Carpe Noctem

Chapter 4

Brian was standing outside of the hospital having a much needed cigarette. It was late afternoon and it was already freezing, the wind was whipping through his chestnut hair and numbing any exposed part of skin. He didn't feel any of this since he was already numb on the inside from the shock. He took another drag from his cigarette and tried, yet again, to digest the information. Justin was blind! How the Hell could this happen? It was unfuckingbelievable! After everything the blonde had already been through, now he was fucking blind. Brian was angry, it was unfair. Couldn't life give Justin a break for once? No, apparently not.

Strangely though, Justin seemed to have immediately accepted his new situation. Brian was sure that it was just shock and denial, but as soon as Brian had told him that the lights were on Justin seemed to resign himself to his new fate. That was hours ago. Jennifer had returned not long after and had immediately started fawning over her son. Brian left, not wanting to be in the room when she discovered that Justin couldn't see.

He had gone to the cafeteria to get some coffee, but on his way there decided to go home instead. However, when he'd walked into the loft he remembered once again how empty it seemed without Justin. He could see that his answering machine light was flashing and he pushed the button to listen to his messages as he made his way to the shower. He had one from both Deb and Linds, both checking in on him to see how he was. There was one from Cynthia wondering where the hell he was and about fifteen from Michael whining into the machine about him missing breakfast this morning and other various 'Mikey' things. He ignored them all and climbed under the hot spray of his shower. He let the water wash over him and tune out the world for a few minutes but it wasn't long before his mind was back in the hospital room across town. So he got out of the shower, put on some jeans and a sweater. He was just about ready to go when he decided to let Cynthia know that he would probably miss the next couple of days at work. She promised to keep things running for him until he got back. With that finished Brian grabbed his coat and headed back across town.

Yet, now that he was here, Brian couldn't come up with the strength to go inside the building. If he went up to Justin's room he would have to accept something he refused to accept. As he was fiddling in his pockets to pull out another cigarette in another effort to stall he felt a hand on his elbow.

"Brian." The voice stated.

Brian turned around to face Daphne. By the looks of her she hadn't slept all that much. He looked her in the eyes, "He still can't see?"

At that she broke his gaze and looked down, then softly responded, "No."

"Fuck." Brian muttered. He looked at Daphne, who was shuddering slightly, but not because of the cold. She was crying. Brian had very little experience in dealing with crying women, thank God, but after all she'd done for him and Justin in the past 24 hours, he felt like maybe he should do something. He put a consoling hand on her shoulder, unfortunately that lead to him being engulfed in a hug. Luckily that seemed to get the anguish out of Daphne's system. A few moments later she pulled back and looked at Brian.

"Thanks, it's been a really long day and a half and well, I haven't really had a chance to cry." She explained self-consciously. Brian looked her over. He always knew she was strong, and right now she was doing everything in her power to be as strong as possible for Justin and Jennifer. He realised that he needed to be strong for her as well as for the blonde up in the hospital room and steeled himself.

"Shall we?" He said motioning to the doors. With that he and Daphne headed inside the hospital.

Brian and Daphne rode silently as the elevator took them up to Justin's floor. Brian was nervous as hell, and he couldn't figure out why. He'd already witnessed the fact that Justin was blind, so why should this time be any different? As they approached the room, Brian saw Dr. Shaw leaving. He sped up and walked past Justin's room without glancing in. If he had he would have seen Justin turn to face the door just as he walked past.

"Doctor, excuse me, Doctor!" Brian said to try to and get the physicians' attention. Dr. Shaw turned to face the brunette. He recognised the man in front of him from the previous day and as the one who spent the night in his patients' room. When he'd gone in while doing his rounds during the night he was pleased to see that the man had finally gotten some sleep, he had looked exhausted.

"Yes…?"

"Brian Kinney"

"Mr. Kinney what can I do for you?" Dr. Shaw asked although he's already fairly certain as to what Brian wanted to discuss.

"Doctor," Brian paused, suddenly unsure of what he's about to ask for fear of the answer. "Doctor. How can this be? Will Justin really never see again?" The thought of Justin never being able to draw again suddenly flashed through Brian's mind, the sparkle in his eyes as he sketched to his hearts' content. It broke his heart to think that that sparkle could be gone forever.

Dr. Shaw could see how much this meant to the man in front of him, and told him the truth. "Mr. Kinney, we can't be sure right now. I spoke with Mr. Taylor; he said that he has experienced temporary blindness accompanied with the blackouts before. From what he told me it was always a very brief spell." At this Brian felt both surprise and hope, but it didn't last long as the doctor continued. "Unfortunately this does not seem to be passing. To tell the truth we aren't sure right now. It could clear up in the next two hours, two days, two years, or, quite possibly it could be a permanent condition."

After he delivered the news Dr. Shaw could see how disheartened Brian was by it. But when he laid a consoling hand on Brian's shoulder, he stiffened and looked up, face devoid of emotion. "Thank you Doctor." he said shortly, then turning and heading back towards Justin's room.

Although he had put the mask on for the doctor, inside he couldn't believe it. 'Blind! Fucking blind! What the fuck was Justin supposed to do now?' As he reached the door to Justin's room he watched as Justin spoke with Daphne while his mother fussed over him.

Inside the room Justin had had enough. He was fucking tired of being smothered by his mother. She was treating him like he was a child and it was frustrating. Sure, he couldn't see, but he'd kind of been expecting it. The first time he lost his vision it was terrifying, even though it was only for a few seconds. He could still remember the how the fear had coursed through him when he realised his eyes were open and that he wasn't seeing anything. Now he had just accepted the fact that this was the way things were going to have to be, sure it was a tough break, but when did he ever get a free ride in life? Getting kicked out of home, getting bashed, the whole Brian/Ethan fiasco… Brian, he had been there when he'd woken up, but had left a while ago. He thought he'd felt him nearby earlier when Daphne had arrived, he figured he was imagining things; it wouldn't be the first time. But now that he thought about it, she kind of smelled like him.

He turned to his friend, she was busy recounting the tale of some party she had been to a few nights ago. "Where's Brian?" he interrupted. She stopped her tale, although he couldn't see her or where she was looking, he instinctively turned and faced to where the door to his room was.

Brian had been standing silent at the door watching Justin. He seemed strangely okay with the fact that he couldn't see Daphne as she was recounting some fucking story about a hetero party she'd gone to. He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard Justin say his name. Daphne looked up and met his eyes, and then Justin turned and looked at him. Brian's heart rose, maybe he could see after all! But after a moment he realised that he was wrong, the beautiful blue eyes were looking through him. He took a tentative step into the room. Jennifer looked surprised to see him. In truth she thought that after the night before she wouldn't be seeing Brian again, and had been shocked to discover that he had spent the night in her son's room.

"Hey." Was all he could think to say to the man in the bed in the middle of the room.

"Hey." Was the simple response that he received.

"Brian, it's so nice of you to drop by to check in on Justin." Jennifer said, breaking the silence that had settled in the room. "I hear you were here when he woke up. I'm glad that someone he knew was here, thank you." She was being polite, despite feeling uneasy about Brian coming back into her son's life. The results before had been disastrous and she didn't want to see her baby hurt again. The tension in the room was palpable, even though Brian wanted Justin back in his life he didn't feel like dealing with his overbearing mother.

Daphne was in action before anything else was said. She jumped up from her chair and made her way over to Jennifer.

"Mrs. Taylor, isn't Molly getting out of school about now? Maybe we should drop by and give her an update on her brother's condition."

"Well, I…" Jennifer began.

"Well we better hurry if we're going to catch her before she gets on the bus!"

Daphne picked up the elder Taylor's coat and purse and hurried her out the door before she had a chance to really figure out what was happening. As Daphne passed Brian she gave him a wink and a smile of encouragement.

When Brian's gaze returned to the brightly lit room he saw that Justin had lay back down on the bed, eyes closed. He thought that maybe Justin had fallen asleep now that Daphne and his mother had left, it probably took a lot of energy to deal with an overbearing mother, not that Brian would know anything about that. He was saved from dwelling on thoughts of his unhappy childhood by Justin's voice.

"What are you doing here, Brian?" Justin was confused as to why this man whom he had rarely spoken to over the past year was at the hospital with him yet again.

Brian stayed silent. He really didn't know what to say. Just yesterday he had finally mustered up the guts to go talk to Justin at the diner, but he hadn't been sure exactly what the words were going to be. Now he was even more unsure. He let his mind begin to go through all the things he had wanted to say and how the hell he could say them.

Justin, in the meantime, was worried that maybe he was just talking to himself. He turned his head towards the door and opened his unseeing eyes.

"Are you still there?" he asked the silence where he had believed Brian to be.

"Yeah, I'm still here." Brian replied finally walking the rest of the way into the room. His thoughts becoming convoluted with ways to answer Justin's question. He stood at the foot of Justin's bed, whose face was now trained in his direction, having followed the footfalls across the linoleum. Brian was torn as to whether or not to reveal his true intentions, was now a good time?

Even though he couldn't see the man standing at the end of his bed, Justin knew why he was still silent. "Christ Brian! Will you stop overanalysing and answer the damn question?" Brian was always an over thinker, something that, now that Justin thought about it, was probably another reason why their 'relationship' had ended in disaster.

This statement, however, didn't prompt an answer from Brian but a question of his own. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Read my mind like that?"

Justin smiles slightly to himself. He had thought that he could 'read' Brian so well, but somehow had lost that ability after the bat to his skull. This wasn't answering why Brian was here and was making him increasingly frustrated. "You were always an easy read, Brian. Now would you answer my question? What are you doing here? We barely speak for a year then I collapse, end up at the hospital and you're at my fucking side? I don't need your pity!"

Brian was shocked and kind of amused at the tirade he was on the receiving end of, and thought it was kind of funny that Justin was so worked up. "Quit being such a drama princess!" He threw back, although he almost immediately regretted his words when he saw Justin's head fall back on the pillow in defeat.

A soft 'fuck you' was all he got in response. Justin was exhausted and he really didn't feel like dealing with Brian fucking Kinney and his attitude at the moment. He did just find out he was blind after all, didn't that give him the slightest right to be dramatic?

That was the deciding moment for Brian. He was sick of all the back and forth shit that he and Justin were doing. He always prided himself on being a no-bullshit kind of guy, yet it seemed that whenever he and Justin were together that's all there was.

"I haven't been sleeping well." Brian said.

Justin furrowed his brows in confusion. 'What the hell was that supposed to mean?' Before he could ask however, Brian was continuing.

"During my entire regrettable childhood I always wanted a big bed. As you can imagine at Jack and Joanie's I was relegated to a tiny single-sized bed. I wanted something where I could stretch out to my heart's content with no worry about a limb falling over the side. So, the first thing I bought when I got the loft was my bed. Finally I had a bed where I could roll twice over without any concern of touching the ground on the other side. In this past year, for the first time in my life, I've hated having such a big bed. The mattress is comfortable and the sheets are perfect, still night after night I lie awake for hours willing sleep to take me as I try to get comfortable in the middle of the bed. Every morning when I wake up from my minimal hours of sleep, I'm wrapped up in the sheets on the right hand side of that bed."

Justin knew what was being revealed to him, but was finding it hard to take in. Brian's voice was genuine and sounded almost pained, but without being able to see his face or posture he couldn't be sure if this was some kind of trick or not.

Brian could see the conflict on the blonde's beautiful face and walked over to the side of the bed. He stood next to Justin and tok his hand in his own. He brought his other hand to Justin's face, running it down his cheek and then cupping his face. He'd missed the feel of Justin's perfect skin. His hazel eyes locked in on Justin's wide, blank blue ones.

"I want to sleep again."

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