore, now all he does is think. I don't know what to do, I'm starting to get worried."

"You and me both." Brian agreed, voicing his concern as well. "I don't think he wants to be here."

At this he heard Daphne chuckle on the other end of the line.

"What? He wanted to pack up his stuff when we got back to the loft."

"You two! You just can't be happy for two whole seconds, constantly getting in the way of what everyone else can see. You know you want him there, isn't that enough? Convince him he's wanted Brian, convince him that the loft isn't just somewhere to stay." She sounded exasperated, like she was explaining something simple to a kindergartener.

"You know I'm no good at that," was all Brian could think to respond.

"Yeah, I know, but you better at least try, he needs you right now, unless you want this new silent-running model to last, cause I know I can't fucking stand much more of it."

Brian thought for a moment, it was true he missed the inane chatter but he was completely lost as to how to bring it back. "Will you help me?" he said quietly feeling ridiculous asking.

"Of course!" Daphne replied immediately, then added teasingly, "as long as you don't let him go wandering the streets again."

"I won't and thanks Daph, I'll talk to you later." He put the phone back in the cradle and realised the water in the shower had stopped running.

Justin emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a thick, fluffy towel. Brian looked up and his breath caught. For some impossible reason he had forgotten how beautiful Justin was, especially half naked. "I'm tired," he said, "I think I'll go to sleep."

Brian glanced at the clock, it was barely 10 pm, he hadn't gone to bed that early in years. In fact he didn't think he would be able to. As if he were yet again inside his head Justin said "Don't feel like you have to come as well. It must be early still, but seeing as it's always dark for me it doesn't really make a difference."

Brian winced, Justin was so blunt about his blindness, no emotion, not like he normally was, each word filled with emotion. Before Brian had a chance to respond Justin had already crawled under the covers.

Lying in the comfort of Brian's bed, Justin had never been so grateful that Brian insisted on having the best of everything. The sheets were soft and felt wonderful to the touch, especially compared to the sandpaper that he had been sleeping on in the hospital. He could feel sleep coming, even though he could still hear Brian puttering around the loft. However before he could concentrate on the movements Brian was making he succumbed to sleep.

After only ten minutes of random cleaning and straightening Brian walked up the stairs to the bedroom and saw that Justin was already asleep. He looked so peaceful, there was no furrow in his brow, no thinking, only the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he slept.

Brian slipped out of his still damp clothes and slid under the covers as well. He moved as close to the blonds' sleeping figure as he dared, not wanting to wake him, but not wanting to be too far from him. How was he going to make Justin believe that he wanted him to be there? He had always shown his feelings in actions, ones that were now invisible to the other man. How was he going to make Justin know that the loft was his home? Without even realising what he was doing he had moved closer to the blond, before he could retreat however, Justin's sleeping figure came to settle against his own. Whatever he was going to do he needed to do it soon, because Brian knew that he couldn't stand much more silence, in his bed or otherwise.

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